ShatteredLady Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 Thank you Lobe for the ANTIversary idea! Many, if not most of us have some horrible anniversaries as a result of affairs. I know that I trigger badly...I trigger because I anticipate triggering!!! My H managed to coordinate nightmare revelations & steps with very memorable dates - New Years Day (Forum post listing never before mentioned issues & divorce! Passive aggressive!! Yep! I was dumped after 25 years by 'anonymous post! ) Both our birthdays (5 days apart), Mothers Day (OMG that's my very worst!), Father's Day etc. I love the idea of creating new, great memories that will replace the ANTIversaries. Have any of you done this? What have you done? What do you plan, fantasize?? Please share, help, laugh...... It's our 20th Wedding Anniversary this week. WooHoo!! Ugh!! Link to post Share on other sites
Onlywhenitrains Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 This may sound like a really, really weird one. Birthdays of people I love are important to me. Pretty reasonable, I suppose. Last year during the A, he happened to be on vacation with his wife on his birthday. I still texted him saying happy B-day and all of that. This year we broke up (I hope for the final time) the night he told me he was gonna be away, vacationing with his wife on his B-day this year as well. His birthday was a week ago. I didn't say/text a word. It was hard. But, it felt good! I just didn't care. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jenkins95 Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 (edited) Good idea for a thread SL. I can't offer any suggestions but I'm very keen to see if anyone can. I have just entered a very triggery time. xOW's birthday was last week, it was a year to the day since I last met her yesterday...... The next few days hold lots of little anniversary 'treats' - d day, wife physically collapsing, breaking NC, reinstating NC, final messages with OW, final call, etc. I reckon if I can make it to Christmas intact, I will have gone a huge way to putting the a behind me. For those of you who have been there, do these anniversaries get less painful each year? I damn well hope so! Looking forward to some interesting posts here! Edited August 28, 2016 by jenkins95 Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 I wasn't married for long, but whenever my wedding anniversary comes up I try to do something special with my daughter (who I have sole custody of). My daughter is the only good thing that came from my marriage and so I concentrate on that one positive gift that I took out of it. It's hard I know, but eventually you will get to a point where all those dates are meaningless. Link to post Share on other sites
RomanticBride Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 (edited) Congratulations to you both on your 20th!!! I truly can't imagine how proud and accomplished you must feel!!! Being that it's such a major milestone, are you going anywhere? Perhaps if you have the funds you could consider a second honeymoon, or even renewing your vows and having a second wedding!! My husband and I are coming up on our 5th anniversary and he plans to take us to a romantic retreat nearby for the weekend. We can walk around the same downtown we first explored on our honeymoon, get couples' massages, and of course spend ages just staring at each other. ♡♡♡ Of course since you were dumped via text message, perhaps you two could specifically celebrate your reconciliation. Maybe instead of being your 20th anniversary, you could instead celebrate the first anniversary of your recovery, or the 5th or the 10th or however long it's been. Perhaps take your husband to a marriage counseling session and then go out for Sundaes, or see if you can book a marriage counseling retreat specifically for partners who have survived an ultimatum or break up? My husband agreed to go to one of my psychotherapy sessions, so we could specifically address my fears and insecurities regarding our marriage and my therapist could have his input instead of just mine. It doesn't have to be your 20th anniversary at all, even. Maybe if your husband agrees, you can wait to celebrate until whatever day he actually came back to you, and make that your new aniversary. Is that what you mean by an anti-versary? Edited August 28, 2016 by RomanticBride Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShatteredLady Posted August 28, 2016 Author Share Posted August 28, 2016 I'm sorry, this post was moved! It was in a forum where most people know my story & know what Lobe means by ANTIversary - it's taking really bad days that make you trigger & replacing/writing over those memories. I wasn't looking for anniversary ideas. I should of threadjacked rather than starting a new one. This often happens to me. If you haven't experienced infidelity from any of the sides I don't think you'll know what I mean. Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 I found out that WS and X-AP's "anniversary" is the same day as my stepfather's birthday. Her name is also he same name as my newly born niece and her stupid birthday is one day before my nieces birthday as well. Wtf. It's hard. Luckily my H is not good at remembering dates like that. My poor neice will probably be called "the baby" or "bubby" by me until she's 40 because I can't bear to say her name and don't want to say it around H. Are you sure he remembers these dates as "special?" Maybe you do something nice with him but not mention why. Chances are the dates he shared with OW aren't really remembered as specific dates. Link to post Share on other sites
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