Guest Posted September 3, 2006 Share Posted September 3, 2006 I'm a new poster. I've been wrestling with an emotional issue for quite a while and I just don't know what to do. I have been married for 16 years and have four children. My husband loves our family and is dedicated to us. However, he is also a very angry person and very closed-minded. I believe him to be a good person, but I don't know if he is good for me. I am not sexually attracted to him anymore and I don't even think I like him most of the time. Is it possible that we have just grown apart and it's time to move on? I keep trying because we have kids and I don't want to cheat them out of a family. So I spend each day unhappy, pretending my life is wonderful, for my kids. What is love? How do you know if you are in love? Passion fades - I get that. I'm just sad and confused. Link to post Share on other sites
FallenPetals Posted September 6, 2006 Share Posted September 6, 2006 A post I could have written five years ago. I know exactly how you feel, but staying together for the kid's sake has never worked out in the longterm. Children know when their parents are unhappy and you're not doing them any favors by staying in a loveless marriage. Don't cheat yourself out of happiness. What will make those kid's happy is to have two happy healthy parents. I learned this the hard way. I married very young to a man that I loved at the time, and as time went on we grew further and further apart. I tried to make it work for the very same reasons you're citing, it blew up on me and made me highly miserable. I slipped into a deep depression and I know for a fact at the time that I couldn't have been a good mother to my son. I did the best thing I could for him. I sat my now ex down and explained everything fully to him and honestly and then I filed for separation to give it some time to see if it was truly what I wanted, and after discovering it was we went ahead with the divorce. Now five years later we're very good friends and happy with our new spouses plus having our son happy was worth it. We often, and rightly so, put our kids always above our needs and happiness, we want the best for them in this life, but we also need to realize that for their happiness we also need to be happy. Hope this helped you. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted September 6, 2006 Share Posted September 6, 2006 Have you tried marriage counseling? Have you actually tried going out on a date at least once a week? That's what we try to do. Even though we've only been married two years the 'excitement' has worn off I guess you can say. His anger could be from alot of things, mostly though I would imagine frustration. Which builds when your communication between each other falls apart which it sounds like it is. MC will help here, you have nothing to lose by it. Love happens when we make choices that support the emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being of ourselves and others. There is never a clash between what is truly best for us, and truly best for others. If there seems to be a clash, then we haven’t found the loving solution yet; we may be close, but we aren’t all the way there yet. Hope this helps.. Link to post Share on other sites
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