nicegirl422 Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 Hi, I'm new here. Just today I finally got the strength to end my affair. He is married and I'm married as well. The affair was long distance. We would e-mail and talk on the phone everyday. We would make plans to meet a few times a year. It was more emotional/friendship then anything else. We always told each other we loved each other. I knew this was wrong for years, but I felt so emotionally attached...I love him. So letting go today was tough. I wrote a long e-mail. He replied, but I'm not going to open it. I just want to let him go and move on. I know I have to break all contact, but I know this is going to be tough. Any advice how to get past the pain? Although, I know I deserve the pain. I know the affair was wrong. Just don't want to get weak and check that e-mail. I need to be strong move on and stop thinking of him...easier said then done. Link to post Share on other sites
John Michael Kane Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 Hi, I'm new here. Just today I finally got the strength to end my affair. He is married and I'm married as well. The affair was long distance. We would e-mail and talk on the phone everyday. We would make plans to meet a few times a year. It was more emotional/friendship then anything else. We always told each other we loved each other. I knew this was wrong for years, but I felt so emotionally attached...I love him. So letting go today was tough. I wrote a long e-mail. He replied, but I'm not going to open it. I just want to let him go and move on. I know I have to break all contact, but I know this is going to be tough. Any advice how to get past the pain? Although, I know I deserve the pain. I know the affair was wrong. Just don't want to get weak and check that e-mail. I need to be strong move on and stop thinking of him...easier said then done. All about you and not one word about your husband. Damn shame, but then again even if you did mention your husband a few times it wouldn't matter. Cheating on your husband for eleven years? I won't even say how universally destructive that is. Just give him a divorce and stop wasting his life. Link to post Share on other sites
Gagirl Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 11 years, that is unreal! I don't know how you guys pulled it off. You did the right thing be ending it. If you would have ever gotten caught, he would have kicked you to curb so fast you're head would still be spinning. Hit you with an immediate no contact. By doing this way, you have control of the situation and can move on with your life much easier. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 I am just curious how you would feel if your husband had totally disrespected you for 11 years being in an affair behind your back? Did your husband really deserve this? Link to post Share on other sites
y2k Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 Hi, I'm new here. Just today I finally got the strength to end my affair. He is married and I'm married as well. The affair was long distance. We would e-mail and talk on the phone everyday. We would make plans to meet a few times a year. It was more emotional/friendship then anything else. We always told each other we loved each other. I knew this was wrong for years, but I felt so emotionally attached...I love him. So letting go today was tough. I wrote a long e-mail. He replied, but I'm not going to open it. I just want to let him go and move on. I know I have to break all contact, but I know this is going to be tough. Any advice how to get past the pain? Although, I know I deserve the pain. I know the affair was wrong. Just don't want to get weak and check that e-mail. I need to be strong move on and stop thinking of him...easier said then done. Divorce your husband. Why couldn't you and your lover just get together legit??? He could have left his wife, and you your husband. That way, you would have been able to love each other while not hurting others. Either way, divorce!!!! The fact that you may love another is not wrong. The wrong thing here is being dishonest with your husband. You could have left him to pursue new things!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
John Michael Kane Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 Divorce your husband. Why couldn't you and your lover just get together legit??? He could have left his wife, and you your husband. That way, you would have been able to love each other while not hurting others. Either way, divorce!!!! The fact that you may love another is not wrong. The wrong thing here is being dishonest with your husband. You could have left him to pursue new things!!!!! It's not even real love so that makes this situation all the more stupid. A couple emails and a few booty sessions or cyber sex while lying to your spouse doesn't equal love. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nicegirl422 Posted May 7, 2011 Author Share Posted May 7, 2011 My husband and I have been separated for 5 months. We're in the process of ending our marriage. Just didn't go into every detail in my post since I'm still technically married. An affair is a selfish act and I will never be in one again. Thanks for your replies. Link to post Share on other sites
John Michael Kane Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 My husband and I have been separated for 5 months. We're in the process of ending our marriage. Just didn't go into every detail in my post since I'm still technically married. An affair is a selfish act and I will never be in one again. Thanks for your replies. Surprisingly that is extremely good news. He deserves to be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Carrot2000 Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 Hit delete and block his email address. You've got a long battle ahead of you, but you can only take things one day at a time. You might want to post in the OW/OM forum for support in going NC. Link to post Share on other sites
TMCM Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 The issue is your cowardice for not ending your marriage before you had an affair. You have some personal issues to address and resolve FIRST before you are ready for another committed relationship. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
imagine Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 Nicegirl, How long have you been married? Do you have children? I do not agree with y2k, marriage is a commitment, love is a promise -anything else is Hollywood. What woke you up that the affair was wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
y2k Posted May 8, 2011 Share Posted May 8, 2011 I do not agree with y2k, marriage is a commitment, love is a promise -anything else is Hollywood. I disagree. Attraction isn't a choice. Marriage has to come willingly from the heart. If that heart is not longer in it, then it matters NOT what a piece of paper says in the record books. If a person no longer is in love with their partner, they should look for happiness elsewhere. BUT BEFORE even attempting that, they should separate from their spouse. To me the fact that someone wants another path in life is not a bad thing. It's human. The fact that someone would LIE......that's BAD. Link to post Share on other sites
TMCM Posted May 8, 2011 Share Posted May 8, 2011 I disagree. Attraction isn't a choice. It may not be a choice but attraction can be delusional and fickled. That is why most affair born relationships tend to have a shorter shelf life after they chose to leave their spouses and go live together. If you've read the stories from FWS (former waywards spouses), many have stated that once their BS (betrayed spouse) informed them that they no longer wanted them, that the 'fog' vanished and they desperately wanted to be taken back by the BS. In these cases, the emotional strength showed by the BS, increased their attraction levels far above their previous one and also above the OP's levels. An OP (other person - i.e. lover) can be very attractive when they are still part of the fantasy like environment of an affair. The OP usually represents freedom from the 'ball and chain' marriage in the mind of the WS (wayward spouse). Of course there are always exceptions but once the OP becomes part of everyday reality, the attraction usually tends to be short lived. Marriage has to come willingly from the heart. If that heart is not longer in it, then it matters NOT what a piece of paper says in the record books. If a person no longer is in love with their partner, they should look for happiness elsewhere. So you're saying that happiness is externally dependent of us? That you cannot attain happiness unless you are in a committed relationship? Our individual happiness is our sole responsibility. To claim otherwise is to chase rainbows and to put an unfair burden on another person. BUT BEFORE even attempting that, they should separate from their spouse. To me the fact that someone wants another path in life is not a bad thing. It's human. The fact that someone would LIE......that's BAD. Not separate, divorce. In many cases separation is usually a game that many WS play because it gives them the benefit of a trying out the affair relationship openly while having the benefit of returning to the marriage if that relationship doesn't work out. Totally deceitful and cowardly. Link to post Share on other sites
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