Regaining control

[MrMan1725]

Hi guys. I know I am new to this group and all but I need some advice.

 

I got married about 18 years ago and I think I was given advice to keep a long healthy relationship alive, by making sure not to go full throttle with the love and affection, that way the bar would be set low and my wife would never have the expectations of such nonsense as time marched on.

 

I made sure to pull back on any hugs, kissing, touching, or general affection. But in the beginning, while we were pregnant with our first when we married, our sex life was pretty regular and often, but I made sure to slowly and surly pull back the reign on that one too. I mean . . . I'm not an animal after all and I had needs!

 

So FF a few years later and the Wife starts complaining about no hugs, or that I was ONLY giving her a kiss when I left for work, and that I never told her that I loved her except when I hung the phone up with her. Also started complaining about my use of pornography and the lack of sex we were having. I blew it off, and ignored her, because, I mean we're married! I already bought her! She doesn't need that dating type **** anymore! Right?! I bet none of you do that stuff either! My parents didn't show affection and it was good for them so it's good enough for her!

 

But her complaining got severe and desperate I guess because one day she was watching that horrible mind doctor, who gave advice that men can't read women's minds, so she got it in her head that if she verbally told me that she wanted these things that I would do them! Bwahahaha! Can you believe she believed this ****ty Dr. Phil!? She even went so far as to write down her "demands". UGh like Bitch please! I only give that **** out when I want to...and I sure as **** still don't want to!

 

So FF a few more years later. She's caught me in several lies when she found pornograpgy on my computer or my profiles on sex soliciting groups/websites. I like talking/sexting other women. It's normal and healthy and she should be ****ing grateful I don't take this outside the house and actually **** another woman. But I also sure as **** ain't telling her I am doing this either! I'm not THAT stupid . . . but I was stupid enough to not delete history etc. SO she's caught me a few times in lies when I told her I was done with those things when in reality I just waited until things settled and then went right back to them. I mean I stopped having sex with her, so I needed to let off "Steam" somehow! ESPECIALLY whenever she had just given birth or was pregnant! I mean women are fatter and uglier those times the most!!

 

LOL It was always the best to come home to this ugly bitch and wait until she passed out with a baby to only go online and see all of these non-lactating, non-pregnant, sex machines who wanted to talk with me and show me nudes of themselves. I also loved how much they loved looking at my dick! I was more than happy to oblige them in giving them the D if you know what I mean!!

This one time, after about our 4th child was born, I actually got the opportunity to meet up with one at a bar! I stayed out half the night and just told my wife I was at a LAN party, or some ****. I had so much fun with her. Came home and made sre I let her know how hot she was through an e-mail, but my bitch ass fugly wife went through my **** I left wide open, and found my texts and e-mails! I mean **** That's my personal private life bitch! Leave my **** alone! You're married and I've obliged in knocking you up when you want so leave my texts and e-mails and sex profiles alone!!! RIGHT?!

 

But this started a whole **** storm. I guess I was more involved with this woman than I thought, because I forgot to **** my wife for like 3 or 4 months that year. Pretty much ignored her without apologies too. But she just ****ing lost her **** when she found those e-mails. Went right back to the complaining of little sex, and no affection, so I fed her line that she ate right the **** up!! I was shocked, but hey! It kept her from complaining for a while! LOL

 

So I told her that if SHE wanted affection from me, then she should do it to me first! I even lied and told her that I would start doing those things if she did them first. Bwahahaha! It was awesome! She gave me hugs, and kissed me often! Would tell me she appreciated me and how much she loved me, but I held steadfast and stone cold! She initiated all of the sex and I gave in almost everytime. I mean I knew what better **** was out there that I was missing out on. Am I right, or am I right?! But I guess I should have MAYBE did something because after a little over a year of her doing this **** it stopped all of a sudden. I later learned my jig was up. She said she realized I still wasn't doing any of those things for her! UGH!! It's so much damn work!!! I already work 8+ hours a day for her sorry ass to sit at home, not clean the house and to have 9 kids! I think I deserve not having to hug, kiss, or give affection to someone who does nothing for me, like cook, clean, or not get out of PJ's most days!

 

But soon I noticed things changed. I already had her trained to not expect ANYTHING to happen on holidays, especially our marriage reminder day! She grew even more distant than usual. By this time we have 5 kids, married for 7 years, and only have debt and 5 kids to show for this.

 

I was working our "anniversary" yet again, I just couldn't take it off, and really, who celebrates AFTER the fact! Apparently she took to the AOL chatrooms and started talking to other men! I mean WHAT THE ****?! For everything I do for her!! I go to work, give her money, provide her with house, clothes, food, and basic needs, and she goes off and starts talking with other men?!?! Ugh, well I was pissed enough at her that I let her talk, but watched her activity intensely! She tells me she was going to go to the movies with one guy she SWEARS is "just a friend". I drove her to the theater and dropped her off, with our kids in tow. I mean she said he was "just a friend", I knew it was probably more, but why stop her?! I would now have JUST what I need to hold over her for the rest of our lives! I think I secretly hoped he wasn't "just a friend" because now all of my online sexting would NEVER compare to her having an affair! Right?! I knew what I was doing!

