Insecurity or Anxiety?

[katielee]

My husband met one of the OW because of one of the business organizations he belongs to. He still is one of the members and the group goes out to greet new businesses for ribbon cuttings. Neither OW are members of the group but they were at one of these events.

 

So when we tell each other about our days he is not telling me about going to these. He probably goes every other day. I see the pictures online. He knows that group triggers me and he has told me about the visits in the past but not now.

 

What makes me mad is that he gets home at 6 at the earliest and he could be getting done earlier if he didn't have to take time out of his day to go to these functions. Are they part of his job? Sure, if he wants to do a great job. Why can't he do 85% of his job and not go though?

 

This is the kind of crappy stuff that you just have to swallow. Sure, I could say drop the group and get home earlier. But that is his choice and he's made it. "I hope you and your job live happily ever after."

 

sorry, down day.

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

My husband met one of the OW because of one of the business organizations he belongs to. He still is one of the members and the group goes out to greet new businesses for ribbon cuttings. Neither OW are members of the group but they were at one of these events.

 

So when we tell each other about our days he is not telling me about going to these. He probably goes every other day. I see the pictures online. He knows that group triggers me and he has told me about the visits in the past but not now.

 

What makes me mad is that he gets home at 6 at the earliest and he could be getting done earlier if he didn't have to take time out of his day to go to these functions. Are they part of his job? Sure, if he wants to do a great job. Why can't he do 85% of his job and not go though?

 

This is the kind of crappy stuff that you just have to swallow. Sure, I could say drop the group and get home earlier. But that is his choice and he's made it. "I hope you and your job live happily ever after."

 

sorry, down day.

 

Anxiety, I don't think so... you would be pushing away even more so. As you would be in a great panic.

 

Probably would have forced him out by now.

 

I call it a lack of trust, as you cannot have any security without it.

 

Maybe if you can have a sit in with the group to allow him to build trust in seeing what is going on. I know it is business but some events in what you described can allow for that. As my sister-in-law takes her husband to events, even though it is business activities. As the company knows it takes time away from personal time. Not all businesses are that way, but I have seen many events to know it is an option.

 

If he loves you deeply he will try to show he is trusting. You just have to be open in telling him how you feel and want him to work with you to allow for trust to be regained. That simple... just you can't build trust without giving trust in sharing your feelings first.

[dichotomy]

So the source of his affair partners was the business organization? And once in a blue moon the OW's he has had will show up to these events?

 

Exactly how important is belonging or going to this groups functions for his career? Will the OW's be present at any future events? Can he predict this?

 

We (okay me at first) did not allow her to go back to her old home town, alone, because OM's and other boytoys and bad GF's live there and too many memories or connections and chances for run ins or calls. We did go together once or twice for her family reasons, but I asked her not to take me anywhere were she or OM's/lovers had been - and I had to be with her 24/7.

 

Could you get a sitter (if you have kids) and join your husband at these events? Are spouses allowed?

[katielee]

I doubt that he would see them there as these are new businesses.

 

But he does show up for other community events where they might be. They do belong to the blanket organization - like a chamber of commerce.

 

I just have to trust that he leaves if they show up.

 

I work during the day and cannot go, nor do I want to.

 

Dichotomy - his affairs were here. All over town he dated them, so I've been to many of these places. And of course he works 100 yards from one and has apparently not seen her in over a year. I'm just tired of worrying about it.

 

He's being faithful now so I suppose I should just take that leap of faith.

Its very hard for me to understand. My job is not that important to me. His is part of his identity. He feels he doesn't have much going for him than that.