foolman Posted September 20, 2016 Share Posted September 20, 2016 My wife leaves everything to the last minute, a lot of the times after the last minute and late. I've accepted it. It is what it is and I'm the complete opposite but have learned to do what I need to do to operate under this paradigm. Currently, she had been talking about getting tickets to her favorite band for month that is playing in town. I have a million things on my plate so fine, get the tickets. I could have gotten the tickets I suppose but already inundated with other tasks that are a consequence of her last minute behavior. So now the show is sold out and I'm a jerk. She waited until the last minute as usual to get tickets, and I'm not allowed to point out how if this was something that was important to her, she should not have left it to the last minute. Now I'm the bad guy and in trouble. I should have just gotten the tickets but like I said, I had other things to deal with I can't do everything in our relationship. Guess I'm just venting. Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted September 20, 2016 Share Posted September 20, 2016 That's gotta such being the responsible adult in your relationship. Maybe buy her a day planner for Xmas stocking stuffer? Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted September 20, 2016 Share Posted September 20, 2016 Life is too short....she can suffer her own consequence. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wade Lamare Posted September 20, 2016 Share Posted September 20, 2016 Procrastination? Hmmm, I'll answer that later on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 20, 2016 Share Posted September 20, 2016 Currently, she had been talking about getting tickets to her favorite band for month that is playing in town. If she was going to get the tickets, why are you the bad guy ? Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolman Posted September 20, 2016 Author Share Posted September 20, 2016 I'm the bad guy because I told her she shouldn't have waited until the tickets sold out to buy them instead of being supportive when she was disappointed. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 In this case I agree with her. How does piling on after she's screwed up help the situation? Repeat after me - "I'm sorry you're disappointed". Something both of you can agree on... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 foolman...if you're venting ..good for you. If you think you can change her...guess again. You can only change yourself and the way you react to her. I suggest not reacting to her and let the consequences fall where they may, and learn to accept her for the way she is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyFootprints Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 (edited) I always wait 'til the last minute, too. There is a certain amount of stress and disappointment when a spouse has "too much on his plate" to be sure the plans are okay. Of course, that's just my perspective and vent for the night. Eta: I have gotten some really awesome tickets day of concert and the band has released reserved tickets. I'd call the venue that day to see if any of those blocked tickets have been released. Edited September 21, 2016 by MuddyFootprints Link to post Share on other sites
LastAcorn99 Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 Aww…I get you. Probably you can encourage your wife to put reminders on her phone the next time? Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 foolman, As you quite rightly say your wife has the right to behave however she wants, but in doing so needs to understand what the consequences are. Reading between the lines of your post tells me that she hasn't had to face these consequences because you have always bailed her out. Now she's facing them and doesn't like it. Tough ! Stop enabling her behaviour and stop picking up after her. Sure there be some arguments and dummies being spat out but she needs to take responsibility. Grit your teeth and say things like "oh dear what a shame", "I'm sure you'll be able to sort something out" and then let her get on with it. And don't let her guilt-trip you into being the bad guy because you won't pick up her lazy slack. She's an adult not a child. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolman Posted October 12, 2016 Author Share Posted October 12, 2016 I ended up finding someone selling tickets on Craigslist and driving two hours away after work to get them. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 I ended up finding someone selling tickets on Craigslist and driving two hours away after work to get them. Translation - "I'm enabling her procrastination"... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
4givrnt4gtr Posted October 19, 2016 Share Posted October 19, 2016 (edited) I hate to say it but I agree with Mr. Lucky. If you dont want to shoulder the responsibility of always being the one doing what needs to get done you need to stop saving her from her own bad habits. This is not just for you but also for her. I bet she feels terrible when things like these happen and the only way to cure her issue is to let her experience the full extent of her not organizing herself.It'll take a few times but after a while you' ll see a change. Its basic behavioral training. Also, I agree with someone who said chastising and showing contempt doesnt get you anywhere (except to a lawyer if the contempt continues). Best bet is acknowledge her feelings of dissapointment and leave it at that. No rescuing no chastising, just "Im sorry this sucks for you." That way you build strong boundaries and are still supportive. Good Luck Edited October 19, 2016 by 4givrnt4gtr typo Link to post Share on other sites
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