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Flirting between my wife and best-friend


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Old 5th December 2005, 2:56 PM   #1
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Flirting between my wife and best-friend

Since my wife and I have known each other (2 years, married for 2 months), I've also thought that there's been some flirting between her and my best-friend (who was my best man as well). He is habitually single and is always making comments like "Why can't I find someone like Elle" or "You sure are lucky to have found her", etc. So my first reaction, whenever I see him looking at her (sometimes in kind of a creepy way) or flirting with her, I just assume that he wants someone like her, not necessarily her. She kind of flirts back, but only because I think she is flattered by his behaviour (I'm assuming, I don't know, that is why I'm posting here). Whenever he comes over to our house, he seems much more interested in visiting with her than me and I often feel left out of the conversation. I have no reason to suspect that anything is happening. Although my wife and I have our ups and downs, I don't really think that she would cheat on me and I know where she is most of the time so I really don't think she would be sneaking around. He's been a good friend to me as well, so I don't think he would ever cross that line.

But should I tell them that how they act around each other makes me feel uncomfortable or am I being totally paranoid and unreasonable. Is there anything wrong with harmless flirting? I don't want to bring this up because I don't want to look insecure and needy, that is definitely not a trait that I'm comfortable with.

If anyone else has been in this situation, I would love to know how you remedied it.

Thanks so much.
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Old 5th December 2005, 4:22 PM   #2
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It sounds like he's got a little crush on her and thinks he's doing a little harmless flirting. Regardless of it being harmless or not, he's acting inappropriately. I think all this will take is a little confrontation on your part. Make it well known you are irritated by his behavior and it will stop one way or the other soon enough.

Him: "Why can't I find someone like Elle?"

You: "Because you're always here wasting time playing and flirting with Elle instead of out dating like you should be. Don't you think it's about time you got a girlfriend of your own? I mean, why don't you stop by with a date or something next time? Then we could play Euchre, Hearts, or Spades. Elle? Don't you know some single girls Joe could hook up with?"


This way, you make yourself known while coming across more as a friend concerned with Joe's welfare. If this doesn't get the hint across, you'll have to get blunt with him.

Last edited by Kenyth; 5th December 2005 at 4:26 PM..
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Old 5th December 2005, 6:22 PM   #3
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I don't want to scare you because there might not be nothing there. I just want to let you know that I am a woman whose husband's friend flirted with me a lot. I thought I would never cheat on my husband because I am not that type of person. But after about 3 years of flirting it did go to far. Now I am in a situation that I don't know what to do. Like I said hopefully there is nothing there but there was for me.
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Old 5th December 2005, 7:54 PM   #4
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Quote:
Whenever he comes over to our house, he seems much more interested in visiting with her than me and I often feel left out of the conversation.
You might want to talk to your friend alone and say something along the following lines:

"You know [his name], if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were trying to seduce my W". Pause for a minute, look at him straight in the eye and see what his reaction is. If its one of nervousness, then his flirtations may not be as innocent as he pretends them to be. If he tries to reassure you that he is doing no such thing, then tell him "Good, I'd hate to find out that a good friend of mine is nothing more than a back-stabbing scumbag who is waiting for the right moment to get into my W's panties". The point is that you will serve him notice that you are not blind fool who can be taken advantage of. Chances are good that the next time he comes to visit, he's not going to be very comfortable flirting with your W.

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Old 7th December 2005, 4:04 PM   #5
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My h works with a guy that met me for the first time and he makes comments to my h like how did you get someone like her and you are lucky to have a such a beautiful wife and daughter !! He would make statements that he wanted that and was ready for that type of commitment .. I think it is that he thinks you are the luckiest man in the world because in his eyes you have everything in your life that only he can dream of !! He could be just jealous and envious of what you have that is all !!! Could be wrong just my 2 cents!!!
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Old 10th December 2005, 11:49 PM   #6
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This is the perfect setup for an affair. Your friend is fawning all over your wife and she obviously enjoys the attention... and you are letting it happen.

You have to have a good talk with your friend, and make it known that you want him to stop flirting with your wife or else the friendship is over. He has to stay away from you and your W for a while (months) or until he has a girlfriend himself.

Then work on your marriage. Make sure your wife knows how much you love her EVERY DAY.

I know because I am in a similar situation. If I wasn't having some emotional needs unmet by my husband, I wouldn't even pick up on his best friend's cues....
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