How would you interpret this?

[thisismyusername1]

I'll keep this short and sweet as I just want to get some points of view about a conversation I just had. My wife has been talking about a colleague at work for the longest time; there's really not a day goes by when I don't hear his name. I've suspected for some time that there might be something there if not physical then emotional. Either way there's a connection for sure.

 

So, a friend of mine here at work has a family member who used to work with her a few years ago and my friend knowing that my marriage isn't a bed of roses just asked him about who was running on whom around the place but my wife especially. His response was "Do you really want to know?" to which my colleague said no as I guess they didn't want to be dragged into the middle of something.

 

Thoughts?

[Mr. Lucky]

Thoughts?

 

I think your suspicions, while not validated, have at least been reinforced.

 

Have you done the easy stuff, check phone bills, mobile device, social media, email, etc. :confused: ???

 

Mr. Lucky

[Michelle ma Belle]

So your colleague felt it was okay to "get involved" enough to ask the question about your wife and this guy but when the response seemed to validate suspicions, they changed their mind about wanting to know anything YET managed to keep you posted on what just transpired.

 

How exactly is that NOT getting involved again?

[thisismyusername1]

I think your suspicions, while not validated, have at least been reinforced.

 

Have you done the easy stuff, check phone bills, mobile device, social media, email, etc. :confused: ???

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Yep but nothing stands out as suspicous from that end.

[thisismyusername1]

So your colleague felt it was okay to "get involved" enough to ask the question about your wife and this guy but when the response seemed to validate suspicions, they changed their mind about wanting to know anything YET managed to keep you posted on what just transpired.

 

How exactly is that NOT getting involved again?

 

I get your point. They did wait two years to tell me this which is kinda even more annoying!

[drifter777]

If you can track her movements via GPS and you don't see anything suspicious than it's likely that if they are getting it on they are doing it at work. Without a spy you aren't going to catch her there.

 

If phone records, and email and social media doesn't show proof then I don't think you have much reason for suspicion. Keep snooping to see if she has a burner phone or other email addresses and if you can't find any just drop it.

 

No one's marriage is a bed of roses so I don't know what that statement means. Maybe just talk to her about this dude and tell her it makes you feel insecure the way she goes on about him. Maybe ask her straight up if something is going on between them. Good luck.

[RySant]

If you can track her movements via GPS and you don't see anything suspicious than it's likely that if they are getting it on they are doing it at work. Without a spy you aren't going to catch her there.

 

If phone records, and email and social media doesn't show proof then I don't think you have much reason for suspicion. Keep snooping to see if she has a burner phone or other email addresses and if you can't find any just drop it.

 

No one's marriage is a bed of roses so I don't know what that statement means. Maybe just talk to her about this dude and tell her it makes you feel insecure the way she goes on about him. Maybe ask her straight up if something is going on between them. Good luck.

 

If I am in a relationship wherein I get into the point where I have to snoop around on her phone, email etc. because something is iffy then I know that it's time to walk away

[Buckeye2]

My wife has been talking about a colleague at work for the longest time; there's really not a day goes by when I don't hear his name.

 

 

I don't know if anything is going on now but if she suddenly stops talking about him then you need to worry.

[aliveagain]

If you have to come to an infidelity forum to ask others who have already experienced infidelity then there is already something wrong. Check all records, think about a keylogger and GPS tracker.

[road]

Check phone records.

 

 

Hide a VAR in WW car, in the house where she takes phone calls.

 

 

Activate GPS on her phone and put a real time GPS on her car.

 

 

Then sit back and get evidence. Do not confront but get back so we can help you map out your next steps. Also never reveal how you got your evidence to your WW. Never.

[Marc878]

Check phone records.

 

 

Hide a VAR in WW car, in the house where she takes phone calls.

 

 

Activate GPS on her phone and put a real time GPS on her car.

 

 

Then sit back and get evidence. Do not confront but get back so we can help you map out your next steps. Also never reveal how you got your evidence to your WW. Never.

 

This is your best bet. Workplaces are hard to get a handle on if they are using company email and phones for communication.

 

What about after work hours???? Does she come straight home or spend time at functions?

[Marc878]

I'll keep this short and sweet as I just want to get some points of view about a conversation I just had. My wife has been talking about a colleague at work for the longest time; there's really not a day goes by when I don't hear his name. I've suspected for some time that there might be something there if not physical then emotional. Either way there's a connection for sure.

 

So, a friend of mine here at work has a family member who used to work with her a few years ago and my friend knowing that my marriage isn't a bed of roses just asked him about who was running on whom around the place but my wife especially. His response was "Do you really want to know?" to which my colleague said no as I guess they didn't want to be dragged into the middle of something.

 

Thoughts?

 

Obviously not much of a friend then to bring this up and let you hang? The friend maybe your best bet though. Can you work that angle?

[Babs22]

She'd have to be crazy stupid to mention the guys name to you everyday if there was a physical affair going on. I think she would be crazy to talk about him even if she is having an EA. I am currently in an A with someone I worked with and have never mentioned his name to my H. I don't know how a W would bring up a guy's name everyday if she had feelings for him, so it really makes me doubt that something is going on. Perhaps she is in an EA and doesn't realize it?

