I love my husband and another man...what do I do?

[Sira]

I've been married for nearly five years, and together with my husband for four years before that. I love him dearly, and he adores me. We've been very happy together, and have never had any relationship problems. He's sweet, caring, handy, and helpful. In fact, he's perfect, except that he's not the type of man I always thought I'd marry -- he's not a dominant personality, or ambitious (although he's very capable and smart), or particularly driven. They say that in a relationship, one person always loves and needs the other one more, and in ours, he definitely loves and needs me more, although I also love and need him. I'm a dominant, type A personality in my work life, but always wanted a man who was strong enough to be my true, full partner in life. My husband is just fine with me being the dominant personality in our marriage.

 

So here's the complication. I have a co-worker who I work very closely with (in dream jobs for both of us). He's also happily married, and we're friends as couples, in fact vacationed together in the past. He's everything I ever wanted in a man -- we're true soulmates. He's the strong man I always wanted, who thinks like me, knows me, understands me, and has what it takes to handle me. I love him, I'm in love with him, and he feels the same way about me. Knowing him has highlighted the compromise I made in my marriage -- the only compromise -- which was to marry someone whose personality wasn't what I gravitate towards.

 

All the posts I've read about emotional affairs or 'married but love another man' talk about marriages that were already having issues. Mine wasn't. I've never ever been even tempted by someone before, although I've of course found people attractive, etc. We've never done more than hug, but the longing is definitely there.

 

I'm torn apart by this situation. I know there's a huge difference between living with someone for 9 years and knowing someone for two. And I can't bear to think about all the people I care about who would be hurt by leaving my marriage. But he's exactly the man for me, and had I met him nine years ago, I would have had the chance to see if it would work as a relationship (maybe we'd end up butting heads too much, despite my long-held desire for a strong man to be my partner). It's the difference between a known, very good, easy, stable marriage with someone who loves me, and a potentially amazing, life-fulfilling, truly right, but likely more difficult soulmate.

 

What do I do? How can I not give up everything for the chance to be with my soulmate? How can I betray the man I love and married five years ago? Few enough people find the right person to marry. What horrible fate to find the right person twice.

 

I feel like my marriage today is largely what it will always be. It's great, but it doesn't have potential to be more, or help me be more. It's more certain, not risky, good and sustaining. I feel so much potential with my soulmate, although also much more uncertainty.

 

I didn't see any other discussions of situations like mine, so thoughts would be appreciated.

 

Sira

[SassyRN]

I have been in your same shoes and all i can say is this...the grass is not always greener on the otherside.

[chicagoguy]

Sira, I am having the same problem and can relate. I feel the same way about meeting my "soul mate" and I too am married to someone "safe" that I do love very much.

 

I don't even know how this happened. I've been working next to this person for three years and over the past 8-12 months, something changed. It's not the excitement or thrill of doing something illicit that is pushing my emotional affair forward. And it's not a physical grab and grope type thing in the office supply room either. It is a feeling that I have met someone who I am destined to be with. We share similar values, beliefs and interests. Just recently I/we crossed the line and said "I love you" to each other. I know, I know ... yikes!

 

I am tortured by the thought that I may destroy my own marriage, and my "friend's" marriage so my selfish desires can be indulged. But at the same time, all I think about is how my life would be if I was with her. I don't have a clue what I am going to do about all this.

[moimeme]

Apparently, the success rate for marriages that result from affairs is extremely low - all of 5%. Maybe that will help you weigh your choices. Remember, the biggest difficulty in marriage can have to do with the minutiae of daily life together. Neither of you really knows your 'soulmates' the way you know your spouses. Someone who appears to be 'ideal' in a work situation may be less so when you're stuck in the same household.

[Denise Neeseman]

My goodness Sira,

You sound frustrated that you have never been with someone who you feel a true connection with. I know it is clandestine and cheating, but before you make any huge decisions, have some good sex with this 'soulmate'. It would be terrible if you left your 'sure thing' husband only to find out that you aren't really sexually compatible with Mr. Soulmate.

