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Im lost, because of the details around my wifes rape... Im a mess.


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Old 21st January 2018, 2:02 AM   #46
S2B
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I'd suggest counseling and a polygraph. You need her truth.

It's odd:

That she invited him over after offering to get him weed
Didn't tell you what he did
Disposed of her clothes
Invited him to a party after the incident/violation
Didn't throw him out of the party

It doesn't add up.

Last edited by S2B; 21st January 2018 at 2:05 AM..
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Old 21st January 2018, 11:35 AM   #47
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OP I read your wife's thread and I believe she was raped. It's also possible that she had engaged in some inappropriate flirtation with the guy before hand but that doesn't mean she wasn't raped. If she had flirted or enjoyed some attention from this guy then that would possibly explain why she hid the attack. It's quite common for a rape victim to feel shame and responsibility when they are raped by someone they know. It's not the same as being grabbed off the street and raped by a complete stranger.

Before you go demanding a polygraph I would recommend a therapist to help the two of you start to untangle this mess.
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Old 21st January 2018, 11:58 AM   #48
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anika99 View Post
OP I read your wife's thread and I believe she was raped. It's also possible that she had engaged in some inappropriate flirtation with the guy before hand but that doesn't mean she wasn't raped. If she had flirted or enjoyed some attention from this guy then that would possibly explain why she hid the attack. It's quite common for a rape victim to feel shame and responsibility when they are raped by someone they know. It's not the same as being grabbed off the street and raped by a complete stranger.

Before you go demanding a polygraph I would recommend a therapist to help the two of you start to untangle this mess.
I totally agree. It has also clearly triggered some significnt trauma for you, making it difficult for you to see the situation objectively and respond accordingly. Continue with counselling...
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Old 21st January 2018, 6:19 PM   #49
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My sister was raped, 4 of my female friends were raped, I went to court with them to give them support because they were afraid, I understand. I know how each of them reacted, they did not react the way your wife did. All I am saying is you are there for her support, why won't she take this POS off the streets? I can only go by the behaviors of the women I know and I am not saying your wife is lying. All I know is if someone is trying to get you to believe them they will do whatever it takes to convince you including pressing charges against the man that raped her. She warned you about gossip that was being circulated at her work regarding her having sex with him in the parking lot but then behind your back invites him to your house at 10:00 pm at night when your at work. She then destroys all the evidence and keeps it a secret from you for 1 1/2 years. Why would the POS show up at your child's birthday party right after raping your wife?
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I am not saying there's a normal way to rape someone but everyone I know that went through the experience were not forced into being naked, only the cloths required to achieve their goal were pulled down.
I respect women and I would without hesitation step in to defend them friend or stranger. If someone doubted me about something this serious I would go out of my way to remove any doubt from their mind. I have made a comment on your partners post before I responded on yours just so you know.
unless you have been raped you dont know how you yourself would react let alone a complete stranger ...lots and lots i don't know how many times this has been written RAPE SURVIVORS ....DONT PURSUE CHARGES....and dont tell anyone they were raped.....



Quote:
I am not saying there's a normal way to rape someone but everyone I know that went through the experience were not forced into being naked, only the cloths required to achieve their goal were pulled down.
this is just so ridiculous i had to point it out.....you know five,maybe ten women on a bad day who have been raped......out of hundreds of thousands........ safe to say you really know nothing..if you are talking about rape survivors who were pulled off the street maybe then they wouldnt be forced to remove all their clothes even then you know rape is about domination and control right....taking off clothes making the woman do it ...is
a control by humiliation thing....she is a participant in that humiliation.............she knew the guy it was done in her own home...see the difference she wasnt taken from the street.....and done over in a back alley....

im out of this thread......too upsetting......deb
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in the ache of night,luminous prayers take fragile flight,
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Old 22nd January 2018, 1:28 PM   #50
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Friend, this is your life and regardless of what people write here, the decision as to how you proceed is yours to make. I am no expert and am only voicing my opinion. This is about you and your situation and nothing else. The third line in your first post is what I have been trying to help you with. This post is not about my integrity but about your feeling of being in a relationship full of deception. You need to decide what it is you need to stay in this relationship, you are the one feeling deceived and only you can decide what it is you need to feel safe.

There is only one person putting you in this situation and the onus is on her to do what ever she thinks is necessary to get your trust back if she wants to stay in the relationship with you. Counselling is a good place to start, setting up boundaries and respecting them would be my next recommendation. You need to tell her what you need so she can decide if she is willing to do the work.
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Old 25th January 2018, 4:39 AM   #51
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i tried to pm your wife op but i cant pm her ......i went to her thread to offer my support in her seeking counselling......but the thread is closed i woudl choose to post there but i cant.....


so from you op i ask that you might allow me an update on your wife....how she is coping.....and also how are you coping any definite plans to seek help in professional marriage counselling and rape and ptsd counselling for your wife....?...i would really appreciate a reply.....thankyou...deb
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Old 25th January 2018, 8:23 AM   #52
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As the OP has not returned and some are finding it difficult to remain on topic we'll close this one up ~T
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