FeelingUnloved23 Posted May 29, 2006 Share Posted May 29, 2006 Hi everybody - I'm hoping someone can help me with a problem I have. I have huge jealousy issues and I'm not sure how to stop it. I'll start from the beginning - without boring you with all the details. My boyfriend (who is my unborn baby's father) had lied to me on several occasions about his past. He pretended some girls were just his friends (when in fact he had relations with them), he lied about anything and everything and even hid the fact that he was previously engaged. It was just a series of lies, lies and more lies. After this has all come out (from my own investigating ... not because he confessed freely) I've been having jealousy issues that I never had before in my life. I keep picturing him proposing to his ex and it bothers the sh*t out of me ... I keep picturing him bringing his ex to his sister's wedding ... bringing her to plays ... leaving during work while we were living together to visit an ex (who I thought was just his friend) ... and a bunch of dumb thoughts like that. I don't know what's wrong with me. He went to Las Vegas and the Grand Canyon with one ex and I can barely stand to watch a movie that's set in Las Vegas or at the Grand Canyon. When he tells me stories about his past with his friends and trips, I always wonder if an ex was there with him - it's crazy but I can't help it! I know some of you might be thinking I'm insane ... but I'm hoping there's some of you who've experienced this before and can offer me some insight. We're going to counseling (because of his lying and my trouble of trusting him again) but it's not helping the jealousy issue much. I hate thinking of him doing all of this with other people. This is the dumbest problem I've ever had in my life but it's also the most time consuming and most hurtful. What's wrong with me??? Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted May 29, 2006 Share Posted May 29, 2006 We're going to counseling (because of his lying and my trouble of trusting him again) but it's not helping the jealousy issue much. I hate thinking of him doing all of this with other people. What's wrong with me??? Nothing is wrong with you. You're merely human. There's already a lack of trust and that's all jealousy is about. However, he's given you good reason in the past to not trust him. As for doing things with other people, unless we've been with our partners since birth, we all have histories. They simply are what they are. None of us can go back and change them. What's important is to let the other person's past remain just that, their past. It's only when we make it our present that it becomes a major problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 I have this same problem too and it drives me nuts! Does anyone know how to make yourself stop forgetting about your man or woman's past and focus on the present? I cringe when he talks about a trip I know he went on with an ex - or even when we watch TV and they talk about somewhere he went with an ex. It's so ridiculous but I'm having trouble getting over all the things he did in the past. It's almost to the point that I'm angry he did all these things already (got engaged, lived with somebody, etc.) and didn't keep any of these 'special' things to experience with me for the first time. I know some of you may want to respond and completely rag me out for being an idiot (I'm the first to realize that I'm being stupid) - but I really need some advice. Any would help tremendously! Link to post Share on other sites
Adora Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 Hey *hugs* know you aren't alone. I really don't have the answers, nor the comforting words you may be seeking, but I can share that I feel what you feel, with my fiance now. Sometimes its spurts, somedays I am fine, others I get out of control and let the jealousy set in and take over. I know deep down that he isn't doing the things I am thinking, but I can't help but think it, as you do. We have something similar in our relationships, the string of lies. It is very hard to relearn to trust someone when all you were ever given from that person was half truth and half lies. It isn't fair for us to sort out what to believe. Again, I know this isn't helpful advice, just another person dealing with this as well. I do know that it isn't healthy to remain in a relationship with someone who you can't trust 100%. This is something that I am dealing with as of late, and my fiance and I have just moved in together. *sigh* Link to post Share on other sites
bounty Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 Why Dont You Find A "freind" To Go Somewhere With An Evening A Day Or A Weekend And Leave Him Alone Dont Worry Enjoy Yourself Man Or Woman Or Both Or Mmf Ffm Mmm Fff It Does Not Matter Just Do It Show Him What He Is Doing It Is Called Tough Love Every Man Nneeeedds This Trust Me On This One I Am Sure Of It.. Good Luck O Yeah There Is Not A Thing Wrong With You Or Your Jealosy Its Called Love Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts