Luineeleer Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 For the last 6 years my husband and I have lived in florida with our 3 kids. We live with his parents. Before then we lived in sc on our own which is where my entire family is. Over the last 6 years I have begged my husband to move back and he always said no. So 8 months ago I left with the 2 younger kids and moved back to sc living with my parents. Now my husband and I are still together. We have been trying to work on things. He would like for me to move back to fl until we can both move back together. My parents say I'm stupid if I do this. My husband says that either I move back or we have to divorce. I dont want that I really just want him to move back here to sc. How can I trust him to move back when he has always said he wouldn't do that. Then I look at my kids who I know miss their daddy and think I was being selfish to move in the first place. I just don't know what to do. Help!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 (edited) That's hard. I agree with your parents, I don't think it's wise to move back to Florida and expect that he will then decide to move to SC. You can't really trust him... He's had the opportunity to move back to SC and he has chosen to stay in Fl. Move back to Florida only if you want to reunite with your husband. Do you really want to return and live with his parents? Does he visit you and the kids in SC? Is this really a marriage worth saving or would you create a happier life for you and your children in SC? What are the job prospects for him in SC - other than family, what keeps him in Florida? Edited January 13, 2017 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Author Luineeleer Posted January 13, 2017 Author Share Posted January 13, 2017 He doesn't really visit much. I have had to drive there on multiple occasions so that the kids could spend time with him. All i am thinking about is the kids. No one has to sit with them at night listening to how much they miss him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Luineeleer Posted January 13, 2017 Author Share Posted January 13, 2017 He has a very good job in fl. I know he works hard but I had been asking him to move way before he had this job. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 No, but marriage and being a father is about sacrifice and compromise. It doesn't sound like he's willing to sacrifice and compromise very much for his family. You need to think about that... As hard as it is and as much as the kids may miss him, if you move back to Florida do so wih the full knowledge that you are making all the compromise... For a man who hasn't really been bothered to come and visit his wife and children this past year. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Luineeleer Posted January 13, 2017 Author Share Posted January 13, 2017 Your right. He has come a few times. He knows my parents don't like him. But he always makes an excuse as to why he can't come. Money job etc. I want to trust him bc I love him. He has an older daughter, she is my step daughter, I see her as my own. She told me how much she wanted to moved back to. But now she doesn't and she feels like I have abandoned her. I feel so selfish to take the kids and leave. I feel like I have only thought about what makes me happy not what makes everyone the happiest. Link to post Share on other sites
Rockdad Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 Was it your intention for him to move in with your parents in SC ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Luineeleer Posted January 13, 2017 Author Share Posted January 13, 2017 No I don't want that at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Luineeleer Posted January 13, 2017 Author Share Posted January 13, 2017 I want to be happy. And I want everyone around me happy Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 Beside the obvious, living closer to your family, why do you want to move back to SC? And beside the obvious, living with his parents, is there another reason why you don't feel that you can be happy in Florida? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Luineeleer Posted January 13, 2017 Author Share Posted January 13, 2017 I have always been close with my family. I do miss them and my life in florida wasn't too bad. But I did do everything for everyone there. I cooked for everyone I cleaned for everyone. I dont want to go back to that. I have vented on my relationship to my parents. Which has only made things worse for me. I know that. He has made promises of change but he has lied to me many times in the past about a lot of things. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 So, the issue isn't necessarily only about where to live... there are other marital issues and this is about trust. To a certain extend, life as a wife and mother of three children is all about cooking and cleaning... But, it sounds like your issues are more than that. If I may ask, what has he lied to you about? Can you see a counsellor, someone who can help you to process your feelings and make a decision? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
FortyandForlorn Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 If he has a good job, why are you guys living with his parents? For 6 years? Would FL be better if you had your own place? Are you working - in FL or SC? Asking him to quit his job (when it seems you guys are having financial difficulties) to move just to be closer to your family seems awfully silly. But maybe there's more to this story??? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Luineeleer Posted January 13, 2017 Author Share Posted January 13, 2017 He has lied to me about stupid petty things to big issues like posting sex ads on Craigslist. Living with his parents is easy for him. He doesn't have to do much. I know that being a homemaker is all about cleaning and cooking and I am ok with that when it comes to my family. But having to do it for grown adults who are older than me is not what I want. The thing about moving back is I have been asking to do so for years. Way before he got this job. Before we moved to fl he lied to me and told me he got laid off in sc when in actuality he quit his job to move to fl. We moved there with nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 (edited) Ok. I wouldn't be moving back. There is no way that I would live with and do all the housework for his parents when he has a job and you could be living independently. There is no way that I would move back with him when he lied to me about something as important as the fact that he was laid off to get you to move away from your family and your life to Florida. There is absolutely no way that I would reconcile with someone who posted sex adds on Craig's list and was was looking for an opportunity to cheat. Hell to the NO WAY!! Now I see why your parents don't like this guy... I'm sorry. I'm sure that your kids miss him and I'm sure that you miss his daughter. But, you will be healthier and happier with your family in SC. This decision is on him... Not you. You may be the one drawing the boundary and making the decision to stay in SC... But, he was the one who had the choice for things with your marriage and family to be different. It's all on him. Edited January 13, 2017 by BaileyB 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 So, the issue isn't necessarily only about where to live... Agreed. OP, my initial thought was "why choose your parents over your husband?". But this is more about leaving him than it is going to them. You need some clarity about what's going on. Between the lies, manipulation and cheating, not sure why you'd consider a return to him or Florida... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Whoknew30 Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 So you spilt up your kid's bc you're throwing a fit about where to live? You're not behaving as an adult & or mother. You don't like what your H is doing or don't want to live with his parents...get a job & move on your own, with ALL of your kids. You're behaving like a child...take control & stop pretending your situation is just happening to you. It sounds like you're both being terrible roll models for your kids. This is as much your fault as it his. I'm extremely close to family & do listen & respect them but i also know I'm in charge of my own life at the end of the day...it's something you need to figure out also. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
T-16bullseyeWompRat Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 Is this a cultural thing that you have to live with parents as adults yourselves? Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 Sex ads on CL? Why you still with this jerk. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Luineeleer Posted January 14, 2017 Author Share Posted January 14, 2017 I never said was perfect or not at fault for anything. I tried to get our oldest to come with me but she wouldn't. I have no rights to her since I technically didn't have her. So I couldn't make her come. It was not my choice to split the kids up. I would have loved to have her with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Epicurus77 Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 Details are being left out. Specially, why he flavors Florida over South Carolina. You don't want to work outside the home as a single parent, I think. You want to pull him, and he wants to pull you. We can't change that. Other posters are focused on infidelity, but its not your focus. That is the facts. My guess is you two will continue the same status. Let us know the result. Link to post Share on other sites
Epicurus77 Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 (edited) So you spilt up your kid's bc you're throwing a fit about where to live? You're not behaving as an adult & or mother. You don't like what your H is doing or don't want to live with his parents...get a job & move on your own, with ALL of your kids. This You're behaving like a child...take control & stop pretending your situation is just happening to you. It sounds like you're both being terrible roll models for your kids. This is as much your fault as it his. I'm extremely close to family & do listen & respect them but i also know I'm in charge of my own life at the end of the day...it's something you need to figure out also. #1. He quit and was not fired, so she feels deception. Trust Issue in relationship #2 In S. Carolina, she has control of the residence and 2 out of three kids. In Florida, his parents have some control. #3 Single parents have less income than married ones. #4 If he was hot-shot provider, they would not put her in this predicament. ----- kids first? Romantic idea. Edited January 14, 2017 by Epicurus77 Link to post Share on other sites
Epicurus77 Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 Sex ads on CL? Why you still with this jerk. 3 kid guy living at parents home wanting his wife back...is that going to make him desirable to most women.....or kill his sexual urges?..... Wake up and see the world how it really is. Link to post Share on other sites
Whoknew30 Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 #1. He quit and was not fired, so she feels deception. Trust Issue in relationship #2 In S. Carolina, she has control of the residence and 2 out of three kids. In Florida, his parents have some control. #3 Single parents have less income than married ones. #4 If he was hot-shot provider, they would not put her in this predicament. ----- kids first? Romantic idea. She would get money in a divorce, the courts would decide what's happens, not him & what is she going to do, not work ever. If it's been that long since she's not been happy, she's had plenty of time to find work out of this house. "Kids first" isn't a romantic idea bc if one can't put their kids first than one was never ready for the responsibility. You don't fix life's problems by running away to mom & dad's in life as a married adult...to clear your head & or when something he actually been decided & taken care of...not to throw a fit. Unless his parents are threatening her with some kind of harm, the only reason they have control is bc she (at some point) was fine with living with them...now her parents control her, when does she stand up & make her own decisions? Link to post Share on other sites
Epicurus77 Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 Am I the only one with 20-20 vision here? This is a money/quality of life situation herd. This is real life and millions of couple go through similar situations. My guess is: It will remain as-is. Most couples are not "for better or for worse". If either of you (husband or wife) where serious - you would put a time limit on it....if Florida does improve, I will move back at such and such date, if not we do plan B or plan C. Link to post Share on other sites
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