in lust with another

[rfnc]

"So I've been in college the past couple years, and before that the thought of cheating had never really crossed my mind. There's this one girl in the bunch that I've secretly had a thing for since the first time I saw her. She is amazingly beautiful, more so than my W. I am very shy, and she struck up a conversation with me one day. Although I thought she was hot, I figured she was way out of my league and just admired her beauty from afar.

 

Well, over the course of the last year, she's been flirting with me hard. It started when we came back from summer break and out of nowhere she began sitting next to me. Then she started finding excuses to touch me, touching my arm, leg, making it seem innocent. At first I didn't think much of it. But it kept happening. We became facebook friends and she began messaging me all the time. She seemingly innocently gave me her phone number and told me to text a picture of a school assignment to her that she needed for class… I did, then we started texting regularly. It started out just being school related, then we started talking about our personal lives. She has had a boyfriend for almost two years, we would tell each other about our relationship problems.

 

At first I only thought about having sex with this girl, and the longer this goes on, the more fog seems to be setting in. I feel like I'm starting to have feelings for her. We get along so well, we have the same sense of humor, same views on life, it just feels so RIGHT. My day is miserable until she contacts me. My eyes and heart light up when I look at the phone and see it's her. When we have class a couple times a week and it's like we're in our own little world together. I often have dreams of us together. It's an unhealthy obsession with this point. I'm scared.

 

So W and I have had ups and downs in our relationship. I have caught her cheating on me a few years ago with different guys on the internet, and I caught her sending lewd pictures to them. She is not a saint. She has cheated on everyone she's ever been with. In fact, she cheated on her then-BF with me, when we first met! That should have been a warning sign I suppose. But I still love her and I'm over it. When I caught her, she blamed me, said it's because I wasn't paying her enough attention. I forgave her and actually took the blame and we moved on. But she is still in constant communication with different guys. She claims it's innocent(just like I do with this girl…) and I don't think she's had sex with any of them, but it's entirely possible. It seems crazy but I don't feel like there's any way she'd want to leave me.

 

Over the past year W and I had not been having sex that often, maybe just a couple times a month. But after she found out about my friends at school, she initiated sex like 6 nights in a row. She feels threatened and she thinks I'm going to leave her. I have no plans to do so.

 

My wife and I don't have a typical relationship and it's certainly not traditional, but for the most part I am happy. I'm torn. I want to stay married, but I badly want this other girl. I want both. Maybe I want a mutual open relationship. Like swingers maybe. I would be okay with her having sex with someone else if I could do the same. I don't even feel too bad about this situation because my wife has already done what I'm doing now to me before. I would never divorce her. But the other day, I found myself drunkenly proclaiming to my friend that I could easily move on with life if she found out and divorced me so I'd be free to live my one and only life doing whatever I wanted. What the hell do I do? I know I'm terrible and I know W deserves better, and I know the best thing to do is to cut off contact with this OW and work on my relationship. BUT I JUST CAN'T DO IT. I need this girl so much, I do feel like a drug addict. I don't believe I can simply tell my wife about it. I don't think she'd leave me, but she would shut it down, and I can't let that happen.

 

Anyway, I know that's a lot to digest, I don't know if I'll hear anything helpful but it's worth a shot. It just feels good to type it all out. I honestly feel like despite all this, W and I are still in love with each other. Is my marriage already doomed or is this craziness somehow going to just work itself out?"

Edited April 26, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[TiredFamilyGuy]

You are indeed a drug addict - those sexual hormones and the attention are a rush. Natural to feel that stuff.

 

The problem is that both you and your wife are unboundaried people: you want to follow all your desires but feel uncomfortable about the other doing the same. To your credit you realise there is a contradiction here. No easy way to resolve it: swinging is for some, not many, and doesn't usually work out for the relationship. Besides you are just fantasising that is a solution when it would really bust your marriage wide open.

 

My 2c: don't "have both". It's an either or.

[rfnc]

Thanks for the reply. I wouldn't say we're completely unboundaried, but the boundaries are just few and far between. I feel like at this point to set boundaries would be to constrict the other person, eventually making them unhappy and even more dishonest in the relationship. For example, if I set a boundary and said NO, you cannot have a girlfriend on the side, or NO, you can't text any guys because I'm uncomfortable with it, I know that she would still want to do it, and it would make her unhappy and she would probably act on it anyway. This is why I have made an effort to not be uncomfortable with her following her desires as you mention. I figure if I give her the green light to do these things, I should have the same to follow my own desires. I want us both to have equal freedoms. But I don't think she sees it that way, at least not yet, and I should probably respect that.

