lylahlilly Posted March 12, 2017 Share Posted March 12, 2017 I've been with my partner for 4 years and we have a baby together and i have 2 children to a previous marriage. Up until recently (past year) our sex life has been great but something happened and it went to ****. First I thought maybe he was tired cause of work but there has been many instances where he has not had work (weekends, holidays etc) I can only reach orgasm by rubbing my clit or occasionally oral, which my partner knows. I always make sure he is satisfied, he always cums even if i cant actually have ex (that time of the month, or in this case i had our baby 2 weeks ago so haven't been able to participate in sex). I give him blow jobs or hand jobs. When we do have sex or begin to start fooling around he makes no real moves toward's actually turning me on...(goes in dry more then half the time) And after he finishes unless he is wants to go a second round I'm out of luck. This is if he doesn't fall asleep during me wanking him off or sucking him off, sometimes we are lucky enough that he remains awake.. When he does bother to touch me he goes straight for my clit like a bull at a gate and if anything it hurts. He doesn't try to touch me in any other way. I just don't know what to do. I cant help but think what is wrong with me, if i want to come i have to watch porn and deal with myself privately (which is what i do most days anyway) but to have to do it when we were meant to have just had sex or whatnot is horrible It's at the point that after sex I end up leaving the bed while he goes to sleep to go cry in the lounge room. I know he loves me he tells me all the time. He always kisses me, holds my hand, kisses my forehead...But the sex is just awful or non existent. I try everything I can to make sex good for him. Just about anything he asks me to do for him I willing do it happily. But every time I ask anything of him, he says he will but doesn't or does it one time then never again. I don't think i turn him on anymore, maybe cause i have put on weight thanks to the pregnancy....or maybe I am not attractive because of the changes my body went through during pregnancy and after. While I was pregnant and a bit before i found messages in his email. We were having a few communication issues and because of this he started messaging other girls telling them he was single. He was answering to adds on craigslist as well. I don't know what to do, I'm terribly depressed because of our sex life because i love him so much but maybe I'm a fool Link to post Share on other sites
Johnsmith1003 Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 Pardon me if I missed it but I didn't see where you explicitly communicated your thoughts here. In sex where frustration can be heightened there should be NO guesswork. Communication is ever so important. My wife is somewhat similar to you (only clitoral stim) so that's what I go for. You say he doesn't do anything else but what if he thinks you don't appreciate it? The last paragraph about CL is ass though. That's a hard no no. Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 I've been with my partner for 4 years and we have a baby together and i have 2 children to a previous marriage. Up until recently (past year) our sex life has been great but something happened and it went to ****. First I thought maybe he was tired cause of work but there has been many instances where he has not had work (weekends, holidays etc) I can only reach orgasm by rubbing my clit or occasionally oral, which my partner knows. I always make sure he is satisfied, he always cums even if i cant actually have ex (that time of the month, or in this case i had our baby 2 weeks ago so haven't been able to participate in sex). I give him blow jobs or hand jobs. When we do have sex or begin to start fooling around he makes no real moves toward's actually turning me on...(goes in dry more then half the time) And after he finishes unless he is wants to go a second round I'm out of luck. This is if he doesn't fall asleep during me wanking him off or sucking him off, sometimes we are lucky enough that he remains awake.. When he does bother to touch me he goes straight for my clit like a bull at a gate and if anything it hurts. He doesn't try to touch me in any other way. I just don't know what to do. I cant help but think what is wrong with me, if i want to come i have to watch porn and deal with myself privately (which is what i do most days anyway) but to have to do it when we were meant to have just had sex or whatnot is horrible It's at the point that after sex I end up leaving the bed while he goes to sleep to go cry in the lounge room. I know he loves me he tells me all the time. He always kisses me, holds my hand, kisses my forehead...But the sex is just awful or non existent. I try everything I can to make sex good for him. Just about anything he asks me to do for him I willing do it happily. But every time I ask anything of him, he says he will but doesn't or does it one time then never again. I don't think i turn him on anymore, maybe cause i have put on weight thanks to the pregnancy....or maybe I am not attractive because of the changes my body went through during pregnancy and after. While I was pregnant and a bit before i found messages in his email. We were having a few communication issues and because of this he started messaging other girls telling them he was single. He was answering to adds on craigslist as well. I don't know what to do, I'm terribly depressed because of our sex life because i love him so much but maybe I'm a fool The only thing I see wrong with you is you are scared to tell him he has gotten lazy in your sex life and is not meeting your needs. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 The other thins that appear to be wrong with your post is the fact that you blame weight gained during the pregnancy with his child for his lack of sexual interest. You should be proud of your body and he should be proud of you for delivering his child! And, you need to ask yourself why you are tolerating this kind of behavior from your spouse... A lazy lover is one thing, but seeking sex from other girls on Craigslist is something entirely different! Link to post Share on other sites
JYYA Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 Lylah, I hear your frustrations about what's is perceived to be him not wanting to satisfy you sexually. Like Johnsmith said above, have you talked to him about this? Without asking, you may never know the real reason (if any at all) for this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lylahlilly Posted March 13, 2017 Author Share Posted March 13, 2017 We have had discussions about this, he says hes sorry and that he will try harder next time etc...on the odd occassion he will try...once maybe.....but its back to the norm the next day. I'm scared to bring it back up again. I feel like a ****ty gf for doing so like im hurting his ego or something. The craigslist **** he hasnt done since, well i at least havent court him out, he may have gotten better at hiding it but i think hes actually not done it since as he is too lazy to go to extents to cover it.n I could try again explaining it all to him i guess, but i cant help but feel im going round in circles and at the end of it i feel worse, i assume he feels worse for the conversation too. I just thought maybe it was cause he didn't find me attractive anymore, i at least certainly do not feel attractive anymore. i also dread night time in case he wants to have sex cause i know its gonna be crap and im gonna be left awake all night crying and over analysing it..... Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 If he is on CL looking for sex than this is more than him being lazy. He's cheating or trying to. He is probably addicted to porn or escorts. I would be looking further into this. Link to post Share on other sites
JYYA Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 I hear how he feels sorry when confronted and how he'd like to try again next time. However, is he aware of the reasons why he's acting the way he does? I mean, if he knows that his lack of attention to your sexual needs makes you feel undesirable and unattractive, and he claims to want to fulfill you, his actions seem to be sending a different message. I'm just wondering if he's even aware of this and why he doesn't follow through. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lylahlilly Posted March 14, 2017 Author Share Posted March 14, 2017 I guess I will need to find the courage to speak to him again to make sure he does know. Thank you for eveyones advice, i do appreciate your veiws and opinions. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 You deserve so much more than you have been getting from this man. Don't ever forget this! And, don't ever feel badly for asking for what you want. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
MrInternational Posted March 15, 2017 Share Posted March 15, 2017 If you aren't married, he doesn't owe you any sex at all. Link to post Share on other sites
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