scatterd Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 (edited) Yesterday husband came to sleep here like he always does a couple of days out of the week.He asked for a divorce so I filed but we agreed we do not cheat until its final beings we are still married.He snuck away again my Grandchild says he meets other woman at the School by us.I walked over there he had a beer in his hand I walked up and said is that you OW on the phone.He starts running around the tables telling me to go away. I said let me talk to the B you both are liars,she is the home breaker.What neither one of you have enough guts to tell the truth.I yelled so she could here me and said he will do the same to you.Neither one of you have morals and she better hope I do not find out who she is.I accured to me he had been doing this for two years.He was protecting the phone calling me crazy.I said that's right you both are causing me to be.Now I know why you treated me like crap I knew I did nothing to you.He came back I told him our little deal you wanted is off.I will see him in court.That he needs to stay with her now and I never want to see him again.That he is sneaky,cares for no one but his self,and he hurt the whole family.He would not leave he slept down stairs its almost over though. I cried for months so did the children.I do not want to ever see him again.She can have his b------ cheating a...How can two people stay on a phone playing games. There is nothing OK with this.Do any OW get what kind of man these men are?I would have said let me talk to her then I would have dumped him.I guess she does not care her self.I say their both gut less. To top it all I believe his Mom knew all the time. I treated him good and his family.I got ill and screwed for it.I do not understand the selfishness and morals that some people have. I hope loosing all we worked for is worth it 22 years worth it.I will never marry again I can not trust it again. I am dying inside. He was the worse at loving me in the end and if she does not think he wooed me she is up in the night. Fighting for a man while his wife was ill was such an easy task for her. Sorry for the long rambling post I am crying and sad and doubt he will ever be sorry. Why he did not want me to date before the divorce is selfish again. Edited April 21, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs and moved to Infidelity 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Nuno2015 Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 "Over, done with, "Gone". Like that Well, I would say the following, like Dalai Lama: Do not let the behaviour of others detroy your inner peace. Repeat this setence many times a day. Ask yourself, "why am I dying inside"? It's your emotions, so you need to clean those emotions. Think: You don't want that man, even if he become sorry, you say he didn't care for you. Go for the divorce and accept that time changes things, you had good times toghetert, now it's not ok anymore, he was not only cheating, we was phonying close to you, that's bad, disrespectable. Don't fight him, don't fight yourself, let him go, release yourself. You don't need no one to be happy. First you have to become happy again, then maybe someone will come into your life (ask God, ask the universe for that and be thankfull), but you really need to forgive him and her, love is that way, sometimes it disapears. Let go of your bad thoughts, don't listen to them, it's your mind that needs to focus on things that make you feel good. Forgive - people are imature, irresponsible, focused on sex. Please, help yourself to rise. Read good books, go to yoga classes, do meditation, walk in nature, pray, and you will be fine - garanteed. One day you will say: I'm glad it happened - now I'm more strong, confident, free, and happy. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author scatterd Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 I cant wait to be nappy.I think he comes here to pull me down,He has been hateful,defensive and mentally abusive to me my kids and Grandchildren. I will not allow him to come around and hurt us no more.Its been 5 months I thought he was better then this.He is a better liar I am so mad now.At 53 I never thought it would be like this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 You say you never want to see him again. Did you have him move out? When will the divorce be final? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Syberia Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Yesterday husband came to sleep here like he always does a couple of days out of the week.He asked for a divorce so I filed but we agreed we do not cheat until its final beings we are still married. I wouldn't consider it cheating if divorce has already been filed. Your marriage is effectively over except for a matter of legal procedure. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author scatterd Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 The attorney said probably around August. I have a court date for alimony and to get him out soon.I do not know if he comes around to just make an appearance to say he lives here or what. But when he is here everybody feels the tension. I cant wait to see the judge I have saved a lot on him to prove his lies.He does not know. I thought he was wonderful and sang his praises to everyone but he turned into someone I never would want. I am going to pack the rest of his things. He stays with her most of the time and lies says its a friends house we checked he is not there.He also trys to convince us he lives here most of the time knowing we know better. I do not understand how a person can feel good about their self's when they lie and cheat..I guess they can both worry about doing it to each other. When she and him get to know each other in a relationship things will change. I will go on and someday he wont be able to hurt us.They deserve each other. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Having read one of your other threads, I remember that he "butt-dialed" you on accident and you overheard he and the OW discussing using a credit card of yours for something. Please tell me that you've managed to completely separate your finances, or at least ordered a replacement card so he can't use your credit. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 (((scatterd))) does your STBXWH have to come stay at your house? I do not see why you need to torture yourself with seeing this man and hearing about what he is doing. It sounds like you need peace of mind and away from him. They deserve each other. They always do hun. My WH was better matched with his xMOW too they are such disordered people. Their brokenness matched each other I believe that is why most AP's hook up. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 (edited) You say he's abusive. Legally you can't just get the locks changed - but you can get him out of the house by letting your anger out on him nonstop until he leaves. Plenty of BSes told their WS "If you won't leave voluntarily, you're in for a ride!". Personally I wouldn't even be afraid of going "bat**** crazy"; when he's eating grab his plate and throw it in the garbage, when he wants to watch TV pull the plug and so on... he just needs a little 'motivation' to leave home. And cut ties to your MIL. Or perhaps demand an explanation from her before you do. As for them being together, I know it hurts, but don't focus on it. How happy can a broken man and a hillbilly chick truly be? Edited April 21, 2015 by No Limit 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Author scatterd Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 I stopped his use on credit cards. He finally made a deal good enough that I can sign papers so we can get divorce finalized. Then he can stay away and be with her all he wants. I am sick of him being sneaky and rubbing it in my face. He made a comment that we are not divorced yet and tried to convince me he has not cheated or been with anyone yet that I should wait also.Duh when I think about it I think he has been sneaking around since last summer. I do not know why he cares what I do.When he was the one that wanted this. I guess its hard for him to think of me being with someone else.Weird, Soon I can considerate on my self things have happened so fast. I will start going out again. I wanted to do my part right and be the better person and I was.I tried everything I could and did not have another man holding my hand I loved him and tried to get him to go to counseling with me he refused. At least I wont be the one worrying about him cheating anymore.They can do that to each other.I think he is going through mid life or something from what I read he had all actions and symptoms of it. But I am not going to make excuses for him he knows what he has done hes a big boy.I have the house, some alimony and S.S.I to fight for.I will be doing OK.I kind of think when he can think straighter he will have some regrets. But he wont be my problem to worry about soon. This has been a night mare. I thank all of you for the support.I hope to be supporting others again I have been here for a while. Two times of hell with him my chapter is almost done.Thanks again for listening and writing. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author scatterd Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 Funny No Limit. I did write on his truck with chalk cheating husband of 22 years and s--t. on the door with an arrow pointing up.Have not heard anything yet so I do not know if he has seen it and it has not rained.Guess I did do a couple of things bad.lol 4 Link to post Share on other sites
wizer Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 He cheats on you. You write on his truck with chalk. He asks for divorce so you file. Why didn't you just file for divorce without waiting for his permission? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author scatterd Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 I filed with out permission after I tried to work it out with him and he refused.He was a total jerk and would not do it his self so I did.I gave him what he asked for we was tired of him being mean to us.talking kids and grandchildren.I wrote on his truck yesterday when I caught him calling OW under kids and my nose.If he wants to be with her he should go there.Its a long story. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 You don't need a permission to file; luckily you took things into your own hands, so that's a chek-off on your list. As soon as he's permanently gone, wait a while to calm down a little and get a new daily routine and then feel free to check out the dating market, 'cause you don't need a permission to date either. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 I filed with out permission after I tried to work it out with him and he refused.He was a total jerk and would not do it his self so I did.I gave him what he asked for we was tired of him being mean to us.talking kids and grandchildren.I wrote on his truck yesterday when I caught him calling OW under kids and my nose.If he wants to be with her he should go there.Its a long story. yes! he should go be with his OW. If you have tried everything--and it sounds like you have-- to fix the marriage, it IS NOW time to say goodbye. You do not need the heartache and the pain. Neither do your children and grandchildren. Change the locks and kick him to the curb. It's best for everyone now. My prayers and support are with you. You can do this. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
lisbon67 Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 NUNO2015 Your advice to this OP is very good...I would also recommend that she focus on herself and her own inner peace to get over her WH affair. It was very useful to me too when I read it. I am about to divorce in only a matter of days after my DDay with my WW was only 6 weeks ago. I have been quite unwell both.physically and mentally since I found out all the actual gory details of her A. Is it Buddhist theory you are relating to the OP?.I woukd like to know more about this from you if possible to aid my healing...and the Op of course. I tried to pm you but I couldn't find a pm button on your profile page... I've copied your post onto my phone to read each day.any more help woukd be welcomed Link to post Share on other sites
lisbon67 Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 "Over, done with, "Gone". Like that Well, I would say the following, like Dalai Lama: Do not let the behaviour of others detroy your inner peace. Repeat this setence many times a day. Ask yourself, "why am I dying inside"? It's your emotions, so you need to clean those emotions. Think: You don't want that man, even if he become sorry, you say he didn't care for you. Go for the divorce and accept that time changes things, you had good times toghetert, now it's not ok anymore, he was not only cheating, we was phonying close to you, that's bad, disrespectable. Don't fight him, don't fight yourself, let him go, release yourself. You don't need no one to be happy. First you have to become happy again, then maybe someone will come into your life (ask God, ask the universe for that and be thankfull), but you really need to forgive him and her, love is that way, sometimes it disapears. Let go of your bad thoughts, don't listen to them, it's your mind that needs to focus on things that make you feel good. Forgive - people are imature, irresponsible, focused on sex. Please, help yourself to rise. Read good books, go to yoga classes, do meditation, walk in nature, pray, and you will be fine - garanteed. One day you will say: I'm glad it happened - now I'm more strong, confident, This is great advice.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 I stopped his use on credit cards. He finally made a deal good enough that I can sign papers so we can get divorce finalized. Then he can stay away and be with her all he wants. I am sick of him being sneaky and rubbing it in my face. He made a comment that we are not divorced yet and tried to convince me he has not cheated or been with anyone yet that I should wait also.Duh when I think about it I think he has been sneaking around since last summer. I do not know why he cares what I do.When he was the one that wanted this. I guess its hard for him to think of me being with someone else.Weird, Soon I can considerate on my self things have happened so fast. I will start going out again. I wanted to do my part right and be the better person and I was.I tried everything I could and did not have another man holding my hand I loved him and tried to get him to go to counseling with me he refused. At least I wont be the one worrying about him cheating anymore.They can do that to each other.I think he is going through mid life or something from what I read he had all actions and symptoms of it. But I am not going to make excuses for him he knows what he has done hes a big boy.I have the house, some alimony and S.S.I to fight for.I will be doing OK.I kind of think when he can think straighter he will have some regrets. But he wont be my problem to worry about soon. This has been a night mare. I thank all of you for the support.I hope to be supporting others again I have been here for a while. Two times of hell with him my chapter is almost done.Thanks again for listening and writing. This is a great post, scatterd. The great thing is that it's not advice written by one of us; it was written by you. You're getting to a better place. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Lion Heart Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Funny No Limit. I did write on his truck with chalk cheating husband of 22 years and s--t. on the door with an arrow pointing up.Have not heard anything yet so I do not know if he has seen it and it has not rained.Guess I did do a couple of things bad.lol Darling you're a pussy cat. I haven't even thought to post what I did to both my WHs precious cars I bought them. It was great! When this WH parents phoned the police to report my "criminal damage" the Police laughed at them all. Saying that a woman is allowed to damage HER property in any way she pleases. Also that they WH and parents needed to have a look in the mirror. I DO NOT espouse damaging anything anytime. But.... Get the Lion out. Lion Heart. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 if you guys filed for divorce, I would think all bets would be off about him seeing other women. You are both on your own now...the reality of it just has not hit yet. If I were you I would practice not letting this sort of thing bother me anymore. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Darling you're a pussy cat. I haven't even thought to post what I did to both my WHs precious cars I bought them. It was great! When this WH parents phoned the police to report my "criminal damage" the Police laughed at them all. Saying that a woman is allowed to damage HER property in any way she pleases. Also that they WH and parents needed to have a look in the mirror. I DO NOT espouse damaging anything anytime. But.... Get the Lion out. Lion Heart. In some jurisdictions, damaging marital property is actually considered domestic violence. Not saying it's right or judging anyone, just thought it worth noting for cautionary reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
adna89 Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 How has he been before in your marriage'? is he leaving for the OW? or did you initiate divorce? Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 I cant wait to be nappy.I think he comes here to pull me down,He has been hateful,defensive and mentally abusive to me my kids and Grandchildren. I will not allow him to come around and hurt us no more.Its been 5 months I thought he was better then this.He is a better liar I am so mad now.At 53 I never thought it would be like this.So gather your integrity together, refuse to allow him to come to your home any more, get the divorce finished, and never look back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author scatterd Posted April 26, 2015 Author Share Posted April 26, 2015 How has he been before in your marriage'? is he leaving for the OW? or did you initiate divorce? We was together constantly. I noticed he started to change after he had problems at a job. My cousin got him on at great place and he is making good money. He was working nights for awhile and I noticed he was not coming home he was going to a woman's house. He promised to stop and not contact her I caught him sneaking down stairs calling her.We went to counseling he always denied anything happened.I got depressed and ended up sick. This was 6 or seven years ago he was mopy it seems he always had a problem with being happy he was a constant bit--er. I don't know if anything or anyone will make him happy for long I did for a while but he seemed to suck the life out of me. I loved him so much I doubt anyone could love him more and I would have stayed with him forever but he wanted a divorce.So I gave it to him after 9 times of asking him if he was sure and when I asked him to answer if he loved me anymore he said no.I cried for months he did not call me answer my calls he volunteered to work in another country for a month.I doubt he will ever regret what he did to us but as long as we are happy that's what matters.I cant wait until the hurt is gone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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