affair just ended, swirl of emotions!!

[slynnlee]

Hello all, I am very much fresh out of a emotional/physical affair. like days, not even a week.

This is going to be super long, and I hope someone reads it. I need some feedback PLEASE!

 

So a little back story first...

 

I met him © about 15 years ago, I thought was good looking, we had a physical attraction right away, but he was just always someone I saw out at the bar, or at an event, ect...we never actually traded numbers, talked, ect.

 

It was one of those, we're both single, let's kiss (and that was it) cause we're drunk type of things.

 

Well fast forward about 2 years, we actually ended up getting into a "relationship", I was a single mom of 2 boys and he had been divorced twice. We had been dating for a couple months, and I started bringing up marriage, ect (I'd never been married before), and that scared him away...

 

now it gets a bit sticky...

 

he had introduced me to his good friend (K), sometime during those few months..well turns out that K and I worked together, completely different areas, so we didn't know of each other until C introduced us.

 

Well, after C and I ended it, I eventually started talking to K. It was sort of just a friendly lets take our breaks together, type thing. Well things quickly escalated and we began dating and actually engaged after 3 months.

At the time, I was head over heels in love, and couldn't wait to be married.

 

There were a few red flags that came up as we got to know each other better, for one his lack of patience with kids, my boys were 3 and 7 at the time. But I figured things would be ok, he just needed time to get adjusted, ect. AND the wedding planning was so underway, that I felt I couldn't get out of it. I wanted to be married more than anything, and I had this guy here now who loved me with his whole heart.

we were good together, it was just a bit harder where the kids were involved.

 

During this time C and K remained friends, but we/he actually hardly ever saw C. He was very much a "bar scene" type guy. he ended up meeting someone and getting married about a year before our wedding. His wife didn't want him to hang out with K anymore becuase she didn't like me, she knew C and I had a past and felt that he still had feelings for me...I didn't actually ever think that, maybe a physical attraction but not "feelings"

 

Anyway, our wedding day came (we were engaged for 15 months) and C was his best man. I distinctly remember at the altar avoiding C's face because it made me uncomfortable. everything was fine ect...

 

fast forward almost a year into the marriage...

 

C started coming by to see K and they began hanging out again.

We had always had a physical attraction to each other and were kind of flirty whenever he started coming by. Well one day, K wasn't home, and we actually kissed...it was amazing, but at the same time I knew was wrong.

 

A few days later he came by again, and we ended up having sex. it was again amazing and we decided we weren't going to do it again, and we certainly weren't going to tell K.

Of course it happened about 2 more times?

 

It also happened that one night we all got very drunk and had a 3 some. It was something K and I talked about in the past, not necessarily with C, but just a fantasy type thing. C was very willing to do it, since we already had been having sex for the few weeks or so before this...

 

As time went on, K started to get very weird around C, and actually they kind of broke apart. C and his wife moved to Colorado and ended up living there (for about 6 years) until just this year, as they are getting a divorce.

 

C just moved back up here this past March, while she stayed in Co with their 2 kids. He and Kirk had slowly started talking just before C moved back and decided to reconcile their friendship after the weirdness after the 3some once he actually arrived back.

As for me, I didn't want to see him, I was uncomfortable around him, when he came over, I would leave, or go in another room. Or they would go out and golf, have a few beers, ect.....I was afraid my physical attraction to him would get the best of me.

 

once night I decided to stay and hang out too, we all talked and it felt good to just be friendly again. he started coming by almost everyday, he was missing his own kids, and by this time K and I had 2 babies together, so I had 4 kids at home and he enjoyed being around all of us.

 

We would bbq, drink beer, ect....one time he and I hugged, and we kissed. I pushed him away, and told him No. I didn't want to go down this road again. Even though my marriage to K hadn't been in the best state, we've been having problems pretty much every since we got married...but I still felt like I can't do that to him again, especially with C....

 

but ya, it happened again, and pretty soon, we were watching tv together while K was at work, or sleeping...

 

he knew that C and I were friends, he wanted us to get along, well we actually ended up taking extreme advantage of him. we would sneak off to get beer together, we would sneak kisses and touches here and there, when K was out of the room.

 

We knew where this was headed and the first time we had sex was absolutely wonderful. C is by far the best lover I've ever had, or will have.

