Batter Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 I have been married for 2 and half months. I am 22 years old and my husband will turn 29 in a few days. I decided I wanted to remain a virgin until I married, how stupid of me! Me and my husband dated for about a year and then we got married. We went on a honeymoon for 3 weeks straight away and after 1 week of marriage everything was fine. After that he was not interested in daily sex, I never said anything as I never knew what is normal behaviour as I had never been in a proper relationship. When we came back, I realised that in the honeymoon stage, a 'in love' couple should be very interested in each other and in sex. So I discussed the lack of sex and he said the reason was that he was tired even though we spent the day relaxing and not doing much as we were on holiday and we slept at 10.00 everyday. He does work long days but on his days off, he is not that interested in sex. However, even when I am very tired from work, I am always willing to have sex. So 2 weeks ago, it had been a week and he hadn't initiated sex so I had a massive argument with him. He then used some excuse about being tired as he has recently joined the gym so he told me once or twice a week sex is fine for him. I asked him if he had a low sex drive and he denied this. Sex 1 or 2 times a week Is this even normal especially at the start of marriage? Also I secretly checked his phone and found he was searching escorts in the area we live in and also I saw porn but the majority of men look at that. So please men and women, offer me advice as I am clueless and I am really inexperienced when it comes to relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted December 13, 2017 Share Posted December 13, 2017 Depends on the people involved, but on average I would say that a couple who have only been married a short time and waited until after the wedding to sleep together would be going at it like rabbits for months. So, he's not as keen as he should be, he's joined a gym, you found escort searches on his phone.......sorry, but I'd be suspicious of what he's up to when he goes to the gym. I'd be waiting at the gym to check whether he's really there, or for how long. I hope you don't find out anything awful. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Trail Blazer Posted December 13, 2017 Share Posted December 13, 2017 I was thinking "yeah, this is strange but stranger things have happened" until your last paragraph. I don't know what you were planning to find by snooping on his phone, but the porn thing is kinda pretty normal - looking up escorts is perhaps not uncommon but nonetheless a really, REALLY bad sign! Pretty much any rational or logical reason for why he's not interested in sex can be thrown out of the window when you factor in potentially seeing escorts. Of course, he may not have seen one yet so therefore if he had a physical or hormonal problem relating to a lack of sex then you would still think he'd be up for it more than he is. It's very hard to give sound advice when you have 2 very conflicting issues here. You don't know whether the correlation equals the causation or whether they are distinctly seperate. Either way, as disturbing as the reality is, he not only avoids having sex with you, but also fantasizes about having sex with prostitutes. I am terribly sorry to say but you have a long road ahead of you. Good luck as you will need it. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 13, 2017 Share Posted December 13, 2017 Either way, as disturbing as the reality is, he not only avoids having sex with you, but also fantasizes about having sex with prostitutes. OK I may buy the fantasising with escorts but these are not escorts from all over the world, he is looking for local escorts. Real, breathing women who live only a few miles, streets away... And that I guess is a huge problem. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted December 13, 2017 Share Posted December 13, 2017 batter, Can I ask if this is an arranged marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
TexasRob Posted December 13, 2017 Share Posted December 13, 2017 I've been married twice and both times in the first year or two we couldn't keep our hands off each other, and we had been having sex pre-maritally in both situations. I can't imagine how insatiable I would have been if I started a virgin, anyway I do think you have reason to be concerned this is not normal behavior. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
5x5 Posted December 13, 2017 Share Posted December 13, 2017 Rather than waste years of your life with a man who doesn't want to have sex with you, do yourself a favour and end your marriage. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 13, 2017 Share Posted December 13, 2017 Rather than waste years of your life with a man who doesn't want to have sex with you, do yourself a favour and end your marriage. ...and make sure the next time you find a man who is compatible with you sexually before you get married. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TexasRob Posted December 13, 2017 Share Posted December 13, 2017 You know that is the one comment that people make that sometimes confuses me, that being that you should make sure that the person you are marrying is "sexually compatible with you". My question would be, how do you really know? I mean outside of the obvious, they want to dress in leather and beat your bare fanny and your not into that. I mean that in both of my marriages the women I chose to be with wanted sex as much as I did at the beginning but then as the years passed things quickly started a steady decline. That seems to happen in a lot of relationships from what I have read on this board. So again "How would you know for sure?" would you ask them up front, "Hey, in ten years do you still see us having sex three to four times a week because if not, see ya later." Would anyone actually take that question seriously, I guess I just don't see given my experience how anyone can be really sure that their sex drives are going to line up for the long haul. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 13, 2017 Share Posted December 13, 2017 Big difference between sex after 10+ years (no-one can foretell the future), and a guy that after a week on honeymoon is "too tired" for sex. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Trail Blazer Posted December 13, 2017 Share Posted December 13, 2017 OK I may buy the fantasising with escorts but these are not escorts from all over the world, he is looking for local escorts. Real, breathing women who live only a few miles, streets away... And that I guess is a huge problem. Given that they're local it's obvious he doesn't just have a fetish for escorts. He's fantasizing about escorts while at the same time evaluating the local market. If he just needed to get a load off he'd use regular porn. Looking up local escorts is very concerning. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Trail Blazer Posted December 13, 2017 Share Posted December 13, 2017 Big difference between sex after 10+ years (no-one can foretell the future), and a guy that after a week on honeymoon is "too tired" for sex. Agreed. But would you agree that compatibility has a finite life? It seems especially so with sex. Link to post Share on other sites
BarbedFenceRider Posted December 13, 2017 Share Posted December 13, 2017 I still would like to hear if this was an arranged marriage. Did he get married for societal reasons or family obligations? gay? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 14, 2017 Share Posted December 14, 2017 OK I may buy the fantasising with escorts but these are not escorts from all over the world, he is looking for local escorts. Real, breathing women who live only a few miles, streets away... And that I guess is a huge problem. ....or, men? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
submart Posted December 14, 2017 Share Posted December 14, 2017 You just got married and are so young. He should be wanting it more often than what he says. And he knows you want more sex. But he prefers porn? He may have a porn problem. Ask him about his porn use. But in a non-threatening way. And the escorts? Bring it up. But again the way you bring it up is so important. Link to post Share on other sites
Steve51 Posted December 14, 2017 Share Posted December 14, 2017 When I met my wife she was a 19 year old virgin but I insisted on sex 7 months before the wedding. Too many wait and then find out that they are not sexually compatible and end up cheating to get what they cannot get at home. This is not like the olden days when people actually married for life or got banished from their church and community. Now with divorce so readily available, lack of sex is a very common reason to divorce. How much is subjective. We had sex once or twice a day when we got married and it was that way for about 5 years. All too often these days a man's lack of sexual interest in his wife is usually indicative of masturbating to porn. So many men are living their sex lives online now that it is a major problem in marriage. Much easier to just watch whatever sexual acts you like that your wife will not or cannot do, and masturbate to it. Quick, easy and no having to reciprocate. I ended up like this in my 50's. Always finding excuses like being tired because I was drained from masturbating to porn. I stopped masturbation and that helped a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted December 14, 2017 Share Posted December 14, 2017 I would end your marriage. Something isn't right here. A man waits a year, marries a virgin, and then doesn't want sex with her? And searching local escorts? I would be highly suspicious that he is hiding his true sexual orientation or married me for reasons other than love/attraction. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Batter Posted December 21, 2017 Author Share Posted December 21, 2017 I read all your replies and it is just confirming what I thought all along. Its not normal. It was not an arranged marriage, we dated for a year before we got married. I went through his phone, I discovered porn which is normal for most men and also I discovered lots of women he used to message in the past before he met me and then I also saw him sexting one guy as well so he must be bisexual. He always hugs and kisses me and tells me so many times in a day he loves me. But I think sex is really important in a relationship and in the beginning of our relationship, if he can go without it for 4 days easily just makes me think in the near future, it will be once a week then once in 2 weeks and when I will be 35 it will probably be once in 2 months so we are really not compatible. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 21, 2017 Share Posted December 21, 2017 Not compatible sexually and with his penchant for escorts, your future health or fertility could be at risk here. STIs in women can be symptomless but can still ruin your fertility. Link to post Share on other sites
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