flowergirl14 Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 We have been married 21 yrs. I have been a stay at home wife for most of this time. I recently started working pt. A year ago(sept 2013) i discovered that my husband had an affair in 2012. A facebook im popped up from someone else which led me to discover the affair with a woman named liz. Anyhow, i was devestated neyond belief. He only admitted to an emotional affair. I do not believe this. I also discovered he liked the personals on craigslist and had been in touch with someone because there was a cl contact in his contacts. He denied this too. We got into counseling and i decided i would forgive because i really wanted our marriage to work. Anyhow he seemed to be rebuilding trust. One day he came home and was looking on ebay and i saw hed been looking at womens harley davidson shirts. He nor I like Harleys per se. I then saw on the gps app installed on his phone that he had been at an apartment complex near his work once for an hour or so in the middle of the night. ( According to the dots) he works night shift 7 to 7. I have looked everyday since and never seen again. He emails me when he leaves work and gets there. I can see on the gps that he comes straight home. However, i also think he might delete messages off his work pager. One time i saw one that said.." wondering if you were at your desk so i could come see you." I know not a smoking gun. I have looked at our cell phone bill and saw a lot of picture mail from his sprint phone ( mms message) no info on who what where when. I havent confronted him because im trying to gather evidence and keep radar up. He hasnt changed any of his habbits or shown any signs of cheating. I have access t9 his personal email, facebook, phone. Etc. I just have this feeling that this past year he's been blowing smoke up my ass and he hasnt changed rather gotten better at decieving. Any suggestions or thoughts? I cant stop by his work its a closed campus. I contacted a p.i. but they said they cannot do surveilance on private property which his work is. Maybe im so distrustful i cant see straight..i dont know! Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyfree Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 trust your gut. unfortunately it's usually right- especially if he's cheated before and it doesn't look like he ever had to face his wrongdoings and do the hard work to improve your relationship. access to phone, email, facebook means nothing. he can always easily get another of each to carry on an affair. just deleting things would be a red flag to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 A year ago(sept 2013) i discovered that my husband had an affair in 2012. A facebook im popped up from someone else which led me to discover the affair with a woman named liz. Anyhow, i was devestated neyond belief. He only admitted to an emotional affair. I do not believe this. I also discovered he liked the personals on craigslist and had been in touch with someone because there was a cl contact in his contacts. He denied this too. We got into counseling and i decided i would forgive because i really wanted our marriage to work. Anyhow he seemed to be rebuilding trust. How has he rebuilt trust? He lied about one encounter and denied another. Are you sure you haven't just rebuilt denial ??? Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author flowergirl14 Posted October 24, 2014 Author Share Posted October 24, 2014 Your very right. However, in all betrayed spouses there has to be optimism if you choose to stay. I took a leap of faith. Also, there are 3 children to support and only his income. I recently started back to work so I could support myself if and when the time comes! Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 they make fairly cheap voice activated recorders that you can hide in his car, and see if anything is going on in there, including steamy phone calls. If you can see his gps of the phone, that means you have enough access to install some software to recover text messages, passwords he is using, etc. Snoop some more. You have a gut feeling something is up. Gut feelings are not to be ignored. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 If he knows you can GPS his phone, he may just leave it at work during late night rendezvous. I'm not sure how you explain away him being at an apartment complex in the middle of his overnight shift. Perhaps he got some notification that you looked at his GPS position that one time you caught him. That at least might explain the lack of a reoccurrence. The VAR is probably a good idea. About $50 at Best Buy from what I hear. Velcro under the steering column; cover any lights on it so it doesn't glow at night. He could also be using a prepaid phone. Or he could just be using a secret email that he accesses via an internet browser (which would just show up as data usage rather than text); if he uses "in-private" browsing when he goes to that site (yahoo, gmail, etc) then he wouldn't even need to delete his internet history. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SpringOwl Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 VOice activated recorder. There were slight things like this with my husband too. It turns out he had been having affairs for years with all kinds of women. I divorced and lost money but finally have myself together and feel so much better. Take your time to gather evidence and plan but always trust your gut. Be careful about unprotected sex and get tested for STD's. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 ... Get yourself fit again to run for the hills. Link to post Share on other sites
Author flowergirl14 Posted October 25, 2014 Author Share Posted October 25, 2014 Thanks for the support. I have only told one friend about the affair. However, having never experienced it they really don't understand. The worst part is he is being the nicest, thoughtful guy. Of course this raises red flags too and im not stupid. After years of his b.s. it feels good. I wonder how long he can keep up the facade. We are planning a family vacation and i feel like a traitor to myself. On the one hand my kids will have a good memory. On the other hand, i want catch him and get this marriage over with. I need to get financially more secure so i dont feel like I will flounder. Being a stay home wife has been awesome but definetly has its drawbacks now. Ive thought about this voice activated recorder. Right now he's been riding his motorcycle to work. Its about to get cold though so ge will be driving his car! Again thanks for the advice. Its hard knowing your husband can be proffesing that he is recommiting to me, be in counseling, and still be f*** around. I think his latest whore is a coworker. Thanks for the suggestions ! Link to post Share on other sites
SpringOwl Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Find out the laws in your state first. Set up a consultation with a good lawyer. It will be worth the money. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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