I was in a relationship for over 18 yrs., and left that man for a great man I met online!! Sonds wacko, right? We connected in that scary, 'you're just like me' way!!! Well we have been together now for over 7 years and I can still tell you it's the smartest move I ever made!! However Sira, I did test the waters before jumping in and he is a passionate lover along with all his other fabulous qualities!!! We are very much alike, and we do butt heads, as you put it, sometimes, but it is also easy for me to understand him very well because he behaves and reacts toward things the same way I do. It's as if I can get in his mind, ya' know?

I only knew him for 3 months when I moved in with him!! I am not usually so impetuous, but it just felt right.

Again; test the waters and check out his ' equipment'!! Ha!Best of luck to you!

Denise

[Jeanie]

I, too am attracted to another man, and its driving me nuts. I am married to my soul mate. I love him dearly, but there are some gaps. He rarely wants to have sex, and then only if he's had something to drink. I am working on this problem. He also trusts me to the point of ignoring me sometimes. He has said many times that there is nothing I could do that would make him leave me. It feels like permission sometimes, but I've never out and out asked for it.

 

My friend is a friend of the whole family. He and my husband are buddies, my kids love him, and we have always been close friends. Lately, I have noticed this friendship slipping into love. He is devoted to me. My husband trusts me so much, we have plenty of time alone together. We have kissed and embraced, but have not had sex out of my love for my husband and his love for his friend. Now I feel a little too much like Bill Clinton- claiming as long as we don't complete the act, we're not having sex. I sometimes feel like we'd be less likely to get caught if we just went ahead and did it discreetly.

 

My husband says I should marry our friend if anything happens to him! He'd like knowing his family is cared for, etc., but I don't think he knows how close he is to the mark. Is it ever OK too be unfaithful, particularly when you are happily married for 20 something years with kids?

[lonelygirl33]

Oh this is too weird! Denise Neeseman pretty much has the same situation as I do. However, I met a guy online and we met. I eventually began to speak out the problems in my marriage. I felt like I was going to explode just keeping marital problems to myself instead of talking to my husband because he just tells me that I'm losing it.

 

Our sex life was down the drain pretty much and we rarely speak. I did meet someone online as well and met him. I ended up falling in love with him madly! He is the most wonderful person, and he loves my kids as well. He is very romantic and compliments everything I do (unlike hubby.) I left my husband for 6 months and lived alone with my kids as not to confuse them, and in that time, my hubby aggravated me to death. I still continued to see this other guy and knew he was the one I could see myself with for the rest of my life. I guess I felt more of an obligation towards my hubby because of my 2 small children, and ended up going back home to them so they could be with their daddy.

 

Well, nothing has changed. I had ended the relationship with this guy, which was 3 years ago, and I haven't stopped thinking about him 1 day. He is in my thoughts and dreams 24-7. We still talk on the internet, however it is not the same. I love him and want to be with him so bad. I love my hubby but not in the way a wife should love their husbands. I just haven't left because of my kids for one, and for two because I don't have the nerve to tell my husband that I want to leave him. I am one that is afraid to hurt anyone's feelings, therefore I guess I will stay with hubby and keep the thoughts of this other man as they are.

 

My hubby is not a bad man, don't get me wrong. We have been together for almost 8 years. He is a mama's boy and treats me more like I should be his mother. I have to take care of kids and have no life for myself. He doesn't compliment me at all, nor does he want sex or make time for it due to the kids.

Maybe someday I will have the gull to talk to him.

 

But you are so brave Denise, way to go! I'm glad you are happy because some people are quick to say not to leave hubby for someone you barely know. You just proved my point to myself.

 

Take care and be happy!

[EnigmaXOXO]

It never ceases to surprise me how freely we toss around the word “love,” without ever understanding its true meaning. The difference between love and lust is the difference between being selfless and being selfish. It is the difference between reality and fantasy.