 

At the time we share one computer, so I started hacking the computer and put spyware on it, keystroke **** so I could keep track of EVERYTHING!! Made me glad she was a dumb bitch who never knew of this stuff! LOL I'd probably be dead if she had thought of it first! BWahahaha! LOL

But it didn't take long for those 2 to hook up and ****! Just like I knew they would. I never stopped it because why would I stop something I could use against her now?! I'm not stupid!!

 

Well, that incident put her right back in her place, I regained dominance and lorded that **** affair over her for years!! Ok well I still do! I still don't give her affection, because now she has nothing on me compared to her ****ing another guy! I still joined sex groups on Yahoo, found local swingers, sexted, and still love my porn! It was getting cheaper and free to find online now! No more needs for adult shops and spending money on it now.

 

It hurt more that she loved this guy more than me, when I put in more time, money, time and money into this relationship than she has! Now she wants to love someone else?! **** we have 9 kids together! She can't go anywhere now! I am not paying child support for 9 ****ing kids on what I make! UGH!!

So, whew! 18 years later. Now I never hug her, never kiss her. . . can't tell you the last time I kissed HER on the lips, or made out with her, LOL I mean I tell her that I "love her" when I have to . . . like in the middle of a fight when she asks why I want her. I just throw the "because I love you" card at her, LOL Idiot.

 

But like over 6 years ago, she gave me this STUPID ultimatum to give up the sexting and sex sites (she found me on ****book and dating sites - UGH) or she would declare our marriage to be an "open marriage". It was my fault for introducing her to Polyamory ideas. I started researching it, in the hopes of conning her into letting me **** other people, but I was too shocked she agreed to it, but then my man brain finally turned on and I realized I would still be too jealous of HER ****ing other people! Stupid me! I wanted to **** other people, I don't want HER to **** other people! Hmm maybe I should more into Polygany instead?! Hmmm

 

Either way I agreed to her stupid ultimatum and then continued on my sexting and sex site rampage, because she can't tell me what to do in my marriage!! She doesn't matter, only I matter! MY NEEDS over hers!! But of course she found my dick pics and **** again, and I guess she started in on the dating sites.

 

Now 6 years later, she's lost over 150lbs, changed her hair, and has gotten more popular, sexy, and friendly with other people and I just can't stand it!! Who the **** does she think she is?! I own her! I married her!!

 

Now she finds outside **** to do! She volunteers at the church for events, she does "poetry" now, is invited to weekly outings with "friends" and it seems she is out partying like 2-3 times each month with "friends". Drinking, smoking pot, and acting like she is ****ing single! She hasn't worn her wedding ring in YEARS, and when she stopped wearing it, so did I!!

 

*I* at least stay home and masturbate like a normal person! I don't go out partying, drinking, smoking weed and staying out for 9-12 hours a night on a weekend without calling or texting me that she is okay! I just KNOW she is out there ****ING every guy she meets! She says she isn't but I know she is! Why else would she not text or call?! She needs to be more responsible! I was never this irresponsible! I only sexted women, I never ****ed them in life! I wanted to and had opportunity, but I was at least too scared to!

She's in the wrong here, isn't she!? I know she is! She should KNOW I love her! I ahven't gone anywhere! I shouldn't have to say it, I shouldn't have to touch her romantically, celebrate Valentine's day, birthdays, Xmas, anniversaries or any other made up ****ing holiday to get more **** out of me! I should NEVER have to plan a date, go on a vacation with her, or get her jewelry, flowers, cards, or ANY of that ****!! That's for dating NOT marriage!!

 

I just don't understand her! Why is she doing this to me?!

 

She asked me to get us a marriage counselor last year, and OF COURSE I didn't! We don't need one! We don't have the money for it!

She says she won't divorce me, but ****?!

 

She also finally pushed me to **** another woman, and she was actually TURNED ON by my having done that! What is wrong with her?!

 

Help! I need advice! How can I get her back under control?! She doesn't seem to care about me anymore! She doesn't seem to love me anymore! She won't let me touch her, or kiss her, or hug her anymore, and told me she was over that! Especially coming from me!

 

She's out of control and I need her back under my control! I need her to follow the rules!! What do I do?!

[d0nnivain]

This is a joke right?

 

 

You are a cold withholding poor excuse for a husband. She no longer finds this acceptable & you want to know how you can CONTROL Her?

 

 

You can't. All you can do is get a good divorce lawyer & pray she doesn't take you for all you are worth.

[road]

Unbelievable.

You want to ho around yet your wife can not. Unbelievable.

 

 

You do not know how to be a man, have a relationship, be married, nothing.

[Ms. Faust]

This sounds like something a BS would write from a WS POV.

[TX-SC]

This reads like a 14 yo wrote it. But since this is a forum for helping people, I'll assume this is legit and simply offer advice.

 

A woman is not a dog to be treated as inferior to you. Whoever told you that a long lasting marriage should have very little open affection has no idea what he or she is talking about. A good marriage should include respect from both sides. Not all people are the same, and neither are any two marriages. You are starving your wife of affection. Okay, so you work and provide for your family. Do you want an award for that? It's called being an adult.

 

Stop the online cheating and put some effort into showing your wife some affection.

[sandylee1]

Are you sure those 9 kids are yours?

You may not have to pay CS...considering there wasn't much intimacy..you could be off the hook.