 

we began to spend more and more time together, out away from my house, always "as friends" my husband thought. He was totally ok with it, he encouraged us to go. When he got home from work (works on the railroad, gone for 2 days at a time) He wanted me to get out of the house and have time away from the kids. So of course I went. he always knew it was with C.

 

Then one night C tells me that he's always had feelings for me, ever since day 1. When he got scared off that I talked marriage, he regretted it, but was too late he said, I was already engaged to his best friend. He said he loved me and there was nothing he could've done about it. He was married, but they were struggling, very unhappily for the past 5 years or so.

K and I have also been unhappy and struggling for the past few years...off and on, but I didn't feel that strongly about C when he told me he loved me. But after we spent more and more time together, and I started wanting his company instead of my husbands, I realized I loved him too and I told him so.

 

It progressed really quickly and we were having sex any chance we got, and always hugging, touching, kissing. All the things that I wasn't getting at home. K and I haven't been intimate in close to a year. it felt so good to be wanted, and loved, and touched, C hadn't been getting that at home either, so it felt good to be there for him that way too.

 

right before C moved back, K and I had started preparing our house for sale, were were moving to another city about 2 hours away..thinking maybe a big change was something our marriage needed.

 

As C and I got more involved we decided that yes, we would continue this affair once I moved. We loved each other, and couldn't bear to be apart. He had weekends off and said he had no problem driving the 2 hours to see me..every weekend.

 

K even said it would be great to have our" friend around. He even said he could stay at our house.

This was music to our ears, as of course it made our love affair that much easier. we were basically getting permission.

 

So, we moved, I cried my eyes out to C that last night, as it was a very hard time, knowing I wouldn't see him everyday anymore, and I was going to be alone with my kids, in a new house, new town, while my husband was working on the train, gone for days at a time.

 

Even after we bought the house, K and I realized we were not in a good place and we were actually contemplating a seperation, he was going to stay working out of town and I would go on to the new house.

 

I was fine with this, looking forward to it, because I knew I could spend all my time with C and developing our relationship.

 

And so yes C did what he said, that first weekend he came down, stayed at our house, we snuck touches/kisses, and made our way out of the house together and had sex several times. during the week we'd talk on the phone everyday, text all day. Then the weekend came and we'd do it all over again. He had come down to see me about 4 times. My husband was only home for that first time. Otherwise he was away at work. it was perfect....

 

then it got sad....the first court date for his divorce came for C and he was very emotional about it and the days leading up to it, very distant from me, texts weren't as loving, they weren't as frequent, and he even had a reason to not come down that weekend.

 

I called him out on it, i knew something was wrong, I knew he was upset about the court and I wanted to comfort him, but he wouldn't let me, said he was too upset and he was just going to stay in and be depressed.

that was hard for me as I really cared and it hurt to see him so upset, and I was 2 hours away.

I couldn't hug him or see him.

 

Well, as I sat here helpless home alone, I found out that he actually was out that night with a girl "friend", said he was too upset to be home alone and needed to get out of the house.

 

I was livid. I called him right away, he wouldn't answer my calls, my texts, nothing, for the whole night while he was with her. I cried and cried myself to sleep.

 

I ended up waking up very early and texted him right away that he can't ignore me forever, and he wrote immediately right back.

 

He said he had been feeling so guilty about what we were doing to K, and that he couldn't do "us" anymore. said he wanted to make amends with God and find a better path for himself, he'd been beating himself up all week about it and didn't know what to do, that he still loves me forever and misses me dearly, but he just can't deal with the guilt anymore.

said he couldn't eat, sleep, ect...he said he was too emotional to talk on the phone.

 

I was a crying mess, felt soooo unbelieveably hurt, to my core.

 

Here I was contemplating a divorce for him.

I believed when he said he loved me since forever, we were so meant to be together, wished he had married be way back when. we got each other, we laughed, had fun, could talk for hours, the sex was out of this world, he said no one made him feel like I did.

we just fit together, we're so connected, it was just so right.

then BAM, he just ends it all..this was 5 days ago...

my husband and I have talked and he knows we had a huge emotional love affair, knows nothing physical but I think he suspects.

I had to tell him because I have been nothing but a mess. he is being nothing but 100% supportive, which makes me feel worse that it carried on for so long. He is upset with C for hurting me and upset with me for hurting him. But we've decided we want to work on our marriage, we want to get better.

