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He cheated and lied, but I still love him


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Old 26th November 2006, 6:32 PM   #1
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He cheated and lied, but I still love him

About a month ago my boyfriend of a year and a half confessed, after I found proof, that he has been cheating the ENTIRE time. Off and on flings, talking to and meeting other women and actually sleeping with two (he admitted to two, but it could be more).

I sat there while he called one of the women he was talking to at the time and told her that he couldn't talk to her anymore. He sent the other one an email and sent it to me as well. She replied with "you can keep him" and they haven't been in contact since. After I found out, he gave me the passwords to his e-mail, instant messenger program, his online billing for his cell phone and his password for voice mail. He has since changed them because we had a fight.

Last weekend we were together...he told me that he loves me, wants me and wants to marry me. I was upset, tired and emotional so our meeting didn't go exactly as planned. We were supposed to be starting over, but I still had questions and I am not one to let him get out of answering me. I told him that day to tell me he doesn't love me or want me and he said, "I can't do that".

He tells me he loves me, but he's not IN love with me anymore. I asked when that happened and he said it was when he moved away. He said he turned the feeling off when he left. I know that he does this, as when we were first dating, we were fine all day until I had to leave him. Then he started acting like a jerk.

He does have a very stressful job, I know that affects his judgment. When he's not feeling well, he has doubts about us, when he's with me and he doesn't have other things going on in his life, he is happy and loves me. He has admitted the only way he is going to be happy in this relationship is if we are actually physically together all the time and that is fine with me because that is what I want...

I don't know if I should believe any of this. When he is with me, when it is just the two of us then everything is fine. When we are apart it's a disaster waiting to happen. He says he doesn't deserve me, and he's right, he doesn't...

Why can't I just say goodbye and walk away from this stupidness. Why can't I just give up on this and move on? Why won't my heart listen when I am so vocal about how it's not a healthy relationship. I have other men that would like to date me, they are kind and considerate, but I cannot move forward because I am still in love with this jerk.

Can someone please help me?

By the way, he's 29 and I am 30. This seems like a very immature posting and I realize that.
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Old 27th November 2006, 12:56 AM   #2
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He tells me he loves me, but he's not IN love with me anymore
Because of this, end it now. DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN otherwise he'll cheat on you for the rest of your married life!

You may love him, but you're probably inlove with the idea of who he was. Someone who respects you, adores you, wants to be with you...THAT is not him.

All you can do is try your best to get him out of your heart, grieve the loss, (it takes time) and move on. You'll date when the time is right...

Your head knows he's not the one, it's just now your heart needs to catch up.
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Old 27th November 2006, 1:05 AM   #3
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Yup. The honeymoon is over and the real guy has just reared his ugly head. It's like wack-a-mole. Each of his affairs will keep popping up over and over again, no matter how hard you smack them down.

I know I sound harsh but with my recent experience, cheaters and liars aren't worth your tears or grief.
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Old 27th November 2006, 1:07 AM   #4
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About a month ago my boyfriend of a year and a half confessed, after I found proof, that he has been cheating the ENTIRE time. Off and on flings, talking to and meeting other women and actually sleeping with two (he admitted to two, but it could be more).
Doesn't that just piss you off?????????? He's more or less lied to you throughout your WHOLE relationship!!

I didn't mention this earlier, though I meant to...Please go get checked for STD's. Just be sure that you're healthy and he didn't give you anything.
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Old 28th November 2006, 3:04 AM   #5
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Please get out now!

Don't stay with him..he is not ready to settle down. You will only get hurt. If it is a Rocky start its gonna be a Rocky Path...What if you end up with children and there is still that question mark???? I know this and my husband ended up getting another girl pregnant...one night stand...I am still hurting...and still married to him...Constant heart ache and struggles?? Please find happiness not worries!
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Old 28th November 2006, 2:20 PM   #6
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Break it off and say good-bye. He may love you, but if he's not IN LOVE with you, you are in for an even bigger world of heartbreak. Get out, and good luck. There are a lot of nice men out there, find one who will treat you the way you deserve.
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Old 28th November 2006, 4:31 PM   #7
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Get out now.

This mimics my story to a degree. I found out my bf went out on me (actually had sex with another woman) 1 1/2 yrs into our relationship too. But me being stupid, I listened to advice that everyone makes mistakes and he seemed truly sorry for what he did. I gave him another chance. Of course, I found out there were others he was emailing, messaging, etc. I so wanted to believe him that he had quit - but he didn't.

I believed he was only seeing me and married him only to open up a big can of worms and find out he never really quit cheating on me. He just told me what he thought I wanted to hear - that he was only seeing me. As others have said you are only in for a bigger heartbreak with this guy. This guy isn't worth it - believe me I'm paying now for putting my trust back into someone who wasn't worth it. Life's too short to be in this much pain.
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Old 28th November 2006, 10:26 PM   #8
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Pls. move on, pls. don't waste your time with such stupid, and serial cheater. While you still have time, i myself thought our relationship will be just like a fairy tale, but now my relationship is very rocky, i married a man 8 years younger than me, during the honeymoon stage, i could ask for anything else, after 6 years being together i saw what, he's such as jerk, lucky you as early as this time you saw he's attitude already. Move on... i know your afraid of letting go because you love him, but you know if you really meant for each other, even you lose each other, you will still find each other, just don't waste your time, if you feel that you are taken for granted.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Guest View Post
About a month ago my boyfriend of a year and a half confessed, after I found proof, that he has been cheating the ENTIRE time. Off and on flings, talking to and meeting other women and actually sleeping with two (he admitted to two, but it could be more).

I sat there while he called one of the women he was talking to at the time and told her that he couldn't talk to her anymore. He sent the other one an email and sent it to me as well. She replied with "you can keep him" and they haven't been in contact since. After I found out, he gave me the passwords to his e-mail, instant messenger program, his online billing for his cell phone and his password for voice mail. He has since changed them because we had a fight.

Last weekend we were together...he told me that he loves me, wants me and wants to marry me. I was upset, tired and emotional so our meeting didn't go exactly as planned. We were supposed to be starting over, but I still had questions and I am not one to let him get out of answering me. I told him that day to tell me he doesn't love me or want me and he said, "I can't do that".

He tells me he loves me, but he's not IN love with me anymore. I asked when that happened and he said it was when he moved away. He said he turned the feeling off when he left. I know that he does this, as when we were first dating, we were fine all day until I had to leave him. Then he started acting like a jerk.

He does have a very stressful job, I know that affects his judgment. When he's not feeling well, he has doubts about us, when he's with me and he doesn't have other things going on in his life, he is happy and loves me. He has admitted the only way he is going to be happy in this relationship is if we are actually physically together all the time and that is fine with me because that is what I want...

I don't know if I should believe any of this. When he is with me, when it is just the two of us then everything is fine. When we are apart it's a disaster waiting to happen. He says he doesn't deserve me, and he's right, he doesn't...

Why can't I just say goodbye and walk away from this stupidness. Why can't I just give up on this and move on? Why won't my heart listen when I am so vocal about how it's not a healthy relationship. I have other men that would like to date me, they are kind and considerate, but I cannot move forward because I am still in love with this jerk.

Can someone please help me?

By the way, he's 29 and I am 30. This seems like a very immature posting and I realize that.
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