Another Term for Boyfriend??

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

Next year I'll be turning 40 and went through a long horrible marriage. My current guy and I have been together a year and half and are both certain we will grow old together and often refer to things far in the future. However, we don't talk about marriage because its not something I will consider anymore and he's fine with that.

 

The term "boyfriend" just sounds foreign rolling off my tongue whenever I introduce him or have to refer to our relationship. Frankly, with teenage children and my age, I seriously don't like the term. When I refer to him on the forum, it's usually as "my guy". Today I listed him as an emergency contact and for "relationship", I was stumped as what to put so I but "boyfriend".

 

Despite the lack of a legal binding agreement, he is 100 times the "husband" my ex was, but of course its not appropriate to call him that either since its not legally true. What else is there? "Partner" sounds so official, like we're in a business deal. Any suggestions??

[whichwayisup]

Common law husband.

 

Significant other.

 

Spouse.

[MuddyFootprints]

Significant Other?

[carhill]

Introduce him by name and keep the association specifics between the two of you.

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

Significant Other?

 

Well, yea, but doesn't that sound weird when introducing him to friends or my boss? This is ___, my significant other"?

[CrystalCastles]

Why not partner?

[CarrieT]

In my 40s, the guy I dated were referred to as paramours....

[MuddyFootprints]

I was thinking of the emergency contact title. As far as introductions, as carhill says, a name is enough.

[Mr. Lucky]

I was thinking of the emergency contact title.

 

If only for that, you're over-thinking it. Put down "friend" and be done with it...

 

Mr. Lucky

[MuddyFootprints]

You are probably right, but in an emergency do they let just a 'friend' in on what's going on?

[beach]

I'd call him my lover boy! :-)

[bachdude]

Next year I'll be turning 40 and went through a long horrible marriage. My current guy and I have been together a year and half and are both certain we will grow old together and often refer to things far in the future. However, we don't talk about marriage because its not something I will consider anymore and he's fine with that.

 

The term "boyfriend" just sounds foreign rolling off my tongue whenever I introduce him or have to refer to our relationship. Frankly, with teenage children and my age, I seriously don't like the term. When I refer to him on the forum, it's usually as "my guy". Today I listed him as an emergency contact and for "relationship", I was stumped as what to put so I but "boyfriend".

 

Despite the lack of a legal binding agreement, he is 100 times the "husband" my ex was, but of course its not appropriate to call him that either since its not legally true. What else is there? "Partner" sounds so official, like we're in a business deal. Any suggestions??

 

 

Why do you need the official sanction of a government clerk to call him your husband?

 

 

If you commit to each other for life, then you can be husband and wife.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Just introduce him by his name, why do you need to refer to him as anything in particular? will people not figure it out or that ill informed of who he is?

 

Otherwise you can use partner, SO, or whatever other name you feel fits the mold for you...definitely wouldn't call him husband though, just call him your other half or something like that, it's really not that big of a deal and this coincides with you turning 40...well I guess that's because of your age, so I guess using the term boyfriend sounds a bit juvenile but honestly I think you're giving this too much attention if your concern is just terminology...it sounds like you do want to actually get married.

 

And for that, you've only been with the guy for a year and a half. And look, I understand you're older, wiser and know what you already want and the whole bit, but let things develop and grow...forever doesn't need to be justified right now, if you're going to be together down the road then so be it...let that prove itself.

 

Because in terms of talking about the future, and what will happen way down the road...I hoping you're experienced enough to know that drill, it's not exactly rare...people actually do talk about things in the future in relationships, it doesn't exactly signify that things will be forever because of that...relax in your relationship and have faith in it to an extent, but don't get all religious over it, it's nothing that's set in stone and you're still very early on in the relationship...things can change, although I know a lot of women don't like to think about it because that's "negative" and unpleasant thinking, but just be a little realistic...for your own good.

 

This is not also a cross-comparison of what your ex husband was and he isn't, the two have nothing to do with one another. Don't let that get into your head and start feeling like you've got to therefore elevate the "status" and title of this relationship in order to "justify" how you feel, or I'm sorry you "both" feel for each other.

 

Do not put this relationship on a pedestal because you're so much happier and better off than you were in the past, because if you're thinking too foofoo in the clouds it's setting yourself up for some pretty major disappointment in the relationship when you have a good thing, just don't put that kind of weight on it yet...it really hasn't stood the test of time, and as much as you believe that it will, you just don't know this person as well as you think you do and you can't predict the future and everything that will occur in it that may drastically change how you feel or look at things...this is still very much the honeymoon phase...especially when you're comparing it to a bitter and unpleasant memory in your past you might have endured for years.

