Welcome to crazy land...

[live4today]

This is one I haven't been able to find an analogue for here or anywhere else. I fell head over heels for a woman 18 months ago. We both were over the moon almost immediately, incessant texting and late night calls, saw each other whenever practical (we are both divorced parents), we made the relationship exclusive within a few weeks, and in general became deeply enmeshed in each others lives it what appeared to be the healthiest happiest relationship of both our lives. But something didn't feel quite right...

 

The bottom line is that her job didn't seem like much of a job at all. She worked in the office of an investment banking firm, but did very little. She fretted about it constantly as her duties were slowly being removed from her, and her role continued to shrink. As the sole provider of three school age daughters and an ex completely out of the picture, she worried frantically about it. Her attempts to find another job were half-hearted (probably due to the fact that she was clearly overpaid where she was).

 

Her boss's boss told her not to worry and that her job was safe. But she didn't believe him. And so she slept with him. It turns that had previously had an affair with him which she neglected to tell me. She was about to divorce an unemployable alcoholic and unable to make ends meet. The boss takes her to lunch and offers her a 60% bump in pay. And then tells her he has feelings for her. (Just to complete the circle, he's married of course) She claims she felt beholden to him, and tried to love him, but soon realized she had become a horrible cliche. She ended it shortly before we met. He resented it, and hence the dwindling job. After six months of constant worry, and a few drinks too many at lunch with him, she went home with him. It happened twice. She said she went home and threw up in disgust and then realized she couldn't do it anymore. That she loved me too much and hated herself for her past. She ended anything but essential work related contact with him at that point (mostly thru email). Her job is currently hanging by a thread, and she is trying to find another.

 

How did I find this out? I looked at her phone. I had been cheated on before, and I couldn't get the feeling out of my head that something was up. I saw the texts surrounding the events, which by now are nine months old.

 

I confronted her, and she immediately confessed. She told me I was the love of her life, and she knew I would leave her if I found out and she was desperate to hold on to me. But being able to provide for her kids had to come first.

 

My immediate instinct was to walk away,but she seemed absolutely desperate to keep me. She immediately sent him a letter telling him the relationship was wrong, she didn't love him, and she was ashamed of her behavior. She asked me to go with her to her therapist, where she confessed her story in between relentless sobbing.. I hung on. I was desperate to know the truth, to try to understand what was really going n. She offered me up her email ids and passwords, and said she would agree to anything for a shot at continuing the relationship.

 

However, when I looked a her texts, I found she was still lying. At least about her past. The relationship had in fact started weeks after she filed from divorce, not after the divorce was final, as she had told me. And her text log showed she was texting him daily until I found out (at which point it ceased) at times in the evening. Her explanation is that she was scared to death of losing her job, and that she holds him in disdain, but had to keep a roof under her kids heads, and that meant staying in front of him via text. And she new that given my views on marital infidelity, that I would leave her if I found out when the affair actually began.

 

I told her I was done, and left. She reached out to me days later. She had been calling in sick to work, her kids were worried because she wouldn't leave the house. My head tells me to turn and run, but I love her. Despite this nightmare, I still do. I don't know what to do. Trying to make a decision is consuming me. Any advice?

[txgrl]

Yes, turn and run .. For the hills .. Now .. As fast as you can ... Read more on this forum and you will realize that your story is not all that different . She's lying to you continuously and she will keep doing it if she gets no consequences .

 

Let her go , if she clears up the mess in her life , she can get back in touch with you . You are a divorced parent yourself , you have responsibilities and you need your sanity .

Let go or be ready for more disappointment and heartbreak .

 

I'm so sorry for your pain . Best .

[DKT3]

Run, your relationship this early on is full of lies and infidelity. As we all know far too well, what we first find out is only the start. I'm sure it goes much deeper, many more lies and cheating.

[HereNorThere]

It's going to hurt like h*ll but yeah... Run!

 

 

Anyone who tells you different ... Run from them.

[BetrayedH]

I made the mistake of believing my wife when she told me that I knew everything there was to know and that she'd never lie to me again. That stuff was - a lie.

 

It was one thing to try to reconcile with a truly remorseful wayward spouse. What I couldn't do was reconcile with someone who was still actively lying to my face.

 

Some people manage to survive the "trickle truth." Perhaps my marriage would have survived had I expected the TT to happen. As usual, I thought I was the exception to the rule. As it turns out, thinking you're the exception IS the rule. Does the predictability of trickle-truth somehow make it more palatable? Like I said, some couples manage to survive it. In my experience, the TT has destroyed more marriages than affairs themselves. If the wayward hasn't learned to stop lying, what have they really learned?

