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My ex-Affair Partner Moved to my area! Smh!


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 7th September 2017, 3:35 PM   #1
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My ex-Affair Partner Moved to my area! Smh!

Hello,

I posted here in the past about an affair that I had a couple of years ago with a man I loved, though we were both married. For reference, here is a thread from the past:

Marriage & Life Partnerships - LoveShack.org Community Forums

Its been over 2 years already. Everyone has moved on. My husband almost left me back then, but he gave me another chance and I WILL NOT ruin it. My husband and I had a new baby and moved into a new home in January. All is well and we are happy and close. My daughter loves her new school. She could hardly wait til summer vacation was over to return to school. School started yesterday. We were looking forward to a brand new school year. I walked my daughter to her new classroom and proceed outside to my car. Low and behold, I run into his wife who was dropping their daughter off at my daughter's school. She just started this school this year. The wife knows who I am and that AP and I had a very passionate affair a couple of years ago. She and I did not speak to one another. I think we were both pretty shocked. I almost tripped over my feet.

I spoke with someone familiar with the situation that happened between me and AP a couple of years ago. That person said that they believe AP moved to this area on purpose knowing I lived here. This person mentioned that AP came into the office a couple of months ago stating that they were looking for a house in MY area. AP ALSO added, "I think (MY NAME) lives in that area!"

He and I are no contact, of course. From the time the affair ended, there were no calls, texts, emails, etc. Occasionally, however, whenever we saw each other at meetings, he would speak to me. Initially, I ignored him. Then there was the occasional nod. The last time we were at a meeting, which was back in April, I was very pregnant and due to give birth a week from that day. At this point, I was very happy, and I had put everything behind me regarding the A. THough I was hurt and a little mad at him at first, I still had love for him and for some reason carried a torch for him, so to speak. At this point, I felt I was completely healed and felt there was no problem speaking to him. He turned around and said, "hi how are you?"
"Great," I replied. "How are you?"
"I'm great!" He said.
"Good. I saw your commercial on TV," I said.
"Oh really? Where do you live," he inquired.
I told him the area I lived in, which is a close knit community. He asked me to repeat it and I did, really thinking nothing of it.

Now, I find out he lives right around the corner from me and his daughter attends the same damn school as mine. I am devastated right now. Is this a coincidence, or do you guys REALLY think he did this on purpose?

I have read about people involved in affairs not only went NC, but many would go the extra mile and quit their jobs and move away. NOT to the area where their former AP was living. I wish I hadn't told him where I lived...I don't need constant reminders of a very painful time in my life and in my marriage. What do you all think about this? Coincidence? Is this OK? Did he do this on purpose? If so, why? He could have moved anywhere else. Smh! I hope I posted in the right thread..
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Last edited by Conqueror; 7th September 2017 at 3:38 PM..
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Old 7th September 2017, 4:10 PM   #2
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Tell your husband immediately about where this guy lives, how you learned about it & your suspicions. If your husband doesn't hear it form you he will assume the worst.


Then make a plan together to deal with this
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Old 7th September 2017, 4:19 PM   #3
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I definitely think he did it on purpose. And I think he intends to pursue what he wants ... unless intervened.

His wife has to feel like a sucker right now. Imagine what he told her to get her to move there.
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Old 7th September 2017, 5:17 PM   #4
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I would tell your husband but then again your husband might think yo told him where you live on purpose for other reasons. I think I would just say you happen to see him at your daughters school or something like that.
And then avoid talking to him. And if tried to talk with you tell him what you BOTH did was wrong and you don't want to talk with him. If he doesnt respect that then inform your husband about it.
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Old 7th September 2017, 5:51 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Conqueror View Post
Did he do this on purpose?
yup.

Quote:
If so, why?
because he wants to restart the A and, honestly, he sounds like a complete lunatic from your previous threads, super unstable. manipulative.

be honest with your H, tell him everything. avoid contact with the AP, he will try to contact you, start conversation, create another bond with you. be prepared and avoid. also, be honest with yourself and ask yourself why did this upset you so much - you should have been indifferent if you're truly over the A.
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Old 7th September 2017, 10:56 PM   #6
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Does your husband know the om threatened to kill him?? This could get dangerous
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Old 7th September 2017, 11:11 PM   #7
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This is why no contact means No Contact.

Yes this is your doing.

You started talking to him again.

You brought up his commercial like you were interested.

This is why I would never give my wife a second chance if she cheated on me.
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Old 7th September 2017, 11:41 PM   #8
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This is why no contact means No Contact.

Yes this is your doing.

You started talking to him again.

You brought up his commercial like you were interested.

This is why I would never give my wife a second chance if she cheated on me.
Woah, I am very sensitive to cheating but this escalated so quickly!

But yes,OP. You shouldn't have talked to him again. When you saw him, you should've turned the other way around.
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Old 8th September 2017, 12:05 AM   #9
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Sadly it seems that he manipulated you into talking to him and it was a big mistake telling him where you are living now hence him moving closer to you and having daughter enrolled at the same school as you. Obviously his wife had no idea due to her reaction of running into you at the school.

