Husband sent & showed nudes of me

[Carini]

So I have been with my husband for 7 years, really happily married. We have had our ups and downs like any normal relationship but recently something has happened that has upset me... let me get to it, my husband was out of town and we were sexting so I sent some nudes of myself nothing to crazy, but later to find out he had showed some of his friends. I was upset and embarrassed because I feel those were supposed to private between us. I know he likes to show me off it turns him on... I told him please not to do it again. Well one night I got up and had a strange feeling something was telling me to look at his phone... and I NEVER DO THIS! I trust him and don't invade like that but literally something woke me from my sleep like a sixth sense... I opened his texts and he tried sending some of my pics to a sex service that you can call/text with... he woke and saw me on his phone, he had been drinking so was still drunk and said please I'm sorry do t be mad. But I was. He doesn't lie about what he has done I'm just feeling disrespected and embarrassed. He tells me it just turns him on when others see me naked. He blames his actions on drinking which he hasn't ever done this unless he has been drinking. He feels remorse but I'm just worried there is something more to this then just a erotic fetish/fantasy. Has this happened to anyone else? I love my husband i just don't know what is behind these actions.

[Chardonnay Renée]

I feel awful for you. That is disgusting behaviour by your husband. The fact that he likes showing others stuff that's supposed to be private suggests to me he sees you as an object or possession.

 

He has completely broken your trust. I would be furious and extremely upset if my husband did this to me! I haven't done the whole nude pic thing for a few years, and trusted my husband fully when I did it.

 

Luckily for me my husband is the opposite in that he HATES when guys are checking me out. I don't know whether it's jelousy or what, but he'd hate the idea of his mates fawning over me. I am his and he is mine. What's underneath our clothes is only for each other to see.

[Gr8fuln2020]

You have troubles. Plain and simple. Don't buy that he only does this when he is drinking crap...ugh. It takes some effort to go into his phone, access the pictures, attach or upload and send...quite a few steps that requirement concentration and deliberate effort to achieve.

 

He knows EXACTLY what he's doing and guess what? You've asked him no to do it and he did anyway. Also, any partner that gets a rush/turned on by sending total strangers and friends has some problems. He says it turns him on...so does he then go to you to have sex or does he just masturbate? Disgusting.

[JHandy]

Your husband is either a real jerk or more likely very stupid.

 

I'm hoping he's just really stupid. I'm not justifying what he did in no way as what he did was terrible. But I tend to try to find the silver lining before considering the terrible.

 

I suspect he thinks you're really hot and for a moment of not thinking he wanted to brag just like a junior high schooler would. In this absent minded moment he wanted to have his buddies know how awesome he has it.

 

I'm hoping he is now sharing your embarrassment.

 

What he did was wrong and he likely won't do it again. He hopefully understands fully what he did. If he doesn't, you need to go out and get an iron pan cooking set and have it on hand.

 

Ultimately in a haphazard way he held you up to very high standards and appreciation. It sucks he showed it this way.

 

You say you love him very much. Id set the rules and make sure he understands them. Ask him for his device and delete the pics off it and clear out the deleted files Cache. Then no longer take any more nude photos. He ruined that activity. Then display that iron pan for his next act of stupidity.

 

I've done my share of stupid things that could be considered as bad.

 

If you think he was legitimately stupid, forgive him with conditions of never repeating such things.

 

Sorry this happened to you.

[elaine567]

I get the drunken showing of pics on the phone to mates. Not nice, not classy and a big betrayal of trust... What kind of a man is this? Needs to be asked?

 

BUT uploading pics of your wife to a sex service can not ever be classed as just "stupid" and "he didn't really mean it"...

 

This the stuff of divorce actually. This is a sign of gross disrespect, not sure if the OP will ever be able to trust him again.

How can she have sex with a man who has shown her nude pics to all his mates and half of the internet... ???

[Rockdad]

I've personally known several guys that have done this. What I understand is they are proud of the woman they have and want to show off just how sexy they are. In your case your hubby will have to keep his desire for other guys seeing you unclothed to himself and not in action.

 

My wife is a naturalist and she shared her feelings years ago with me about her nude pics. Take all the pics and vids you want but if you share them there will be no more pics or vids.

 

Previous post mentioned stupid. Yes I would agree and say he got carried away and pulled some man moves. It reads to me like you guys can work through this which I'm glad of.

[d0nnivain]

You need to delete every photo you sent to him & never send him any more because he can't be trusted.

 

In many states it's illegal to send private sexy photos to a third party. Find out if your state has such a law https://www.cybercivilrights.org/revenge-porn-laws/ & assure your husband that if he does this again you will have him ARRESTED for violating your trust.

[JHandy]

BUT uploading pics of your wife to a sex service can not ever be classed as just "stupid" and "he didn't really mean it"...

 

This the stuff of divorce actually. This is a sign of gross disrespect, not sure if the OP will ever be able to trust him again.

 

Essentially i am saying what he did was at best stupid. And I said I hoped that was all he was. What he did was callous and thoughtless and unforgivable.

 

But if the OP wants to move on from this and find common ground then I'm trying to give her the perspective from a guy whose made stupid choices in his past marriage.

 

All I can say for certain is he's a careless jerk who needs to grow up. He thinks his wife is so hot he wants to brag about her and gets off thinking about other guys thinking she's hot. This stuff he has to stop.

 

The OP is asking for understanding. Just saying she should get a divorce is not helpful. I've gotten a divorce and would never wish that on anyone. Better to find common ground first.

 

You and I agree the guy is a first class jerk. But he could be given the chance to change and prove himself.

[Michelle ma Belle]

So I have been with my husband for 7 years, really happily married. We have had our ups and downs like any normal relationship but recently something has happened that has upset me... let me get to it, my husband was out of town and we were sexting so I sent some nudes of myself nothing to crazy, but later to find out he had showed some of his friends. I was upset and embarrassed because I feel those were supposed to private between us. I know he likes to show me off it turns him on... I told him please not to do it again. Well one night I got up and had a strange feeling something was telling me to look at his phone... and I NEVER DO THIS! I trust him and don't invade like that but literally something woke me from my sleep like a sixth sense... I opened his texts and he tried sending some of my pics to a sex service that you can call/text with... he woke and saw me on his phone, he had been drinking so was still drunk and said please I'm sorry do t be mad. But I was. He doesn't lie about what he has done I'm just feeling disrespected and embarrassed. He tells me it just turns him on when others see me naked. He blames his actions on drinking which he hasn't ever done this unless he has been drinking. He feels remorse but I'm just worried there is something more to this then just a erotic fetish/fantasy. Has this happened to anyone else? I love my husband i just don't know what is behind these actions.

 

OP, you went to great effort describing how 'really happy' you are in your marriage, how much you 'trust' your hubby and then go on to pretty much defend him by saying he 'doesn't lie' yet has continued to disrespect you by sharing private photos of you without consent. The fact that you caught him uploading them to a sex server is beyond disturbing and IMO unforgivable!

 

Too drunk to know better? Too f*cking bad! Not a good enough excuse.

 

It's one thing for a man to be proud of the way his woman looks and 'show her off' on his arm and it's another thing entirely to share intimate pictures with friends. Uploading those photos online after getting caught once before and promising never to share them again? DERANGED!

 

OP, I have spent many years online in various chat rooms, groups, forums both naughty and nice where I've met/chatted with countless men in all sorts of relationships arrangements and I will tell you without a shadow of a doubt that where there is smoke there is fire.

 

He doesn't lie? I call bullsh*t. Had you not caught him at any point I doubt he would have brought any of this up at dinner. Just because he didn't deny anything when you confronted him doesn't make him NOT a liar.

 

Besides, you only know what you were able to find. If I were you, I'd prepare myself for the very real possibility that those private pics have already made the rounds online.

 

I know I'm sounding harsh but I think you need a wake up call regarding just how disturbing this is and how serious it is. This is NOT something you can easily sweep under the rug with an apology and an "I love you" and go to bed at night feeling safe and secure that it will NEVER happen again.