 

2 days after C broke it off, K and I went back to our old town for the fair, they have a really fun outdoor bar and we ended up running into C and the new girl there. I was drinking and of course was such an emotional mess, but I didn't cry, I just was sassy.

 

he saw me and I saw him. he was hugging her and her back was to me...he looked up, and gave me little wave.

I couldn't hold back the look on my face, I was so pissed and hurt.

I had been trying to talk to him since he ended it, but he wasn't communicating with me.

 

So I marched right up to him and her and I said oh hi!! nice to see you here, how are you?? a bit overly dramatically happy, since I was dying inside, DYING.

 

I wanted him to see me and hurt as much as I was hurting, I wanted him to look in my eyes and remember the times we had together, remember the love, the sex, the passion, all of it.

That was suppose to be me with him, not her, not now. It was too raw, to fresh, I couldn't deal with it.

he did play it off cool and we all chatted for a few minutes, but he was giving K the eye, saying to take me out of there, he didn't want me to cause a big scene.

we walked away and I texted him saying I didn't care who he was with, I know deep down its me he wants and cant have, and that I am what he is thinking about when he is with her...childish, I know, but I was so hurt..those touches he was giving her were mine just days ago!

 

he textd me back a few hours later saying he was going home, well i called him and this is the first time now that we've talked since he broke it off and I sobbed like a baby, begging to know why, why, why...how could he just shut off his feelings, how could he be doing this to me. I said I needed to see him, I had to, I wanted to see his face and talk in person, he refused, said I was too drunk and not in the best state of mind to do this, begged me to stop and to just go back to the hotel, that he was tired and wanted to go to bed.

 

K and I did go back to the hotel, but I immidiately left (killing my husband becuase he knew exactly where I was headed)

...I got to C's house, and he was not happy to see me, said he didn't want to do this tonight, that he'd talk tomorrow, I said I needed it and please please.

finally he let me in. and no sooner was I inside than we were kissing, and touching, he didn't stop me and we had sex....we laid there for a few minutes and I knew I had to leave.

I felt immediately worse than I did before. the hurt, all came right back. we hugged and kissed and he basically pushed me out.

I came back to the hotel to my very upset husband. we didn't talk and went to bed.

 

the next day I remembered what happened and was devistated, hurt, angry, felt like crap. I texted C and asked if we could talk and he texted back saying that last night shouldn't have happened and it was a mistake. he is tired of hurting K.

 

Instead of texting back, I called him and he answered, he gave me answers to the why's I had.

 

He said yes, he is hurting and that he thinks of me, and missed me. loves me forever....I actually felt a bit of peace and closure.

He is right, we are doing the wrong thing, and my husband does deserve more, from both of us.

he said right now its too hard for us to be friends, and I agree, we are toxic to each other. Its for the best, but man oh man does it hurt. hurts like hell.

 

After we hung up, I cried my eyes out. I just miss him. This was my friend - physical stuff aside, and we did talk and did have a good time together, he made me happy, made me laugh, gave me feelings of life that I don't have with my husband.

 

I texted him the next day a goodbye of sorts...

told him I was heading back home and leaving that old town and us behind. I thanked him for talking to me and giving me some answers. I told him I wished I could see him one last time, to see his face, hug him, say good bye...feel his arms around me one last time. But I know we can't. I told him I didn't expect a response but I hoped for one....he hasn't written back.

 

I want to work it out with K, but I just don't know how to stop the hurting for C. My mind is constantly replaying all of our time together, the memories, conversations, touches, ect, ect...its so much to deal with. I have been reading all over online that a break up is like grieving from a death, and I totally agree. I have no appetite, am so tired, headache, no motivation, nothing. I have to walk around here numb trying to get through the day. I just want to feel better and move on with my life. My husband is still out of town working, he will be home for good next week. I need him here, I need his support and love, I need to start healing and starting to repair our marriage.

I don't want contact with C, I don't want to see him, hear his name, ect...but he and K are still friends. K still talks to him, still is planning to see him if he goes back to the old town to visit, have a beer, hang out. I mean they've been friends since they were in highschool. That is soo hard for me. I don't want to ruin their friendship, but it hurts me to know that C still exists. I don't know what to do. I am just so lost, and hurt and in such a bad place.

 

thank you for anyone that listens to my story!

