How do you feel about separate bank accounts?

[Kkristine]

I've been with my live-in boyfriend for 3 years, and he recently bought a house. All in his name. He dealt with all the bills, and I focused on graduating. I wrote him a check each month from my part-time job to help with expenses.

 

Anyways, I recently graduated and have been working at a well-paying job. He now wants to add me to his bank account, and just have one.

 

Not including my student loan, I have about $10K that I need to pay off. I also plan on getting a newer car once the $10K is paid off. My current car is 15 years old.

 

So, I proposed that we continue to do what we've been doing until I feel comfortable with my financial standing.

 

He's upset with me because he wants to make improvements on the house (which it does need) since we aren't living off of one income now. We got into a serious fight about it, and he thinks I'm being selfish.

 

This is the first time I've had any say in anything finance related.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I'm of the mindset that unless you're legally married (and even then), separate bank accounts are best.

 

If anything, open a joint account and agree to each deposit the same amount of money from each paycheck and decide how that account gets used. Anything else should remain your own.

 

Money is one of the top 5 reasons why couple's break-up.

 

Word of caution; if your name is not on the house, do NOT give him any money towards fixing it. You will never see a dime of that investment when the house sells. If he wants you to contribute to the renovations have him add you to the mortgage.

[redtail]

I'm of the mindset that unless you're legally married (and even then), separate bank accounts are best.

Yup, agreed!

[Thicke2013]

My W and I before we were married opened a joint account and each still maintained our separate accounts. The joint account was for the purpose of setting aside money for a house and also paying for joint ventures, etc. Once we married, we now have one marital account. Total money transparency is a must in a marriage IMO.

[Diezel]

Nope, do not do a joint account.

 

If he is not willing to compromise on a set amount, I'm going to tell you straight up, break up with him. He bought the house in his name, which is fine, but co-mingling all of whatever assets you might have can bring serious ramifications.

 

If something happens between you two, you can take all of the funds out, as vice versa.

 

This is NOT a good idea, specially since you aren't married, and specially since the house is in his name. I understand that you have a student loan to pay off and that you have a car in mind, but if you are living in with him, the fact that you have additional debts/wants does not 100% absolve you from using all of those possible funds from helping out with the payments. But that is a separate issue than a joint account.

 

So you essentially have two problems blended into one.

[SJS]

Once we moved in together we got a joint account. We held on to our individual accounts until we got married and eventually closed those.

 

 

If you don't feel comfortable, don't do it!

[MJJean]

Word of caution; if your name is not on the house, do NOT give him any money towards fixing it. You will never see a dime of that investment when the house sells. If he wants you to contribute to the renovations have him add you to the mortgage.

 

This! Seriously!

 

You aren't married and the house is in his name only. You have zero claim to it even if you do get married as it was purchased before the marriage and is not a marital asset. Why pay for him to fix up his house when, in the event of a split, you won't see a penny of that money?

 

Keep your finances separate unless you marry and are added to the deed and mortgage.

 

For now, come up with a reasonable amount of "rent" to pay him every month. He would be free to use that money however he wishes and if he wished to use it on home improvements, ok.

[georgia girl]

Have to say, I agree with all of the other posters. Unless you're married, I would not have one joint account. Even after marriage, my husband and I maintained separate accounts and a joint account for about six months. When we refied the house, we went to primarily one account. But, it was a mutual decision and not done to "free up" money for non-mutually agreed upon purposes. Keep your account.

[d0nnivain]

We have 3 accounts: his, mine & ours. Ours pays for the house & the basic bills of life -- utilities, food etc. .

 

 

You don't own this house. You are not married to him. You are a glorified roommate who gives him sex & who has limited legal rights should things go wrong

 

 

The worst thing you can do is mix your money up with his. The second worst thing you can do is pay for improvements to a house you don't own. If he puts you on the deed, that would be one thing. As things stand no way.

[carhill]

How do you feel about separate bank accounts?

 

I approve.

 

Interestingly, I was indoctrinated into finance by a CPA (my father) and in a family which only ever had one bank account.

 

I viewed it as perfectly reasonable for a woman of my generation to maintain her own bank accounts and investments and encouraged my exW to do so when we married. The only thing financially we did jointly was file income taxes and I took care of that.

[oldshirt]

You are roommates. You may have sex, but legally in the eyes of the law (that's not a 100% accurate statement, but close enough) and in the eyes of God, you are roommates.

 

If you were with a platonic, female roommate that owned the house and you were just contributing to monthly expenses, would you have joint accounts and agree to forking over money for expensive house projects that she wanted?

[oldshirt]

.....and just as an FYI, my wife and I have been married 19 1/2 years and we just got our first joint account last year when we bought a new house.

