Trotters Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Im single & had a whirlwind romance with a married woman. Its over now, but whats weird is she hasn't begged me not to tell her husband or anyone else. I thought she'd be panicing & getting stressed incase I told her husband but shes not even batted an eyelid or even mentioned it. Its as if shes not worried which surprised me. How can she not be worried that her husband may find out...from someone else? because she isn't going to admit it to him & he doesn't know about affair. Im not going to tell him im not the revenge kinda person plus it wont get me anywhere. Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 You answered your own question. You said you would never tell. Says just as much about you as her. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trotters Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 Forgot to mention, she still wants to be friends with me???. How is that gonna work?. She ended an affair with me but has nerve to still wants to be friends???. What sort of woman is she?. Has she not leant anything?. Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Dude, you knew she was married and you knew that she wasn't that good of a person. I read your previous threads and it's safe to say you're pretty obsessed with her. You need to throw this fish back. She's a bad, bad bird and even if she divorced her husband and stayed with you, you'd have to watch your back for the rest of your life. Be thankful her husband didn't kill you or destroy your life and be thankful that you got rid of this adulterous cancer. Let is go man. There are good people out there that will actually meet your needs. She cheated on him because she doesn't really care about him as person, but she does care about destroying her life and living with that guilt. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 I think the answer is obvious. You involved yourself with someone with no morals or respect for herself. You put yourself in this same category while doing it. You have a choice now to try to be a better person and get away from her and look for a healthy relationship. Its up to you if you want to tell the husband. I think its the right thing to do If it was me I would want to know so I could get away from wife. I would not entertain any kind of a friendship with her at this point and further put yourself in a bad position. There are plenty of great women out there that want a healthy loving relationship. Clay 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Man Mountain Makino Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Im single & had a whirlwind romance with a married woman. Its over now, but whats weird is she hasn't begged me not to tell her husband or anyone else. I thought she'd be panicing & getting stressed incase I told her husband but shes not even batted an eyelid or even mentioned it. Its as if shes not worried which surprised me. How can she not be worried that her husband may find out...from someone else? because she isn't going to admit it to him & he doesn't know about affair. Im not going to tell him im not the revenge kinda person plus it wont get me anywhere. She probably figures that you figure that if you told her husband, he'd get angry, and take it out on the nearest person: you. Generally, guys don't walk up to a guy and tell them "pal, just so you know, I've been banging your wife." A guy could get hurt that way. As for the friends thing, no idea. Maybe she wants to keep you on deck for the occasional bootie call. Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 a weird thread indeed! Why WOULD you be thinking so much abou telling her husband. If its over, just go away, dont bother her any more, and certainly do not tell anyone about the affair. be a man about it Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trotters Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 a weird thread indeed! Why WOULD you be thinking so much abou telling her husband. If its over, just go away, dont bother her any more, and certainly do not tell anyone about the affair. be a man about it Lots of people on online forums say they'd tell their spouse as revenge or because her husband has a right to know shes multiple cheating, but, don't worry im not a revenge kinda guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 She ended an affair with me but has nerve to still wants to be friends???. What sort of woman is she?. You sound frustrated over the rejection, your ego and feelings damaged. Has it dawned on you that the whole experience might not have been anything special to her? You may be just another notch on the bedpost... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trotters Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 You sound frustrated over the rejection, your ego and feelings damaged. Has it dawned on you that the whole experience might not have been anything special to her? You may be just another notch on the bedpost... Mr. Lucky It was special to both of us emotionally & physically over 9 months. She would have ended it ages ago if it wasn't special to her. She even said she connected with me. If I knew it wasn't special I would have ended it & she made lots of sacrifices for me, if I wasn't special she wouldn't have done it either. We had chemistry too according to her & it wasn't just sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trotters Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 You sound frustrated over the rejection, your ego and feelings damaged. Has it dawned on you that the whole experience might not have been anything special to her? You may be just another notch on the bedpost... Mr. Lucky Course im frustrated, aren't most guys after rejection?. It was the bond we had too not just sex. Yes im hurt & its my own fault to, but im not bitter. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 It was special to both of us emotionally & physically over 9 months. She would have ended it ages ago if it wasn't special to her. She even said she connected with me. If I knew it wasn't special I would have ended it & she made lots of sacrifices for me, if I wasn't special she wouldn't have done it either. We had chemistry too according to her & it wasn't just sex. You know, usually it's the excited young girls who fall for lines like "You'll always be special to me" etc. Heads up though, "staying friends" equals to saying "we can still hook up whenever I feel like it" in wayward-spouse-language. Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Well your probably just one of many. I wouldn't get to caught up in it. She probably just found someone new and liked the new attention. I think I would seriously consider getting checked for STD's. Can you imagine what she was telling her H while being with you. You think your special but if she is sharing her body with you and her husband you can bet you were not all that special. She clearly isn't. Clay 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trotters Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 Well your probably just one of many. I wouldn't get to caught up in it. She probably just found someone new and liked the new attention. I think I would seriously consider getting checked for STD's. Can you imagine what she was telling her H while being with you. You think your special but if she is sharing her body with you and her husband you can bet you were not all that special. She clearly isn't. Clay I know what everyone is saying. All im saying if she still wants to be "just friends" then she obviously likes me not just for sex?. And you say im not special, im guessing her husband isn't either as she wouldn't cheat & lie to him. Id say its worse for him than me & he doesn't even know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trotters Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 Im not trying to justify my actions I just like to hear peoples responses good or bad. Its easier to talk to people who don't know me who can give an outside perspective which helps me make decisions. That's why I joined this forum. There wouldn't be an "Infidelity" section for no reason. Link to post Share on other sites