 

Have you noticed her being distant, distracted, less affectionate? To me these are more reasons to be suspicious of your wife.

 

I don't know why your friend didn't try to get the scoop if there was one. He told you about a vague conversation that may have meant something? Why bother if he didn't have any actual evidence? Sometimes people at work will talk about people without having any evidence. I currently work with two people that others are talking about because they are friends and they are cooperative at work. I know for a fact nothing is happening, and yet the people talk. Is she giving you any other reason to believe she is having an A??

[thisismyusername1]

Obviously not much of a friend then to bring this up and let you hang? The friend maybe your best bet though. Can you work that angle?

 

That's what I'm doing. I've asked them to find out more. The reason they waited was that they didn't want to be dragged into the middle of something somehow. A rational fear I suppose.

[thisismyusername1]

She'd have to be crazy stupid to mention the guys name to you everyday if there was a physical affair going on. I think she would be crazy to talk about him even if she is having an EA. I am currently in an A with someone I worked with and have never mentioned his name to my H. I don't know how a W would bring up a guy's name everyday if she had feelings for him, so it really makes me doubt that something is going on. Perhaps she is in an EA and doesn't realize it?

 

Have you noticed her being distant, distracted, less affectionate? To me these are more reasons to be suspicious of your wife.

 

I don't know why your friend didn't try to get the scoop if there was one. He told you about a vague conversation that may have meant something? Why bother if he didn't have any actual evidence? Sometimes people at work will talk about people without having any evidence. I currently work with two people that others are talking about because they are friends and they are cooperative at work. I know for a fact nothing is happening, and yet the people talk. Is she giving you any other reason to believe she is having an A??

 

I was thinking it's more than likely an EA if it's anything at all.

[thisismyusername1]

This is your best bet. Workplaces are hard to get a handle on if they are using company email and phones for communication.

 

What about after work hours???? Does she come straight home or spend time at functions?

 

No unusual hours I'm afraid.

 

I'll report back when and if my source has anymore info.

[Marc878]

I was thinking it's more than likely an EA if it's anything at all.

 

80% of affairs start as a friendship. Does she go out after work with coworkers.

 

It is a red flag plus the talk around the office. Definitely dig deep

[Marc878]

No unusual hours I'm afraid.

 

I'll report back when and if my source has anymore info.

 

That's a good thing plus no unusual phone activity, etc.

[Marc878]

That's what I'm doing. I've asked them to find out more. The reason they waited was that they didn't want to be dragged into the middle of something somehow. A rational fear I suppose.

 

Yeah but if the shoe was on the other foot.......

 

That really sucks. Ask him if he'd like to be in your shoes and no one told him????

[flickofthecoin]

Your W may be considering having an A with this man if she isn't already...

 

My WH mentioned the OW frequently before he began the affair. He spoke of her relationship issues, her views towards life (which were probably more agreeable to his own views than mine were/are), and would sometimes point out things she likes while we're out shopping.

 

It was quite obvious to me that he liked her and found her interesting, but I was secure enough in him and our relationship to not let it bother me and what a mistake that was. 1-2 months later and he was in an EA-PA with her, and no longer spoke of her to me.

 

It was a change in his behaviour that gave it away.

 

It might be worth looking at phone records, as she may have deleted any incriminating messages. Maybe also look at any mobile messaging apps, internet history and bank statements. Confirm that your W is where she says she is going to be. Some people might think this is over the top but in my experience, the WS will not admit to cheating without you having the evidence.

[b-Shock]

How do you think she would react if you addressed your concerns to her directly?

[OneLov]

My wife has been talking about a colleague at work for the longest time; there's really not a day goes by when I don't hear his name. I've suspected for some time that there might be something ....asked him about .... my wife especially. His response was "Do you really want to know?" to which my colleague said no ...

 

Thoughts?

 

It's your colleague's polite way of trying to get you to draw the obvious conclusion because it's probably painful for him to have to tell you.

 

But you have all need to have a talk with your wife. You do not have to "snitch", but you can be confident in your suspicions and ask her to be honest with you. If she is not, then you must make a tough decision.

 

I am sorry this has happened.

[spanz1]

I My wife has been talking about a colleague at work for the longest time; there's really not a day goes by when I don't hear his name.

 

Thoughts?

 

 

she is thinking about this guy. Maybe only subliminally. but thinking about doing naughty things.

 

 

IF she is still talking about him a lot, that is a good sign that she has NOT started a physical affair yet.

 

 

If suddenly she STOPS mentioning anything about him, that would be bad. it would indicate the affair has started fully.

 

 

Nip it in the bud. Discuss if she is happy with the marriage, the communications, the sex life. really let her know that you are a little concerned about the direction of the marriage, and she could tell you ANYTHING and not get her head bitten off for saying it. Maybe you will get some truth in time to do something about it. A good line to use "honey, we have a pretty good marriage, but I want it to be a GREAT marriage. I think it could be great with a little work...." and see how she responds to that

 

but do not be surprised if she has already begun some sort of Emotional Affair already. Do a little snooping on her phone, your phone bill, her computer. If you see 5000 text messages to the same number....your fears will be confirmed.