Yes or no have you ever been unfaithful

[confused83]

Well I have recently been left by my partner and questions arouse that made me think there was someone else. It's been 2 months since we broke up so I know I may just be feeling bad because of the break up but I have to say I'm really considering just leaving the dating and relationships game alone now. It seems that everyone nowadays cheats and it's just an acceptable part of being with someone but what the hell happened to people's morals. I can honestly say I've had a 5 year relationship and a 2 year relationship and in neither (even though I did find other people attractive) did I ever go with anyone else, didn't even text and tractive another girl. I thought I was decent but now I honestly believe I am the stuoid one for not doing it. All my friends have cheated on their current partners and none of their partners know. It just seems like such a ****ty world we live in now where the odd ones out are the ones who don't have affairs or casual sex. Is it really a lost cause to fully trust anyone? I've known some of the nicest girls ever and thought how amazing they are even my female friends suddenly went down in my book when I found out they'd cheated on partner. Feels it's slowly becoming acceptable and everyone does it telling themselves 'everyone does is so why not?'. The fact I don't even enjoy 1 night stands just suggests I won't like cheating. This is seriously making me question getting into anything again because the worry anxiety and pain of wondering if or when and the hurt of finding out just seems like it's easier to be alone. How many on here are moaning about partners but in fact have actually cheated before?

[carhill]

Never cheated but have been emotionally unfaithful and definitely with malice and aforethought.

 

Is it really a lost cause to fully trust anyone? I've known some of the nicest girls ever and thought how amazing they are even my female friends suddenly went down in my book when I found out they'd cheated on partner. Feels it's slowly becoming acceptable and everyone does it telling themselves 'everyone does is so why not?'. The fact I don't even enjoy 1 night stands just suggests I won't like cheating. This is seriously making me question getting into anything again because the worry anxiety and pain of wondering if or when and the hurt of finding out just seems like it's easier to be alone. How many on here are moaning about partners but in fact have actually cheated before?

Lotta questions in there but I'll give you the benefit of some time spent on this dusty rock. Women are human. They look soft and pretty and we like to believe the best and most pure things about them. Women are human. Imperfect, in every way a human can be imperfect, and those imperfections change from moment to moment.

 

In life, save for death, there are no guarantees. Enjoy the ride, it's brief.

[confused83]

How much easier would the world be in people who wanted multiple partners stayed single and people who didn't had relationships. Just feels like the most selfish thing a person can do knowing it'll crush the other person and still not caring.

[carhill]

It might be a difficult concept to work through but living life hurts people, even with the best of intentions and consideration for others sensibilities and feelings. It's impossible to please everyone so we must please ourselves (there's a song in that!) and finding that balance is a process and it continues throughout life.

 

None of us can state with any verifiable veracity that we've never hurt anyone. None of us. Sure, we can believe it. As imperfect organisms with an id which seeks to aggrandize self, even the most altruistic of us seeks what benefits us, with the delineation of the social milieu being the balance of what benefits others and others perception of this dynamic. The better we are at this, the better we understand social dynamics, in general the better we are liked as well as get what we want out of life and relationships.

 

IME with women who have affairs, and I'm chagrined to state I've had plenty, they get what they want, using their feminine wiles, and then they want something else, and get that. Boundaries differ from person to person, as does goals, but the bottom line is using all the tools in the toolbox of social interaction to benefit the id. Trust me, they didn't do it to supplicate at the altar of carhill. Heh....it's what people do.

 

Once you've gained a grasp of the signs and signals, it's relatively easy to select out of interactions which don't benefit you, as coupling with a poly or cheater apparently wouldn't. We're all free agents and deceiving people has been going on throughout time. Unfortunate? Sure. That's life.

[truncated]

I've never cheated and don't intend to ever do so.

[Clockwork]

I've been with my wife 9 years. She is attractive in my eyes, just as much as when I met her at 21. We had lots of sex before kids and she always "did it" for me. I not only loved her but I lusted for her, and I still do just as much. After having children you would think it would slow down but it hasn't.

 

 

My wife wakes up a little earlier than me on the weekends because of the kids waking up (she goes to bed earlier usually). But as I was waking up this morning she made the unpardonable sin of changing out of her pajamas into her clothes and hoping I wouldn't wake up. I did, and caught her in the middle of it. I asked if the kids were "contained" and they were for a few minutes. We took advantage of it. So the bottom line is, my wife is still very sexy and in my eyes I still lust after her like a rabid dog.

 

 

So this means I have never cheated on her. Never even so much as kissed another woman since we've met. Never even gone to a strip club, not even on my bachelor party, since I don't think it is right anymore and I did that a lot when I was young and single. So that's my mindset. We are open with each other, honest and I can admit to my wife that another woman is attractive out in public. Or she'll point it out. She's confident, she knows we are committed to each other.

