MoMo Posted November 7, 2002 Share Posted November 7, 2002 Ok, I started seeing a guy 2 years ago who was separated & had a Girlfriend he was having problems with, he chose her & her “Money” so I decided to make another relationship work Well it didn’t work, I kept seeing him on & off, then I talked him into getting back together with his wife, so he left the girlfriend & went home, but he continued seeing me, which made me feel horrible-I fell in love-and I know it dosent justify anything, I was always hoping he’d pick me, I had to hear the stories of how financially it would be no good, how could I give up all this, he’d say (meaning his house , cars, kids) I am getting older (36), I want my own family, and a relationship I don’t have to lie about to my family & friends & actually be with them on the holidays and not go alone anymore-he told me he didn’t want anymore kids, been there done that, who needs more….. He encouraged me to date so I did, many times, it never worked…. A month ago I met a man, single, my age, no kids, wants them & he’s a wonderful guy –Two weeks into this new relationship, I begged him to really think about us & make a decision because this new guy was serious He told me to go & live my life-he could leave his loveless marriage for at least 7 years because she would financially ruin him and he would end up resenting me, so I went. Then the next week & now still after he is begging me to come back , he cant take it , hes in love & hes hurting real bad, he wants to drop this guy like a hot potato & run to his deal, which is now we will get an apartment together & I have to live with him every now & then for 2 years or more (I’m suspecting more) and then he will get the divorce & it will be wonderful isnt it worth it ?, he says, to be happy for the rest of my life? And now he’s considering a baby too. He says if I really love him like I say I do, I would be with him I am really sad, I do love him , but I want a better life and this new guy is amazing I don’t love the new guy yet , but he will be there for me-and we are at the same level in life. I don’t want to hurt anyone else, which I have already done-he is freaking out on me Help me I am so sad & depressed , when I should be so happy about my new man Is this low self esteem being with him ? Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted November 7, 2002 Share Posted November 7, 2002 ... i'd go for the new guy. the old one has had his chance. he might have trouble letting you go, but when he had his chance, he didn't take it. his excuses for not divorcing are silly. cut off contact with the old guy so that you can heal. and take it slow with the new guy - you don't want your hurt from the old guy to ruin the new r/s. that's my view, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted November 7, 2002 Share Posted November 7, 2002 This guy has done nothing to deserve you to drop something good for HIM. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted November 7, 2002 Share Posted November 7, 2002 It sounds like the "old" guy loves money more than you. I couldn't and wouldn't live like that. I'm not second to anything in my marriage and I wouldn't have it any other way. You may be in for some heartbreak - but it won't be the separation from him that hurts the most, it will be finally realizing that no matter what he said or did, he loves money more than you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MoMo Posted November 7, 2002 Author Share Posted November 7, 2002 Thank you all very much for your input Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted November 8, 2002 Share Posted November 8, 2002 What irks me about this guy is.....he gives her all the reasons why they shouldn't be together. Tells her to move on...when she does, he all of the sudden wants the "financial problems" and stuff. Screw this guy....he doesn't care about you for 2 reasons..... 1) If he really loved you, no matter what the consequences or circumstances, he would be with you. 2) IF he really loved you and couldn't be with you....he would be glad you found someone who could take care of you. But I personally don't think he cares about anyone other than himself...and that includes his family bc of how non-commital he is to them and you! UGH this guy gives men a BAD name! Link to post Share on other sites
Author MoMo Posted November 20, 2002 Author Share Posted November 20, 2002 well it hasent gotten better , the married man now wants a divorce & wants to be with me, he's freaking out & Loves me & can't bear to live without me He says money dosent matter now & he'll have a child with me I am very sad because I like this new guy, its been 1 month & 2 weeks -he's very sweet & kind & loving I still don't know who to be with-I'm just so sad about everything, I'm not sure which way to go................ Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted November 20, 2002 Share Posted November 20, 2002 The original guy cheated on his wife. What makes you think he won't do that with you later on? This behavior is manipulative and demeaning to you. Do you want this kind of constant drama and worry and suspicion in a marriage? And he's suddenly considering a baby too? Why? As a tool to further manipulate YOU! What kind of father would he be if the only reason he wanted a baby was to keep you on the line. He'll probably pull the same thing on some other woman in a month or few years -- whether or not you are married and have a family. Put love aside and really think about what the marriage would be like. Be realistic. Link to post Share on other sites
Raven Posted November 20, 2002 Share Posted November 20, 2002 I agree with what everyone above said. This man does NOT love you! You are now something he can't have and it's driving him insane! He's telling you EVERYTHING you want to hear... if you back to this married man, you'll regret it! I"m not saying stay with the new guy... but don't go backwards. Maybe you'll marry new dude and things will be great, maybe you'll marry someone else. But the old dude is BAD news... actions speak louder then words... and his actions have already told you that you were NOT at the top of his priority list... I'd cut all ties with the old dude, he has NOTHING to offer you except for empty promises. He had his chance and he chose NOT to be with you. Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted November 20, 2002 Share Posted November 20, 2002 I fully agree with what the others have said. Lose the married guy. Change your number -- seriously. He doesn't love you. Even if he goes through the divorce, and then married you, you would never be secure with him. He'd probably pull the same stunt with a new woman in a few years' time. Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted November 21, 2002 Share Posted November 21, 2002 Listen to yourself..... Obvoiusly you like this other guy and dont wanna mess it up, if you are having second thoughts. Go with your heart, not with what a baby man says. Link to post Share on other sites
loser Posted November 21, 2002 Share Posted November 21, 2002 if i should be giving you advice since i'm in one - but - i would sincerely agree with ally boo - he doesn't luv you - he's manipulating you fer his own consumption - what's left is you - should give a chance to the new guy - he sounds sweet and life will be much simpler with him - married or not. are you sure you want the whole package the old guy's offering you - you know - a divorcee doesn't come alone - there's ex wife to start with, the children to think off etc..etc... good luck girl!! Link to post Share on other sites
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