 

Don't do your checks and balances comparing past to present...but I so smell the marriage vibe permeating off your skin, say what you will but I think the rocks are starting to shift. You will start to slowly justify in your mind of why it would just make things "easier"...yeah, whatever.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I couldn't agree more with you OP.

 

I'm in my mid forties and always feel like such a silly teenager whenever I use the term "boyfriend" and "partner" just feels cold and too business-like.

 

Whenever I make reference to the man in my life on here I usually use "my man". Unfortunately that doesn't translate quite as well in real life. These days I started to refer to him as "my better half".

 

And you know what? So far it feels pretty good, mainly because he IS my better half

 

Maybe try that on for size and see how it feels.

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

Just introduce him by his name, why do you need to refer to him as anything in particular? will people not figure it out or that ill informed of who he is?

 

Otherwise you can use partner, SO, or whatever other name you feel fits the mold for you...definitely wouldn't call him husband though, just call him your other half or something like that, it's really not that big of a deal and this coincides with you turning 40...well I guess that's because of your age, so I guess using the term boyfriend sounds a bit juvenile but honestly I think you're giving this too much attention if your concern is just terminology...it sounds like you do want to actually get married.

 

And for that, you've only been with the guy for a year and a half. And look, I understand you're older, wiser and know what you already want and the whole bit, but let things develop and grow...forever doesn't need to be justified right now, if you're going to be together down the road then so be it...let that prove itself.

 

Because in terms of talking about the future, and what will happen way down the road...I hoping you're experienced enough to know that drill, it's not exactly rare...people actually do talk about things in the future in relationships, it doesn't exactly signify that things will be forever because of that...relax in your relationship and have faith in it to an extent, but don't get all religious over it, it's nothing that's set in stone and you're still very early on in the relationship...things can change, although I know a lot of women don't like to think about it because that's "negative" and unpleasant thinking, but just be a little realistic...for your own good.

 

This is not also a cross-comparison of what your ex husband was and he isn't, the two have nothing to do with one another. Don't let that get into your head and start feeling like you've got to therefore elevate the "status" and title of this relationship in order to "justify" how you feel, or I'm sorry you "both" feel for each other.

 

Do not put this relationship on a pedestal because you're so much happier and better off than you were in the past, because if you're thinking too foofoo in the clouds it's setting yourself up for some pretty major disappointment in the relationship when you have a good thing, just don't put that kind of weight on it yet...it really hasn't stood the test of time, and as much as you believe that it will, you just don't know this person as well as you think you do and you can't predict the future and everything that will occur in it that may drastically change how you feel or look at things...this is still very much the honeymoon phase...especially when you're comparing it to a bitter and unpleasant memory in your past you might have endured for years.

 

Don't do your checks and balances comparing past to present...but I so smell the marriage vibe permeating off your skin, say what you will but I think the rocks are starting to shift. You will start to slowly justify in your mind of why it would just make things "easier"...yeah, whatever.

 

Lol, thanks, but you're WAAAYY over analyzing this. The main reason I WON'T consider marriage is because nothing is guaranteed and I realize that people and feelings change over time. I have no desire to ever go through a nasty divorce again where I have to dish out thousands of dollars for a judge to deem what's correct in ending my relationship. There is nothing more to this than me trying to find a better term to refer to my guy other than boyfriend and wanting to hear suggestions. No relationship stability or emotional future analyzing needed.

[sandylee1]

Why do you need the official sanction of a government clerk to call him your husband?

 

.

 

Because it's the law. To call someone a husband or wife and name them as such on legal documents would be a lie.

[jen1447]

This is a question with no good answer. I agree with you on "my man" informally, OP. But I think the only practical formal option is "partner," unfortunately.

 

("Partner" always makes me think of cop movies. )

[compulsivedancer]

Because we haven't really had the relationship conversation, I've been referring to my new guy as "the guy I'm seeing."

[bachdude]

Because it's the law. To call someone a husband or wife and name them as such on legal documents would be a lie.

 

It isn't against the law to consider someone your husband you commit your life to. No one will arrest you.

 

Probably this is for another post, but I don't consider it a lie. I have deep philosophical reasons for believing this. Governments don't grant marriage, they only recognize it for the sake of record keeping and the protection of rights.