 

Lust is both powerful and seductive, but it's inherently selfish and opposed to love. As we foster and feed lust in our lives we're dragged inexorably towards isolation, loneliness, insecurity and emptiness. What do we have left when the sexual fantasy becomes boring and unsatisfying?.--- We inevitably awaken to find that we are standing alone and feeling empty…alone to face the pain and guilt of our own distorted realities.

 

Love, on the other hand, is selfless in nature. It requires commitment and hard work. It requires honor, respect, forgiveness and sacrifice. Its reward comes from the joy of giving rather than receiving; from nurture rather than dependency.

 

If we substitute lust for love we end up with a meaningless sensation which eventually loses its novelty and can never satisfy beyond the physical…

[HokeyReligions]

Originally posted by Denise Neeseman

My goodness Sira,

You sound frustrated that you have never been with someone who you feel a true connection with. I know it is clandestine and cheating, but before you make any huge decisions, have some good sex with this 'soulmate'. It would be terrible if you left your 'sure thing' husband only to find out that you aren't really sexually compatible with Mr. Soulmate.

I was in a relationship for over 18 yrs., and left that man for a great man I met online!! Sonds wacko, right? We connected in that scary, 'you're just like me' way!!! Well we have been together now for over 7 years and I can still tell you it's the smartest move I ever made!! However Sira, I did test the waters before jumping in and he is a passionate lover along with all his other fabulous qualities!!! We are very much alike, and we do butt heads, as you put it, sometimes, but it is also easy for me to understand him very well because he behaves and reacts toward things the same way I do. It's as if I can get in his mind, ya' know?

I only knew him for 3 months when I moved in with him!! I am not usually so impetuous, but it just felt right.

Again; test the waters and check out his ' equipment'!! Ha!Best of luck to you!

Denise

 

An advocate of cheating and lieing. Talk about selfish! This person doesn't give a rats ass about anyone else. Remember your advice when someone hurts you by lieing and cheating on you.

 

Cheating is wrong. Period.

 

As for the original poster - talk to your husband and find some way to make adjustments in your marriage that will satisfy you; or get some counseling yourself so that you can accept the marriage the way it is; or tell your husband that you want a divorce and inisist your "soul mate" also get a divorce and after the divorces are final - then start dating your soulmate.

[Jeanie]

I have lusted after young hunks before, but I've always been smart enough to take that energy home to my husband who loves me. The trouble with this relationship is, its love based on many years of friendship and shared experience and common interests.

 

I did not say we started wanting to sleep together, but that we had these strong feelings for each other. I feel like I have already cheated, just by feeling this way. Sex would pale by comparison.

 

I don't want out of my marriage. I love my two children equally and I wish I could love both these men without conflict, but darn it, I live on Earth just like everybody else.

[clotheshorse]

I am so glad I found this sight. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one thinking of leaving a "normal" marriage. I am so scared, though. My husband is so good. But like Sira's husband, very passive. I have always felt that I needed to be with someone who could handle me. I am definitely the anchor of our marriage and it's getting me down.

 

Sometimes I feel like I married just to have a life like everyone else's. I have asked lots of my friends, "How do you know when you love someone?" They always reply w/ if you don't know then you haven't.

 

About a month and a half ago a relationship started between and older man and myself. I have known him for years and never really even liked him. I always thought that he was a bit of an a**h***. Well, low and behold, one night we kissed and I don't remember ever feeling anything like it in my life.

 

Now as we grow closer all I can do is think to myself WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? In my marriage I pay all of the bills, and make sure everything gets taken care of. Now, my husband does help w/ the house and kids. But, I have found myself having little or no respect for him. I can't even bring myself to have sex w/him anymore. The older man is wise and takes care of everything. I know how far my boundaries are with him, and will not step over them. This makes me long for him. He makes me feel so safe.( I hope this isn't a father issue that I got from my childhood!)

 

But if I get a divorce, will I regret it? Will I die when I see him w/someone else? The older man is also going through a divorce. (That had nothing to do with me!) What if the way I look at this situation is the wrong way. I will be 28 next week and my husband is 25. The boyfriend is 45. What a span! Please someone help me!!!!!!!!!! There has to be more of you out there in this mess.

[Summerlove]

All I can say is follow your heart and do what it takes to make you happy. You are the only one who can do that! It's amazing to me how many people are in the same situation. To make a long story short, I married an incredible man who I have been with for 7 years, since I was 18, and have been married a little over 4. He is all the things you would want in a husband, but for some reason I just have been looking for something more. Last year when I turned 25, I began to realize how much more is out there. I have spent my growing up years being married. Now I do love him dearly, and only want what's best for him. However, I did meet another amazing man. I began to think, can he offer me more, or is he "the one" for me. I did begin having an affair, which was incredible to say the least. I did go see a counselor on my own because my husband wasn't willing to go to marriage counseling. My therapist is the best thing that has ever happened to me. What I've come to realize is that I need to be on my own, and do what makes me happy. I have spent the last 7 years taking care of him, and have lost myself in the process. I left only 3 weeks ago. Some days are easy and some days are extremely emotional. My husband has been emailing me asking me to consider counseling and even separation. But I ask myself every day, why didn't he agree to that 6 months ago when I asked him to? Now he says he knows the mistakes he has made & is will to give everything up for me! I would never ask him to do that because he has worked so hard to get where he is today. Now as for my affair, I am still seeing the man and have been enjoying every minute of it. I'm not looking for a new husband, because although I am the one who left, I know that I could end up alone. I didn't leave just for another man. I left for myself. That is what it needs to be about, because once you take that step out the door, you are going to be in a scary position. But I am willing to face that and am completely satisfied with my decision. Truly look in your heart and decide what it is that you need. There are millions of people in this world...who's to say there is only "one" person out there for you?

[Becks84]

My stomach is literally churning while reading all of these posts. Every single person in every single relationship has things they would like different, has complaints, feels things are missing, etc. But if you truly love your partner, these things should be able to be over looked, or worked on together. Go to your partner and tell them exactly what is bothering you, exactly what you want and need, and if your partner loves you too, they will be more than willing to work things out and make things better together. Stop being selfish and appreciate what you have. Find that flame again - there are a number of ways you can do so! Read up on this, or talk to each other about doing so. Everyone's situation is different, and I think youd be wise not to take into account other people's unusual circumstances, but to go about this the best way possible. And to me the best way is to get away from "the problem" which is the other person. They are being selfish and dishonest as you are. Would you want to be with someone who is capable of doing such a thing behind your back? And should your mate want to be with you, given what you are doing? You're lucky he doesnt know how he is being betrayed because it would kill him. I think you are just a little bored in your marriage and are intrigued by something new and different. This can be overcome by "getting rid of the problem". Believe me, nothing good can come of this if you remain with your husband and still stay in contact with the other man. ALthough I am not married, someone else nearly came between me and my current boyfriend. I decided to cut off all contact from this other person, and literally within days I felt so much better in so many ways and about so many things. BUT this is because I knew I wanted to be with my boyfriend, and no one else, and I was very happy to learn that I would never let another come between us. If you do not feel the same, and you find that you cannot get over this "other man" (which I do not believe, because it is truly up to you, although many of you say you "cant help it"), then it is no fair to your husband if you stay with him. You made a promise to each other, that NO MATTER WHAT came your way, you two would stay together. YOu can overcome anything you want to. Don't act so weak. You should seriously think about being completely devoted to your husband again. You're in a marriage; you chose to be in it. And a good one at that - which is why I will in no way give you personally, adivce to leave. I can't believe how many of us "change our minds". It's very sad. This is not what marriage was intended to be. I for one cannot judge or blame anyone for having any feelings or thoughts they have, but I will say this - you can overcome it, you are in charge of yourself and your life. It's called will power. Find it in you and do the right thing!! GOOD LUCK

[Becks84]

