justonequestion Posted September 8, 2017 Share Posted September 8, 2017 So this is quite a complicated story: I'm currently working in the same company as my girlfriend and everything is going well with her, we've been together for about a year and this is pretty serious. The issue is that her ex is trying to get a job in our company too, and I know it because he contacted her to know if she could help him to get the job. She just said that she didn't have any influence and redirected him to someone else (she told me about that). What I'm worried is that I know he's pretty skilled so he'll probably get the job if I don't do anything. And this is a problem because it gets really awkward when he's here. We were all three in the same university so I had a few occasions to tell that it would definitely ruin the mood if he was there. She is annoyed by his presence and I am too, but she doesn't want to hurt him or to tell him to go away because after all he's a really nice guy, not funny or handsome, but really kind, and that's the biggest problem I guess. Moreover I think she's still feeling bad about leaving him for me, not because she regrets but just because she hurt him. So I thought of a few solutions for the problem but I don't know which one to choose: - to not do anything - to talk to her ex and convince him to resign because after all he seems to care about her, so he might understand, but I don't want to contact him without telling her - to tell to my managers that it would be a really bad idea to hire him, because it would ruin the mood, and again, should I tell her ? and is it really okay to mess with his potential job just for a love issue ? - to ask her to talk to him, I would really feel bad about that one I don't want to involve her but I don't want to hide anything either, what should I do ? Sorry for the bad english, I'm not a native speaker Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted September 8, 2017 Share Posted September 8, 2017 I don't want to involve her but I don't want to hide anything either, what should I do ? Figure out why you would feel in any way threatened by his presence - whether he's in your building or in your city or on the furthest continent. Your key to inner peace about this does not lie externally but internally. Most certainly you can have discussions with your current g/f about how you feel - but she really does not have the ultimate power to make you feel secure and safe in this other guy's presence. (If she still feels awkward around him, then it's the same thing - or is she only saying that so that you will feel better? Maybe she totally doesn't care about him at all - other than in a normal, human, 'well-sure-I-hope-the-best-for-him' kind of way. That's just normal and human.) PS - Your English is quite excellent! . Better even than lots of people in my own English-as-first-language community. No worries for you in the future, about that. Link to post Share on other sites
Cersei Posted September 8, 2017 Share Posted September 8, 2017 Don't do anything. If he is not going to work out, let the boss figure it out on his own. You aren't there to socialize; you are there to do the job you are being paid to do.. If you go to the boss you could be seen as a trouble maker. If you tell the girlfriend, you could be seen as jealous and insecure. I suggest staying out of it. Just my two cents. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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