 

At least that is all I believe governments should be doing.

 

That's all I'll say on that....

[Mr. Lucky]

You are probably right, but in an emergency do they let just a 'friend' in on what's going on?

 

Not treated any different than "partner", "BF" or any other non-legally sanctioned relationships...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Els]

The people where I live usually use 'partner' or 'OH'(other half) for more long-term live-in relationships, but they still use 'boyfriend' and 'my guy' for dating relationships. I usually use 'SO' (significant other) on LS as that seems to be the convention here, but IRL I informally go with 'my guy', 'bf', 'partner' and a whole bunch of other stuff too. For official stuff like emergency contact or next of kin, I always write down 'partner', as that is the legal term here.

 

Not treated any different than "partner", "BF" or any other non-legally sanctioned relationships...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

 

I don't know where Olivia lives, but in some countries 'partner' (short for common law or de facto partner) is actually a legally-sanctioned relationship and they are accorded legal rights.

[Bohonia]

Partner is used to describe someone with whom you spend your life and live with that you simply don't marry. He is your partner you can call him what you want, its just a label to define your relationship in society.

[sandylee1]

It isn't against the law to consider someone your husband you commit your life to. No one will arrest you.

 

Probably this is for another post, but I don't consider it a lie. I have deep philosophical reasons for believing this. Governments don't grant marriage, they only recognize it for the sake of record keeping and the protection of rights.

 

At least that is all I believe governments should be doing.

 

That's all I'll say on that....

 

You can consider someone as anything you wish, I certainly agree with that.

 

I can consider a very close friend as my sister, but she isn't.

However, to name them as such would be wrong.

 

In the event that someone is named as husband or wife on a form of the nature OP is talking about. My company would consider that person as next of kin, should anything happen to the employee and we were going to pay a death in service benefit. Without a marriage certificate, we will never pay that person anything, unless a will said otherwise.

 

The most common term on such emergency contact forms is indeed partner. That gives the impression it's more serious than a boyfriend.

[bachdude]

You can consider someone as anything you wish, I certainly agree with that.

 

I can consider a very close friend as my sister, but she isn't.

However, to name them as such would be wrong.

 

In the event that someone is named as husband or wife on a form of the nature OP is talking about. My company would consider that person as next of kin, should anything happen to the employee and we were going to pay a death in service benefit. Without a marriage certificate, we will never pay that person anything, unless a will said otherwise.

 

The most common term on such emergency contact forms is indeed partner. That gives the impression it's more serious than a boyfriend.

 

My whole point initial isn't what to put down on a business form but addressing this,

 

The term "boyfriend" just sounds foreign rolling off my tongue whenever I introduce him or have to refer to our relationship.

 

Of course don't get yourself in trouble!

[MissBee]

Next year I'll be turning 40 and went through a long horrible marriage. My current guy and I have been together a year and half and are both certain we will grow old together and often refer to things far in the future. However, we don't talk about marriage because its not something I will consider anymore and he's fine with that.

 

The term "boyfriend" just sounds foreign rolling off my tongue whenever I introduce him or have to refer to our relationship. Frankly, with teenage children and my age, I seriously don't like the term. When I refer to him on the forum, it's usually as "my guy". Today I listed him as an emergency contact and for "relationship", I was stumped as what to put so I but "boyfriend".

 

Despite the lack of a legal binding agreement, he is 100 times the "husband" my ex was, but of course its not appropriate to call him that either since its not legally true. What else is there? "Partner" sounds so official, like we're in a business deal. Any suggestions??

 

I'm afraid there aren't all that many terms: boyfriend, significant other, lover, partner.

 

I guess it's all personal preference because partner to me doesn't connote business deal, it's a common phrase I hear most people around me use to talk about their long term relationships which are often unmarried situations. It sounds more serious than boyfriend I guess and implies life partner to me, or is short for life partner in my book and seems appropriate for what you're describing. Boyfriend for me sounds more temporary and like it's a dating relationship still that still is uncertain.

 

I would find it awkward in social settings for someone to refer to their SO as their lover lol.

 

For me, in public and social situations I would just use significant other or partner, someone else mentioned better half as well (although I guess for me I dislike the idea of a couple being each other's "half so wouldn't use it). I think that's the simplest way to address who he is that is legible to most people and in private or among friends you can call him "my guy", "my man", or by his name or whatever else you choose.