adna89 Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 Yesterday my husband was out,he said he would come back at 9 pm,9 pm i called,,,he does not answer.I wrote many angry messages ,he does not reply.At 10 pm he comes home and says he had to drive his brother home since he missed the bus.First i was angry he did not notice me about it,later on he admits to me he lied...he was with friends drinking coffee...just did not want to come back home at 9,he says he wanted to be honest about this. I was furious,and he keeps saying i am overreacting especially since he admits everything and said he was sorry.I am still angry and not ok Am i overreacting? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 Yesterday my husband was out,he said he would come back at 9 pm,9 pm i called,,,he does not answer.I wrote many angry messages ,he does not reply.At 10 pm he comes home and says he had to drive his brother home As soon as he's 10 minutes late you start sending angry messages? I wouldn't want to come home either... Mr. Lucky 6 Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 Yes, you are overreacting. Although I wouldn't be happy about the lying - he should be able to tell you he is hanging out having coffee with friends. Let's put it this way - if he comes home to an angry, accusing wife, of course he isn't going to want to come home. I would just tell him that if he says he is going to be home at 9, and then decides not to come home, to please text you so that you don't worry. Then be happy and welcoming when he comes home. Link to post Share on other sites
MyEvilTwin Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 You're both over reacting. You don't need to call one second past nine o'clock and he needs to answer the phone and say I'm going to be another hour perhaps, I'm having fun...and not feel guilty about it. If he was sober then he was drinking coffee. If he smelled like a bottle of whiskey when he got home then something else is going on. Link to post Share on other sites
Wondering33 Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 Yes, I've also read your other posts...you're being a little much as a new wife. If he's hiding from you already, it's not going to get better if you don't relax a bit, be his partner/best friend, not a nagging second mother. He already has one ;-). Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 He should have been honest, but give him some space. I rarely bother calling my H when he's out with friends. He's old enough to look after himself and unless it was maybe 2 or 3 hours later would i call, but he doesn't give a return time, neither do I. Trust is crucial. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 I am still angry and not ok Am i overreacting? Yes you are overreacting by a ton. He was an hour late, big deal. Although it would have been nice if he sent you a text, based on your overreacting, I see why he thought that it would be easier to ignore your calls and not tell you where he was until he was home. I have been married for many years, and unless we had specific plans that required that we be punctual, neither of us would be upset about an hour. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 Yes, you are overreacting. Do you want to be the wife that has a husband who rarely tells her anything because he doesn't want to deal with her freaking out for no real reason? You seem to be headed that way. I asked my DH to call or text if he's going to be late so I won't worry or hold dinner. I also ask that he will keep his phone charged and on at all times in case of emergency. In return, I don't blow up his phone if he's 2 minutes late or start WW III because he came in an hour late. Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 Yesterday my husband was out,he said he would come back at 9 pm,9 pm i called,,,he does not answer.I wrote many angry messages ,he does not reply.At 10 pm he comes home and says he had to drive his brother home since he missed the bus.First i was angry he did not notice me about it,later on he admits to me he lied...he was with friends drinking coffee...just did not want to come back home at 9,he says he wanted to be honest about this. I was furious,and he keeps saying i am overreacting especially since he admits everything and said he was sorry.I am still angry and not ok Am i overreacting? He's an adult, not a teenager. If you keep this up you very soon won't have a husband. Link to post Share on other sites
anna121 Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 I think calling him right at 9 pm was a bit much. But having read your other threads, I think the much bigger issue is your husband lying to you. You need to both be able to tell each other your expectations, and make every effort to respect them. I'll be honest. There seems to be a lot of conflict in your relationship. This early in a marriage, that is not good at all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lion Heart Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 Adna, did you need help with the children or the washing machine flooded the house? If not, there are: a) reasons why you're over reacting and b) why he's avoiding you / lying to you. There have been many times when my H was late getting home from work and I was climbing the walls with 3 children under 3yo and no washing machine (3 in cloth nappies -help me!!!). Since that time has passed, but there are still children to get to multiple after school activities etc. My H and I practise this safe rule: add around an hour to any arrive home time. Both of us work and it's like "catch this child while I do 1000 other things". Now it's SO NICE when one of us is "home early". If there's alot of disparity between your H and yourself about the "expectations of M" then you'd better sort these out real fast. Marital bliss is not a M of nagging, deception or lies. Already you've got the trifecta! If you can't sort it out together, get M counselling, who knows you may have benefited from PRE M counselling anyway. If you don't (or aren't on them already), you'll need anxiety meds real soon. If there are no children yet, go out whenever he does. I certainly would. If he doesn't get whatever you are unhappy with, people usually do when they get a dose of their own medicine. Lion Heart. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SolG Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 Adna, You've posted before about how your FOO issues (cheating father) affect your ability to trust. This is just another manifestation of the same thing. Have you discussed this with your H? Maybe if he understood your fear and insecurity he could take the second to send that text to help you out? But longer term, it really is something you have to work on or you may push him away 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 This is why alot of people just do not want to get married. Link to post Share on other sites
Author adna89 Posted April 28, 2015 Author Share Posted April 28, 2015 Adna, You've posted before about how your FOO issues (cheating father) affect your ability to trust. This is just another manifestation of the same thing. Have you discussed this with your H? Maybe if he understood your fear and insecurity he could take the second to send that text to help you out? But longer term, it really is something you have to work on or you may push him away No i have not,i never discussed this problem with him.And yes ever since i found out about my father, i have this problem. I guess i hope that i will get over it without mentioning the part about my father :/ Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 No i have not,i never discussed this problem with him.And yes ever since i found out about my father, i have this problem. I guess i hope that i will get over it without mentioning the part about my father :/ Adna, it would be a good idea to go out yourself, so you're not always waiting for him. It's good to make plans with your respective friends on the same night, so one of you doesn't feel so alone. Unless you like 'me time', which a lot of people do. I don't think cheating parents realise the effect it has on their children, even when they grow up. Sorry, that your dad's behaviour in regards to his cheating is affecting you, but not everyone cheats Try and ease of and let your H know that if he'll be later than the agreed time, could he just drop you a text so you don't worry. Link to post Share on other sites
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