whenitsmyturn Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Here is my story. I have been with my bf for 5years and moved in with him. a year later while living with him I discovered he has been living a double life. I found a text where he tell the ow that he loves her so hard, at the same time it's telling me he loves me. I insisted to see the texts on his phone and he refused. needless to say we had a big fight he left the house got drunk. called the ex girlfriend, she drove him back home. I went thru his phone and not only did I find the conversation with the ow. I found other conversations from other women he is communicating on dating sites. he is on a dating site and claims he is single. I found pictures of him with another woman in a hotel and information about hotel...I think I am still in shock. I haven't shed a tear. I don't know why? all this time he has been having a double life during the day and at night he was the family man. I am so disappointed. I am still there, because I am looking for a new place to move in. As soon as I move I will have nc with this individual. I have a 12 year old and she just started a new school and year as well i don't want to interrupt her life. I just wanted to share my story. I really loved him sad and disappointed. Has anyone here gone thru that? Link to post Share on other sites
nightmare01 Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 I think it's good that you discovered this BEFORE you got married and possibly had kids with this guy. There's a saying among betrayed spouses when someone shows you who they are and what they are capable of, PAY ATTENTION Learn from this. I know you've been with this guy for 5 years, and he's probably been lying to you the entire time. So just be glad that you weren't with him any longer than that. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author whenitsmyturn Posted October 1, 2014 Author Share Posted October 1, 2014 Thank you for your Input! You are absolutely right! and to think, we brought up the marriage card a couple of times. Thank God I found out when I did. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Be glad you got out of that mess. I once read an article which said that after a guy died (and he reached a decent age as well) it turned out he was having 2 families at the same time, telling both wives he was travelling because of business. Even had children with both of them. Some people are just really, really weird. Be glad when they're out of your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 No Limit, This, I once read an article which said that after a guy died (and he reached a decent age as well) it turned out he was having 2 families at the same time, telling both wives he was travelling because of business. Even had children with both of them. happened to a girl I knew (except that her husband didn't die, he was caught out)he was a long distance lorry-driver. Fortunately she was the first wife, which meant the other "marriage" was bigamous, and he went to jail. It was a mess, caused her considerable financial hardship (there was no money coming in while he was incarcerated) and it took her years to get over it. Whenitsmyturn, I support what others say - you're best out of it. Stay strong, good luck. x Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 Sorry to hear it. What a blow. Amazing how much work some people put into living the way they do. It must seem like a full time job for him. We only get one life, and to spend it THAT broken... I actually feel a little sorry for him. But be strong, and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
changchewsoon Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 I'm sorry you are going through this, however there are certain people in this world that is able to live a double life. My ex girlfriend was one of those, whereby she was dating me while she was dating another guy and this went on for 6 months. People like them will somehow try to find a way to schedule the meet ups between 2 parties so that they do not conflict with their daily routine and that will lessen your suspicion towards them as they do not exhibit any major differences in their day to day activities in your eyes. You should kneel down and kiss the earth, thank the heaven for revealing this to you and run far and fast. Be strong, it will be over before you know it. At least, that was what I went through. Because they cheated, somehow it is so much more easier to forget and we live a much happier life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Oberfeldwebel Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 First I am sorry that you are in this situation, it is hard to believe that someone can be as selfish as this man has been. Secondly, I would recommend not moving in with someone else, until marriage. I am not saying this to hate on you or based on a Victorian attitude, but your daughter is at an impressionable age, as I am sure you are very aware. Naturally, you have to get out of this as soon as possible, but should be a good point of discussion between you and your daughter to both learn from this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author whenitsmyturn Posted October 10, 2014 Author Share Posted October 10, 2014 thank you all for responding to my Post! It has been really rough for me this past couple of days. He treats me like I'm the bad one and he is the victim in this whole situation... I have good news, I found an apartment, and will be moving out of his house soon! I can't wait to be out of there! I need to have some serenity in my life. Yes, I thank the powers up there for giving me the gift to see everything with my own two eyes! it hurts but I know I'm a strong woman, and will over come this. You know what they say a Cheater always a cheater. He will never change. My daughter is my priority and yes I don't want her growing up thinking is ok to accept this kind of behaviour from men. thank you again for your words everyone! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 That is great:) Nothing better in life than feeling like you are taking control back of your life. Clay Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 Get moved into that new place today! Looks like from your history he has always cheated. He's controlling and manipulative - so have a plan to block him out of your life completely if you intend to have a new start. Don't expect him to ever change. The change must come from you. When he attempts to get you back into your usual position have a solid plan that keeps you from doing that! Have you gotten counseling? I think it would help you understand a bit more about being stronger so you don't go back to him again. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 Nice moves. man, if only the rest of us got the forewarning you just got. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author whenitsmyturn Posted October 10, 2014 Author Share Posted October 10, 2014 @ 2sunny Yes, I can't wait to be out of there...I just have to finish all my packing...thank God I don't have much. Since I moved into his house. I haven't received any counseling, but thinking of going....I know that I need that extra help. I'm not weak, but I don't want to get caught up with his lies again. @clay, I felt like crying when the realtor called me and told me I had gotten the apartment, it was the greatest feeling ever. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 You bring a smile to my face. I remember when my divorce was final it was and incredible feeling. It took me a awhile to turn my life back around but its all been worth it. It sounds like you are going to do great. You really should be proud of yourself. Clay Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 Congratulations on having the courage to get out! So many women (and men) live in denial or believe their cheating partners can and will change only to live with the constant worry they'll "do it again". That is no way to live. As one woman to another, I'm extremely proud of you for not being yet another statistic. I know this hasn't been nor will it be easy particularly because you love(d) him but it's clearly for the best and you already know this. Time does heal all in the end. And don't worry about your douche-bag ex boyfriend. Karma is a vengeful b*tch and he'll get what's coming to him sooner or later Best of luck to you and your daughter. Stay strong my friend 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author whenitsmyturn Posted October 10, 2014 Author Share Posted October 10, 2014 @Michelle thanks for your words. I am glad that I wrote my experience here, it's helping me a lot to read everyone's encouraging words. I will stay strong Michelle!! @ Clay thanks! you brought a smile to my face as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Airiana_Adyson Posted October 15, 2014 Share Posted October 15, 2014 (edited) Hey, Unfortunately, many women "experienced" similar cases, I am one of them, following all the advice you've already received here, i just want to give you some advice before you start new relationship , I hope that it will be much better than the last one ... for now, i can suggest you to read an article that really help me - this is the link, check it out: Edited October 15, 2014 by Airiana_Adyson 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 15, 2014 Share Posted October 15, 2014 Did you move? How are you doing with no contact? Link to post Share on other sites
Author whenitsmyturn Posted October 22, 2014 Author Share Posted October 22, 2014 @sunny YES I finally moved out last weekend!! I feel so better like a weight lifted off me. As for NC it has been kind of rough as we have to communicate due to financial issues but other than that we don't have any contact. I have to share we spoke on Friday and he told me he hasn't accepted the fact that I left... Idk how to take that comment. I know I have to stay strong !!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author whenitsmyturn Posted October 22, 2014 Author Share Posted October 22, 2014 @ayriana thanks for the link I will check it out Link to post Share on other sites
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