 

I probably couldn't handle both anyway. I've never seen myself as the kind of person that could juggle two relationships. I can barely handle one.

[notserene]

Your wife is a powder keg. She's been with you since she was a minor (based on your information) and she is obviously restless.

 

I think you both need to take a step back and figure out if you want to be married to each other. She seems like she likes the security but wants to be able to have liaisons with other people (whether they are physical or not). She enjoys the attention. You are tired of her seeking this external validation and you are responding positively to another woman who seems to be attracted to you.

 

Your wife sounds like a "cake eater" and your attraction to the other woman is probably driven in part by the insecurity that your wife's behavior fosters.

 

So...do you want to be in a relationship where both of you can't stay within the boundaries that you set? whatever they happen to be?

[rfnc]

This is true, we got together when she was 18 and I was 24. And we rushed into marriage. At the time I never even questioned it for a second. But after we got married things eventually got a little stale. You are right about her enjoying attention. She demands it constantly. And if she doesn't get it from me, I know she will look elsewhere. I don't know if this is my fault for not fulfilling her needs or what. I think not, I think she just likes as much attention as possible. And I'm finding out that I like it as well. I think we're both cake eaters. That couldn't possibly work out well. I keep thinking that we're still young, and maybe a few years down the road we will grow out of acting like this and commit to a more monogamous relationship. But would we really be happy with it? Would I? I figure if something is going to happen, now is the time. Before we have kids and before it goes on too much longer. But I am happy with the relationship. She grants me a lot of freedom, and I grant her even more. Not many out there would let each other live this way. I think one issue is that neither one of us is able to trust the other one very much, so instead of setting boundaries and having to distrust the other person, we just got rid of most of the boundaries.

Edited April 21, 2014 by rfnc

[atlg8r]

What is the point of even being married? Getting married MEANS "forsaking all others". And people say gay marriage is going to ruin the sanctity of marriage.

 

Get divorced and screw around to your little heart's content. But stop screwing up marriage for those of us who actually respect it.

[rfnc]

And who said you get to define what a marriage is?

[notserene]

Well, you could have an open marriage. I think you have to have REALLY, REALLY good communication, trust and boundaries for that to work.

 

I wonder how many "open marriages" start because someone wants to cheat or has already taken steps in that direction?

 

If you don't think your wife is going to accept boundaries then you might not want to be in any kind of marriage.

[atlg8r]

And who said you get to define what a marriage is?

 

Did you not say vows to each other? That defines the marriage. I didn't.

[painfullyobvious]

This is why I never bought that affairs just happen. Your wife had an affair and I'm sorry about that. Here is the situation as I see it. You are on a slippery slope towards your own affair which appears to be at least in the emotional affair process. You let the touching boundaries slide which is a stage of flirting. When you didn't stop there that is a green light for the person flirting. Does she know you are married?

 

Next came the texting. You were a good friend in texting the homework assignment which probably was a ploy to initiate routine texting. You did not put on the brakes when discussing things outside of class and now this relationship and woman determines your mood upon her timing of contact. You're in an emotional affair. Stop it and talk to your wife. You have some unresolved issues here.

 

You have to put the brakes on this relationship because it will soon become physical. It's your choice whether you want that or not but remember how you felt about cheating. The attention is awesome, intoxicating, making you feel alive but your wife needs to make you feel this way. The fact someone else is is a warning sign to fix the situation. Perhaps you are still upset about the affair, paying her back, etc. Find out why or you are heading in trouble. It sounds like this May be difficult to stop already. There were many instances to throw up barriers to this woman but you declined. Now you are smitten. Step back. You should be weary of a woman who flirts with a married man. That screams boundary problems for her as well. Would you feel comfortable if this relationship ever materializes with a woman who pursued a married man? Those who cheat with you will cheat on you. Good luck

[CarrieT]

You guys sound just like me when I got married at the age of 20.

 

And both my husband and I went down the path that you two are going; treading those early steps of adulthood but still wanting to experience everything we could.

 

It was only in my late 30s that I realized we both suffered from Half-Baked Brain Syndrome. In short, the frontal cortex of our brains had not fully attached and it made us both inadequate to the process of decision-making.