I just read "Summerlove's" post. An incredible man? Good marriage? Be stronger than this people! How can you all so easily let someone else in?? Now a days marriage is not sacred and the word love is thrown around far too loosely. If you are in a bad, harmful, or unhappy marriage, then of course I would agree with getting out of it! I too want to be the happiest person I can be while I'm here. But you people are MARRIED. I am sitting here, shaking my head, and realizing that I am wasting my time. I guess this just goes to show how very different people can be. All I want to say again is WILL POWER. Stop thinking and analyzing so much, and work on your marriages. Maybe you're all too far out in "la la land" thinking all the damn time, that you are in fact the one making your marriage "boring" and "not enough", because you are no longer tending to it. I believe it takes work, and always will. Nothing is perfect. Don't be lazy or don't expect it all to just come so naturally and perfectly all the time, fooling yourselves that being with someone else could be "perfect"....

Excuse me while I go and vomit.

[Fritz]

Well said Becks, well said.

 

Summerlove is the type of woman that scares me to death these days. 7 year itch and bam she's gone. Guy is reamed in the divorce. She doesn't show much love for her husband. My guess he didn't want counseling because he either didn't know how bad things were, was stubborn or was recovering from the shock of his wife cheating on him.

[ItsMichelle]

I am 38. My husband is 42.

 

I met my husband 15 years ago.

 

After 1 year we moved in together. He stayed out a lot late at night. I know he cheated, I am not stupid. We stayed together.

 

We didn't live together.

 

We did live together. He stayed out a lot late at night. I know he cheated, I am not stupid. We stayed together.

 

We didn't live together.

 

We did live together. He tried, he failed. He tried, he failed. I stayed for the safety? Security?

 

I found out he was an alcoholic. 11 years ago he woke up and took a shot of bourbon. I moved out. 3 months later I knew I loved him still and meanwhile he had dwindled to his bottom and wanted me back. We lived together. We had a child together (Our first, my third, his third). He stayed sober for 5 years. We got married (my 2nd, his 3rd). 1 month after we were married I found out he was sleeping with a little 19 year old girl. She called me and told me a lot of stuff about how he said he loved her when they were at her moms house, and the sex, etc.

 

We stayed together. I took 2 years to get her gone including a restraining order.

 

He drank, stayed out all night long, asked for forgiveness, drank, stayed out all night long, asked for forgiveness, drank, ......you get the picture.

 

2 months ago I couldn't take it anymore and kicked him out. 1 month ago I let him come back. He is going to counceling and is currently sober. He really "seems" to be trying. Will it continue? or not.....

 

15 years of him telling me I am worthless and putting me down as an excuse to drink. 15 years of cheating and lying. Why am I here? There are so many qualities that I think I could not live without him, so, am I using him or do I really love him? I can't imagine life without him.

 

There is someone else who flirts with me constantly, makes me feel special, makes me feel like a teenager again, tells me I am beautiful, tells me I am sexy, and wants me. He is 24.

 

Do I love this boy? No.

Do I want to have sex with him? Yes.

Do I want a future with him? No.

Is it lust? Probably.

 

Do I want revenge? Do I think this makes it ok? Do unto others? Midlife crisis? Hormones?

 

I've lost 10 pounds without even trying because of the way he makes me feel. Young, full of life and energy, not old like my husband tells me I am. Just the thought of him makes me giddy like a school girl. I wish my husband made me feel this way, but he doesn't. It's like he's resigned from wanting the best of both worlds and settled for one with me. Settled. Do I want to be settled for? Should I HAVE to explain that to him?

 

Am I looking for an Ok? Maybe.

 

My heart is torn after 15 years of my being faithful and wanting another now so badly.

[guest]

I am in nearly the exact same situation, except that the man I have fallen in love with is not married. I wish I too, knew what to do.

[DazednConfused]

I find it interesting how few people have the intestinal fortitude to hold up their end of a deal.

 

Men and women all over this board and others thinking with their genitals. I stand in awe of the complexity of self-brainwashing you do to justify your affairs. I think you have told yourselves these things so many times you actually believe them. Sad.