[jen1447]

Hello all, I am very much fresh out of a emotional/physical affair. like days, not even a week.

This is going to be super long, and I hope someone reads it. I need some feedback PLEASE!

 

thank you for anyone that listens to my story!

 

Wow, that's a lot of extramarital sex. Your husband just sort of tolerates this now?

 

Kinda seems like what's done is done at this point.

[Be_Strong]

You have a long road ahead of you, and this won't be easy. Do your best to take care of yourself physically during this time (eating, sleeping, exercising) and keep busy with anything that will distract you from the emotional pain.

 

On a side note, this is a lesson to all women to not bring up marriage too soon to a guy they like.

[minimariah]

why did you & C break up the 1st time?

[Sandy43]

why don't you just get a divorce? all you are concerned with is your own feelings and what you want. You have no remorse for betraying your husband.

[DKT3]

There is no marriage to save, its been a sham a lie the entire time...

[DKT3]

why don't you just get a divorce? all you are concerned with is your own feelings and what you want. You have no remorse for betraying your husband.

 

And not a shred of love or respect for her husband, who BTW doesn't have respect for himself.

[TrustedthenBusted]

Good Lord.... I generally try to reserve judgement in this place, but....I dunno....just.....damn.

 

( deleted some stuff here that I thought better of. Will just say good luck to you. )

[66Charger]

This is the worst cheating story I have ever read. You went home, stayed in a hotel with your H, left and fckd your lover and came back to your husband that same night and slept with him? You are truly rutheless

 

WOW.

[mrs rubble]

I feel so sorry for the kids, either you or the husband need to sort your act and start caring for them and providing them with some good role models.

Get counselling ASAP.

[road]

The OM is not your BH's friend.

 

 

Your BH must be told the truth about the affair.

 

 

There must be NC for you and your BH with the OM.

 

 

Without this start your marriage will never be recovered.

[66Charger]

You need your husband home. To comfort and support you.

To help you while YOU CRY FOR THE MAN YOU CHEATED WITH!!!!

 

That is so sick and twisted.

 

Dont do that to your husband. Please find the last shred of decency you have and DO NOT cry on his shoulder over another man. That is so wrong.

[Tullyseptember]

Slynnlee, it seems that the only way to get your mind out of this emotional mind bend is to completely come clean with your husband. You are too stuck on the other man and you more than likely will keep seeking something from him or even another man to ease the pain of your mind. You are in a really scary place right now and you need to get support to start turning your emotional life around. It's going to be hard, you have four children though that need an healthy Mom and you have to start somewhere. Maybe the fear of the unknown won't be as scary as you think:(

Edited July 28, 2015 by Tullyseptember
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[66Charger]

You need your husband home. To comfort and support you.

To help you while YOU CRY FOR THE MAN YOU CHEATED WITH!!!!

 

That is so sick and twisted.

 

Dont do that to your husband. Please find the last shred of decency you have and DO NOT cry on his shoulder over another man. That is so wrong.

 

Soon you will get hit with divorce papers. You think you wont, but once your "husband's" anger hits, you're done and you will reap what you have sewn. Better start thinking about split households, finances and your freedom to go love chuck.

[Mr. Lucky]

Well fast forward about 2 years, we actually ended up getting into a "relationship", I was a single mom of 2 boys and he had been divorced twice. We had been dating for a couple months, and I started bringing up marriage, ect (I'd never been married before), and that scared him away...

 

now it gets a bit sticky...

 

he had introduced me to his good friend (K), sometime during those few months..well turns out that K and I worked together, completely different areas, so we didn't know of each other until C introduced us.

 

Well, after C and I ended it, I eventually started talking to K. It was sort of just a friendly lets take our breaks together, type thing. Well things quickly escalated and we began dating and actually engaged after 3 months.

At the time, I was head over heels in love, and couldn't wait to be married.

 

I stopped reading after you fell "head over heels in love" and discussed marriage with two guys after 3 months each. Lots broken here including a real problem with impulse control. As someone has already said, feel sorry for the 4 kids involved...

 

Mr. Lucky

[troubadour]

Jerry, Jerry, Jerry.... :bunny::bunny::bunny:

[Chi townD]

I feel sorry for K. Since C doesn't want you NOW you want to work things out with K? If I was him, I would feel like a consolation prize.

 

 

:bunny: