i want him to hurt

[i am gutted]

I know its probably not a good thing but I want him to hurt as much as I do.

 

 

he around and about seeming happy with what he has done and it guts me.

 

 

I hope it all comes crashing down.

soon.

[Clay]

I am sorry you are feeling that way. I think most of us have had those feelings. I hope you have friends and family around to help you through this. I did not have many people around and I was a single father of four at that point. I found myself surrounded by my children and work. The rest of the time I found things to do to better myself. As time passed those feelings slipped away.

 

I hope you have a better day.

 

Clay

[pteromom]

Understandable, but it is not a healthy thing to focus your energy on. You need to focus on yourself, and moving on.

 

Remember - living well is the best revenge.

[HereNorThere]

“He who seeks vengeance must dig two graves: one for his enemy and one for himself."

 

We've all been there and we can all relate. However, I think you deserve to put that energy into healing yourself. Seek therapy, exercise, buy new clothes, meet new people, seek adventure and most importantly, do the things you couldn't do before. The best revenge is living well.

 

Good luck and I'm sorry for your pain.

[DbleBetrayal]

I know the feeling too well. But that quote above is so true!

[spanz1]

karma is a bitch! you should NOT be asking for that bad energy to bounce back to yourself. Instead i highly recommend you try to make a clean break of it, forget him, and begin your life anew! channel all that energy into positive things.

[Lion Heart]

Unless he had the depth of your feelings he could never experience the depth of the pain you feel. He simply hasn't got the capacity to.

 

This alone is alot to accept. But the moment you do, is the moment you set yourself free.

 

What you're feeling is probably completely normal!

 

You may also want to consider the thought that you're feeling this way because he has left with little responsibility and you still have so much responsibility because of your union with him. I felt this type of resentment at times and I just HAD to keep coming back to what I DID have in a positive manner.

 

It also helped to consider what issues I was free of BECAUSE the union parted.

 

I guess it's the "glass half full" option instead of the alternative which doesn't benefit you in the least.

 

It's REALLY hard mind work IMO.

 

I felt compelled to make the following point quite clear to my exWH when I could see his piddling effort with our DD. I said many times that his relationship with her was very important. He may not realize it until he was at the end of his life, in a nursing home, wishing someone would visit him. I'm sorry to say he now lives with a W who can't stand him and 2 children who can barely look at him. Our DD life is soaring from height to height and he is no part of it.

 

Sometimes people need to lie in the bed they made for a VERY long time before any introspection takes place. If it ever does.

 

You did the very best for your H and your M. YOU can hold your head up high and now invest in FAR healthier options. Namely yourself and your family. H was a bad investment. Your losses were cut short. There's ALWAYS something to be grateful for!

 

Best wishes

Lion Heart.

[i am gutted]

sorry but what is DD?

 

 

he went to the bank yesterday to finally open his own account but got confused and left. he asked me to go with him to sort it out.

I told him I have an appointment this afternoon so couldn't make it til 330 but that's too late for the bank. I was dying to tell him to ask his mother if she would go with him but I bit my tongue.

 

 

yea I did do my best and gave all that I had to him and our marriage....it was not always perfect but who's is?

 

 

I feel like my life has been a joke to him over the last few years now.

[nightmare01]

A WS will never feel the same level of pain they brought on us. Not ever. An RA won't help.

[Lion Heart]

sorry but what is DD?

 

 

he went to the bank yesterday to finally open his own account but got confused and left. he asked me to go with him to sort it out.

I told him I have an appointment this afternoon so couldn't make it til 330 but that's too late for the bank. I was dying to tell him to ask his mother if she would go with him but I bit my tongue.

 

 

yea I did do my best and gave all that I had to him and our marriage....it was not always perfect but who's is?

 

 

I feel like my life has been a joke to him over the last few years now.

 

DD = Dear Daughter but I prefer Darling Daughter.

 

My exWH virtually neglected and abandoned our DD when he remarried a jealous woman. In his words "to keep the peace". Didn't give him "peace" but his loss. DD now has a son who turns 1 on the weekend. They live 15 minutes away (closer than us!) And they've seen him once. We see them up to 5x per week. His loss then and even MORE so now. TBH I'm glad they don't on some levels. Their racial and social prejudices would damage this gorgeous new family. ExWH lives surrounded by government housing, this bothers exWH as we live in far more affluent areas. Another case of living the best lives we can and his resentment of that.

 

I hear you about the feeling of your life "being a joke". I do too. It's horrible. It's because we've been 100% committed and worked harder than we've ever worked on EVERYTHING while the WSs didn't. This is an added case of them not having the capacity for the level of commitment anywhere near ours. It's insulting at first when the relationship breaks down but then we realize how committed WE are to heal and move on from this horrid situation. I'm gonna tell you what 3 ICs told me - that I will be much better off after the split than him. It didn't make ke feel better, in fact I cried out of sheer frustration for lots of reasons but it may make you feel better. I'm reading "The Road Less Travelled" by M . Scott Peck and it's making ALOT of sense to me about the complete differences between me and exWH and present WH. I suggest you get a copy. An incredible read to make sense out of a seemingly senseless situation. Plus on raising children, families etc.

 

The fact a grown man needed your help to open a bank account? Yes I'd refer him to his parents too. Someone neglected to "raise" that child. He's left and he's not your extra child to take care of. Not anymore. Boundaries. He left. His problems now. Don't allow exWH to click his fingers and beckon you to help HIM. That's ridiculous of him to ask but obviously shows the pattern of your previous M. You've been left with responsibilities from this union. Focus on those only.

 

He is only starting to realise what he depended on you for.

This is why NC is so important after break ups.

If only for the dumper to REALIZE what they lost in you.

Give him that space to realise COMPLETELY.

 

No more favours for exWH. He lost that right when he left.

 

Lion Heart.

[toolforgrowth]

DD = Dear Daughter but I prefer Darling Daughter.

 

My exWH virtually neglected and abandoned our DD when he remarried a jealous woman. In his words "to keep the peace". Didn't give him "peace" but his loss. DD now has a son who turns 1 on the weekend. They live 15 minutes away (closer than us!) And they've seen him once. We see them up to 5x per week. His loss then and even MORE so now. TBH I'm glad they don't on some levels. Their racial and social prejudices would damage this gorgeous new family. ExWH lives surrounded by government housing, this bothers exWH as we live in far more affluent areas. Another case of living the best lives we can and his resentment of that.

 

I hear you about the feeling of your life "being a joke". I do too. It's horrible. It's because we've been 100% committed and worked harder than we've ever worked on EVERYTHING while the WSs didn't. This is an added case of them not having the capacity for the level of commitment anywhere near ours. It's insulting at first when the relationship breaks down but then we realize how committed WE are to heal and move on from this horrid situation. I'm gonna tell you what 3 ICs told me - that I will be much better off after the split than him. It didn't make ke feel better, in fact I cried out of sheer frustration for lots of reasons but it may make you feel better. I'm reading "The Road Less Travelled" by M . Scott Peck and it's making ALOT of sense to me about the complete differences between me and exWH and present WH. I suggest you get a copy. An incredible read to make sense out of a seemingly senseless situation. Plus on raising children, families etc.

 

The fact a grown man needed your help to open a bank account? Yes I'd refer him to his parents too. Someone neglected to "raise" that child. He's left and he's not your extra child to take care of. Not anymore. Boundaries. He left. His problems now. Don't allow exWH to click his fingers and beckon you to help HIM. That's ridiculous of him to ask but obviously shows the pattern of your previous M. You've been left with responsibilities from this union. Focus on those only.

 

He is only starting to realise what he depended on you for.

This is why NC is so important after break ups.

If only for the dumper to REALIZE what they lost in you.

Give him that space to realise COMPLETELY.

 

No more favours for exWH. He lost that right when he left.

 

Lion Heart.

 

LH, you are AWESOME.

 

On a totally unrelated note, remind me never to pi$$ you off.

[Lion Heart]

LH, you are AWESOME.

 

On a totally unrelated note, remind me never to pi$$ you off.

 

Gee thanks toolforgrowth! That's a real compliment coming from you. I doubt it's possible for you to pi$$ me off because you are one of my LS heroes too xx.

 

So is Iamgutted. I'm so sorry for your pain. I know it's been said many times that no matter what we do in life, we are gonna hurt people. I just think it's torturous and cruel to INTENTIONALLY do so.

 

This thread has made me reflect on that period of time up to 22y ago when my M broke up from infidelity. What I did afterwards. How I coped. Many threads do. I supported DDs relationship with her WF to extreme lengths. WF just wasn't worth it. I realized after 5y that their relationship was more important to ME than him. I still supported it but was much wiser with the type of support I'd give. I put all my efforts into my new configured family and we soared. Still do.

 

Alot of us brokenhearted souls put so much into the M and our WSs and that family life and really neglected to LOVE ourselves more. There didn't seem to be time to put ourselves first barely ever. After the break up we really need to do a 360 on that. Turn the love, acceptance and forgiveness back on ourselves.

Torturing ourselves as WSs did is prolonging our pain.

 

Yep it's time to make life ALL about ourselves.

 

Lion Heart.