 

"I didn't mean for it to happen, it just did." - I have personally never accidentally so much as flirted, much accidentally got naked and fell into a mistress.

 

"My wife/husband and I are more like just "roommates" after 10 years together." - Yup, and if you gave him/her a chance you would find a whole new person with whom you have forgotten to relate.

 

"He/she knows all about me in the two months i have been cheating on my spouse" - Better than the man/woman you married? I think not.

 

"We really are soulmates" - Yeah, you have never seen them at their worst. Your spouse has seen you at your worst and by some grace of a higher power loves you anyway. Go figure.

 

"I am a type A personality, and too strong willed for him to handle." - at least this one is new. You knew this when you married him, if it was a problem you should not have committed to him.

 

And too many more to count. Please, use your heads for a change. If your spouse is not abusing you, or your children, you OWE them a little respect. Yes. OWE.

 

Bah! it simply makes me ill how little conviction is left in the world. How few people can resist their urges and the compulsions of their sex drives.

 

Go. Do what you're gonna do. But when the other shoe falls, I hope the lay was worth it.

[Mr Spock]

Originally posted by Sira

I've been married for nearly five years, and together with my husband for four years before that. I love him dearly, and he adores me. We've been very happy together, and have never had any relationship problems. He's sweet, caring, handy, and helpful. In fact, he's perfect, except that he's not the type of man I always thought I'd marry -- he's not a dominant personality, or ambitious (although he's very capable and smart), or particularly driven. They say that in a relationship, one person always loves and needs the other one more, and in ours, he definitely loves and needs me more, although I also love and need him. I'm a dominant, type A personality in my work life, but always wanted a man who was strong enough to be my true, full partner in life. My husband is just fine with me being the dominant personality in our marriage.

 

So here's the complication. I have a co-worker who I work very closely with (in dream jobs for both of us). He's also happily married, and we're friends as couples, in fact vacationed together in the past. He's everything I ever wanted in a man -- we're true soulmates. He's the strong man I always wanted, who thinks like me, knows me, understands me, and has what it takes to handle me. I love him, I'm in love with him, and he feels the same way about me. Knowing him has highlighted the compromise I made in my marriage -- the only compromise -- which was to marry someone whose personality wasn't what I gravitate towards.

 

All the posts I've read about emotional affairs or 'married but love another man' talk about marriages that were already having issues. Mine wasn't. I've never ever been even tempted by someone before, although I've of course found people attractive, etc. We've never done more than hug, but the longing is definitely there.

 

I'm torn apart by this situation. I know there's a huge difference between living with someone for 9 years and knowing someone for two. And I can't bear to think about all the people I care about who would be hurt by leaving my marriage. But he's exactly the man for me, and had I met him nine years ago, I would have had the chance to see if it would work as a relationship (maybe we'd end up butting heads too much, despite my long-held desire for a strong man to be my partner). It's the difference between a known, very good, easy, stable marriage with someone who loves me, and a potentially amazing, life-fulfilling, truly right, but likely more difficult soulmate.

 

What do I do? How can I not give up everything for the chance to be with my soulmate? How can I betray the man I love and married five years ago? Few enough people find the right person to marry. What horrible fate to find the right person twice.

 

I feel like my marriage today is largely what it will always be. It's great, but it doesn't have potential to be more, or help me be more. It's more certain, not risky, good and sustaining. I feel so much potential with my soulmate, although also much more uncertainty.

 

I didn't see any other discussions of situations like mine, so thoughts would be appreciated.

 

Sira

 

Sit your husband down, and tell him everything you have just told us.

[jmsdmom]

I am disgusted by this thread and totally agree with Dazednconfused and the few others that sound like they have some character. Love is not a feeling people, it is a decision, and it can last if you work on it - if you keep your committment. What is going on here is a whole lot of lust - makes me feel like I've walked into orgy central. Doesn't anyone have any self control or care about anyone else but themselves? You made vows to another person - if you can't keep your word to someone you love, who can trust you?