 

His love of men gawking at you in your most private moments is clearly more complicated and complex than just saying he's proud to show you off as most people would understand it.

 

Be careful.

 

OP, has he ever talked about having someone watch you while you're having sex? Threesomes? Cuckholding? Voyeurism? My bet is that his need to share you sexually in some way must have come up, even in jest, at some point in your relationship. Whether or not you shared his affinity is another thing.

[Carini]

Thank you everyone for your replies, this is my first time on a forum asking for advice. I want to respond to some of the questions that have been asked, when I say I love my husband and we have a happy marriage we do, this has been the one thing that has come up that has me concerned. I don't think it is grounds for divorce because I can't imagine my life without him, yes what he has done is beyond stupid and hurtful but I've always believed is forgiveness and fixing the root of the problem. We have discussed what he likes sexually, and just in general. He would be a naturalist if he could part time... he doesn't want anyone to touch me Sexually but he likes them to look at me... like one of his fantasys was for me to open the door for a delivery person topless and in a thong. I love sex and trying new things in hope to bring us closer but when he did this behind my back I felt as if I was a joke, disrespected, and now I've kinda wanted to put the Kabash on it until I know he understands the boundaries.

[Redhead14]

He blames his actions on drinking -- What else does he do that he could blame drinking for . . .

 

And, it seems he's been doing quite a bit of drinking then. You may have a another problem that you should be concerned about and addressing . . .

[JHandy]

he doesn't want anyone to touch me Sexually but he likes them to look at me... like one of his fantasys was for me to open the door for a delivery person topless and in a thong. I love sex and trying new things in hope to bring us closer but when he did this behind my back I felt as if I was a joke, disrespected, and now I've kinda wanted to put the Kabash on it until I know he understands the boundaries.

 

I had hoped this is where you were in this. There's a lot of "spark" material here for you two. And you have a great outlook on it. The biggest thing I hope he understands is how lucky he is being married to you.

 

I hope for you both that he gets on board with your expectations and you both enjoy your life together. He did a really stupid and careless thing. Make sure he completely understands that before you BOTH venture further in "new things. "

 

Good luck!

[Gr8fuln2020]

I've personally known several guys that have done this. What I understand is they are proud of the woman they have and want to show off just how sexy they are. In your case your hubby will have to keep his desire for other guys seeing you unclothed to himself and not in action.

 

My wife is a naturalist and she shared her feelings years ago with me about her nude pics. Take all the pics and vids you want but if you share them there will be no more pics or vids.

 

Previous post mentioned stupid. Yes I would agree and say he got carried away and pulled some man moves. It reads to me like you guys can work through this which I'm glad of.

 

You must have missed the part where the husband is blaming his drunkenness for his foolish actions and the OP asking him not to do it again (so this was following her discovering his habit from the past). Also missed the part about him telling her that it turns him on....these are not actions of a man just making 'man' moves.

[wmacbride]

Op,

it sounds to me like this is an issue that's related to trust.

 

You asked him not to do something, explained why. he agreed, but did it anyway. The fact that it's about a sexualized subject is not relevant to his breach of trust.

 

Do you a relationship where you can talk to him about this and have him actually listen?

 

He needs to show you two things:

 

-that when he gives his word, it has to mean something

- there are personal boundaries you do not wish to cross, and you have every right to feel that way.

 

People have every right to explore their sexuality in any way they wish, so long as it doesn't infringe on the rights of others. He infringed on your right to privacy. It may be a big turn on for him, but that doesn't make it okay. Once he sent them out, he has zero control over what happens to them. It might be a big turn on for him to have his friends see them, but he also sent them to a website, and he has lost control over how they will be used.

 

If you want to help him live out a fantasy, is there some way that is less "public" that you could do so?

 

Really, it seems like your adult husband needs to be taught the same lessons my kids did about the internet when they were in kindergarten.

[Michelle ma Belle]

OP, I think you need to do some more research and investigating about nudes that get uploaded online.

 

I might understand offering forgiveness if he showed some intimate pics to a buddy or two. Chalk it up to boys being boys if that makes you sleep well at night.

 

Uploading them online is widely different. I don't think you understand the seriousness of sharing your private photos in such a manner.

 

But its your life, your marriage, your hubby and your nudes. Just don't be surprised if he tries this again or come to find out he's been doing this for a while now.

 

Good luck.

[wmacbride]

OP, I think you need to do some more research and investigating about nudes that get uploaded online.

 

I might understand offering forgiveness if he showed some intimate pics to a buddy or two. Chalk it up to boys being boys if that makes you sleep well at night.

 

Uploading them online is widely different. I don't think you understand the seriousness of sharing your private photos in such a manner.

 

But its your life, your marriage, your hubby and your nudes. Just don't be surprised if he tries this again or come to find out he's been doing this for a while now.

 

Good luck.

 

This is very true. Photos uploaded to the web can end up being used for just about anything, and for all intents and purposes, once they are up, its impossible to get them down. Did the site he uploaded them to ask if he had your permission to do so?

 

If they did, and he lied and said "yes", that is very troubling.

[preraph]

It's absolutely disgusting behavior and now a future employer may well find you on the internet.

[wmacbride]

When you say he showed his friends...please tel me that means he showed them and not shared them.

 

It's bad enough showing them, but at least it was just them, If he shared them, then god only knows were they will end up.

[d0nnivain]

When you say he showed his friends...please tel me that means he showed them and not shared them.

 

It's bad enough showing them, but at least it was just them, If he shared them, then god only knows were they will end up.

 

 

No such luck. Read below. He not only sent them . . .he sent the photos to some on line sex service! A commercial enterprise. I don't know how she gets them back from there. I'm hoping that since she wrote "he tried" that the upload failed because he was too drunk to do it right.

 

 

Showing a buddy his phone & saying {wink wink} "look how hot my wife is" is bad enough, to put it out there for God Knows Who to see, I'm not sure I could come back from that Carini.

 

 

... I opened his texts and he tried sending some of my pics to a sex service that you can call/text with... .

[JHandy]

If the photos are out there, unless the duface added the OP's name, it's unlikely to be discovered by any future employer. They are just a few more pics added to the 100's of millions out there. I'd worry about working for a pervert who is spending his or her days sifting through nude photos as a function of their employment.

 

I'm not trying to minimize the terrible thing the husband did. But adding unnecessary fear to the pile of emotions is not needed now. The OP wants to stay with her husband and potentially explore their sexuality TOGETHER with him staying between the lines so to speak.

[MrsSimpf]

The good news is that he didn't even attempt to lie in any way once confronted. The bad news is that this is a situation of trust that cannot be ignored in order to address the situation. A man is to honor his wife in marriage and perhaps these two situations are an opportunity to explore together why this is happening and whether trust can be rebuilt? If you'd like, I can recommend some online counseling resources? Sending prayers for you to continue to confront this issue together to get to a better place.

[BaileyB]

The thought of this is just so disturbing to me... I'm not sure that I could forgive and forget. This crosses the line for me.

[hammyy2k]

I feel awful for you. That is disgusting behaviour by your husband. The fact that he likes showing others stuff that's supposed to be private suggests to me he sees you as an object or possession.

 

seriously? this reeks of feminism bordering feminazism, sorry to say

[sandylee1]

It's hugely disrespectful, so I'd actually stop sending him any pics altogether, as you don't find it divorce worthy.

 

I would certainly feel violated. It's great that he finds you so hot and sexy, but he's crossed a line in a very big way so

 

Sending or showing his friends would have been the end for me, but we're all different.

[Carini]

Thanks everyone for your support. I've found myself a little stressed over the situation as the days go. Not sleeping well, I'm a smoker and I've noticed I've been smoking more, I look at him with a bad feeling inside. Trust has been broken, he can not get by with a sorry. I want action. I feel hurt. I have a lot of feelings. Hopefully our marriage will grow stronger from the mistakes, I love him I hope he will show me the respect and love I want. I will fight for our marriage but I can't do it alone he will have to put the work in as well.