CalvinM Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 And is concerned I don't love her either. I was very sick a month and a half after us moving in together, and she took a few steps back. She is very independent and feels like she needs her space. It was 8 months between us dating and her last relationship, and shes not sure she gave herself enough time to get over it. She asked me to move in. Her family really like me, and I them. She invited me to her nieces 2nd bday party and it was wonderful to see how she was with the kids. We hug and sleep in the same bed, but haven't been intimate in over a week and a half. I fear she's checked out/the spark is gone. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 Not enough info. Some questions below. And is concerned I don't love her either. what makes you feel that way? I was very sick a month and a half after us moving in together, and she took a few steps back. taking a few steps back to keep from getting barged on is appropriate. The question is did she abandon you and go out with other men while you were sick? She is very independent and feels like she needs her space. what did she say to you exactly? Did she say anything about needing a "break" in the relationship or that you two should see other people or that she loves you but not in love with you etc etc? It was 8 months between us dating and her last relationship, and shes not sure she gave herself enough time to get over it. that's a line of poppycock. If people aren't really into their current relationship, they'll say they need more time to get over their ex even if it's been years. If they are into their current relationship, they are over their ex by the next Tuesday. She asked me to move in. do you know why exactly? If you don't, you need to find out. Her family really like me, and I them. She invited me to her nieces 2nd bday party and it was wonderful to see how she was with the kids. that's awesome. Are you looking for a GF or a babysitter? We hug and sleep in the same bed, but haven't been intimate in over a week and a half. How often were you intimate beforehand? I fear she's checked out/the spark is gone. Give us more concrete examples why you think that. What has she done and said that makes you believe that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalvinM Posted June 29, 2015 Author Share Posted June 29, 2015 She said that she always feel something right away, mind you she had a pretty nasty divorce and her ex was a dead beat. I on the other hand, like her a lot, but it's only four months in. I don't usually feel "love" until 6-8 months in. Barfed on? No, it was a throat infection/bronchitis. And to be fair, she had a throat infection two months in and I went to the walk in clinic, brought her soup and apple sauce, etc. No, she was very loving and affectionate. But I was only getting a few hours sleep a night, and it was during my holidays so I slept on the couch so she could get sleep for work. She had taken two days off and one of the days it poured, but the second day we cuddled on the couch. It was pretty great. We were physical two to three times a week. Sex is very good. It seemed to drop off after we took a trip to a small town North of here. And she opened up about some personal things (medical procedure) that happened twice when she was younger, and when we came home and tried to be intimate she "wasn't in to it". That was last Wednesday. It's been almost a week. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 it's time for a very serious talk about her intentions as far as you are concerned. If she's acting like she's not "into it", then she needs to own up to that and tell you. She needs to tell you something so you're not wasting your time with someone who doesn't really want to be with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalvinM Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 We talked this morning. She said she's 60% still in this relationship, but thinks we moved in too soon and she's very independent and enjoys her space. I asked if there was someone else and she said "absolutely not. I barely have time for you." I told her that I felt if I moved out that it would be a clean break and that the relationship wouldn't continue. She said she's still attracted to me, and the sex is really great (when we have it), but she's scared based on me being sick, she thinks if we had kids, she'd have to take care of me too. I suggested we see how things go in the month of rent I've paid for and she just stared of into space. Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Nooooooooooo....this girl is just negotiating with you and determining with herself how much she wants to be with you, but this girl does not love you and will not be in-love with you. You need to go, this woman has shown she is not invested and caring, she is still hung up on a past relationship so she is not emotionally available. This woman is trying to gain back her independence and work on herself, she's just rebounding on you. Do not let the pussy trap you into this situation, you're going to regret it a lot later...I don't care how good it is, it's not worth it. I wouldn't let myself get invested with this woman, at best stay back and have sex with her occasionally but that's it...do not get caught up in her web, she's dysfunctional. You're an idiot for moving in so fast with her and already getting caught up in her stupid life choices that she always makes and gets herself in trouble with men, she doesn't know what she's doing and what she wants, you don't actually take these women seriously...you take them for what they are, a mess. But you don't sound like the smartest or most experienced guy on the planet either, so take my advice and don't have a relationship with this woman, I guarantee you'll be right back here crying about something else like a big pussy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 And is concerned I don't love her either. I was very sick a month and a half after us moving in together, and she took a few steps back. She is very independent and feels like she needs her space. It was 8 months between us dating and her last relationship, and shes not sure she gave herself enough time to get over it. She asked me to move in. Her family really like me, and I them. She invited me to her nieces 2nd bday party and it was wonderful to see how she was with the kids. We hug and sleep in the same bed, but haven't been intimate in over a week and a half. I fear she's checked out/the spark is gone. If you don't love each other, why stay? Link to post Share on other sites
