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My ex-Affair Partner Moved to my area! Smh!


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 23rd September 2017, 10:36 PM   #121
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I did a double-take on that line, too: but finally decided she didn't mean the same thing I mean by the expression. Otherwise, how could she possibly add that she saw no problem in speaking because she was completely healed. I decided she doesn't realize it means that you still have romantic feelings for someone who jilted you. She's certainly not in that position.

I think she's just not that careful with vocabulary - the word "healed" being another example. Her husband is the one healing from injury. In that case, I believe she meant simply that she was over him and maybe 'healed' from whatever affliction had blinded her.

I'm not AS sure what she means by carrying a torch, but I AM sure it doesn't mean she was still burning with desire for him. She's made that clear.
I personally see a still very wayward wife who has become very adapt to giving what she feels someone needs.

She spoke with OM because she doesn't empathize with her husband's feelings. Then it took her a while to inform him because she isn't open and transparent.

In short, my personal belief is this R is a very false one.

Maybe I'm wrong, what do I know
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Old 24th September 2017, 2:01 AM   #122
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Well you know you can't treat him like a normal person now.

I still don't think you know how much you hurt your husband. If you did you would have never talked to the OM again. You would actually despise him for what harm he had help cause.

Wish you would give your husband a hall pass just for one reason, so you would know his pain. Just saying, I know this is a really bad idea and won't be followed through with. Try to imagine your husband with another woman and him telling her how much better she is over you. The pain you feel just thinking about it is nothing compared to the pain you caused. A little empathy would go a long way.
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Old 24th September 2017, 1:22 PM   #123
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I personally see a still very wayward wife who has become very adapt to giving what she feels someone needs.

She spoke with OM because she doesn't empathize with her husband's feelings. Then it took her a while to inform him because she isn't open and transparent.

In short, my personal belief is this R is a very false one.

Maybe I'm wrong, what do I know
Well, words are words. She seems determined to me if clumsy and clueless a LOT of the time. But, you know? It reminds me of my husband. He just keeps trying in spite of how bad he is at it. Doesn't give up and deserves another chance. So until they do something you just can't come back from, they get the chance to keep trying in my book.

But OP is dealing with more than her own errant thinking. In her case, there's this screwy and ruthless AP who took her little innocent nods and How are you? as permission to literally move into her back yard, which will be SO HARD on the R. I don't see how the they would survive one more intrusion or misstep.
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Old 24th September 2017, 6:04 PM   #124
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Note: Use of the word "innocent" wasn't intended as a pass, but nevermind. I think she's heard plenty on that point.
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Old 25th September 2017, 1:07 AM   #125
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Note: Use of the word "innocent" wasn't intended as a pass, but nevermind. I think she's heard plenty on that point.
How about clueless?
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Old 25th September 2017, 3:18 AM   #126
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How about clueless?
She's had that one thrown at her enough.

My point was that, as remorseful as she does seem to be and sincerely motivated, one more careless move and everything they've worked for could just slide off the playing board.

Personally, I think the best move to show good will and genuine intent to her husband would be to offer to change jobs or move for the sake of the marriage - and be enthusiastically prepared to do it.
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Old 25th September 2017, 9:00 AM   #127
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She's had that one thrown at her enough.

My point was that, as remorseful as she does seem to be and sincerely motivated, one more careless move and everything they've worked for could just slide off the playing board.

Personally, I think the best move to show good will and genuine intent to her husband would be to offer to change jobs or move for the sake of the marriage - and be enthusiastically prepared to do it.
She has been told to move and find a new job many
times already and she rejects the need to do these
things.
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Old 25th September 2017, 9:50 AM   #128
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if your H had an affair and kept contact and now his AP is right around the corner, because of your contact, would you force a move?

How would you feel?


hope you do start putting your H first and protect your marriage and stop protecting the OM.
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Old 5th October 2017, 9:41 AM   #129
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You are right about one thing...

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You're exactly right. I have taken a break to smooth things over in my marriage with my husband. And hearing about OMW contacting me after learning about the conversation between me and OM was too much to take at the time. I made sure to tell my husband about OMW contacting me the day it happened. We are in a much better place now. It was truly selfish of me to even go against my husband's wishes and talk to OM and I deeply regret it. My husband and I have truly been reconnecting. I really aim to make better decisions from now on. I honestly did not think that the conversation I had with OM back in April would come back and bite me the way it did. When I spoke with him I felt no desire for him whatsoever and tried to treat him the same way I treat everyone else. I didn't stop and ask myself how my husband would feel back then. Although we are in a good place right now, I secretly feel like crap. I feel that there is nothing I could ever do to make up for what I did. Sometimes I ask my husband if he just stays with me for the kids. He says he is with me because he is in love with me and I am in love with him too. BUt I don't think I'm good enough. Not anymore and not for the last 2 years. My husband can do better. Sometimes I even feel as though I havent paid for my sins enough. I feel that maybe if he leaves, someone else can move into this beautiful home with him and will be much better than me in every way. And I would deserve to suffer even more. I wish I could go back to 2014 when I was a great wife and a great mom. A woman of honor who took pride in my role as a wife and mom, Back then I couldn't understand how a person could cheat. I never imagined doing such a thing. I want to go back but I can't. I hate this feeling. For the rest of my life, I will longer be able to say I never cheated on my husband. In 2014, we celebrated 10 years of marriage. 15 years of being together. I survived the "seven year itch." I am so mad at myself right now. I wish I had never met AP, I wish I never committed adultery.
You are right about one thing... You really can never make up for what you did. It never goes away for your husband or you.

However, you are wrong about disappearing from their lives. Maybe you can learn to be a better wife than you ever would have been by living and staying through the infidelity.

And, really, it has only been 2 years your husband are nowhere near being fully healed.

Keep your chin up and make good decisions. (Like Not Ever talking to the OM again, ever. Like never keeping anything from your husband. Like thinking of his needs and feelings before your own. Like continuing to being TRULY REMORSEFUL for what you have done. Like being humble when he triggers about something)

You made a huge mistake, but you are the only person in the world that can make it better, and you have to do that ever single day...
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