lxndrea77 Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 13/10/13-discovered tonnes of phone calls made between J (my hubby) and her between July and October. approached J but he said it was his boss' phone number. i called the number and a woman answered. my world began to crumble. a marriage of 7 years with 4 small kids does not mean anything anymore 13/10-9/12/13: despite pleas and cries (last thru morning), and beggings, J kept on telling me it was just a colleague. they are doing some projects together and that they have to talk this much. he still denied it even though on my birthday (16/11), he sent her a text to call him back. 10/12: my gut instinct persisted on knowing a foreign email account he had denied earlier. but i persisted and investigated and finally crack that damn thing open. lo and behold, messages after messages of inappropriate nature dating back from august came on the screen. hell broke lose that day. and my life as well as my misery of not knowing the truth finally exploded. 10/12-16/12: our parents fought for us to stay together for the sake of the kids. but during this time, when i confronted and provoked him for answers, he had shouted at me, slapped, punched and bruised me. my parents still wanted us to work it out. noone dared to approach his mistress because apparently she is a public figure and hot shot lawyer. all afraid of getting sued. i was fuming! 17/12: call it revenge or retribution. i needed him to know how much pain i was in. if he had the heart to call it quits with this marriage and kept me in the dark for so long, i was capable in doing the same thing. looking back at it now, i stooped to his level and did the same crime. if he can do it so can i. i started an emotional affair with one of my colleagues. no feelings, but the intention was for revenge. i did realise a few days later that it was wrong, but unfortunately he persisted. so it began. my husband still hangs around with his bi***. i was dropping signs that i was having an affair too but did not reveal who he was. 17/1: karma got me good this day. J found out about it and he was furious. i knew i did not do anything wrong because the marriage was over anyway. but i did not expect this to happen. for a whole hour, he locked me inside the bedroom.... and he trashed me around like a rag doll. punching, slapping, kicking, dragging me across the room by the hair, shouting, strangling.. oh my god.. recollecting what had happen in my head makes it feel like how did i let it happen. but it did. and i did not do anything because of my kids. i stayed cool and calm because i did not want to alarm them. but my eldest was feeling it. poor boy.. a lot had happened in between. more punches, slaps and spitting. pinching my arm till it was blue black. but here i am, still here. maybe it is my culture to persevere. my kids? he promised that he was not involved in any of her group projects and activities. we were ok for a while but then this happen 28/3: i found out online a picture showing that he was in a group meeting which was held a week later. i called his parents and him to assemble at their home where i presented this evidence. i told them that i had enough and that i wanted out. thinking that they would side me, instead they accused me of making a mess of things. why still investigating. J's mother accused me of trying to get a divorce because i was in love with someone else. Then the unbelievable happened, both my husband and my mother in law attacked me, threatened to throw hot water on me and hurling abusive words, telling me i was a bad mother and wife. i could see my husband with a wide smile on his face. for the first time ever, i could see that the man that i once loved so much, managed to bring down to the pits twice, and did not look like he was remorse about it. the story of my life.. today, i am still struggling with all this. none of it is close. the mistress is thriving in her public appearances and her fans/followers do not know what she did to me. ironically she is an activist championing for women's rights. what a crock of BS! Link to post Share on other sites
Lula Belle Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 Are you still with this man? This just seems outrageous and toxic. Something your kids do not need to be around. Get out!!! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 Leave. Just go with your kids! Please. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 You're in an abusive relationship, you have to get out of there, for your sake and that of the kids. Also I'm pretty sure his raging left a few tracks physically on your body; let a doctor check it and take notes of it. This way you have excellent proof and best chances to get full custody for the kids. Forget about your husband, or mother-in-law. Especially the mother-in-law; his oh so dear little boy probably told him that his witch of a wife cheated while he was the perfect husband all around. The nerve... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jackslife Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 Putting the affair aside for a minute. What in Gods name are you doing staying with a man who beats you? You are allowing yourself and your children to be raised by a wife beater! The second he raised his hand to you, you should have packed your bags and gone. As for your family, they should be there to support you full stop! Did you tell them he was a wife beater? If not why not? If you did why did they not help you move out? I'm in no position to take the moral high ground here, but a wife beater is the lowest of the low. The affair is the least of your worries. Contact abusive spouse helplines and get the hell out of that toxic marriage. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
DasPope Posted September 11, 2014 Share Posted September 11, 2014 This is a matter of the police. Domestic violence is a criminal offense 3 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted September 11, 2014 Share Posted September 11, 2014 Please seek the help of a women's shelter if needed. Don't stay any longer. If needed, file charges against your husband. But get out safely while you can - and be strong. Call the police if he even comes near you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cozycottagelg Posted September 11, 2014 Share Posted September 11, 2014 His affair is the least of your problems. The first time he laid hands on your should have been the end. Get out NOW. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 11, 2014 Share Posted September 11, 2014 Separate from him and file for DIVORCE! It's over. Let her have him. Link to post Share on other sites
scatterd Posted September 11, 2014 Share Posted September 11, 2014 I was in two abusive relationships, it took a couple of years for me to leave each time and both times I wished I had left earlier. You need to and leave and call the police when he is violent. This will give you prove for when you divorce. Its bad enough he abuses you but the thought of the mother throwing hot water on you with him makes me cringe. They have no right to treat you this way. Do not allow anyone to hurt you and this is also considered abusive to your children. Their is shelters for you and your children to go to. They will help you and give you the tools you need to make it on your own. I know you are scared and wondering how you will make it but you will be fine.Your husband will have to give you half of everything and pay for his children. This man has issues and you and your kids deserve better. There is no excuse for his abuse. Reach out to your family and people you can trust. I am sorry for what you are going through, Big Hugs. Link to post Share on other sites
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