 

All I can say is grow up and do the right thing, not the thing that makes you feel good at the moment. I don't understand how you can so easily hurt people you supposedly love.

[fiatflux]

If you're sickened by reading about infidelity, then get out of the infidelity forum! sheesh!

[jmsdmom]

Infidelity involves more than just the selfish people that do the cheating. The betrayed parties are also part of the equation. Oh, yeah, that's the part of infidelity you don't want to admit, fiatflux, that you actually HURT other people. As long as it's good for you...who cares who gets hurt. Opinions are what all of us are here for - I have mine and I will stay. There are a lot of cool folks around these parts that give good advice and offer a lot of support.

 

Thanks for the advice, but I'll pass on that one.

[jmargel]

Sira,

 

You are the reason why good men turn into cheaters & players. You have cheated and broken your vows. At least give your husband some dignity and tell him, so that he can move on with his life and find a real woman that knows how to treat him good.

[DeepLatinQueen]

Well, sounds like my feelings are similar to clotheshorse and summerlove.

 

I have been married for 3.5 years. i have a wonderful husband. He cooks and cleans and is a hard worker. He is faithful and is very entertaining.

 

We have not had a "normal" marriage. He was diagnosed with HIV a week after our 1st anniversary. Apparently, he was infected about 5 months before we met. How lucky am I!

 

Anyways to make a long story short, we've had our problems, but everyone assumed that everything was "normal." When u add a disease, though, that can affect the other partner & it changes everything. Little by Little.

 

In Feb I had a miscarriage. I went though a bid depression. I had some falling out with his friends and family. I am also the back bone in our relationship - I know this all may sound a little scatter-brained, but, oh well!

 

I started to have a friendship that turned into an affair with a guy I've know for about 3 years - I have never thought of myself as a person that cheats - I am usually the one that preached fidelity. I have tried to put boundaries up, but DH and I had grown so far apart since April that there is no going back.

 

I told DH that I had an affair - He already suspected. I am scheduled to move out in December for Christmas.

 

We have no children and I have HIV NEGATIVE. We have not had sex since March. And have slept in seperate rooms since May.

 

I love him and I know I did wrong. Maybe I was just trying to look for an excuse to leave 'cause sometimes things are just too much to handle. This, apparently, is too much for me.

 

I still continue to see this other guy. He is really sweet and now says he is in love with me. He is only 21. I am 26.

 

I do not want to get into anything too deep. I also started going to a therapist on my own. DH did not want to go. I think being alone is the best for me. Even though i am soooo scared. I am more scared of making my DH depressed, loney, and sad.

 

Anyways - It's what has been handed to me and now i must make the best of it. For me, it's to go. The bridge has been burned on both sides, and now we can not even reach each other. I regret having an affair, even though I continue to do so.

 

There is a lot more to this story, as you can imagine - noone knows another's situation until they have been in their shoes.

 

MUCH LOVE

[jmargel]

DeepLatinQueen your husband is going to be dying of a disease, so instead of honoring your vows you cheat on him? With a 21 year old? Yea, how long do you think that relationship will last? If you couldn't handle watching your husband wither away, be honest and let him know upfront. But to cheat on him is like pouring salt into his wounds.

 

Even though i am soooo scared. I am more scared of making my DH depressed, loney, and sad.

No need to be worried about that, you already have made him that. You two didn't know how to handle the situation, so you did the worse thing possible. Nice.

 

I love him and I know I did wrong. Maybe I was just trying to look for an excuse to leave 'cause sometimes things are just too much to handle. This, apparently, is too much for me.

 

I still continue to see this other guy. He is really sweet and now says he is in love with me

Hmm, you know you did wrong yet you still continue to f*ck him. You have NO sense of morals or guilt. What do you want from us? A pat on the back saying 'Nice Job, you can't get much lower than you already are'.

 

I don't understand where you women expect us to say it's 'OK' to cheat, while if a male were the one doing this everyone would be bashing him. Why bother having vows if you are going to break them?