You have to tell your husband everything, even the casual conversation you had with exMM and how you thought nothing of it but now have realized something is off since exMM moved in your area. I hope for your sake your H trusts you because this is the sort of thing that can some real problems again in your marriage and make him mistrust you and all the effort of rebuilding the marriage.

From now on ignore exMM. No more chit chats, casual conversations. He is poison to you and your marriage! NC means NC.
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Old 8th September 2017, 12:21 AM   #10
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After reading your background, I fear for you, OP.

You have to tell your husband. And yes, while it was a mistake talking to him, I guarantee he would have found where you live by other means; it seems as if he was quite determined to do so.

The guy is at least a sociopath, maybe worse. Keep your eyes and ears open at all times. If it were me, I'd be house hunting.
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Old 8th September 2017, 1:18 AM   #11
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You know why the told him where you live? Because, as stated in your post, you still have love for him and you still carry a torch for him. It's only a matter of time before you're back in the A, bc clearly, in your head, you've never been out of it. I feel sorry for your husband.
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Old 8th September 2017, 5:14 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Conqueror View Post
Hello,

I posted here in the past about an affair that I had a couple of years ago with a man I loved, though we were both married. For reference, here is a thread from the past:

Marriage & Life Partnerships - LoveShack.org Community Forums

Its been over 2 years already. Everyone has moved on. My husband almost left me back then, but he gave me another chance and I WILL NOT ruin it. My husband and I had a new baby and moved into a new home in January. All is well and we are happy and close. My daughter loves her new school. She could hardly wait til summer vacation was over to return to school. School started yesterday. We were looking forward to a brand new school year. I walked my daughter to her new classroom and proceed outside to my car. Low and behold, I run into his wife who was dropping their daughter off at my daughter's school. She just started this school this year. The wife knows who I am and that AP and I had a very passionate affair a couple of years ago. She and I did not speak to one another. I think we were both pretty shocked. I almost tripped over my feet.

I spoke with someone familiar with the situation that happened between me and AP a couple of years ago. That person said that they believe AP moved to this area on purpose knowing I lived here. This person mentioned that AP came into the office a couple of months ago stating that they were looking for a house in MY area. AP ALSO added, "I think (MY NAME) lives in that area!"

He and I are no contact, of course. From the time the affair ended, there were no calls, texts, emails, etc. Occasionally, however, whenever we saw each other at meetings, he would speak to me. Initially, I ignored him. Then there was the occasional nod. The last time we were at a meeting, which was back in April, I was very pregnant and due to give birth a week from that day. At this point, I was very happy, and I had put everything behind me regarding the A. THough I was hurt and a little mad at him at first, I still had love for him and for some reason carried a torch for him, so to speak. At this point, I felt I was completely healed and felt there was no problem speaking to him. He turned around and said, "hi how are you?"
"Great," I replied. "How are you?"
"I'm great!" He said.
"Good. I saw your commercial on TV," I said.
"Oh really? Where do you live," he inquired.
I told him the area I lived in, which is a close knit community. He asked me to repeat it and I did, really thinking nothing of it.

Now, I find out he lives right around the corner from me and his daughter attends the same damn school as mine. I am devastated right now. Is this a coincidence, or do you guys REALLY think he did this on purpose?

I have read about people involved in affairs not only went NC, but many would go the extra mile and quit their jobs and move away. NOT to the area where their former AP was living. I wish I hadn't told him where I lived...I don't need constant reminders of a very painful time in my life and in my marriage. What do you all think about this? Coincidence? Is this OK? Did he do this on purpose? If so, why? He could have moved anywhere else. Smh! I hope I posted in the right thread..
Tell your h.and fast .

Your h does not need the constant reminder of the painful time in his life and marriage .

This time make the decision together.

As a bs if I found from someone else of this situation and then found out you already knew and did not tell me it would be betrayal all over again .

Tell him and decide together how to proceed.
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Old 8th September 2017, 6:31 AM   #13
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Sometimes the OM is a poor misguided human who happened to fall in love with a Married woman. Other times the OM is an evil manipulative wretch who likes to conquor another mans wife and turn the husband into a cuckold.

In this case its option 2. Be Careful
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Old 8th September 2017, 7:25 AM   #14
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"The wife knows who I am and that AP and I had a very passionate affair a couple of years ago"


I don't know how to explain this but something bothers me about the way you wrote this just now....

anyway - I wonder if your MM/AP moving here (right near you home ?) is not as much about restarting the affair but a sick twisted game with you, your husband and even his wife.

Your going to face weekly, perhaps daily run ins - the school, community events, after school sports/dance, Halloween, neighborhood block parties, grocery store, and more.

This is going to be hell for your husband and you and OM's wife. I have no idea how to solve it. Only idea I have is to reach out to OM/MM wife and say "we need to talk". Or even your husband call OM's wife and say "we need to talk about our spouses"
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Old 8th September 2017, 7:29 AM   #15
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If I were your husband and it was even remotely financially feasible, I'd be putting my house on the market and strongly considering divorcing the WW who broke NC and told the AP where we live.
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