Aquarius Guy Posted January 2, 2016 Share Posted January 2, 2016 I could probably do more to increase Romance in my marriage. I could give my wife more, and longer admiring looks. I could be more careful in my attire. I could be more diligent in family chores. Changing myself seems to be the core of my chances of enhancing romance in my marriage. // 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 You "could" do all those things. Now the question is will you? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 In 25 years my H had never cooked anything. He was worried to do it! We even had silly jokes about it. When I returned home from the hospital after surgery he had bought meals that he could microwave & he prepared meals for us & the kids!! To me, that was romance It REALLY hurts to prepare & cook meals when you're in pain. He thought about what I needed. What was romantic for ME I'm a hapless romantic. Just little things like a cup of tea in bed & I little love note can be WONDERFUL Forget about the big things (except personal hygiene that's HUGE!) it's all the tiny little things, holding hands, kisses & cuddles, thoughtful gestures that make a marriage lovely. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
LimeBlue Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 Forget about the big things (except personal hygiene that's HUGE!) it's all the tiny little things, holding hands, kisses & cuddles, thoughtful gestures that make a marriage lovely. This is where I am battling - all the little things is what MM does for me and my husband has never done for me. MM is super hygienic, my husband is not... I don't know how to continue to try and save a marriage that is devoid of a sex life (husband has ED and refuses to seek treatment, instead continues with porn), and now that i have experienced MM I will constantly seek those things even more than I ever did before. Feel like tearing my hair out. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 Talk is cheap . You need to do those things before someone else does. My husband is romantic by being really thoughtful with the gifts he buys me.. The cards he gives me on special occasions and the occasional flowers. I could do with more flowers.. but as one of my friends told me....her husband said flowers are no use without a roof over your head and the bills being paid. Any kind of thoughtfulness and consideration always goes a long way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TexasMan68 Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 If you want more romance you have to give more romance, its a 2 way street. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 What is stopping you from doing these things? I can tell you that when my husband let himself go and stopped planning dates, I felt like he took me for granted and that was painful. After many discussions and one big argument, my husband has finally done a complete 180. I also changed some of my habits and now our marriage is blissful. Give your wife long movie kisses. Tell her how beautiful she is. Text her "I love you" at least once a week. Send her flowers for no reason. Find a store within your means and buy at least two new shirts. Wear cologne if your wife likes it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 The first step in increasing romance is to understand them. By reading His Needs Her Needs and 5 Love Languages, you will learn WHAT romance looks like to your partner. My H used to buy me perfume and flowers and jewelry, thinking he was being romantic, all the while I was stewing in resentment over his unwillingness to fix the broken toilet, fix the power washer, repair the grout. I didn't WANT stupid jewelry. I wanted a house I could walk in after a day at work and relax and know nothing was waiting to be done. Haven't gotten that in 35 years. If he tried to buy me flowers today, I'd throw them at him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aquarius Guy Posted February 8, 2016 Author Share Posted February 8, 2016 I receive rejections at various stages of approaches to love making, so I am often reluctant to make physical advances, without clear green lights. I see that there is an opportunity to engage in romantic caressing, without expecting advancing to more intimate stages. Grabbing my wife, and wrestling with her, without advancing to intimacy, seems to turn her on. I never thought of wrestling as romantic, but, here I am. Just trying different holds, and getting her to shift into changing positions, seems to make her smile. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 Many women want their men to 'take their breath away.' What does that mean? Just what you described. Read a couple romance novels to understand. Strong men, who 'take' their women, don't ask, just come on to her, guide her to the bed, smile confidently, and start having fun. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 i think date nights are really important.....where you forget about the worries and the every day and reconnect on an intimate level, actually have some fun......be young again.....i feel it has a lot to do with keeping romance alive ...ie date nights....deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 Aquarius Guy, It has been suggested you try date night. For my wife and I, it has really helped. Rain or shine, most every or Friday or Saturday night we are out together enjoying each other. We do a variety of things, some expensive, other cheap. Take action, try "date" night. Here are some links that may give you some ideas. 10 Cheap Date Ideas | The Art of Manliness 10 Holiday Date Ideas | The Art of Manliness DIY Valentine's Gift | Make Jewelry For Your Wife | The Art of Manliness The 52 Love Notes Challenge | The Art of Manliness How to Save a Marriage | The Art of Manliness I wish you luck.......... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 (edited) Being a better spouse, doing the things you mention, are good things to do - because they are good things to do. However, I just want to point out that if your goal is to increase sex (aka romance) form your wife, that these things may not work. More than a few stories here of men being super husbands in their marriages and getting no reciprocation in caring , giving, and romance. You may need to take a deeper look at your role as a man to do that. but again if you have not been doing your share as a husband, its just the right thing to do and the loving thing to do. Edited February 9, 2016 by dichotomy 2 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 fyi, women are usually VERY in tune with whether a man is getting ready to pursue sex with us. And it's very subtle. I can tell you within ten minutes of my H coming home whether he'll be expecting sex that night. A lighter step, different words, he'll pick up a dirty dish so I'm not spending as much time cleaning, he'll touch me on the shoulder...tiny things. So if you're desperate, it's even more obvious. And off-putting. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 If you want to increase the romance and subsequently sex then you need to know your wife's Love Language. Definitely worth a read Home | The 5 Love Languages® | Improving Millions of Relationships? One Language at a Time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 I could probably do more to increase Romance in my marriage. I could give my wife more, and longer admiring looks. I could be more careful in my attire. I could be more diligent in family chores. Changing myself seems to be the core of my chances of enhancing romance in my marriage. // So, after all the trouble and infidelity in your marriage as I look back through your posts....is it really only just now becoming clear to you that you could be a little more hygienic and romantic? Why are you so late to taking action of these things when your marriage has been in crisis? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 Hi Aquarius Guy, I just went back and read your initial threads where you suspected your wife was cheating on you. You were framing phrases with which to address her to get her to stop cheating. This was a little over ten years ago. At one point you mentioned a family consisting of children and grand children. You alsoentioned a son who was 30 yes old. The fact is that in ten years you would have aged even more and by simple extrapolation you should now be in your seventies. The fact is that if you still have problems in trying to figure out how to increase Romance in your marriage then all I can say is that you are living in what is popularly t by youermed as cloud cuckoo land. Your wife was suspected to be cheating on you ten years ago and now you are wondering how to increase Romance in your marriage? You are either completely delusional or are some one with little self respect which is why your wife does not respect you. I doubt anyone on this forum will be able to help you till you dig deep and find out what and where your flaws are and try and eliminate those. You want to know how to Romancr your wife? Why dont you sit hrr down and have a heart to heart tslk with her about her likes snd dislikes and the ressons for any resentments she may harbour against you and then eork to eliminaye those. Warm wishes.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aquarius Guy Posted February 13, 2016 Author Share Posted February 13, 2016 So, after all the trouble and infidelity in your marriage as I look back through your posts....is it really only just now becoming clear to you that you could be a little more hygienic and romantic? Why are you so late to taking action of these things when your marriage has been in crisis? I was intending this thread to be of a general discussion of being more romantic. But if you have some deeper advice or suggestions for me personally, I am open to your ideas. There are varying degrees of fidelity in marriage. I personally prefer more fidelity, and try to set an example by avoiding even the appearance of infidelity. Being more romantic in my marriage seems like a place to put some emphasis, at this time. What are your ideas for a constructive focus? // Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 so WHAT, exactly, did you guys all do to "increase the romance" thing yesterday on Valentine's day? I took her out to a wine festival on Sat, bought flowers, made some custom marzipan, cooked a nice supper. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aquarius Guy Posted February 15, 2016 Author Share Posted February 15, 2016 Hi Aquarius Guy, I just went back and read your initial threads where you suspected your wife was cheating on you. You were framing phrases with which to address her to get her to stop cheating. This was a little over ten years ago. At one point you mentioned a family consisting of children and grand children. You alsoentioned a son who was 30 yes old. The fact is that in ten years you would have aged even more and by simple extrapolation you should now be in your seventies. The fact is that if you still have problems in trying to figure out how to increase Romance in your marriage then all I can say is that you are living in what is popularly t by youermed as cloud cuckoo land. Your wife was suspected to be cheating on you ten years ago and now you are wondering how to increase Romance in your marriage? You are either completely delusional or are some one with little self respect which is why your wife does not respect you. I doubt anyone on this forum will be able to help you till you dig deep and find out what and where your flaws are and try and eliminate those. You want to know how to Romancr your wife? Why dont you sit hrr down and have a heart to heart tslk with her about her likes snd dislikes and the ressons for any resentments she may harbour against you and then eork to eliminaye those. Warm wishes.. My wife is fairly open about her desires for me to help her along with her projects. So I create an atmosphere around the house, of being willing to pitch in, to help her out. My wife let me know about three errands to run for her, on Valentine's day, which I did with some success. My wife had some bills coming due, which I also took care of on Valentine's day. My wife is not into traditional romantic ideas, best I can figure. But I am trying to be open to opportunities. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 Did you two ever take the Emotional Needs or the 5 Love Languages quiz? They help you hone in on HOW each of you expresses love and how each of you receives love. Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 Many women want their men to 'take their breath away.' What does that mean? Just what you described. Read a couple romance novels to understand. Strong men, who 'take' their women, don't ask, just come on to her, guide her to the bed, smile confidently, and start having fun. This. I love being taken. Turnera, I'm sorry to hear that your husband refuses to complete chores around the house. That would annoy me to no end and I would feel so disrespected. Does your husband tell you why he cannot fix the items you mentioned? Does he know you feel disrespected or does he even care? My husband was the same until one day I stopped asking politely and screamed very loudly at him for several minutes. He has never seen me in such a rage before and that was the kick in the pants my husband needed. Another time I asked my husband to plan activities for us. He agreed and then a whole summer went by where we didn't go anywhere because I left him up to him. I was so hurt that my husband finally stopped being lazy and complacent. Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 My wife is fairly open about her desires for me to help her along with her projects. So I create an atmosphere around the house, of being willing to pitch in, to help her out. My wife let me know about three errands to run for her, on Valentine's day, which I did with some success. My wife had some bills coming due, which I also took care of on Valentine's day. My wife is not into traditional romantic ideas, best I can figure. But I am trying to be open to opportunities. some women are just not romantic. But often if you get them started on something really knky, that sparks their libido, turns on their switch, and boom-they are romantic as hell for the next 15 minutes Do her on the kitchen island, unexpectedly, today and see if my hunch is right Link to post Share on other sites
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