moving on time frame

[yepsurething]

About a year ago I found my husband was flirting with women at work and possibly had an emotional or physical affair with one women in particular. I think mostly because I don't feel i have the full truth I"m having a really hard time moving forward.

 

for people who've gone through an affair or suspected how long before you felt like you had moved on emotionally?

 

my husband has done everything I"ve asked. He gives me access to his phone, computer etc. He's apologized over and over. I do get 'triggered' hate to use that term, when he keeps his phone on him for days on end or passwords get changed. I don't even really read his stuff, just check the password and figure if I can login thats all I need to know. so when after 6 months i took a chance and logged into his computer and the pw was changed I freaked a bit. He gave me the new pw, but for days I was sick to my stomach thinking he was hiding something.

 

He still wont fully admit to his behavior, as in emails or conversations that were obvious flirtation he will say "I admit they look flirtatious, but that wasn't my intention".

 

To me I feel like I want to scream that he can say he didn't notice it was flirtation. How can a 45 yr old man not know what is flirting. And his flirtation with this particular women lasted about 2 plus years.

 

When I found the flirtatious emails and confronted him he called this coworker and told her I found the emails and was upset and he wouldn't be asking her to lunch any more or talking to her in that manner any more. Yet he'll say nothing was going on, and I think if nothing was going on what was there to call her about and tell her? I'd feel humiliated to tell some male coworker my husband was jealous or hurt by emails that were purely innocent. And after he told her, she basically quit her job and moved to another location. ??

 

and here I stay stuck. Every time I try to even think about moving on I think that if I hadn't found emails or listened in to phone conversations etc it would all still be going on.

 

My husband has said he's glad I found out and listened to him so he could change and be a better person, and for the most part I believe him. He's been really devoted to our marriage since this happened, but I still have the heart broken feeling like he isn't really telling me everything, and that if I hadn't caught him he'd still be with this women and maybe have even left me for her.

 

thanks for any advice on how you handled your situation.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Yep, it is sad to hear of your pain and of the uncertainties that hound you. If I may ask how long have you two been married and do you have children? Also, do you work or are you a SAHW?

 

The fact is that whatever your husband has done, which of course was very wrong, you are now left with the reality of the fact and there is no way that you can unwind the past and go back in time to a place where everything is good again. Your husband's actions post the DDay is what is important. Is he now completely transparent and has he been remorseful? Does he do everything to reassure you of his fidelity and intentions? Has he done and is he doing everything to rebuild your trust in him? If he has then maybe you will have to trust him and handle your misgivings with courage and fortitude. Remember to trust but verify.

 

I am sure others will respond to your concerns also and give you differing perspectives. I'm sure you will benefit from what everyone has to say. Warm wishes.

[sandylee1]

Some people are very flirtatious by nature. Was there anything you read that led you to believe they had been physical? What sort of things was the coworkers saying in the messages?

 

Is your husband a flirt in person?

 

Maybe the woman moving away is because she wanted more with your husband and realised it wasn't going to happen.