 

In our short (five-year) marriage, we did what you two are doing and are considering: we allowed each other to have an Open Marriage as I craved attention from others and he was full into experimenting.

 

Suffice to say our marriage did not survive. The problems of emotionally attaching to others (as you are finding yourself doing as you are in "lust" with someone you are more attracted to) and other dangers is rife with land mines that will destroy your marriage.

 

If you two TRULY want to stay married to each other, I would heartily recommend counseling - both individual and together - and learn that as you grow old together, it is probable that you will occasionally be attracted to other people, but you must be honest with one another when it happens and learn to NOT act upon it.

 

Otherwise, I would suggest you two divorce quickly. You both have a lot of growing to do and you can either do it together - again, with honesty about what you are learning about yourselves - or apart, as separate parents to your children.

[oldshirt]

If you have never heard the term "sex rank" before look it up. In a nutshell sex rank is your market value on the open sexual market place.

 

 

I am going to go out on a limb here and assume when you and your wife started dating you were a bit of an awkward, late developer that didn't have many prior girlfriends or sexual experiences. Not ugly or outcast or anything but kind of nerdy and not the big man on campus or the jock but just an average decent guy. and the fact that you lost 75 lbs means you were at least a chubby guy if not actually obese and probably weren't much of a stud banging chicks at bars or parties.

 

 

And I am also going to bet that she was somewhat cute and attractive but not the beauty queen or the lead cheerleader.

 

 

I am also going to assume that you jumped at the chance to date your wife when she showed you attention and when she wanted commitment from you, you gave it to her because you didn't think you could get anyone else. And when she treated you badly and was cheating on you, you kept her around and didn't kick her to the curb because you thought that she was your one chance at love and sex.

 

 

Women's sex rank peeks from about 18-25 and during that time they really have their pick of the litter and can basically get anyone they want into bed. They may not be able to marry any one particular dream guy but they can at least get him into bed for a one-nighter of sex if nothing else.

 

 

Men on the otherhand can be quite awkward and gangly in their upper teens and early 20s and if they aren't the jock can really get a lot of sand kicked in their face and treated very badly by women and can really get walked all over.

 

 

However a lot of men start gaining some serious ground in their mid 20s when they finally get fully developed physically and are becoming educated and making their mark in the world through their educations and careers etc.

 

 

A lot of men can peak around 30 but many can even continue to gain in sex rank all the way through their 30s and even 40s and sometimes even still have it going on at 50.

 

 

Women on the other plummet rapidly once they marry, start having kids and especially if they start getting fat and getting wrinkles etc etc. Women also start to plummet rapidly around 30 even if they don't marry or have kids.

 

 

So what's taking place here is you have lost a lot of weight and probably not the chubby guy anymore and you are developing yourself well professionally and are starting to be noticed by attractive women whereas you were not before in your teens and early 20s. Your sex rank is now higher and you are attracting good looking women.

 

 

Conversely your wife has been a married, cheating woman for several years and while you say you forgave her, deep down you really have no choice but to have some resentment, bitterness and a huge loss of respect and bonding for her.

 

 

Her sex rank is also decling due to being married and cheating and I am going to suspect that she has also put on some weight and has maybe let herself go a little bit.

 

 

Add it all up and you simply outrank her on the market place. You can now easily get a better partner than her. And you can probably get a better replacement woman for her than what she can get as a replacement man for you.

 

 

On a deep instinctual level she knows this and this is why she is getting more insecure and clingy and is starting to mate guard you more.

 

 

Your own attitude is also being affected by her affairs. You simply don't have the respect and esteem that you used to have for her (and with good reason I'd add)

 

 

Add all that up and she is simply easily replaceable to you.

 

 

You make no mention of kids so there really isn't any actual reason that you can't divorce her and move on to someone better. The only thing that would be holding you back is your own value system and morals that shape your outlook on divorce.

 

 

You are probably even in a position where you can dictate your own terms. You can probably dictate to her that she can bring home her girlfriends for 3somes and you can pick up your own chicks on the side as well. (admittedly a little tougher and a lot more messy for sure, but it is still within the realms of possibility)

 

 

Eventually though you are going to grow tired of her and move on to someone that hasn't treated you bad and in your eyes is an all around better person and better partner.

 

 

My own personal belief is that you are going to grow tired of her and move on anyway in a fairly short period of time. It would probably be less painful and less messy for all to do it sooner rather than later.

