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How to Make a Fresh Start with OM


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Old 14th January 2018, 7:05 PM   #1
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How to Make a Fresh Start with OM

Hello,

I have been married for 16 years and have a teenage son. Seven years ago, my husband cheated on me. I stayed with him for all of the reasons that many BWs do. Unfortunately, my husband has not touched me sexually for the past 6 years.
Recently, I decided that I was done putting my needs on the back burner and asked for a divorce.
My husband and I still live in the same house, have not filed and have not told our son. We are amicable and working through some details before we do this.

Backstory: I have been friends with a guy for the past 10 years. His kids go to my son's school. So our families know each other very well. My friendship with this guy was not known by my husband or by his wife. From time to time, we would grab coffee, chat on the phone and that was it. There has always been an attraction there both mentally and physically but it has always remained unsaid.

Present: The day after I'd asked for a divorce. My friend called and asked to grab coffee. I tell hima bout the divorce and days later he begins pursuing me.
This lasted 1 month. We did not become physical nor did we discuss feelings, anything long term, etc... Basically a fun , flirty emotional affair.
My husband could sense that something was different with me. I was probably glowing
He confronted me and I told him the truth. My husband took it rather well.

The truth is that I have been crazy about this guy for 10 years. And I really would like a chance of getting to know him on an intimate level.
We both feel very guilty about the fact that I am still married. So, decided to put everything on hold at least until my husband has moved out.

So my question is this.
Does it sound like I am on the right path, towards handling this properly?
I would like to have a fresh start with this guy, if possible.
My intended outcome would be to:
1) Not cause my OM any more guilt, strife or hurt.
2) Be respectful to my husband
3) Not ruin anything that could potentially be there with my OM...understanding that there are no guarantees.

Thanks very much for you input!
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Old 14th January 2018, 7:08 PM   #2
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He is married?
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Old 14th January 2018, 7:14 PM   #3
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He is married?
No, he has been divorced for 3 years. Please note, that our kids carpool together so I see he and his ex-wife often. He and his ex are on very good terms.

Last edited by soshy; 14th January 2018 at 7:22 PM..
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Old 14th January 2018, 9:05 PM   #4
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File for divorce and donít give your husband any reason to think that you there is any chance that you are going to reconcile. Live separately. Make sure your child is handling things okay. Then pursue. Always be honest and open.
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Old 14th January 2018, 9:09 PM   #5
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File for divorce and donít give your husband any reason to think that you there is any chance that you are going to reconcile. Live separately. Make sure your child is handling things okay. Then pursue. Always be honest and open.

Thanks Veronica! That verifies my thoughts.
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Old 14th January 2018, 9:32 PM   #6
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Welcome to LS....

This....
Quote:
So, decided to put everything on hold at least until my husband has moved out.
Then this....

Quote:
I tell him a bout the divorce and days later he begins pursuing me.
Easy. Just let it happen. Since the kids know each other, IMO some discretion is in order during the emotional period of family separation, especially if the kids are young.

The hard part? Sticking to the plan. You both have had a taste and human nature is what it is. Hope it works out!
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Old 14th January 2018, 9:48 PM   #7
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Welcome to LS....

This....
Then this....

Easy. Just let it happen. Since the kids know each other, IMO some discretion is in order during the emotional period of family separation, especially if the kids are young.

The hard part? Sticking to the plan. You both have had a taste and human nature is what it is. Hope it works out!
Thanks Carhill! Yes...he's sticking to the plan...and it's killing me But there will for sure be discretion regarding the kids. Assuming that we ever even go out again. Although he pursued me, the poor guy is pretty freaked out. I just hope there's a chance to start over.
Thanks Again!
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Old 15th January 2018, 12:21 AM   #8
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I'd guess that, given all the conditions and history involved. you'll find this relationship more complicated than one you started fresh after your divorce was in place.

But I get that the heart wants what the heart wants. Hope it works out...

Mr. Lucky
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Old 15th January 2018, 7:41 AM   #9
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I'd guess that, given all the conditions and history involved. you'll find this relationship more complicated than one you started fresh after your divorce was in place.

But I get that the heart wants what the heart wants. Hope it works out...

Mr. Lucky
Hi MR Lucky,

Yes...will definitely be more complicated. Thanks for your kind words!
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Old 15th January 2018, 8:05 AM   #10
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One does not ask for a divorce. It is not a present or a favour that needs to be given to you.

If you want a divorce then you see a lawyer and FILE.
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Old 15th January 2018, 10:41 AM   #11
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If your husband is okay with your seeing the OM then I suppose it's okay. I wouldn't prolong the divorce but actually get it started. What is the hold up?
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Old 15th January 2018, 10:47 AM   #12
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One does not ask for a divorce. It is not a present or a favour that needs to be given to you.

If you want a divorce then you see a lawyer and FILE.
That's a good point. The court lays out specific processes and fees for filing and it's pretty easy. The most expensive part for most folks who file with a lawyer is the retainer. However, the court may have assistance for relatively simple divorces. With children, IMO better to use a lawyer. Still, cough up the cash, bring the requisite asset/debt records, take an hour or two for the initial interview, they pound the keyboard and a court filing is produced. Usually takes a couple days at most to get it filed and served, maybe a week tops. That's just the start. After that, anything can happen. It's not like falling off a cliff, rather more like walking a path, the path in this case to be with the OM. Get started today!
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Old 15th January 2018, 11:27 AM   #13
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If your husband is okay with your seeing the OM then I suppose it's okay. I wouldn't prolong the divorce but actually get it started. What is the hold up?
There is no hold up. We are proceeding with the divorce. Did something make it sound otherwise?
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Old 15th January 2018, 11:31 AM   #14
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Red face

Quote:
Originally Posted by carhill View Post
That's a good point. The court lays out specific processes and fees for filing and it's pretty easy. The most expensive part for most folks who file with a lawyer is the retainer. However, the court may have assistance for relatively simple divorces. With children, IMO better to use a lawyer. Still, cough up the cash, bring the requisite asset/debt records, take an hour or two for the initial interview, they pound the keyboard and a court filing is produced. Usually takes a couple days at most to get it filed and served, maybe a week tops. That's just the start. After that, anything can happen. It's not like falling off a cliff, rather more like walking a path, the path in this case to be with the OM. Get started today!
Good grief you guys....why is everyone under the impression that the divorce is stalled? It is not.
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Old 15th January 2018, 11:34 AM   #15
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Originally Posted by PegNosePete View Post
One does not ask for a divorce. It is not a present or a favour that needs to be given to you.

If you want a divorce then you see a lawyer and FILE.

Thought it might be a good idea to at least to discuss (ask) it with him before I have him served
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