flowergirl14 Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 I was sleuthing around the other day. Looking for answers to why cheaters do what they do. I know there are different types of affairs. I logged on to a common dating website and set up a profile. Age, height,weight , very basic. I didn't include any photos. Within minutes, I had married men messaging me, putting me as their favorite. I read the profile of these guys On this website. Most are married looking for that feeling you get when you first date someone. The "butterflies" and of course "mind blowing sex." They clearly stated they don't want to mess up their current relationship. Just want a fwb thing. What I realized is that affair partners could be anyone. They dont seem to be picky.(Afterall they know nothing about me) Many of them have their pictures right there for viewing. Not afraid of getting caught. They want their wife and a side dish too. Am I foolish? Is monogamy realistic? Do most men come to the point where they want sex on the side? Or is this just a select group of dysfunctional people? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 I believe it is a group of dysfunctional people who realize cheating is easier in this day-and-age of the internet where people can be anonymous. There *are* people with integrity for whom an orgasm is not the be-all-and-end-all of existence. Some strive for and thrive on the connection that only an honest and open relationship can provide. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 As someone who has used one of the more common dating sites in the past, I'm not sure how you managed to get a bunch of replies from married men, especially if you didn't put any photos up. Unless you clearly said you were looking for an affair? Most men won't reply or 'favorite' profiles without photos because that's mainly what they care about. I've run into married men on those sites, but never do they advertise that they are married (there isn't even an option to list relationship status as married, so how did you know they were married and what they were looking for?). You have had a very different experience than most people I think. Actually, unless the site you joined was geared toward affairs among people who are married, I'm having a hard time believing what you describe. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author flowergirl14 Posted April 28, 2015 Author Share Posted April 28, 2015 Actually, a local news station did a story on this website a couple of months ago. It listed the amount of registered users in my county as well as their location by zipcode. There are a couple thousand people in my area alone. This website does have anonymous relationships ie. those looking to have an affair. However, there are singles on here too. They messaged me too. Btw if you are married to someone who you think has had multiple affairs. I think it is common to second guess yourself. Heck those who have experienced one affair often try to figure out the why's. Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 If the site caters to "anonymous" relationships or affairs, then you will logically get many people there for that reason only. The bigger sites that cater to singles are not the way you described. Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 I agree with Hope Shimmers. Unless you are on a cheaters website or poly website it seems like a married man looking for a fwb would not be advertising he was married on a regular site where the majority of the women were actually looking for dating candidates . A female on any dating site is going to get instant responses since most , not all, of these sites have more men than women. But to get immediate and open requests stating they are married seems strange Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 To some extent you went looking for this & lo & behold, you found it. Go figure. I had a fake profile up once for about a month. I knew my then new BF had been on Match. I wanted to see what he wrote so I made the profile. The only thing I learned was he favorite author. A while later we had the exclusive talk and he volunteered that he took his profile down. I looked, couldn't find his & deactivated mine. I had no picture & the bare minimum filled out. Nobody contacted me which was just fine with me. My point is that unless you were on Ashley Madison -- the affair site -- I don't think your "results" are scientifically viable. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 Fake anything is the worst thing to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Minnie09 Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 Married, on a dating site, with pictures up? Wow! Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 Actually, a local news station did a story on this website a couple of months ago. It listed the amount of registered users in my county as well as their location by zipcode. There are a couple thousand people in my area alone. This website does have anonymous relationships ie. those looking to have an affair. However, there are singles on here too. They messaged me too. Btw if you are married to someone who you think has had multiple affairs. I think it is common to second guess yourself. Heck those who have experienced one affair often try to figure out the why's. This was probably that Dolly Madison site. I would be careful about setting up a fake profile if you are married. There are people who troll those sites looking for cheaters to out, and you might get "outed" by mistake. Of course, I don't buy their "I'm trolling to get justice against cheaters" BS lines any more than I buy the 40 year old in the basement who surfs child porn sites to "save the children." I'm pretty sure they get their own little thrill while "saving the world.":rolleyes: Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 Sorry but I'm not buying this. If your sleuthing was done on a site that caters primarily to wayward men and women, it's a flawed interpretation and certainly not a fair representation. That's not to say that married or taken men and women aren't on legit dating sites looking for fun on the side (because they are indeed!) but it isn't as blatant as you are describing. It just doesn't make sense considering how much they stand to lose otherwise. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 I was sleuthing around the other day. Looking for answers to why cheaters do what they do. I know there are different types of affairs. I logged on to a common dating website and set up a profile. Age, height,weight , very basic. I didn't include any photos. Within minutes, I had married men messaging me, putting me as their favorite. I read the profile of these guys On this website. Most are married looking for that feeling you get when you first date someone. The "butterflies" and of course "mind blowing sex." They clearly stated they don't want to mess up their current relationship. Just want a fwb thing. What I realized is that affair partners could be anyone. They dont seem to be picky.(Afterall they know nothing about me) Many of them have their pictures right there for viewing. Not afraid of getting caught. They want their wife and a side dish too. Am I foolish? Is monogamy realistic? Do most men come to the point where they want sex on the side? Or is this just a select group of dysfunctional people? This is just my opinion! I think many men get to the point where they want sex on the side but that remains a fantasy for most of them. Actually pursuing an internet partner provides the excitement of an online chase. In-person meeting crosses the line, in my opinion, because it shows clear intent to cheat whether they have sex or not. Don't women have this same desire to have sex on the side as a fantasy thing? I always thought that men and women were pretty much the same on this subject, although women are usually pursued more overtly than men so maybe they have more or different fantasies? Anyway, I think the same holds true for women in that anonymous, online flirting - by itself - is pushing boundaries but doesn't qualify as cheating in my book. It might even be healthy for both men and women as it allows them to live out a little fantasy in a safe, harmless environment. As long as neither one knows the others true identity and no pictures - any pictures - are exchanged I think it is as harmless as reading/writing Erotica on on of the many websites where this is common. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 I guess there are lots of people looking for an affair. I read lots of forums and many BSs have said their WS went looking for an A. They discovered profiles on regular dating sites as well as the likes of and Craigslist ads. Your discovery doesn't surprise me at all. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
wizer Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 Maybe these married guys don't care if their wives find out because maybe they're at a point in the marriage where the wives don't care either. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 You're not forced to marry, you know. Gambling through coin flipping games will land you higher winning percentages than searching for a true 100% monogamous partner. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jnel921 Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 There are no "answers" on a cheater website. Only one question exists there...will you screw me? And honestly the answer to that is just wrong! If you want to truly understand cheaters, read the forums here. Get the real responses from WS and AP people who have done it or are contemplating. Especially if you need further insight. It has helped me over the years. I wouldn't trust those sites anyway. I am sure some of those profiles are fake(like yours) especially if they are posting pics. You're best bet is here, the likelihood of trolls posting here is way smaller. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dancingsunflowers80 Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 I do believe monogamy is realistic...absolutely. It's all about commitment, and knowing that you can get through anything...together. When you are committed, you work through life together - challenges, chapters, joys, sorrows etc. It's a beautiful thing. I wish you the best in your future relationships and will pray that you find the right match to suit you in your life journey! mommato2lilmonkeys 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts