Grounds for a divorce?

[SSJROMANCE]

My wife has lied to me about her past and it has been a long haul to try and recover from it. After promising never to lie to me again she has done it on several other occasions concerning other guys including relationships on facebook and our friend hitting on her.

 

I feel that I have no trust in this marriage although she blames the lack of trust on not herself but me not getting counseling. On top of everything her sister betrayed me in the worst way and has not apologized nor taken responsibility for the injury her husband caused me defending her from his drunk rampage. For obvious reasons I have removed myself from her side of the family yet my wife refuses to support me and blames me for removing myself.

 

I am besides myself and believe that my wife has some serious issues. I have been a good husband and father who cooks and cleans and runs the kids around and everything else around the house that needs repairs etc etc etc. I don't think she deserves me and I surely don't think I deserve her treatment from her or her family. We have tried counseling many times but a counseler can't force her not to lie nor force her to support her husband instead of trying to please everyone which has always been her downfall. Should I leave this insane marriage?

Edited March 10, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs and move to most appropriate forum

[spanz1]

I have been a good husband and father who cooks and cleans and runs the kids around and everything else around the house that needs repairs etc etc etc. I don't think she deserves me and I surely don't think I deserve her treatment from her or her family. We have tried counseling....

 

i was wondering why your wife disrespected you so much, until i got to this part of the post! are you serious...you cook, clean, watch the kids....do you wear a french maid's uniform while you do this too?

 

Come on, she is the Dom, and you are the Sub. do you not see that. she will have no respect for anything you do or want. in addition, your sex rank has plummeted in the process, so you are ripe for spousal phyical cheating on you too with the first Alpha male that gives her a wink.

 

It is time to Cowboy up pal. stop doing ALL this crap for her. go out to the shooting range, and blow some **** up. go bone fishing in Florida, and send her a nice frigin post card. Be a man, treat her like you are a man, and eventually it might clear up. there are actual books out there on how to do it if you do not have a clue where to start. but, man, you have cooked your last meal...unless it is for your hunting buddies deep in the woods at the lodge....

[cozycottagelg]

Yes, you should.

[VeryBrokenMan]

I've had a wife that was also not truthful during our long marriage so I speak from experience. My IC recommended that I not accept any untruthfulness going forward and to make a fuss over even the smallest of lies. Most were small white lies to protect me, some were bigger. But going forward after her affair I now have a zero tolerance policy for any lies. A small lie will be confronted no matter how small and a big lie might be a deal breaker.

 

Only you can decide how to move forward but not being truthful is very damaging to a relationship and in my view she needs to be given a chance to fix it and if she won't or can't then divorce might be right. But again only you can decide that.

[Man15]

Mine has been a stay at home with one child. She has no interest in going back to work. All the bills are paid for, nice house that she wanted, export cars that are paid for. She rarely cooks and clean.

[sandylee1]

I wouldn't say cooking, cleaning and dropping the kids up and makes the OP a sub. I'm hoping his wife partakes in these chores as well, not leaving it all to him.

 

I cook, clean and chauffeur the kids up and down as well as holding down a full time job. I don't think that makes me a Sub.

 

Or are you only a sub if you are a man doing this?

[spanz1]

 

Or are you only a sub if you are a man doing this?

 

yes

 

the way he said it, it sounded like she was doing none of this, and he was doing it to try to woo her...thinking hard work, being nice, doing her share of the work AND his own share somehow would get him respect and love. Women, in general, think just the opposite...although they SAY they would love it, in reality they just see a weak beta man. no sex, no respect. its in human dna, even many intelligent and thoughtful women have this subconscious pressure to respect the alpha male.

[SSJROMANCE]

Ha ha yes that's what I told her. I told her I'm going to stop all this **** I do for her but that means the kids will starve to death and go to school in dirty clothes. I obviously got the **** end of the deal and should have run like all the other guys. But here I am wondering if enough is enough and just let her fall flat on her face like she deserves. Not being arrogant but she has no idea how good she has it and I think it's time for her to pay a price.

[SSJROMANCE]

No no I don't do these things to impress her or to make her love me or any of that. I do this because she complains about doing them herself and they don't get done. I do all the man **** around the house but also a lot of stuff normally reserved for a woman. I don't mind doing it because someone has to do it. Doesn't make me more or less than a man. But my point is I do all this **** that she gets away with and yet we have a trustless marriage and an unsupportive one at that. I don't know what I can do to get it through her mind that she should be supporting me just like her shady sister is supporting her shady husband. I have done nothing wrong yet I am treated like a bad guy for standing up for myself. By the way I defend her from her drunk husband as he was still angry with her that she cheated on him with his boss. So this bitch who betrayed her husband in the first place I defended put my safety at risk to help her then turns around and says F U to me when it comes time to pay the doctor bills. And my wife wants me to forgive her even though she nor he has taken responsibilty for my injuries. I don't think so.

[SawtoothMars]

My wife has lied to me about her past and it has been a long haul to try and recover from it. After promising never to lie to me again she has done it on several other occasions concerning other guys including relationships on facebook and our friend hitting on her.

 

On top of everything her sister betrayed me in the worst way and has not apologized nor taken responsibility for the injury her husband caused me defending her from his drunk rampage.

 

Ok... can you be more specific? How has your wife lied about her past? Explain these relationships on facebook and other things she has lied about.

 

Also... I don't understand what happened with the sister.

 

With the info you have provided so far... it sounds like you are just complaining over small things. However, that might just be because you have not fully explained the situation.

[SSJROMANCE]

Long story short she was with a bunch of guys before we met slept with them most on the first day had many one night stands but I was only in one long term relationship myself. Not wanting to marry a whore I asked in detail about her past and she lied about most the guys. She also has a one night stand and romp all night long with a guy during a few week breakup we had. At the time she also lied about that to get what she wanted which was me. So I married a whore that would sleep with anybody. She had the chance to come clean but she didn't and it wasn't until I caught her in a lie that she spilled the beans.

 

Now with her sister she slept with her boss years ago while married. Her husband years later still upset was drunk, verbally threaten to kill her and attacked her. I fender him off tried to reason with him as well so did my wife but he kept coming after her. Since we were at a concert parking lot with little chance of getting help I finally decided to put him on the ground hard enough to get him there but not to hurt him. I also told him to stay down. Of course he didn't got back up and when he thought I wasn't looking he tried to kick me

in the nuts. I blocked it but my finger took the brunt of it. Then I put him down a second time and after she come screaming and me about to pound him she pulled me off and I gladly got up since I didn't want any of this in the first place. But instead of thanking me for her not getting hurt him not going to jail and nobody got hurt except me. And all I get was a F U I'm not paying your bills. Her husband she says was only protecting himself. Lol. Since when can an attacker declare self defense after 5 minutes of attacking his wife and getting angry at me because I got in his way then trying to kick my nuts through my throat when he though I wasn't looking? She also claimed he wasn't going to hurt her. Well when the bitch first cheated on him he threw her against the wall and choked her. Exactly what he wanted to do that night. So how does one say this when 1) her drunk out of control husband announces he is going to kill his wife 2) goes after his wife with his hand cuffed as if he is going to choke her 3) he is capable of doing it because he did it before for the very same issue 4) he spends at least five minutes trying to get to her while my wife and I get between them. So I think both my wife and her sister have some serious issues.

 

The facebook thing she was having inappropriate conversations with an old friend of hers. She deleted most the posted and denied it until she finally came clean but not before a few more desperate lies. And she allowed guys to keep hitting on her without telling me these things were happening. So lessons learned. Your facebook account should be open to your spouse to review.

Edited March 10, 2015 by SSJROMANCE
More info

[autumnnight]

Your brother in law sounds like a jerk. Your wife was dead wrong to lie about those FB posts and delete them. It's lazy of her not to do some housework while she is home all day.

 

I'm not sure what she did BEFORE she met you make her a permanent whore.

[SawtoothMars]

Long story short she was with a bunch of guys before we met slept with them most on the first day had many one night stands but I was only in one long term relationship myself. Not wanting to marry a whore I asked in detail about her past and she lied about most the guys. She also has a one night stand and romp all night long with a guy during a few week breakup we had. At the time she also lied about that to get what she wanted which was me. So I married a whore that would sleep with anybody. She had the chance to come clean but she didn't and it wasn't until I caught her in a lie that she spilled the beans.

 

Holy crap! She is a piece of work. I'm not going to lie... I would divorce her posthaste.

 

I think I might be able to get over the stuff that happened before you met... but I won't tolerate get back together with someone who slept around on a break. That IS cheating.

 

I would take her nutty sister as a life lesson. Women who get abused often crave it and even do stuff to make the guy get abusive. I make it a rule to never get involved in domestic situations... although I really can't say I would have done anything different if I were in your place.

 

With the facebook thing... she clearly is fishing for an affair. I would not stick around for it. I want you to know that there are amazing and wonderful women out there that don't do this stuff.

[Mal78]

My wife has lied to me about her past and it has been a long haul to try and recover from it. After promising never to lie to me again she has done it on several other occasions concerning other guys including relationships on facebook and our friend hitting on her.

 

I feel that I have no trust in this marriage although she blames the lack of trust on not herself but me not getting counseling. On top of everything her sister betrayed me in the worst way and has not apologized nor taken responsibility for the injury her husband caused me defending her from his drunk rampage. For obvious reasons I have removed myself from her side of the family yet my wife refuses to support me and blames me for removing myself.

 

I am besides myself and believe that my wife has some serious issues. I have been a good husband and father who cooks and cleans and runs the kids around and everything else around the house that needs repairs etc etc etc. I don't think she deserves me and I surely don't think I deserve her treatment from her or her family. We have tried counseling many times but a counseler can't force her not to lie nor force her to support her husband instead of trying to please everyone which has always been her downfall. Should I leave this insane marriage?

 

She lied to you about her past? Elaborate please.

 

She continues to lie to you about fb relationships? Elaborate please, are these "relationships" or friendships?

 

She lied to you about a friend hitting on her? How did you eventually find out and did she reciprocate the gestures?

 

A good husband and father does do the things you listed, however are you saying she does none of these things?

 

You want her sister to appoligize for what her husband did during his drunken rage? Why?

 

Your wife is a people pleaser/pleases every one. Who?

 

More details might help make your situation clearer. Why would your wife lie about a friend hitting on her? Do you tend to blame her for those things like you blame the sister for her husband's behavior/actions?

[Mal78]

Since I missed the boat on you answering some of my questions then I will answer your original question, you referred to your wife, the Mother of your children as a whole on several occasions. YES, you should divorce her. If you believe she is a whore, she knows you think of her as a whore then there is no hope for your marriage.

 

Her past is her past. You probably will nail her to the cross for it if you continue this relationship. Your kids deserves better.

[jnel921]

There are obvious issues within your M. Go to MC before you decide to do anything. This is where all the cards need to go on the table. If there is a M worth saving you both will be willing to do so. If your W continues to be a jerk and have your brother in law defend her then you can honestly say you exhausted every resource and leave that M!

 

BTW the cooking, cleaning, laundry does not mean you were a great H. It means you were responsible and handled your business at home. I would hope that your W shares in some of the responsibilities of the home as well.

 

The issue is how you are getting along. The relationship you have with each other. Focus on that. Fix that.

 

If you leave she will have to take care of her responsibilities whether she likes it or not. When you have kids you don't have a choice!

 

Good Luck

[bubbaganoosh]

If it's me. Keep a log on all that your doing around the house, file for divorce and if she works, have her lazy ass served at work and file for custody of the kids.

 

It's time she faces reality and that reality is that your tired of her and her bad attitude, lies and when she gets swerved then she can ask all she wants and you can look her in the eye and tell her to look in the mirror and see whose at fault and do it in a way she fully understands.

[SSJROMANCE]

She lied to you about her past? Elaborate please.

 

She continues to lie to you about fb relationships? Elaborate please, are these "relationships" or friendship.

 

>>> She had inappropriate conversations with an old friend/ boy friend from the past. She hid them, lied about them and eventually came clean.

 

She lied to you about a friend hitting on her? How did you eventually find out and did she reciprocate the gestures?

 

>>> Didnt lie just never told me they were happening. She would respond as if she had no idea she was being hit on and made her look like a fool and made me look like a fool as guys continued to hit on her behind my back. I raided her FB account.

 

A good husband and father does do the things you listed, however are you saying she does none of these things?

 

>>> She does 30% of house hold tasks I do the rest including 100% of all car and home maintenance.

 

You want her sister to appoligize for what her husband did during his drunken rage? Why?

 

>>> This is a long story. Just so U can understand after it happened she sent me emails telling me all the reasons why she thinks I shouldnt have defended her and got involved all which are crazy and ignorant statements. Things from I didn't ask her if she needed help to he hadn't yet physically hurt her at that point (because I didn't allow it). He was only defending himself etc etc etc. So as her husband hid behind his wife's emails she was the one telling me thank U for helping me but F U and pay for your own injuries as family can assault family but family should not ask family for money.

 

Your wife is a people pleaser/pleases every one. Who?

 

>>> Anyone and everyone. That is why she went along with rapes after telling them no, she does things with girlfriends even when she doesn't want to. She has a hard time telling ANYONE no. Hands me the phone when someone is selling something.

 

More details might help make your situation clearer. Why would your wife lie about a friend hitting on her?

 

>>> Didnt lie hid them from me.

 

Do you tend to blame her for those things like you blame the sister for her husband's behavior/actions?

 

>>> Hopefully U understand a little better why the sister has betrayed me.

Edited March 11, 2015 by SSJROMANCE

[autumnnight]

That is why she went along with rapes after telling them no

 

THIS needs some serious illumination. If this is how you feel about rape, then I have serious questions about you.

[oldshirt]

IMHO I think you should go on about your own business and let your 'wife' and the inlaws hash all this out on the Jerry Springer Show. Who ever can throw the shoe the farthest can claim victory. You said you didn't want to marry a whore but you failed to realize whores lie you just took her word for it. If you want to get away from all of them and all their crap, I say you are justified.

[oldshirt]

just be warned that any woman that brings home random dudes from the bar and then tells her BF/spouse that these were all serial "rapes" is a psycohosebeast and you need to get away from her as far and as fast as possible but just realize that these are also the people who are going to tell everyone that you raped her as well and she is also the kind of person that will claim in divorce court that you are molesting the kids and exposing them to drugs and getting them involved in satanic rituals and virgin sacrifice.

 

 

These are not good people and are going to do what they can to screw you over. Plan and be prepared accordingly.

[TexasMan68]

Wow this sounds like one of those old episodes from the Springer show!!! My only question is wow the heck do you get those kool-aid stains out of the kids shirts when your doing the laundry? I've tried everything but nothing works!!!