I Cant bear this pain anymore!

[LifeTwist]

Hi there Friends and especially NF.

I really really wish i would have read this guide long ago but as all of us grieve for not having it read in time. I have similar story like all others. It is quite interesting to see that almost everyone over here is having a same story. Relations suck BIG TIME. I am gonna be concise in my story and would love to gather at least a hundred of advices. Oh and yes, you all esp NF is doing SAVIOR ANGEL job. I wish all of you a long happy and healthy life.

 

So, i saw this married girl almost 10 years back. I always have inclination towards gals elder to me. She was damn attracted towards me at that time but i couldn't approach her at that time. Years passed by and one day i bumped into her on March 2009. I was sooooo HAPPY when we started talking. You know i was telling all friends that i so like this girl, i will not ever marry. She has two kids and she told me that her husband is kind of abusive. The first night we talked whole night long (Pls rem this as i will quote it ahead). She was too excited to have met me. She told me about a person whom she dated and was almost 15 years elder to her. Well, i got a phone call after few days some man threatening me not to contact her. I gave him a shut up call and of course itr was not her husband.

 

Anyways, we started dating each other. The frequency wouldn’t be much as I lived almost 200 kms away from her. Guys, believe me, when I say I was soo happy, I really was very happy. After 2 months, I was dating her and her cell rang at one in morning, I asked who called, she said its her niece. The no was kind of easy to remember and after few days I just dialed that number out of curiosity. PS. I didn’t want to get hooked with her Niece or anything but I had just this small doubt. The number was on call waiting. Then I tried my Ex number, it was too on call waiting, and finally both numbers got free at same time. That was some guy on the number I dialed but I didn’t talk to him. I got too angry and told her that what was reason to lie if u are talking to someone.

 

She said it was some formerly guy I knew and I couldn’t end up with him just like that so I was kind of dealing it tactfully. I didn’t talk to her for 3 days and she called me crying and begging me to trust her. I couldn’t resist her cries. Well the time flew by and we had normal quarrels just like every other couple. I really loved and still love her kids. I just find them so close to me. I have kind of helped both kids in getting admissions in College etc. But of course they don’t know that I am in relation with their mother. We have common family friends through which I could extend help. She and I had some quarrel and we went on NC for 5 days. I contacted her on fb through a fake profile and she started chatting to me. Then she gave me her cell number and we started chatting.

 

Down there, she had this doubt that may be its me so she asked me to talk. I told one of my friend to have a small talk to her. And then she was satisfied that its not ME. She kept messaging me and even told me her body details. I was sulking, dying, crying in pain but wanted to see where this ends. She was adamant to sit somewhere for coffee but I asked her to meet me in some private apartment. Anyways, I kind of told her that you aint that good looking and I am just wasting my time and told her if she needs physical relation, let me know. After a day r two, she messaged me and I told her that I have hacked into your fb and read the chats. She got confused and again started crying saying I have wronged you and I wont do it again.

 

My problem is that I CAN NEVER SEE HER CRY, NEVER EVER. And I told her its okay, don’t cry and I fed myself with the wrong thoughts that she was just fooling around and she didn’t mean that. She started treating me bad. When ever I would ask her to talk to me more than normal routine, she would be like we already talk 4 times a day, why u wana talk more., I was like I am really fond of u and remember we talked whole night for first time we talked. Cant we talk whole night again and she would say NO. I asked her to get divorce and marry me every time we talked but she said she cant leave her kids. And my parents found a girl and got me married. I still remember I had tears in my eyes on my marriage. In our society, mostly marriages are arranged ones.

 

She also told me hundred times to get married and she wont leave me. But I wouldn’t agree. But I had to give up for my parents sake. I couldn’t like my wife as my heart was fond of her. I used to cry over phone and she too. She was lot upset and called me late nights to make sure whether I am same or a changed man. I always made sure to pick her call. Rarely, it would happen that I miss her call. I couldn’t have a normal marital life because I simply love my ex like anything. To cut things short, she started having fights with me over petty issues. She would scream at me and I would stay quiet at time sand at times I would tell her that you know I love u a lot that why u treat me like this and would cry. I always felt insecure about her and she knew it too.