 

 

Now look, don't get me wrong, I am a man, and I'll look at other women. I work with women that I find attractive. I always know that all around I have the better woman. I know that I could never love a woman like my wife and no one could love me as much. Eventually I find a quality in one of these women that is a complete turn off and I am relieved because it really hits home to me. I would never even pursue an attraction I have for another woman. I've never hit on another woman since meeting my wife. But yeah, I've had a "crush" if you want to call it that. I am human. But it still doesn't mean I would ever try anything and it passes rather fast while the love and lust I have for my wife doesn't.

 

 

So to the OP, I'm a man, and I don't cheat and neither does my wife. So it is possible to find someone like that.

[Satu]

In my case, no.

[dichotomy]

No - never.

 

Even turned down offers to just discuss the issues in my marriage with females I actually know. Said no because I thought that was not right.

 

Do I get a trophy? Some reward?

 

But the thought has passed my mind...after dealing with being cheated, lied to, and denied in marriage. Not sure why I stay faithful sometimes.

[Tayla]

pt blank - yes

 

Owned it, remedied it and live a quality of life worthy of respect. wow, 30 yrs flys by fast..,

[Pinkdisney]

Yes, when I was "young and stupid".

 

I've been with my current BF now for almost 3 years and honestly the thought of cheating on him would never cross my mind. I've been propositioned, a few different times, but there is no one else i'd rather be with.

[writergal]

Never cheated on any boyfriends and never would. But, I have been cheated on.

[Tayla]

How much easier would the world be in people who wanted multiple partners stayed single and people who didn't had relationships. Just feels like the most selfish thing a person can do knowing it'll crush the other person and still not caring.

the person does care! for themself and the immediate offering. Not justifying it, telling it as it is. Most reformed persons do modify and regroup their values. The one and only first date i was offered recently turned out to be the quickest... i asked if he was married... and as he said yes and proceeded to give a bs answer, i was already paying my soda tab and heading to the door. Talk about running from a burning building... i couldnt get away from such quick enough. Some folks seriously think they are ALL that. We cant always change their behavior but we sure as heck can stand by our virtues .

[DKT3]

When I was in 1st grade Nina Rodgers was my girlfriend (because she would give me her desert at lunch) but I would hold Lisa McGee's hand when we walked to the playground. One day Nina pushed Lisa down and grabbed my hand pulling me away.

 

Yeah I guess I was unfaithful.

[Lurkeraspect]

When I was in 1st grade Nina Rodgers was my girlfriend (because she would give me her desert at lunch) but I would hold Lisa McGee's hand when we walked to the playground. One day Nina pushed Lisa down and grabbed my hand pulling me away.

 

Yeah I guess I was unfaithful.

 

You're forgiven...

[minimariah]

When I was in 1st grade Nina Rodgers was my girlfriend (because she would give me her desert at lunch) but I would hold Lisa McGee's hand when we walked to the playground. One day Nina pushed Lisa down and grabbed my hand pulling me away.

 

Yeah I guess I was unfaithful.

 

ahahaahahahahahha, this is so cute.

[autumnnight]

When I was in 1st grade Nina Rodgers was my girlfriend (because she would give me her desert at lunch) but I would hold Lisa McGee's hand when we walked to the playground. One day Nina pushed Lisa down and grabbed my hand pulling me away.

 

Yeah I guess I was unfaithful.

 

I guess you were born that way?

 

Just kidding, and no it isn't funny.

 

I assume we are talking about sexual and emotional affairs and not the dozens of other ways a partner can be unfaithful, correct?

[confused83]

Got to say what you have sounds special and it's nice to hear their are some good stories out there. guessing a lot of this will be down to me just feeling down in the dumps lately but... got back into gym routine and making sure i look the best i ever have this summer. Not rushing nothing but miss being with someone everyday.

 

I've been with my wife 9 years. She is attractive in my eyes, just as much as when I met her at 21. We had lots of sex before kids and she always "did it" for me. I not only loved her but I lusted for her, and I still do just as much. After having children you would think it would slow down but it hasn't.

 

 

My wife wakes up a little earlier than me on the weekends because of the kids waking up (she goes to bed earlier usually). But as I was waking up this morning she made the unpardonable sin of changing out of her pajamas into her clothes and hoping I wouldn't wake up. I did, and caught her in the middle of it. I asked if the kids were "contained" and they were for a few minutes. We took advantage of it. So the bottom line is, my wife is still very sexy and in my eyes I still lust after her like a rabid dog.

