Sunny85 Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 Hi everyone, Just found out that my boyfriend is meeting with an 'old flame', a woman who he knows from the past and havent seen in a long time.... I saw messages cause he accidentely left his mail open and I also saw he recently used a security code for his phone... ( and he didnt have that before) It really hurts, we just spended a nice weekend together and he told me he loved me and right after this weekend he started to contact her again, how can he do this?? What drives him to want her all the sudden?? The strange thing is I saw a previous message when she asked him to meet her and he told her he is in a serious relationship. But she was persistent and now he is all the sudden texting her " you can see me, we can meet, looking forward to see you" etc....The more terrible it is that a week ago he asked money from me, he never asked me for money in the 3 years we have been together and so I gave it to him... just to help him. Why does this come together with the cheating?? I was sad after I saw this messages but I couldent confront him right away. He asked me why I was sad. He was smelling something was not right, like he knew I found out so he became a bit angry and told me to talk to him what was bothering me. I said it was something private and I took a walk outside. I just didnt want to confront him yet. Now what to do??? How do I get my money back?? I am thinking that if I become angry and tell him i know all of this he will not give me he money back and it will only make it more complicated. I think the best way is to act like I dont know, and then when i see him again talk about the money that I really think he should pay me back and set him a date to give it back to me. Just to see also if he will confess to me that he is seeing someone else. What is the best way to deal with this? Cause i will see him next week again I dont want to mail or text anything about this, I think its better to tell him in person instead of messages or phone. Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 I'll write more later dealing with the main issue here... For now. How much money did he borrow? When does he get paid? I'd send a "Ugh! I need my money back. Can you draw the cash out on 'Thursday' when you get paid?". What was the 'deal' when you agreed to the loan? This is a real "live & learn" when it comes to lending money! Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 Is this the same BF you caught talking to other women in January 2016? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunny85 Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 yes its the same boyfriend... so thats really not a good thing. This is the second time contact with another woman comes to the surface... first time I believed him didnt know what to think of the strange stalker story, I know this sounds awfull and a huge red flag right?? Link to post Share on other sites
Dark-Farmer Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 Sorry to say this Sunny but I think he was dipping his feet in the water slowly to see how you would react. And since I he perceived your responses as low consequence seems he isn't stopping and is now escalating slowly. Since he thinks you probably won't break it off I think he now sees the risk worth the reward. I would tell him you are in a bit of a bind now and could really use that money back. Then hopefully I'd get it back and drop this guy, tell him you know what up and that you deserve someone loyal. How much money are you talking about? perhaps you might what to let it go. Or end you relationship and see if he will give it back anyways. If he tries to get back together with you tell him he feel used and can't trust him and that maybe he should start by giving you the money back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 Break up with him. Get your money back, especially if it's A LOT. Now did you 'loan' him the money or give it to him? He may use this against you and not pay you back saying it was a gift. He is up to no good. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 I agree. Make up a story about needing the money back urgently and then dump him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 How do I get my money back?? Consider that money to be tuition, you're getting what's probably a reasonably priced education. If you catch them once, shame on them. Give them a chance to fool you twice, shame on you... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted March 2, 2017 Share Posted March 2, 2017 And keep reading here on all the boards. Pay attention to how often some threads seem to follow a pattern. First outside reading: Not Just Friends by Dr Shirley Glass. There may be a free download available. Consider it a life skill, a foundation for any relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted March 2, 2017 Share Posted March 2, 2017 I agree. Make up a story about needing the money back urgently and then dump him. Agree. And don't feel guilty about not giving him a heads up. Has he given you a heads up about his cheating? Once is a mistake. 2+ is a habit. You're finding out his true character. Link to post Share on other sites
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