Star727 Posted January 14, 2010 Share Posted January 14, 2010 My WH's OW sent him a text message on his secret prepaid phone and I read it. It says: This was sent to me "If a relationship is a secret, you shouldnt be in it". Why would she send that to my WH? I'm assuming the two of them are the ones having a longterm EA. Also, I pretended to be my WH and answered the text and we texted each other for the next hour with her thinking it was my WH. I got a good laugh off of it. Three of the texts I sent made mention that "my wife is ready to kick me out of the house, so I'll need a place to stay". The strange thing about her answers all three times was 1) you a not divorced; 2) what about your children; 3) you need to talk to someone you can trust, talk to John. He has no trusted friend named John. That tells me there are more secrets he's keeping from me and why does she know this John guy? My WH swears his relationship with her is "just friends" and he's not interested in anything else with her and doesnt plan to move in with her. But then, when I demand absolute NC, he can't do it. He keeps talking to her. Side Note: This has been going on for at least 10 years now and I just found out about their secret friendship in July 2008. All three of us work at the same place but in different departments and buildings. I uncovered it from cell phone records dating back 2 years. They talked to each 5-7 times a day, every day but he tells me its nothing. Anyway, we are about to separate over this because I gave him an ultimatum - discontinue association with OW or discontinue association with your wife. I think he's going to leave me. I'm okay with it now. I've had time to grieve over this and I'm at the stage where I've just had enough and my heart doesnt hurt anymore and I don't cry anymore. I'm just so puzzled by this relationship. On another side note: He is currently impotent due to prostate cancer surgery so his sex life sucks so I'm not overly concerned about him running around looking for sex. I just don't get it. Your thoughts LS? Link to post Share on other sites
Gabriele Posted January 14, 2010 Share Posted January 14, 2010 My thought is maybe this John is a counselor? I am wondering if you confronted your WH about this text, and by the way...why does he have a 'secret' phone? And it really sounds like you are 'done', at a point that you are ready to let go, I am wondering why you are waiting for him to leave you? why are you not telling him to leave? Gabriele Link to post Share on other sites
mybrowneyedgirl Posted January 14, 2010 Share Posted January 14, 2010 my thoughts... with a ten year history together it doesnt matter what ultimatum you give. he'll do what he wants, tell you hes doing what you want, and then secretly continue behind your back. theres no way to just drop something so involved. especially if its a "secret" why not just continue on and do a better job at hiding it? Link to post Share on other sites
1Angel Posted January 14, 2010 Share Posted January 14, 2010 Emotional affair for ten years? secret cell phone? Even if it isn't physical due to his medical issues, it's still wrong. Good for you separating and not putting up with this any longer. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 14, 2010 Share Posted January 14, 2010 Protect yourself and your kids..Go talk to a lawyer now. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueeyedJonesy Posted January 14, 2010 Share Posted January 14, 2010 Leave his A** for lying to you for so long, and still being a coward to give you the full truth! dont even give him a choice..he got his choice and you can see what he did with it. like someone else said..get a lawyer..and if you all work together expose them! paybacks a biotch! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star727 Posted January 14, 2010 Author Share Posted January 14, 2010 "John" wouldnt be a counselor cause he doesnt talk to them. He means something else and I can figure out what. He got the secret phone (3rd one) after I demanded NC and show him the proof of his many phone calls to her with our cell phone bill. I told him he had a lot of nerve to talk that much to her on a phone that I was paying the bill on. So Mr. Smart A$$ went and got that phone but hid it from me and I always find them. Because this has been going on for 10 years and for the past year, I'm thinking it was NC and I was wrong - it pissed me off. He cares for this woman more than he cares for our marriage so its nothing else I can do but let him leave. I am putting this in his ball court because he will try to make it sound like I'm the bad guy cause I kicked him out of the house. I simply gave him a choice, stay with her and leave the marriage. The past year, I was not as direct with him as I am this time. I was monitoring the secret cell phone and keeping a log of the times they talked but by January 2010 - exactly 1 year after I threatened him with divorce if this continued - it continues. So now I know its not going to stop. I'm now emotionally ready to not be with him anymore. I just dont give a damn now. He will regret his decision but right now, his head is so far in the fog, he can't see straight. But its too late for us. Link to post Share on other sites
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