Grinbow78 Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 I want to start off by saying that I Love my wife dearly & I would do anything for her. Now, with that being said, I strongly believe that my wife is planning on leaving me. From the Love-Relationship perspective: she repeated locks herself off in rooms all the time when I am home and she hardly ever talks to me unless she has to. I try to shower with love & affection, which she always dismisses all of that. I tell her the words "I Love You" all the time. I leave her surprise notes & gifts several times a week. I am always willing to give her back rubs without her even asking. Though, this is the only way that she will let me touch her in any way. Which brings me to second point. From the Physical-Relationship perspective: she never wants me to touch unless it is to give her a back rub (which I graciously do because it is better than no contact at all). She has replaced me with her vibrators in the bedroom. She used to hide it from me, now she does it that in front of me. Whenever I attempt to help or even ask the question "can I help you with that" she quickly rejects me & tells me "no, I don't need you for sex anymore". Before any one harps on me for male masturbation, I will tell you know & until the day that I die. That I DO NOT do that. I actually find no real pleasure it in, in fact the few times I have tried it in the way past. It is really boring unless my wife is with me during sex. I am truly only satisfied with her. She is my one & only and I love her dearly. So, no one can tell me that a vibrator doesn't replace a partner, because in my situation this is certainly true. I could really use some advice on what to do. I don't want to lose my wife. I would do anything for her. I love her with all of my heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 Maybe you do too much. You put in more than 50% in a relationship you end up at a distinct disadvantage. Stop!!!! While you're at it go online and check hour phone bill. The other thing is from your post you don't have much to lose. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PeopleWatching Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 (edited) Whenever I attempt to help or even ask the question "can I help you with that" she quickly rejects me & tells me "no, I don't need you for sex anymore". No, a vibrator does not replace a lover. It only takes care of the physical need for sexual release, and not always very well. In my admittedly limited experience, most people would prefer the intimacy of interacting with a partner given the choice and the chance. Showing you that she has sexual needs but doesn't want you to fulfill them is remarkably insensitive, and bordering on open hostility. That combined with sequestering herself away from you are signs that your wife may have completely checked out of the marriage. Unfortunately, your intuition is probably correct. Even if she plans to stay for financial or other reasons, in this kind of situation it seems to be only a matter of time before you resent her for treating you this way and check out of the marriage yourself. I am not usually a fan of the "180 technique", where you do an about face and stop showing any interest in her, but in this case desperate times may call for desperate measures. It's impossible to know what's going on inside of her head if she won't tell you. You might want to consider marriage counseling if she will go with you. Beyond that, if she won't engage in conversation with you then your two choices are pretty much live with it or divorce her. It may be enlightening to just outright tell her that it's obvious that she's already moved on, and ask her if she wants to give it a fighting chance before it's too late to fix it. Edited July 16, 2017 by PeopleWatching Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 How old are you and your wife? How long have you been together? Married? Why do you think she treats you this way? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 Fawning over her while she pushes you away won't win her over, it will only make her annoyed while making you either hate yourself or her. If you want to fix things you need to find the root of the problem, not try even harder to be 'good' 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 I'm not sure why you love this woman, because she is not treating you very well. And given the information that you have shared, I would sadly say that I think you have already lost her. She may not have moved out yet, but it doesn't seem that she wants to be married and share any time or physical affection with you. I'm sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Mumbles Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 Take back your manhood. Its really that simple. You are now seen as disposable and not worthy of pursuit. Forget that and start leading your life, largely, as if you were single. Get into shape, look after yourself and show her love and affection, but on your terms. The masturbation in full view of you, presumably when you're in bed together is a big red flag of possible narcissism - be on the watchout for that, you may have a NPD wife here and if so you need to bone up immediately with knowledge. Link to post Share on other sites
knabe Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 I'm soy you're being so neglected. I know that hurts a lot. First, DON'T diagnose her. Only a doc can do that, and only in person. Has the dynamic always been this way? Have you always been this affectionate, or did it begin after you became concerned? Has she always been this cold, or did it begin sort of suddenly? Link to post Share on other sites
Ahurtgirl Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 She's not feeling sexually attracted to you for whatever reason. I know first hand what that feels like. You love the person but there is no desire to be physical with them. Toys are easier, cleaner, and don't require the mess and fluids that are involved in actual sex. I have made that full circle of discovery myself. It has nothing to do with you. You are taking it personally and you shouldn't be. Enjoy watching her play. Not much else you can do. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 Your wife has zero attraction to you and zero respect for you. Part of the reason for this is that you are allowing her to treat you like a doormat. The more you fawn over her while she rejects you and disrespects you the more her contempt for you will grow. I don't know if your marriage is salvageable at this point but if you want to try to save it then the first thing you have to do is locate your backbone and self respect. Let her know that the current state of your marriage is unacceptable and that you can no longer give all of yourself to her while you get nothing in return. Tell her that you want her to join you in counselling and that you want to see some commitment and investment in the marriage by her or you will leave. If she is too far removed from you and the marriage she might not comply and instead just let you leave. That will probably hurt at first but it's still better than living your life with someone who doesn't care one iota about you and who will probably leave you down the road anyways. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bufo Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 You need to see a lawyer to learn about divorce in your locale. Knowledge is power and reduces fear of the unknown. Have you done any detective work via phone bills, charge card bills, VAR in car, checking car odometer or the like? Suspicion without action does you no good. Read some random threads posted by BH's. You'll see that those who take action do better than those who choose to bury their heads in the sand. Link to post Share on other sites
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