[rfnc]

If you have never heard the term "sex rank" before look it up. In a nutshell sex rank is your market value on the open sexual market place.

 

 

I am going to go out on a limb here and assume when you and your wife started dating you were a bit of an awkward, late developer that didn't have many prior girlfriends or sexual experiences. Not ugly or outcast or anything but kind of nerdy and not the big man on campus or the jock but just an average decent guy. and the fact that you lost 75 lbs means you were at least a chubby guy if not actually obese and probably weren't much of a stud banging chicks at bars or parties.

 

 

And I am also going to bet that she was somewhat cute and attractive but not the beauty queen or the lead cheerleader.

 

 

I am also going to assume that you jumped at the chance to date your wife when she showed you attention and when she wanted commitment from you, you gave it to her because you didn't think you could get anyone else. And when she treated you badly and was cheating on you, you kept her around and didn't kick her to the curb because you thought that she was your one chance at love and sex.

 

 

Women's sex rank peeks from about 18-25 and during that time they really have their pick of the litter and can basically get anyone they want into bed. They may not be able to marry any one particular dream guy but they can at least get him into bed for a one-nighter of sex if nothing else.

 

 

Men on the otherhand can be quite awkward and gangly in their upper teens and early 20s and if they aren't the jock can really get a lot of sand kicked in their face and treated very badly by women and can really get walked all over.

 

 

However a lot of men start gaining some serious ground in their mid 20s when they finally get fully developed physically and are becoming educated and making their mark in the world through their educations and careers etc.

 

 

A lot of men can peak around 30 but many can even continue to gain in sex rank all the way through their 30s and even 40s and sometimes even still have it going on at 50.

 

 

Women on the other plummet rapidly once they marry, start having kids and especially if they start getting fat and getting wrinkles etc etc. Women also start to plummet rapidly around 30 even if they don't marry or have kids.

 

 

So what's taking place here is you have lost a lot of weight and probably not the chubby guy anymore and you are developing yourself well professionally and are starting to be noticed by attractive women whereas you were not before in your teens and early 20s. Your sex rank is now higher and you are attracting good looking women.

 

 

Conversely your wife has been a married, cheating woman for several years and while you say you forgave her, deep down you really have no choice but to have some resentment, bitterness and a huge loss of respect and bonding for her.

 

 

Her sex rank is also decling due to being married and cheating and I am going to suspect that she has also put on some weight and has maybe let herself go a little bit.

 

 

Add it all up and you simply outrank her on the market place. You can now easily get a better partner than her. And you can probably get a better replacement woman for her than what she can get as a replacement man for you.

 

 

On a deep instinctual level she knows this and this is why she is getting more insecure and clingy and is starting to mate guard you more.

 

 

Your own attitude is also being affected by her affairs. You simply don't have the respect and esteem that you used to have for her (and with good reason I'd add)

 

 

Add all that up and she is simply easily replaceable to you.

 

 

You make no mention of kids so there really isn't any actual reason that you can't divorce her and move on to someone better. The only thing that would be holding you back is your own value system and morals that shape your outlook on divorce.

 

 

You are probably even in a position where you can dictate your own terms. You can probably dictate to her that she can bring home her girlfriends for 3somes and you can pick up your own chicks on the side as well. (admittedly a little tougher and a lot more messy for sure, but it is still within the realms of possibility)

 

 

Eventually though you are going to grow tired of her and move on to someone that hasn't treated you bad and in your eyes is an all around better person and better partner.

 

 

My own personal belief is that you are going to grow tired of her and move on anyway in a fairly short period of time. It would probably be less painful and less messy for all to do it sooner rather than later.

 

 

This is almost scary how true it all is. Thanks for the advice.

[oldshirt]

...Now a word of warning and please take this VERY seriously.

 

 

Your wife is going to try to get pregnant.

 

 

She is going to try to get knocked up as a means to keep you around or at least to stay on your payroll.

 

 

Do. NOT, DO. IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

You are going to be getting divorced within the next couple years if not next several months. Do not complicate that by bringing kids into this situation!!

 

 

Keep your sperm away from her.

 

 

This may sound extreme but it truly happens in the world more than anyone knows but she may even resort to getting knocked up by someone else that somewhat resembles you.

 

 

She has a history of adultery so if she does turn up pregnant get a paternity test as soon as humanly possible.

