JoeLove2012 Posted July 21, 2012 Share Posted July 21, 2012 I'm a new member to this website and been reading over the comments of the posters and readers. Seeing that I'm not alone in areas. For all of my relationship with my Fiance, soon to be wife, I've had many problems with the fact that she cheated on me. During the first month we was together we had the perfect dates that we never had in our past relationships and we was the other side of each other that completed each other if that makes any sense. Well little did I know she cheated on me in that first month. I hear people all the time saying it shouldn't matter to me since it happened in the first month and so on etc. She was 19 and I was 23 at the time. Young Love what the elderly calls it. However I really liked this woman. She told me the "I love you" first and many other things as well first. So in the 3rd month is when she finally told me but not all of what she had done. I was ok with it since that it didn't lead to sex. The thing is that she told me 6 months later that she and him did in fact had sex and she claimed that she didn't enjoy it. I knew she was lying to me about "not having sex with him" from the day she told me. However I forgave her the first time so I forgave her again for not telling me and in that same year I proposed to her and she said yes. We have been together for a year and 2 months now. Well it still bothers me to this day even though she has said that she will never cheat on me again. So as this thing goes on I get hunches that she's talking to other men behind my back. Which she has.. They ask her for photos that aren't the nice ones and even though she says no to the guys and forget them she instead wants to be friends with them etc. She has a big heart I know but things that she does is actually tearing me apart and she tells me to get over it. That those guys are just friends and she has no feelings for them. So why does their conversations involve talking about "I wish I had you and I wish you was with me" etc. She tells me that I'm invading her privacy and I should trust her more. I just don't know what to believe anymore.. I truly love this woman and this isn't the only thing that is going on since her entire family has been trying to push me away from her since day 1. I don't know why they hate me so much after I have respected them 110% percent. Yes sir and Yes ma'am. They have ban from going to their house and calling the house phone and even when I did go over there I could tell I wasn't welcomed there. Am I a fool for going thru this? I just really don't know the answer to my own questions. I have been questioning my self this entire relationship... What is yall's advice? Also if I missed any details that could help with anything then ask me. I need some relief from this pain...... Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted July 21, 2012 Share Posted July 21, 2012 You can only reconcile with a wayward that is truly remorseful. Her inappropriate "friendships" and inappropriate texts, coupled with her privacy comment are enough to show that she isn't truly remorseful. Look, some couples can recover from infidelity when there is a planetary alignment. You don't have that happening here. Beyond that, you don't have the extra factors of being married and having children. You already see the writing on the wall. Don't wait 20 years to find out that she's been cheating for half of them. Sometimes the serious threat of losing everything they have is powerful rnough to wake them up. That would be your only hope. But really what I hope is that you are the one that wakes up and calls off this wedding. It's not easy but this is one decision where you cannot just go with the flow. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 21, 2012 Share Posted July 21, 2012 Do not marry her. She is immature, selfish and nowhere ready to be committed to you as your wife. She is telling you to 'get over it' and not owning what she did, no remorse is shown and she feels it's OK to have totally inappropriate discussions with other guys, crossing the lines and boundries with them. Really ask yourself if she is worth it. You don't want to marry her and then a year from now find out she's pregnant and not know if the child is yours. Or have a child with her and she cheats on you again - What a mess, especially when kids are involved. Link to post Share on other sites
JustJoe Posted July 21, 2012 Share Posted July 21, 2012 I know you won't take it, but you need to get rid of her a**. She is GOING to cheat, as sure as God made little green apples. But you will probably do it anyway, so I guess we will see you later on the infidelity forum. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lordmayhem Posted July 21, 2012 Share Posted July 21, 2012 Run! Run before you have kids. She's given you a preview of what's going to happen. Yes, you messed up by rug sweeping after she cheated on you already. Correct that mistake. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoeLove2012 Posted July 21, 2012 Author Share Posted July 21, 2012 We have tried to make kids and it fails. I guess its a blessing. She tells me to get over it when I talk to her about guys that she talks to however she knows what I mean when I go on about the conversations that they have with her and how that sends red flags all over the place. Plus she gets distracted a lot and I mean A LOT! I try to open up my feelings and stuff like every woman wants a man to do time from time. So while I talk "to myself" she doesn't hear a thing I say. She has even told her family to F off from talking bad about me and stands up for me everywhere I go. However I like to see the goodness in people where ever it may lay. Having a big heart can lead to a lot of problems I guess as well. The only thing that will be hard for me on when I should break up with her is the coping part. She tells me all the time that if I do break up with her that she will fight for me no matter the cost. I have put 110% in this relationship and to see it end like it is now will be a major blow for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted July 21, 2012 Share Posted July 21, 2012 You get a lot of bitter people on here telling you to dump her etc etc, listen bro, talk to her and let her know she cant be sending pictures of herself to anyone, she's your woman that kind of stuff is off limits, and it is perhaps because of the cheating she feels she can't be more open about chatting to other men..(which let's face it she will in her life and you can't stop it..) but because she hid that first incident from you the trust is already dented. Don't listen to these sour pusses, life is about learning and moving on and building, and even you will make mistakes and heaven forbid be tempted, if you two love each other, then communicate, communicate, communicate..on her side she has to be transparent and not hide stuff, even the chatting to other men. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 For all of my relationship with my Fiance, soon to be wife, I've had many problems with the fact that she cheated on me. Boom, thats all you need to say. I say this from experience, GET OUT NOW. If she is cheating on you now, a ring on her finger won't make it any better. If you marry her, then expect the 7 year itch to get the better of her and she will tire of having sex with the same guy for too long. And when a cheater claims they didn't enjoy it its just to make the betrayed partner feel better, like it should matter. Betrayal is betrayal and you can't trust her as far as you can throw her. I'd get my ring back from her and tell her she can play someone else for a fool. If you don't, you will regret it, I can almost guarantee it. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 Oh, and if that is the way her family is, you have even MORE reason to get rid of her. If her family has been trying to get her to leave you since day one, your life will be filled with drama and turmoil, as if being married to a cheating huss isn't bad enough. Link to post Share on other sites
HardPlace2b Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 if she is looking for the extra thrill , you will either have to deal with cheating or an open marriage.. u choose Link to post Share on other sites
Scott68 Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 Go and have pain now. Stay and have pain every single day Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 You seem bound and determined to stick this out with her---you may very well be in for a lifetime of misery, but if you are gonna stick---here is what MUST GO INTO EFFECT As to PRIVACY---once the 2 of you take vows, ther is no more PRIVACY---those vows say you are an open book to each otherm and that IS the way it will be---she has no secrets, no passwords, no nothing---she hides nothing As to other guys---married women do not, and let me stress DO NOT---have conversations/friendships/hang-outs with single guys---that's it, and that's the way it HAS to be As to her family---go and talk to them, and point blank ask them, what do they want---cuz you are not gonna kowtow to them, but you also don't wanna fight with them---eventually that alone could cause enuff problems, to give your wife justification, if she is unhappy with you to go and cheat You DO NOT get married till all of this is talked about/resolved/and your fiance FULLY UNDERSTANDS where you are coming from, and agrees with you If she fights you, then tell her fine, no mge., and she can go be with her single buddies Mge., is hard enuff when everything is good tween the spouses, you are starting out with trouble all over the place---Do not just go and get married----it ain't so easy to get out of the mge, right now, you can just walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 She is taking advantage of the fact that you are so forgiving and is continuing to find ways to push the boundaries of your relationship...because it appears that you will accept this. It's quite manipulative to turn the whole thing around on you, saying that you are invading her privacy and you should trust her. Your response should be 'you've never given me a reason to trust you.' However, it appears that you are rather lovestruck and would have trouble standing up to her. So, that being said. If her cheating bothers you, then what is it going to take for you to finally take a stand? Cheating on you again? And again? And again? The conversations have clearly not worked. She isn't going to stop, you know this. So as much as it hurts, you need to let her go in order to find a good woman. Don't worry, they are out there! Link to post Share on other sites
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