 

I got transferred to a city that is far from her place. I cried day and night for that because I couldn’t leave job as that’s my only source of earning. I shifted and came within a month to meet her. I told her that I promised you we would meet quite often and here I am. We cuddled, and made love. I would respect and love her so much that no one in this world would get that respect from me. To others, I am a lot arrogant. Few months back, I traveled but she had place issues to meet and I asked her to meet me in car, we would sit and have chit chat but she didn’t spare time. Then in February, I requested my boss to send me on official trip to the city (Where she lives). I again went there but she behaved a bit odd. I have observed through out my relation, that when ever I make an effort to be with her or to comfort her, she always treats me bad. I am sure she doesn't do it unintentionally but that’s what happens. In morning, we had a little trouble talking over the meeting because I couldn’t arrange some place to meet. Anyways, in evening, She was coming back from her sister place and I called her if she could spare some time so we can sit.

 

She started off at me and made me hear so insulting remarks saying that I am going through terrible time as my sister had some issue and you don’t even care. I asked share whats wrong with her baby. She said I cant share it with you as its very personal. Whereas, I never hid anything from her even if its too personal. I got very offended and told her that you can trust me and I know lot about u and ur family so why don’t u share it. But she started fighting and yelling at me and hung up the cell and messaged me that she cant carry on with this relation. I messaged her that whats my fault, just this THAT I traveled long way only for you, or that I really love u to my pores. She didn’t answer and made me feel like an ass as I am the one who was guilty. I messaged her that I cant have a normal marital life just coz I really love u. she said, don’t blame me for your F***ING marital life.

 

I went on NC thinking that she would miss me and would call me. I messaged just once to tell that I am going back 15 days we were on NC. She said best of luck. I again waited for another 28 days but didn’t hear anything from her. I don’t remember a single night that I didn’t cry myself to sleep. I look at myself in mirror and cry. My marital life is disturbed. I don’t have much friends and only one r two to whom I rarely share when I am extremely down. I cried so much that my eyes at times went dry. I prayed so much to God to give her back to me. I keep checking my cell for her calls and messages. Whenever a text is received, I think its hers. Yesterday I messaged her to check upon her. She texted back saying I like ur picture. I told her that I miss you. She said that she needs space and she cant concentrate on me or our relationship as it always gave her stress.

 

I was like, I never fought and always made it up to you. She was like that u always blame me and now u are again doing so, I said I am not fighting, I am just telling you that I am dead inside and I cant live without you. She said We can be friends if you want as right now I cant get again into relationship. I told her fine lets be friends, coz I just want to hear you. I don’t mind you love me or not, but I love you and want to stay in touch with you so I can have my smiles back. I was so happy yesterday. But again she didn’t reply to my messages till now. I am not saying that I am an angel in t his relation and I also did act weird at places due to immaturity. But its just that I cant tolerate the pain. I came across this thread and people getting benefited.

 

With this hope, I am also posting my story. I don’t know but I am just stuck in her. She is on my mind 24/7. At times I feel like killing myself as I cant tolerate the pain. Giving out words like leave her and go on NC is not gonna work on me coz this relation was 5 years long and I need some solid words and intellect to lessen my pain and the stress that is ruining me. I beg all of you to please help me, especially NO FOOL. I would be very grateful for all your words and concerns and pray May you all stay happy and away from the misery which I am facing now. L

 

PS. I am sorry about the lengthy post. It went quite detailed but I tried to skip lot of things to make it short.

Edited April 19, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Cpt]

Is she lesbian?

[LifeTwist]

No She is not. What made u think she is Lesbian?

[Cpt]

My thoughts exactly, then why would you expect her to be with a girl when she is not lesbian?

 

Sorry if that sounds mean man, but truth is she lost attraction for you because you became a woman in this relationship.

 

If you want to feel good right now, you can go get that from somewhere else, you won't get that from here. You're going to need to hear what we have to say if you want help moving forward from this predicament. So what exactly do you want from us?

[BetrayedH]

If you're referring to Nofool4u, he's no longer a member.

 

By the way, you should quit cheating on your wife with a married woman. That might be a good start to healing you.