He still in love with his ex wife..

[JDE]

So I met my bf almost 11 months ago while he was deployed over seas. We fell in love and he told me that he was married before but been divorced for 3 years. I ended taking a year off my law school to go to the states and be with him till it was time for him to deploy again. After 2 weeks I went tru his phone and found out he was still married and still talking with his wife. When I asked about it he said that it was a hard decision for him to make and they needed time. First I wanted to leave him but I found out that I'm pregnant. I felt so lonely and I knew he's still talking with her. She was sending him pictures with her and they talked like it was alot going on. Whenever I was asking for explanations he refused to talk at all about it. I was crying myself almost everynight. He finally finished his divorce but I feel like I am living under her shadow. One night he said something bad to me and he called me all type of names and I ended up hitting him. He hit me back. I wanted to leave but the baby is keeping me in place. I don't have anyone to talk about I can't tell my family cause they will force me to come back. He is really rude to me and I know he is still talking and sending her money. I think he still loves her. I don't know what to do..

[elaine567]

Get out of there ASAP and go live with your family and let them take care of you and your baby.

This is a toxic relationship and not one to bring a new born baby into.

Edited November 27, 2016 by elaine567
removed quote

[Satu]

Get out of there ASAP and go live with your family and let them take care of you and your baby.

This is a toxic relationship and not one to bring a new born baby into.

 

Copied for emphasis.

 

 

Take care.

[Shanex]

Another vote to leave the burning building.

[Gloria25]

Get out of there ASAP and go live with your family and let them take care of you and your baby.

This is a toxic relationship and not one to bring a new born baby into.

 

When people: date, get engaged, get married, then have kids you can hopefully avoid disasters like this ^^.

[elaine567]

The OPs other thrread

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/604289-my-bf-flirts-everybody

Hmm...

[Redhead14]

So I met my bf almost 11 months ago while he was deployed over seas. We fell in love and he told me that he was married before but been divorced for 3 years. I ended taking a year off my law school to go to the states and be with him till it was time for him to deploy again. After 2 weeks I went tru his phone and found out he was still married and still talking with his wife. When I asked about it he said that it was a hard decision for him to make and they needed time. First I wanted to leave him but I found out that I'm pregnant. I felt so lonely and I knew he's still talking with her. She was sending him pictures with her and they talked like it was alot going on. Whenever I was asking for explanations he refused to talk at all about it. I was crying myself almost everynight. He finally finished his divorce but I feel like I am living under her shadow. One night he said something bad to me and he called me all type of names and I ended up hitting him. He hit me back. I wanted to leave but the baby is keeping me in place. I don't have anyone to talk about I can't tell my family cause they will force me to come back. He is really rude to me and I know he is still talking and sending her money. I think he still loves her. I don't know what to do..

 

I'm sorry, JDE, but I gotta be harsh here. You were attending law school and early on in this "relationship" you stopped going to be with him!!!! For me, it would take a hell of a lot more of knowing a man and clarity/assurance that a man was worth doing that for than the consideration you gave this, that's for damn sure.

 

I don't know how old you are, but you don't sound like a grown up. This man is still in love with and helping support his "ex" and flirts with other women and you are carrying his baby. There is something seriously wrong with this picture.

 

Your NUMBER 1 priority is that baby and bringing a baby into that environment is selfish, lacks insight and forethought and completely unfair to that baby.

 

Put on your big girl, lawyer pants and get real with yourself. Get yourself on your own two feet, find a place for you and your child to live when he or she is born and start putting your life together as an independent, intelligent, secure woman and do it right now! And, then get yourself back to law school.

 

Frankly, given your attitude and lack of guts shown above, I don't think being a lawyer would be a good fit for you. A good lawyer needs maturity, insight, forward thinking ability, self-confidence and common sense.

[Gloria25]

I'm sorry, JDE, but I gotta be harsh here. You were attending law school and early on in this "relationship" you stopped going to be with him!!!! For me, it would take a hell of a lot more of knowing a man and clarity/assurance that a man was worth doing that for than the consideration you gave this, that's for damn sure.

 

I don't know how old you are, but you don't sound like a grown up. This man is still in love with and helping support his "ex" and flirts with other women and you are carrying his baby. There is something seriously wrong with this picture.

 

Your NUMBER 1 priority is that baby and bringing a baby into that environment is selfish, lacks insight and forethought and completely unfair to that baby.

 

Put on your big girl, lawyer pants and get real with yourself. Get yourself on your own two feet, find a place for you and your child to live when he or she is born and start putting your life together as an independent, intelligent, secure woman and do it right now! And, then get yourself back to law school.

 

Frankly, given your attitude and lack of guts shown above, I don't think being a lawyer would be a good fit for you. A good lawyer needs maturity, insight, forward thinking ability, self-confidence and common sense.

 

Believe it or not, some women get overwhelmed with college and/or the prospect of having to be on their own upon completion of studies, so they default into marriage, motherhood and/or chasing some guy. Yes, this still goes on despite this being 2016.

 

Shoot, even my last guy got overwhelmed with law school. It stressed the heck out of him too and he questioned if he really wanted it. Thankfully he stuck with it.

[Redhead14]

Believe it or not, some women get overwhelmed with college and/or the prospect of having to be on their own upon completion of studies, so they default into marriage, motherhood and/or chasing some guy. Yes, this still goes on despite this being 2016.

 

Shoot, even my last guy got overwhelmed with law school. It stressed the heck out of him too and he questioned if he really wanted it. Thankfully he stuck with it.

 

That's fine if the guy is a stand up guy, this guy isn't, so it's not too late for her to see the "error" of her ways and learn for the future.

 

It's not so much the quitting school that bugs me, it's getting pregnant with a man who is clearly not invested in her and she isn't taking responsibility for herself.

 

She doesn't want to tell her family because they will force her to come home!!! She needs a huge kick in her ass. She can run away from her parents, she can run away from school, but she cannot run away from her responsibility to that baby and to make sure it is raised in a stable, caring, tension-free, environment with a mother and father who love each other as well as the child. She needs to open her eyes. Yeah, she's made some mistakes, it's time to stop making mistakes and start doing the right things.

[stillafool]

. I don't have anyone to talk about I can't tell my family cause they will force me to come back. He is really rude to me and I know he is still talking and sending her money. I think he still loves her. I don't know what to do..

 

Yes he still loves her. What do you mean you can't tell your family? How will you explain your baby? You have to leave him and go home. He is in love with his wife and you need to worry about your baby, not him at this point.

[MJJean]

So, you met a guy who you barely knew, dropped out of school, moved to be with him, got pregnant before you actually knew anything about this man, including the fact that he was still legally married and in love with his wife, he "flirts with everybody" according to your other thread, he's physically hit you, and you're only 3 months along with the ability to go back home to your family?

 

Girl, RUUUUN! This guy is a hot mess and NOT husband OR father material. Go home, get a job or go back to college to finish a degree, and raise your child.

[seren]

You sound quite young, possibly a little naive, but I might be reading it wrong, apologies if this is the case. I read how he spoke to you, how he acts around you and how you are pregnant and he hit you. Forget his relationship with his ex wife, the important one right now is his relationship with you and that, is not as it should be. Were you my daughter I would be coming to get you, taking you home and looking after you and your baby. he would have to run for the hills for treating you this way.

 

You now have the responsibility of making sure you and your baby are safe and happy, stress is so not good for someone who is pregnant. That he hit you speaks volumes about him, no, you shouldn't have hit him, but how he dealt with it shouldn't have been to hit you back, if he does that now, what will happen when you both have the pressures and stresses of being parents.

 

Who knows if he loves his ex wife? very few relationships that break up just end, unless there are truly bad feelings. They will always share history of when life was happy and times were better, if they have children or close to each other's families, then that link will always be there. It is hard enough breaking into all that when a divorce is amicable and you are accepted and are loved, to feel you have to compete is not a good start to any relationship.

 

Go home to your family if you can, even if it is just to get your head straight, though I can understand the being in love with him feelings, are you in love with a man who hits the woman who is carrying his child? Think about that, think about how life years down the line looks like if it is like this now. Go be with people who will love and nurture you at this time, take care of you and your baby, he might come find you and maybe you can both work on a better relationship. But right now, it doesn't sound like a good place to be.