 

 

If you begin to raise the child as your own, the courts may order you to pay child support even if it is later proven to not be your biological child.

 

 

The courts do not care who fcked the mother. they only care that the child is provided for and if some man has established himself as a caregiver and guardian, they will hold him liable for continued support.

 

 

Don't even change a diaper or warm a bottle until it has been determined as scientific fact that it is your biological child.

[rfnc]

So very right. It's like you know me. I have been putting off children for a few years. She wants one, soon. It was going to be this year but I pushed it back to next year. I can't push it back much longer.

[rfnc]

Just because you outrank someone on the marketplace doesn't mean you should just leave them though, right? I mean one person would always outrank the other in just about any relationship. Wouldn't it be advantageous in a way to be the one who outranks the other? At least then you have some security. And like you said, I can dictate my own terms instead if having them dictated to me like it had always been before. Sure deep down I think I could do better (a feeling I never had before) but I couldn't just leave her based on that alone? I really do enjoy her companionship.

[atlg8r]

Just because you outrank someone on the marketplace doesn't mean you should just leave them though, right? I mean one person would always outrank the other in just about any relationship. Wouldn't it be advantageous in a way to be the one who outranks the other? At least then you have some security. And like you said, I can dictate my own terms instead if having them dictated to me like it had always been before. Sure deep down I think I could do better (a feeling I never had before) but I couldn't just leave her based on that alone? I really do enjoy her companionship.

 

You are correct. "Outranking" someone is not a reason to leave them, and that line of thinking is garbage.

 

Marriage/relationships/companionship should be about teamwork and partnership, not competition or winning.

 

I still don't understand why you are staying married to begin with. Just get divorced. You can both sleep around with whoever you want, and you're free to spend time together if you want. But what you're in isn't a marriage.

[oldshirt]

Just because you outrank someone on the marketplace doesn't mean you should just leave them though, right? I mean one person would always outrank the other in just about any relationship. Wouldn't it be advantageous in a way to be the one who outranks the other? At least then you have some security. And like you said, I can dictate my own terms instead if having them dictated to me like it had always been before. Sure deep down I think I could do better (a feeling I never had before) but I couldn't just leave her based on that alone? I really do enjoy her companionship.

 

 

 

Just the confidence of knowing that you can find someone better if she leaves or dies or really pisses you off is often enough to give you some peace and security.

 

 

And as I said before, you will have your own values and mores in regards to your personal views and convictions on divorce.

 

 

Of course you "shouldn't' leave someone simply because you can. But if you have valid grounds and want to, then it becomes an option. Having options is always better than not having options.

[rfnc]

You are correct. "Outranking" someone is not a reason to leave them, and that line of thinking is garbage.

 

Marriage/relationships/companionship should be about teamwork and partnership, not competition or winning.

 

I still don't understand why you are staying married to begin with. Just get divorced. You can both sleep around with whoever you want, and you're free to spend time together if you want. But what you're in isn't a marriage.

 

The state says it's a marriage. There was no clause in the documentation that said we had to get divorced if we want to be with other people. So I suppose I could at least consider the parts about for better or for worse and all that stuff and try to make it work? I mentioned in advance that we are not typical people and neither one of us appears to want to forsake all others. But as long as we still love each other and want to be together, what difference does it make?

[atlg8r]

The state says it's a marriage. There was no clause in the documentation that said we had to get divorced if we want to be with other people. So I suppose I could at least consider the parts about for better or for worse and all that stuff and try to make it work? I mentioned in advance that we are not typical people and neither one of us appears to want to forsake all others. But as long as we still love each other and want to be together, what difference does it make?

 

If you want to sleep with other people, you don't love each other. The difference it makes is that heterosexual couples like you are making a mockery of marriage. Please, for the love of God, do not have children.

[rfnc]

Forgive me for putting my own happiness over adherence to what society says my life should be. I honestly could not care less about if it makes a mockery of marriage. In my opinion marriage is a piece of paper and beyond that it's whatever consenting adults want to make of it. I understand we have a different worldview.

[atlg8r]

Forgive me for putting my own happiness over adherence to what society says my life should be. I honestly could not care less about if it makes a mockery of marriage. In my opinion marriage is a piece of paper and beyond that it's whatever consenting adults want to make of it. I understand we have a different worldview.

 

So if it's just a piece of paper, why did you bother then? If it doesn't mean anything to you, why do it?

[oldshirt]

The state says it's a marriage. There was no clause in the documentation that said we had to get divorced if we want to be with other people. So I suppose I could at least consider the parts about for better or for worse and all that stuff and try to make it work? I mentioned in advance that we are not typical people and neither one of us appears to want to forsake all others. But as long as we still love each other and want to be together, what difference does it make?

 

 

 

I have been very involved with swinging at various times over last 9 years. There are some things about your story that raises some red flags. However there are some other things that indicate that some form of an open marriage may be an option for you worth considering.

 

 

However there are a couple things to keep in mind with that.

 

 

A normal traditional marriage has but one rule when it comes to sex with others and that is - DON'T!!! (and your wife couldn't even follow that one rule, but more on that in a moment)

 

 

An open marriage or swinging marriage will often regularly have multiple dozens of rules, boundaries, comfort zones, play preferences etc etc etc etc and all of those things must be discussed and agreed upon in advance and basically followed to the letter. To keep an open marriage healthy and happy, requires every bit as much "work" and maintenance as a traditional marriage and in all likelihood requires a lot more communication and compassion.

 

 

A concern here is your wife has already proven to be serial cheater. She may have acquired more maturity and responsibility over the last few years and that combined with your increasing sex rank and more control over the relationship it may or may not be worth considering.

 

 

Another thing to think about is in an open marriage/swinging you may have the ability to have sex with other women. Perhaps even many other women over a period of years, however your chances of being with any one particular woman of your specific choosing is not statistically great all.

 

 

Most women are quite remiss to be the girlfriend or the extra sidepiece for a man in a consensual open marriage. Most women will find that quite repugnant in fact. In fact as counter intuitive as this may seem, it is actually much easier to cheat and be with other women as a cheating husband without his wife's consent than it is to get another woman with the consent and foreknowledge of your wife. What this means is this gal from school may be all over you if she thinks you are going to stray from your wife but will be quite repulsed and offended if she finds out that your wife has given you her blessings to bang her.

 

 

And another thing to consider is that in an open marriage a woman will have countless sexual opportunities for recreational sex and the male half will have very few. Guys will line up down the street to bang a married woman (they won't date her or marry her but they'll certainly stand in line to fck her) but a married man that is in an open marriage and intends to stay in that marriage will have very few opportunities and those will be of women who have other strings attached such as cheating wives who just want some extra schlong without commitments.

 

 

The swinging world will have more opportunities for a guy to play but that is very much determined by the female half's willingness to play and it is usually up to the wife as to whom they will and who they won't play with as a couple. As it is pretty much always the wife who gets to pick who their playmates are, the husbands are often left with who the wife says they can be with and they also have to be picked by the other wife as well.

 

 

Swinging seems simple and straightforward from the outside looking in but Swinging is actually quite complex and a lot of work when it comes down to the actual nuts and bolts of making it happen in real life.

[oldshirt]

Forgive me for putting my own happiness over adherence to what society says my life should be. I honestly could not care less about if it makes a mockery of marriage. In my opinion marriage is a piece of paper and beyond that it's whatever consenting adults want to make of it. I understand we have a different worldview.

 

 

 

I actually agree with you. Marriage is a legal instrument that binds a couple together legally and provides various legal protections and responsibilities and is primarily an instrument for the distribution of property and assets as well as protections in the paternity and support of minor children.

 

 

It was never intended as any form of romantic or sexual interests. as long the legal responsibilities are carried out in terms of property and financial liabilities and as long as the minor children are properly provided for and supported, the courts and legal systems couldn't care less about what a married couple does with their genitalia.

 

 

Only the church ladies, moralists and religious figures care about that.

[rfnc]

I actually agree with you. Marriage is a legal instrument that binds a couple together legally and provides various legal protections and responsibilities and is primarily an instrument for the distribution of property and assets as well as protections in the paternity and support of minor children.

 

 

It was never intended as any form of romantic or sexual interests. as long the legal responsibilities are carried out in terms of property and financial liabilities and as long as the minor children are properly provided for and supported, the courts and legal systems couldn't care less about what a married couple does with their genitalia.

 

 

Only the church ladies, moralists and religious figures care about that.

 

I'm not a religious person, so no worries there. Thanks for sharing your experience with swinging. It's obviously a lot more complicated than I ever thought. I have so much to think about. I wanted to come out of this with a gameplan, instead of just recklessly taking it one day at a time.