jackslife Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 You're looking at this the wrong way. Affair or not you've been dumped. Treat it like the end of any relationship and go full NC if you can. There is a very good guide on this website. Read up why dumpers want to be friends. She dumped you. Go NC save yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Trotters Relationships are difficult...affairs more so. Most people who cheat do not admit to themselves that what they are doing makes them a "bad" person to another. Most of us have a positive view of what type of person we are. Most spend their time pointing out the flaws of others. XMW...does not want to be the "bad guy". So...if you remain "friends", then you give her the illusion of being a "good guy". XMW can then say to herself...."see...I am a good woman...my husband doesn't know...and my XAP still likes me". No harm...no foul. It is wayward thinking...justification...rationalization...cognitive dissonance...etc. In the end....XMW is a woman who cheated on her husband with you. Most would not see anything special in being a wayward or the AP. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trotters Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 After reading several posts on here and after 1 month, Im pretty sure im over her now. At the end of the day shes the married one, shes the one cheating, her husband doesn't even know...what sort of person & marriage has she got???. Im not bitter but I hope someday Karma comes back to bite her Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Im not bitter but I hope someday Karma comes back to bite her Okay. But hoping for karma to bite her IS you being bitter. You get that, right? You are not really on the side of 'infidelity' as is generally defined and accepted. If you were her betrayed husband, then yes. Not that you are not hurting...it is clear that you are. Possibly you initially felt that getting involved with a married woman would preclude her from wanting to break-up with you? -- a sort of "safe bet", on your side? That might explain how you now feel you can now judge her so harshly for having gotten into an affair (with you), in the first place. Regardless, it is clear that you're hurting. I'm sorry for that, and wish you better and brighter days ahead. Hugs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Artie Lang Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 sounds like you were more emotionally invested in the affair than she was. if she's not worried about anything, why are you? it's basically up to you how you want to proceed with the "relationship" at this point. of you don't want to he friends with her anymore, then don't be... easy as that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trotters Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 sounds like you were more emotionally invested in the affair than she was. if she's not worried about anything, why are you? it's basically up to you how you want to proceed with the "relationship" at this point. of you don't want to he friends with her anymore, then don't be... easy as that. Not worried, just surprised Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Probably because she didn't care if her husband found out. Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Hi Trotters, You seem to be in quite a dilemma! However I would like to ask you as to how you are so sure her husband does not know about what was going on? He could be in on it and getting a vicarious thrill from what was going on. You only know what she has been feeding you. You may have heard of the term Hotwife. Well she may have decided that enough was enough and that she was getting too entangled emotionally with you and so broke it off with you. That does not mean that she wants to cut you out completely from her life as you seem to her to be a good friend. She may also want to keep you close so that she can revert to you once things cool down with her feelings. I'm just saying that it is possible but I may be completely off the mark. Anyway the ball is now in your court and you have to take a call on what you want to do. I would suggest that you cut her out of your life completely if you feel humiliated and hurt. She may be up to no good! Cheers. Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 She wants to be friends with you because if she is friends with you and wants to start your affair up again you are more than likely to be available to her . If you are pissed off you are more likely to not want anything to do with her. And it is not revenge. Some day you may be a betrayed spouse and you will sure as hell hope someone tells you. You are probably not telling him because it will make it less likely that she will be available to you again if her marriage gets blown up and her husband is watching her. So Inkind of think you are not telling him for selfish reasons of your own. If you are friends with her and she wants you in bed again you gladly continue her little secret 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trotters Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 She wants to be friends with you because if she is friends with you and wants to start your affair up again you are more than likely to be available to her . If you are pissed off you are more likely to not want anything to do with her. And it is not revenge. Some day you may be a betrayed spouse and you will sure as hell hope someone tells you. You are probably not telling him because it will make it less likely that she will be available to you again if her marriage gets blown up and her husband is watching her. So Inkind of think you are not telling him for selfish reasons of your own. If you are friends with her and she wants you in bed again you gladly continue her little secret No not at all. I am not telling him because she should be doing that. I have caused enough damage as it is. I am in process of writing her an email telling her that I cannot be friends after what weve been through. I am even telling her im gonna keep my distance whilst she supposedly works on her marriage & im gonna tell her to stay devoted to him, don't cheat, don't lie, don't keep secrets, don't be selfish ever again as he doesn't deserve to live a lie. Only if it doesn't work out then that's a different story. It will be interesting to see what her reply is, if she even does reply to me?. Link to post Share on other sites
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