lucy_in_disguise Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 I would move out and consider moving on. She clearly doesnt want you there anymore. Continuing to stay will just get on her nerves. Maybe you moved in too fast, and you would have had a chance if you had taken it slower. In my experienve tho, it is difficult to move backwards in a relationship, and almost possible to bounce back from a start as disasterous as this. So i would move on. Link to post Share on other sites
deadelvis Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 yeah, I agree with the other posters. After 4 months she shouldn't be at 60%. Sorry man. She just doesn't love you. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 I suggested we see how things go in the month of rent I've paid for and she just stared of into space. that's her "OMG, I have to deal with this for another month?" look. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalvinM Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 (edited) We both had the day off, it's Canada day and it rained all day. We spent the whole afternoon on the couch (her idea) watching game of thrones. She also wanted to drink, so we walked her dog to the store and I bought us some mix. We had sex this morning too. I had a nap around 4pm and when I woke up she had taken her dog to the dog park (I assumed, since it had stopped raining and Cooper was gone). She came back home around 6 and was really happy and upbeat. She came into the bedroom and said she had taken time to think and wanted to take a few steps back, but still try to work on things. We both have busy schedules this week, but she asked if I maybe want to have a Thai food date later in the week when we're both free. I said "we could, sure. I'd like that. Let's see how the week goes." She also said she'd like us to hang out with my friends more. I don't want to get my hopes up, but this seems promising. For the record, I still plan to move out, hopefully soon. Edited July 2, 2015 by CalvinM Added more info Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 If you move out are you breaking up with her? Isn't that what you told her earlier? Clay Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalvinM Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 I don't know. I'm not sure I can see us maintaining things if we take that big of a step back. Link to post Share on other sites
Poppygoodwill Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Whatever is going on, you don't want to be walking on eggshells in your own 'home'. I mean she obviously moved too quickly by inviting you to live with her, for whatever reason, and now she's getting cold feet. So I think move out at the end of the month if only to reassert control over your own life, and then see how it goes. Honestly, sex aside, she should be wanting to spend time with you, just the way you want to spend time with her. That she's so one foot in the door, and one foot out doesn't necessarily reflect on you. It's her stuff. Get a safe distance, so you don't get dragged around by her fear of commitment or whatever, and see how it goes. And yay!!! Canada Day! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalvinM Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 I haven't felt like I was "walking on eggshells" since Friday. This week has actually been really good. I haven't been pushing the issue and have been doing more than my share to help around the house and take care of her dog. I have this weekend off, and made plans with a friend on Saturday, but she asked if I wanted to grab dinner together on Sunday. Yesterday she said she might even be open to us being intimate, but she needs time to "get there", and that she really appreciates that I've been giving her space and that she still likes me a lot. Again, I'm not getting my hopes up, but things definitely seem better than they were last week. Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 You just moved in and already your having these kinds of issues. I totally understand on moving in to fast but your also have issues in the bedroom. I am not real sure how much I would want to invest into the relationship at this point. Sounds more like it wasn't what she was hoping for now she just wants to move on slowly. Clay Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalvinM Posted July 3, 2015 Author Share Posted July 3, 2015 I don't think it's that cut and dry. I realize it's difficult to give advice on a level where you don't know the two people involved, and perhaps I'm being naive about her intentions, but I'm not new to cohabitating with a partner, so I am able to identify to some degree when things are at the point of no return. Her and I are civil, and I can only speak for myself and take into account what she said as truth, but I enjoy her company. She told me yesterday (July 2nd) that she likes me a lot, that she thinks I'm a really great guy, and that her family like me, and think she's making a mistake not giving us a chance. She has said that she doubts herself too, because things were really good before we moved in too. The reality here is that things are off the rails, and at my earliest convenience, she would prefer her space back. She's been hurt a lot, and I see this as mostly a reaction of that, and perhaps that she thinks she's not ready for us. Link to post Share on other sites
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