 

 

So this means I have never cheated on her. Never even so much as kissed another woman since we've met. Never even gone to a strip club, not even on my bachelor party, since I don't think it is right anymore and I did that a lot when I was young and single. So that's my mindset. We are open with each other, honest and I can admit to my wife that another woman is attractive out in public. Or she'll point it out. She's confident, she knows we are committed to each other.

 

 

Now look, don't get me wrong, I am a man, and I'll look at other women. I work with women that I find attractive. I always know that all around I have the better woman. I know that I could never love a woman like my wife and no one could love me as much. Eventually I find a quality in one of these women that is a complete turn off and I am relieved because it really hits home to me. I would never even pursue an attraction I have for another woman. I've never hit on another woman since meeting my wife. But yeah, I've had a "crush" if you want to call it that. I am human. But it still doesn't mean I would ever try anything and it passes rather fast while the love and lust I have for my wife doesn't.

 

 

So to the OP, I'm a man, and I don't cheat and neither does my wife. So it is possible to find someone like that.

[Lunay]

I was cheated on, and I spent over a year trying to get over it...

I went to visit family 4000 km away, and met up with an ex FWB and slept with him. I did this to try and feel better, to get back at him.

It didn't work, in fact it was horrible sex. I was severely disappointed. He never found out, and I will take it to my grave, but in my own defense I truly believe he deserved it.

[Nikki Sahagin]

Yes. I have cheated before on two partners with three men; some multiple times. This apparently makes me a chronic cheater but I have no wish to do so again.

[autumnnight]

Yes. I have cheated before on two partners with three men; some multiple times. This apparently makes me a chronic cheater but I have no wish to do so again.

 

Don't let the sweeping proclamations people make to make themselves feel better make YOU feel worse about yourself. We all have the ability to do better.

[Phoenician]

Man ,

 

Sometimes we love someone to an extent that we become abused ; i recall 20 years back I used to stay awake all night waiting for an opportunity to talk to my GF.

 

when I got married , I was blind again ; I spent 15 years serving my family trying to make her happy , confortable ; she is a faithful wife ; but just born to be lazy.

 

I am still married to that lovely, adorable, faithfull but lazy creature; but now there is no more un-conditional love .

 

Love,marriage,partnership is like a garden , it requires maintenance ; otherwise the roses will die.

 

My advise to you is that while single , no strings attached;

 

your next relationship should be a very mature one ;she should be mature enough and compatible.

 

Why ppl cheat ?

 

-Irrespective of the moral issues; they cheat because they are lacking satisfaction of their desires .

 

if you and your partner are satisfying each other then only those with a personality disorder would cheat .

 

so to avoid cheating there are two important issues:

 

-Sexual compatibility.

-respect to the other person desires.

 

otherwise ---> adultery is by the window .

 

 

The most important thing that I learned in 20 years of monogomy : love is not granted ; you should earn it every day .

[pheonixrisen]

I have never been unfaithful even though I find other people attractive .. ...its not a part of my mental makeup ..

even when i see other person trying to flirt or cross a boundary i instantly make them aware i am married and will not go there ....and( even though I caught my h in a 2 year affair and after a lot of hard work from his side I decided to give us another go )

I will not be unfaithful ...its just not who I am ..

[Morro72]

I've been monogamous in all of my relationships going back to high school. Came close once early in college - standard "two drunk kids alone in a room" college thing - but bailed once reality penetrated the alcohol-induced fog. I came close enough to doing something that I know I would have regretted that I was forced to think seriously about what would have happened if I had been married and gone through with it. The experience made it much easier to recognize dangerous situations and give them a wide berth later on.

 

My GF would have never found out on her own. If I had gone through with it and then told her, she most likely would have forgiven me but things would never have been the same. If I didn't tell her, things would also have never been the same, but in a way which would have confused her and probably led to the end of the relationship. The relationship did end a few months later, but for the right reasons, and everybody has now been happily married - to the right people - for a long time.

Edited April 13, 2015 by Morro72

[georgia girl]

I have never cheated. The day I got married, I settled all questions about love, sex and rock'n'roll for a lifetime. When I want romance, I flirt with my husband. When I need comfort, I walk into his arms. And every day, I work on this thing called our marriage. Mostly it's fun; some days it's not fun. But we have a very special bond that developed when he was severely injured and I faced the prospect of losing him. Having felt that vulnerable once in my life and feeling that fear of having to help this broken man heal, I could never see him hurt again and especially not by me. He is simply the love of my life and jam so grateful that he is whole and loves me.

[Donate]

Yes many times.

 

Most of the time me and the OW had very deep feelings for each other. I was what they needed, and they were what I needed at the time. Nothing was hidden so they knew I was married but we shared some love, affection and sex to help us through the dry moments in our lives.