Getting tired

[Dredd]

Greetings all,

 

I am a married for 1,5 years. My wife and I dated for only 6 months before getting married. So our relationship is 2 years old now. We have no kids. My marriage is tiring me so much and I find myself not enjoying anything lately. We are both 30 years old.

 

My wife had a good paying job before we got married. She had the intention to quit it after we get married because she wanted to get the compensation from the company. Right now she is studying for an exam to be recruited in a government job but she is not focused and she is always depressed. She keeps telling me she is bored all the time. I work in a university and has an ok paying job. But since we have debts because of the marriage I do side jobs like translating, writing articles etc. I really work my arse off to be able to provide a good life for her. But she never appreciates anything I do.

 

For me it is not an issue that she does not work. It is all her choice. We bought lots of books for her so that she can study for the exam. But I have never seen her studying once. Not once in three months. Since she is always depressed because of her being unemployed, I called people that I know if they had an open spot in their workplace. Today I found a job for her. Not the best one but still a job. But she refused the job and told me she is studying for the exam. Then panicked and asked me angrily if our finances are bad. Once again for trying to help her, I was guilty.

 

There are more issues in my marriage. Whenever I try to be sweet and loving to her she becomes distant. But when I stop caring she becomes very loving and does not even let go of my hand. I mean what the hell? When I ask her this, she simply says I am wrong and it is my imagination and I am the best man she ever had. About that she had many boyfriends in the past but she never hid anyting for me. I knew all about it from the start. I had fun in my youth too and not judging anyone. But her ex boyfriends keep popping from social media and from events like weddings. I caught one of them trying to flirt with my wife gave him what he deserved. I am sure she is faithful because I am secretly checking her mails and stuff like that. It is a minus on my part and it is something I should not do but sadly I am not a saint.

 

There are sexual problems between us too. I have a high libido and I was sexually advancing her before in our marriage. But most of the time she would decline me and tell me that I only want her for sex. I always manage to make her orgasm a couple of times when we have sex, I do not think sexual prowess is an issue here. There were even some nights that I orally please her and went to bed. For me the huge turn on is satisying my partner. She keeps saying she has a very low libido which I do not believe because I know about her past and one night stands. Maybe she does not fancy me, I do not know. I stopped trying to make love with her about a month ago anyway. She never tries it herself.

 

I thought about divorcing her and talked to her about that without saying the word divorce. I hinted. She told me that she does not want to live without me.

 

I am really tired of working too hard, trying to make her happy and get this thing going. But she never appreciates anything I do and she gets angry fast. I feel like I only exist to provide and rub her back all the time.

 

I am sure I do mistakes too in our marriage. Maybe I am not a good spouse after all.

 

I just feel glad to get these issues out of my chest.

 

English is not my first language and I am very tired writing this so I apologize for any grammatical errors and hard to understand sentences.

 

Thanks everyone.

Edited November 20, 2015 by Dredd

[d0nnivain]

Although you rushed into this & that rash decision is now coming back to haunt you, I still believe in marriage & marriage vows. While you can just throw in the towel, before you do that, I'd at least ask her to go to Marriage Counseling with you to try to work things out.

 

Have you asked her if there is something you can do to help her study? Have you talked to her to find the cause & maybe a solution to her depression? Sex actually helps depression because while it may be hard for depressed people to work up the energy to have sex, the endorphin & physical touch actually help

[Dredd]

Although you rushed into this & that rash decision is now coming back to haunt you, I still believe in marriage & marriage vows. While you can just throw in the towel, before you do that, I'd at least ask her to go to Marriage Counseling with you to try to work things out.

 

Have you asked her if there is something you can do to help her study? Have you talked to her to find the cause & maybe a solution to her depression? Sex actually helps depression because while it may be hard for depressed people to work up the energy to have sex, the endorphin & physical touch actually help

 

Thank you for the advice. I am doing all the sacrifices I can make so that she wont feel depressed. I stopped going out with my friends and not spend money for my own needs. Instead I send her to small holidays with her friends so she can get back on track. But as soon as she comes back, it is same movie over and over.

 

I think she is not happy with her life and especially the city we are living in. But since she depends on me financially, she is not talking about it. Whenever I ask her about this, she just says she loves the city and all but I think she is lying.

 

About sex, she refused me so many times and I really am done trying. Last few times we had sex she became dry like in ten minutes and told me finish fast. Huge turn off this is. I always try to surprise and anticipate her, take my time with her and not rush things off. I use perfumes and wear nice clothes even at home and try to stay in shape and keep the flame going. But being neglected so many times turned me off already.

 

About her study, I offered to help her in mathematics because I am good at it.

[d0nnivain]

Stop spending money on her or sending her away. Spend time with her. Date her. Yes, I realize that is backwards since you are married but you skipped that step. Go back to it.

[VeveCakes]

1.5 months into marriage and already sex has dried up. She has no ambition and no drive? She needs to seek counselling and if she doesn't want to, I would walk away. This only going to go downhill from here.

[central]

You should have a serious conversation, telling her that she needs to take responsibility and initiative for her happiness, education, and career, or you'll walk. She may need counseling or treatment for depression - but that's on her to agree to go and then do it. You are not her parent - you are her partner. And she needs to be a partner to you as well.

[bubbaganoosh]

I thought about divorcing her and talked to her about that without saying the word divorce. I hinted. She told me that she does not want to live without me.

 

Then it's time that you tell her that if that's what she want then start showing it because she's giving you all the signs that she doesn't. Time for her to pull her own weight.