So !

[Snj0709]

Such an complex and difficult situation.

 

Me and my wife have been together 6 years and only married 8 months, we've generally have a good relationship except that I can be closed off and can be complacent with compliments etc. but she has always accepted that is just who I am.

Recently she started a new job and was really enjoying it, would tell me about day to day occurrences which I never really thought about after we'd finished talking.

We had an argument one night about something trivial but no matter what I said to try and resolve it, it wasn't good enough and she ended up telling me that she wanted some space so I moved into our spare room for a few nights and that still wasn't enough space so I stayed with my parents for a couple of nights, during this time she didn't contact me, was short with me when I spoke to her and didn't seem to think the relationship would work. Later she told me that she was looking for a place to live because she wanted to separate which I didn't want to at all and I didn't take this very well, I stopped eating and sleeping.

During all this she decided to visit a relative to get further space from everything and when she returned she was still saying she didn't want to try and stayed with a friend for a while.

One day she came to collect some stuff from our house and we got talking and she had changed her mind and stay with me and we had unprotected sex and she also confessed to texting a man from her work and they had met and kissed but apparently he was only being a friend, I said I could forgive her for this as long as the messages stopped and she was transparent.

During the week of reconciliation, she was very secretive with her phone still and was on it a lot and would deliberately keep it on her which I confronted her about but was told "if you've decided to forgive me, you're going to have to trust me" which didn't make sense because how could I trust her?! It ended up with me snatching her phone but of course she had a password on it so I couldn't access it. It ended up with a big row and her going to stay at her mothers house.

I still wanted to be with her so I messaged her saying sorry for the arguing and let's just work this out but again, she was having none of it and sought a place to live again. She then came back for her stuff to start moving things out again and visited a few times without as much as a hello.

I was very depressed at this point and was in a bit of a daze and very upset, and this was affecting her when she came back to the house. I stopped messaging her which I think prompted her to miss me and she then came to speak to me and we agreed that she would move out for the time being and would meet once a week for a date as such, and we both agreed not see anyone else. I was happy with this because I thought I'd get her back.

I knew she was late on her period and she took 4 pregnancy tests and all came back positive despite taking a morning after pill. She's pregnant. We both went to the doctors to confirm it and during the drive there she told me she misses me and wants to do anything to be with me, which is exactly what I wanted to here.

My concerns are that she's came back for the wrong reasons and only because she's pregnant. She still has to work with this man who was messaging her and kissed her and I'm still not sure that's the full extent of what happened even though she promises it is. She hasn't exactly been comforting through this although she has been leaving her phone around me unlocked where has she hasn't before. I really want to make this work but I just don't know if we are on the same page.

Because of this situation, and her moving out it prompted me to move back in with my parents because I couldn't afford our house on my own so I cancelled everything and now have debt, and now she's living with my parents too and I just feel angry that she's come out of this ok while I've been left depressed, in debt and anxious everytime she goes to work.

Sorry for the long post, and I don't even know why I've written this all but thank you to anyone that has read this.

[TigerCub]

Sorry this has happened to you.

 

I think you need to get a DNA test on the child she's pregnant with.

I know you don't want to believe that it might be that other guy's baby, but she's had plenty of opportunity to screw him while you were at your parent's place.

 

Don't mean to sound harsh, but you just so sound so desperate to hold this all together and stay with her that you were even apologizing when she was being secretive with her phone after she confessed to kissing some other guy.

[MuddyRock]

I'm sorry but that child is probably not yours. She probably knew she could be pregnant and that's why she let you have sex without protection. You can get a test while pregnant.

[MuddyRock]

Oh and if I was you I would find a way to recover the deleted texts and put a var in her car.

 

How long was it from the start of the fighting, to the unprotected sex, to the Dr appointment btw?

Edited April 11, 2015 by MuddyRock

[sandylee1]

Do you and your wife usually use birth control?

 

If so, what happened that night?

 

Did you both get lost in the moment? Because as a woman, if I was unsure about staying in the marriage, the last thing I would do is have unprotected sex with my H. That would make me feel trapped.

The morning after pill has a very high success rate, so it's a bit concerning it didn't work this time.

 

How soon after did she take the morning after pill?

When she took the morning after pill, did she feel sick? Did it make her have bad stomach cramps or bring on any bleeding?

 

 

I think you need to talk to your wife. Ascertain the reasons she was unsure about the marriage and consider couple's counselling.

 

Tell her you are concerned about about the coworker and how this kiss came about. It's important to establish if she's telling the truth. She could be, but you don't want another story months or years down the line.

[Mr. Lucky]

You my friend are her Plan B. Plan A with the OM didn't work out so she's set you up as her fall back position. The sex with you - just the one time, right? - was to plant the flag for future support and financial claims.

 

If all this sounds incredibly manipulative, that's because it is.

 

At least understand what's happening to you as you make any decisions. She's been one step ahead as this has progressed, time to level the field. I'd be very upfront with her about what's needed - DNA test, new job, transparency - to make this work for you.

 

Best of luck and keep posting...

 

Mr. Lucky

[oldshirt]

Lots of red flags here.

 

 

When people are having marital issues they often feel as though their situation is unique and no one has gone through this before. The truth is however it is very common for there to be common patterns.

 

 

It is very typical for someone to become very short and impatient with their spouse when someone else is triggering their attraction switches. It is common for them to have an anger response that is very disproportionate to the event that initiated the argument.

 

 

It is also extremely common for someone to request "space" when they are wanting to test drive someone else.

 

 

what is disturbing here is it is also very common for women who have had unprotected sex with another man to come home and have sex with the husband within a very short time frame so she can try to pass off the OM's baby as her BH's.

 

 

And sadly, it is also like clockwork that if she is pregnant and the OM disavows her, she will return to the BH promising sunshine, roses and unicorns.

 

 

You wife seems to be following this script almost to the letter. There is an extremely high likelihood that there was a lot more going on than a kiss one night after work. This was probably an actual affair that has been taking place for a period of time.

 

 

There is a realistic chance this baby is not yours.

 

 

This can become a very tricky legal situation and you will need to take some strong action to protect yourself legally and financially. Many courts don't give a crap about DNA, they only want the child supported. Many courts will view the child as the marital husbands responsibility even if DNA testing proves he is not the biological father.

 

 

You need to consult a family law/paternity lawyer ASAP. Your attorney may advise you not to take her back into the marital home and not agree to any reconciliation until a paternity test is administered and paternity of the child is determined.

 

 

If you agree to take her back in and agree to reconciliation, the courts may find you responsible for raising the child and providing child support, even if it is proven to not be yours biologically.

 

 

Take action and get a lawyer NOW!!!!