Gabria Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 I was away for three months. Before I left, we had problems - i am not so interested anymore in satisfying him sexually. Now i am back and felt that something happened. While away, i did not feel that he missed me at all. Had to contact his nephew like two times to ask him to contact me, after days without hearing from him. I did not miss him, too. Yesterday i checked his phone's google maps, and in the visited locations, there were two hotels in different place and time, while i was away. The other day, i saw a grocery receipt on a friday night (i was already here) with some stuff like 3bottles of wine, bread, cheese, chicken, etc. that never came home. Is he cheating? Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 He might be, but more information would be helpful: where did you go for three months and why? What does "i am not so interested anymore in satisfying him sexually" mean and what do you think caused that to happen? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gabria Posted April 13, 2017 Author Share Posted April 13, 2017 I went home to my country for vacation and for a construction project, where i earned money to finance my flight ticket and my kid's. Well, i am not so inlove with him anymore. All my thoughtfulness and care have been gone. He is always busy. No time for me even when i just gave birth. I was so thin and stressed out on the first year with a baby (now he's 3). I felt left alone while he was also just complaining about work. I have sex with him but not always. there are times he asked, but i'm not in the mood. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 Okay, thanks. Whether he's cheating or not, do you want this marriage to work or are you ready to bring it to an end? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gabria Posted April 13, 2017 Author Share Posted April 13, 2017 He already has a history of cheating his ex gf with whom he had 7year relationship, but not with me, the one just before me. He couldn't marry the one he cheated with coz she was married. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gabria Posted April 13, 2017 Author Share Posted April 13, 2017 at the moment i don't to divorce yet because we have a son, maybe just have an open relationship. i even suggested that to him, but he said he's not cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 Staying together for your son is not the answer. It seems neither of you is particularly invested in this relationship. Either fix it or end it 5 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 at the moment i don't to divorce yet because we have a son, maybe just have an open relationship. i even suggested that to him, but he said he's not cheating. I think wondering if he is cheating is the least of your problems. Yes, there are enough red flags to stampede a herd of bulls. Your marriage is coming off the rails and neither of you is doing anything to prevent the train wreck that is about to happen. Marriage takes work, neither of you sound committed to doing the work I feel sorry for your 3 year old son. Just look at what his expectations of what a good marriage looks like, he learns from watching his parents. These are the tools you are giving him, he deserves better. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gabria Posted April 13, 2017 Author Share Posted April 13, 2017 (edited) we've been married for 8years. I also thought of moving out of the apartment with our son. He doesn't like the idea of divorce. Told him that already many times. I also want to be happy and meet someone who will really love me. And even if not, i don't think that i can love him again. I just often get an advice that i should not destroy the family. What if he's really cheating? and i don't really love him anymore. Edited April 13, 2017 by Gabria additional info Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 He's getting his rocks off somehow. He doesn't seem happy. If you decline sex with him, I have a feeling he's going somewhere else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gabria Posted April 13, 2017 Author Share Posted April 13, 2017 sex was already quite boring for me before, i just really loved him that i put up with it but now i don't have the passion with him anymore. and he feels it. i just don't want him anymore and don't care if he cheats. he just doesn't like us to separate or divorce. he said i am jusz making up stories Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 The two of you need to agree on fixing the marriage or ending it. Raising a child that came from a bad marriage is a lot different then raising a child in a bad marriage. Why are you waiting for his decision, do what is best for you and your son. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
l8estnews Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 Well, with all the information you have given us, if he did cheat, does it even matter at this point? You don't love him anymore. You don't have sex with him anymore. So if he went for a tryst with someone, why does it matter? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 Yes he's cheating Yes you should divorce him. Who cares if he "doesn't like the idea of divorce" ??? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 Are you involved with someone else? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gabria Posted April 13, 2017 Author Share Posted April 13, 2017 Are you involved with someone else? But maybe if he's not cheating, i might give us another chance. Is he doing it or not? He said he did not check-in at those hotels, and i'm just making up stories to break up. He said he may have just passed by there Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 Any reason you two couldn't work out a cooperative division of the marital assets and then work out a cooperative coparenting plan? That way your child would still have two loving and supportive parents - they would just be living in two separate houses. If you did that, then you could each see other people and no one would have to sneak around or wonder if the other was cheating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 But maybe if he's not cheating, i might give us another chance. Is he doing it or not? He said he did not check-in at those hotels, and i'm just making up stories to break up. He said he may have just passed by there How come Walmart didnt come up ? Or a McDonald's? Or the 100 other businesses he "just passed by". Huh? Why only hotels? And see how he turned it around on you. You had a concern and instead of making you feel better about your concern, he turned around on you to seem like you were crazy or had an ulterior motive for having the concern. He deflected you. Clsssic move of liars and cheaters. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 And just FWIW, I wouldn't really call this "cheating" per se since you don't love him and don't want to be sexual with him yourself. It's only cheating if he is giving something that you want away to someone else without your knowledge and consent. If you don't want to be sexual with him and want to have a sexless marriage, that is your perogative. But you don't have the right to force him to accept a sexless life if he doesn't want. Your options are - - address your marital issues and see if you can develop a sexual desire and relationship with him. - divorce. - have an open marriage. But you don't have the right to expect sexual fidelity within your marriage while you yourself do not want to have sex with him. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 And finally - me thinks the real reason you to know if he is getting it elsewhere is so that you can - - justify cutting him off completely forever. - getting some on the side yourself. - divorcing him. - ...... Or simply holding it over his head and making his life a living hell. My response that is, other than the last one, you are free to leave him anyway and you also have the right to pursue an open marriage if you want. You don't have to have a smoking gun of infidelity to pursue those options. As some of the other posters have alluded to, it really doesn't matter if he was getting it elsewhere or not. Your marriage and personal relationship with him as husband and wife is already dead. Just do whatever you want. You don't need proof of infidelity to move on with your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gabria Posted April 13, 2017 Author Share Posted April 13, 2017 (edited) actually i still have sex with him during my horny days. it is just not everyday like he likes it. we even both come, and do different things and enjoy it. there are just things i don't like to do anymore like giving him a b job. i said i am not so interested anymore like before, so i only do it when i like it, not because he wants it. Edited April 13, 2017 by Gabria Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 That sounds awfully selfish. Would you be upset if he found someone else? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted April 14, 2017 Share Posted April 14, 2017 actually i still have sex with him during my horny days. it is just not everyday like he likes it. we even both come, and do different things and enjoy it. there are just things i don't like to do anymore like giving him a b job. i said i am not so interested anymore like before, so i only do it when i like it, not because he wants it. Well, he only has sex with other women when he wants to and when they want to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted April 14, 2017 Share Posted April 14, 2017 You completely dodged the question of whether you are seeing someone else. Have you been 100% faithful? Link to post Share on other sites
EZNona Posted April 14, 2017 Share Posted April 14, 2017 You completely dodged the question of whether you are seeing someone else. Have you been 100% faithful? She didn't dodge the question. She responded in the title answering the with " No, I'm not" to the question with. Check out post #16 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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