paperboy48 Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 (edited) My wife has always had anxiety and stress when it comes to, as I like to call them“the small stuff”. She and I have been together for 2.5 years but, I know heranxiety was high (if not higher before we met), as well. For example, my sister and her family are stayingwith us during Thanksgiving. My sister informed me yesterday, that they will bestaying from Wed-Sun, instead of their original plan which was Wed- Friday. When my wife heard about this, her whole moodwent cold. I know when she is hot and bothered, I can read her very well, now.She wanted to have both of our families over for the holiday and wantseverything to be perfect which is part of the issue, she gets stressed out ifeverything does not go perfect…she has some OCD! I am on 20MG of Paxil which I have been on for 20 years. I know without it, I wouldsweat the small stuff and be anxious. Ihave tried time and time again, to get her to look into going on an anxietymedication. Her response to me is… that she doesn’t want to float through life.She wants to experience feelings. I resent that comment, because I experiencefeelings, I just cope with the feelings of stress and anxiety better than shedoes, which I attribute to Paxil. I guess my next step will be to suggest counseling for us, because I can’t keepgoing like this. Life is too short!!! Edited November 20, 2015 by paperboy48 Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 I know when she is hot and bothered, I can read her very well, !!! Umm, I think you're misusing that phrase, that means horny. Be careful how you're using that to describe her to people. lol But I don't know what to say, when someone is sick they need medicine. If it's mental illness that doesn't change things. She clearly has this idea in her head that she's going to be an emotionless zombie if she takes medicine for her anxiety, but she should no from you taking it, that it's not the case at all. Regardless she needs to get it treated, if she's absolutely opposed to medicine, then she needs to get counseling at a minimum. Link to post Share on other sites
Author paperboy48 Posted November 20, 2015 Author Share Posted November 20, 2015 Umm, I think you're misusing that phrase, that means horny. Be careful how you're using that to describe her to people. lol But I don't know what to say, when someone is sick they need medicine. If it's mental illness that doesn't change things. She clearly has this idea in her head that she's going to be an emotionless zombie if she takes medicine for her anxiety, but she should no from you taking it, that it's not the case at all. Regardless she needs to get it treated, if she's absolutely opposed to medicine, then she needs to get counseling at a minimum. Ha! From what I can see on the internet (definitions), I think we are both right. Yup, exactly...she feels that she will be a zombie. I have never been happier in my life (other than when she gets pissy, lets say) and while on the anxiety med. I agree some counseling is probably necessary. Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 If your wife doesn't want to take meds for stress/anxiety, perhaps in situations like family gatherings hire a helper from your local college to get the house ready and do food prep. I find this helps me tremendously. I also do as much as possible days before the event and YOU help by asking her for a list of things you can be totally in charge of and do those things very well to reduce her stress. I'm a list maker and this helps a lot with my stress. My friends know I'm a bit of a Type A with gatherings so they just take it in stride and get me a glass of wine and help with this and that if there are a few things needed to be done when they arrive. With me though, once everything is set up I'm totally in party hostess fun mode. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 Gotta say, I'd be stressed if my in-laws were staying that long with us, and then invited themselves for an extra weekend. The difference would be that I'd be talking to my wife about it. Your wife should be able to talk about it with you, but for whatever reason feels inhibited about it. If I were you, I'd use a little more awareness in what stresses your wife out, and without walking on eggshells or going over the top, help her out with stuff like this. Like talking to your wife about your sister and her family spending an extra weekend before telling your sister that it was okay. That's just basic consideration, particularly if you know (as you should) that this would be an issue for your wife. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Faust Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 Sorry, OP, I can empathize. I am also someone who "sweats the small stuff", especially if it comes to company and a clean home. I recently worked myself up into a ball of stress trying to get every nook and cranny cleaned before we went on a 9 day vacation out of state (I wanted to come home to a spotless house). My husband had to sit me down and talk to me, reminding me that those kind of things are not important. He also helped me clean up a bit. I hope you are able to help her calm down. Remind her, that her company is there to see her and not her house, lol, but if it is very severe counseling is always worth trying. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 If your gf has severe anxiety or OCD problems she should seek professional help. That being said I get stressed from time to time too. Stress in small doses is normal and natural and sometimes even motivates me to do things or fix problems that I've been trying to avoid. I don't know ho severe your SO's problems are but I know I wouldn't appreciate my partner telling me I need to be medicated every time I express my stress to them. I would appreciate a pep talk or an offer to help. Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 Define the 'small stuff' please? Having family to stay for a long period of time would have me reaching for the gin bottle!!! We are planning a party on Saturday night and I already getting anxious over getting the house ready and tidy. I love the cooking bit though. Why don't you try and help her out more - ask her what is stressing her out and take some of it off her shoulders. BTW DO NOT say 'oh sit down and relax love' whilst reading the paper and not getting off your backside (are you listening DH!) or she may throw something at you Link to post Share on other sites
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