 

Maybe your wayward has learned to stop lying (finally). I wouldn't count on it. How many shi t sandwiches can you choke down? Perhaps she should stop serving them up to you and when she does, perhaps you should refuse to eat them. One sandwich that she regrets is one thing. When it gets to being an all-you-can-eat buffet, maybe it's time to call it quits.

 

(Sorry for the gross analogy. I really run out of patience with the lying.)

[Mr. Lucky]

Her boss's boss told her not to worry and that her job was safe. But she didn't believe him. And so she slept with him. It turns that had previously had an affair with him which she neglected to tell me. She was about to divorce an unemployable alcoholic and unable to make ends meet. The boss takes her to lunch and offers her a 60% bump in pay. And then tells her he has feelings for her. (Just to complete the circle, he's married of course) She claims she felt beholden to him, and tried to love him, but soon realized she had become a horrible cliche. She ended it shortly before we met. He resented it, and hence the dwindling job. After six months of constant worry, and a few drinks too many at lunch with him, she went home with him. It happened twice.

Many single parents, both male and female, face financial pressure in trying to provide for their family. Few whore themselves out so directly in order to do so.

 

Even if her story is completely and factually true (not!), is this the type of person you want to pursue "happily ever after" with? Even you know this is doomed from this point on, don't see how you could ever forget both what's happened and how you were deceived.

 

No need to add insult to injury, so be gentle and respectful as you cut any ties. But most definitely time to go...

 

Mr. Lucky

[TheBladeRunner]

Walk away from this one my friend, she has lied about too many things. Those feelings of leaving her will pass, and yeah, I bet it sucks......

 

But think of the feelings you'll have when you let this woman into your life even more....months, even years down the line and she cheats on YOU.

 

That will be devastating.

[beach]

Well, I've had a few years of tough times and not enough money. But NEVER did I ever consider using a man for money. I have self respect. I wouldn't consider having any man pay me for sex - or even pay more for sex.

 

And the lies!

 

Run!!!!!!

 

You will never be able to tell where her truth is.

 

The woman has NO moral compass and no self respect.

 

Those are not good qualities to look for in any partner.

 

I wouldn't waste one more breathe on a gal like her.

 

 

There's many great women in the world. Pick a good one. She's not it.

[revelations]

I would like to quote an Iron Maiden song for you..

 

"Run to the hills, run for your life"- Iron Maiden

 

Yes that's right my friend, RUN is your new word of the day.

Run fast, run far, run like Mexican water through a first time tourist, the main word is RUN.

 

So like many others here have said, RUN should be what you do in a relationship such as the one your in. Yes many may say that is the cowardly thing to do. However you do not need to be Sun (frickin) Tzu to figure out when your walking into a real bad situation such as your in. So he who runs today lives to get laid another day.

 

Oh if your still wondering what to do or what you should do, RUN! You can put a nice escort on retainer and get far less drama and B.S. than you are getting with this one. So please remember their is no shame in running. The only shame you will get is what this woman hands out to you.

[bubbaganoosh]

The whole time of your relationship has been a lie so what is there to build on? Your not married to her and you should consider yourself lucky for it. Move on and find someone honest.

[jm2013]

Listen man, how much do you love this woman? She obviously needs help and needs to speak with somebody to figure out what is really wrong with her. I'm trying to make sense of your story. So she's been having an affair with her boss for awhile and this went through her last marriage and into your relationship together? Perhaps she has had feelings for this guy beyond monetary that she just doesn't want to admit to. If I were you I'd just unravel the whole thing and get the texts and get the boss guy fired. Her job seems to be in jeopardy either way so I'm not sure if it would make any bit of difference.

 

Beyond that you're going to have to ask yourself how much you love this woman and if she were to change if you'd be able to forgive what has happened and move on with your relationship. I know people here are jumping on the get the hell out wagon. Rightly so. But you came here for a reason. Nobody here can make your decision. Perhaps distancing yourself from her may help both parties figure out what they want and need emotionally. If she really loves you and wants only you she'll go out of her way to prove that during this time. Time is on your side now. And I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I hope you're able to find resolve soon whatever path you choose.

[Buckeye2]

She already used one man for money (her boss), why not you?

 

The problem is that she’s so desperate that she probably doesn’t know herself how much she wants you for love and how much she wants you for security.