 

Up untill then we always have had completely separate accounts and finances. We have completely separate credit cards and mutual funds and 401ks etc. My car is in my name and her vehicle has my name on it but has her as the primary owner.

 

I wouldn't have it any other way and I will raise my kids to always manage their own accounts and maintain separate finances even if legally married. If they go into any kind of joint account or joint financial/property venture without a legal contract with another person, I will bitch-slap them.

[smackie9]

Depending what country you are living in or state, common in law is considered as being married. Where I live if you cohabitate for 6 months or more, you both have to split your assets if you break up. So you better check the laws in your area.

 

Keep your accounts separate. Me and my husband don't have joint anything. We never have to fight about money....it has worked for us for 25 years.

 

As for paying for his mortgage....if you want a piece of that, you need to plunk down a down payment, pay for the re-mortgaging fees and get your name put on the deed. Then get a legal document made up as to what happens in the event of a breakup.

 

But as for now you have no entitlement (unless the laws in your area say otherwise). It would be like you paying a landlord. You should be paying for half of everything. You would be paying all this if you were living on your own or if you had a roommate anyways.

 

If you don't like this arrangement move out and live separately until a wedding date is set.

[spanz1]

if I were you, I would just draw the line: "when we get married we can have a joint account. until then, there are too many legal issues to having a joint account when we are just living together. Sorry honey, that is the way I feel"

 

 

You have been going together for 3 years, but are not married. That alone says something about not being "all-in" on the financial side of things yet!

[toolforgrowth]

My GF and I have discussed living together quite a bit. She'll be moving in probably sometime in August when her lease is up. We have both agreed that our finances will not be comingled. I have also stated that any improvements to my house (which is in my name) will be my responsibility. She actually said she has no problem pitching in towards home improvements, but I told her that legally I'd be the only one benefiting from equity increases as a result of those improvements, so they should be my responsibility only.

 

The fact is you guys aren't married and you have your own financial goals you want to focus on, as is your right. As long as you are paying any agreed upon rental amounts, you are fulfilling your obligation. I don't believe he has any right to expect you to contribute towards home improvements until you are married AND your name is on the deed to the house.

 

This is your boundary. Stick to it. If he can't respect that, it may be time to reconsider this relationship.

[d0nnivain]

I lived with a guy for 12 years. We never co-mingled finances. We had a spread sheet showing expenses & who paid them. The other one would pay back half. We never made any joint purchases. When I moved out, I took my stuff. His stuff stayed. It was very easy to split the stuff because there was no joint stuff.

[loveboid]

I would not only have separate accounts I would dump him. He's accusing you of being selfish after asking you for money. Omigod.

[Oui oui]

I don't agree with having joint finances yet, but i wanted to give maybe an idea that he may be thinking. Sounds like he supported you mostly while you were in school and so he might feel you owe him a bit more money now that you're working. Just an idea to r talk with him about. Definitely talk to him about you're financial goals now that you are finally making good money to buy a new car and get out of debt. Hopefully you guys can see each others perspective and come to a compromise. Good luck!

[still_an_Angel]

Had a joint account while married but I decided to get myself my own bank account when I got a new job. Made me feel independent and then had a back up savings account suffix under my own account. It worked really well when we separated because I had total control over my own money and the rat (stbxh) ran off to another country had none.

 

 

I wouldn't recommend a joint account or paying for mortgage specially since your name is not listed as a co-owner of the house. The present arrangement sounds good.

[Arieswoman]

Q,

How do you feel about separate bank accounts?

 

A. Great idea!

 

My first husband tried to talk me into a joint a/c but I said 'no'. I was earning my own money therefore it made sense to have my own a/c.

 

I paid the mortgage out of mine, which was a good job, as after we split up I could keep it paid and keep my credit rating good.

 

My second husband never questioned it.

[kjohn]

Don't commingle your funds!

 

My boyfriend and I moved in together last year.

 

He bought the house and it is in his name only.

 

He pays the mortgage, taxes and all home-improvement expenses that he chooses to undertake. He asks for my input, but since I am not paying for the work he gets the final say.

 

I pay all of the utility bills and buy all the groceries.

 

This is the arrangement that I offered because I didn't want to freeload off of him and it works out to be roughly the same amount of money each month that we are both spending toward living expenses, so it's fair.

 

I would never in a million years get a joint bank account with him.

 

After going through a divorce, I wouldn't even get a joint bank account with him if we got married.

 

It's just too messy.

 

Not to mention that it opens another whole can of worms. Let's say you have a joint bank account and you decide one day that you are going to treat yourself to an expensive clothing purchase. He now has the right to question your purchase because it is coming out of a joint account.

 

If it's your money you can do whatever you want with it.

 

If anyone is being selfish here, it sounds like it's him....he wants to take advantage of your new income to make improvements on HIS house. Nope. I don't think so.