hyrule Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 (edited) First of all, I don't know if this is in the right place, please move the thread if I posted in the wrong forum . -- So, there's this girl which works in the same place as my fiancé that keeps stalking and annoying him and I would like some insight about dealing with her without sounding like a crazy jealous b*tch... It all started when my fiancé's co-workers made an whatsapp group to plan and organize a small barbecue, and the spouses of the guys/girls were in that group as well. It was all going fine there, nice people, cheerful aura & stuff... Well, on that barbecue, which took place at (fictional) Jay's house, everything was fine until this girl entered the scene. Everytime my fiancé was not with me she would find an excuse to approach him and talk to him, and everytime she did, he would back away (without being mean or anything), or find a way to include me in the conversation. (he knows I'm kinda jealous) At one point, Jay went on a beer run and came back with lots of boxes. My fiancé and I were talking to another guy and this said girl when Jay said "There are some left at the car, can someone please grab them for me?". Then this girl said "Oh sure, Mike (my fiance), lets get them, shall we?", to which he replied "Yeah lets go. Carl, honey, could you help too?". I'm telling this to illustrate how she was making excuses to be alone with him, and he was turning her off. At that point I hadn't told my fiancé anything about how she was acting. Anyway, after that she kept trying to start conversations with him via whatsapp, and it got to the point that she was clearly insinuating herself to him. He blocked her, but she got another number and contacted him again, he blocked her as well. This Jay guy called me one day to tell me that she told him she's been looking at his Facebook page countless times but he doesn't post anything (my fiancé hates FB and only keeps it to talk to relatives). He said my fiancé even had to be rude to her one day at the office because she was annoying him to death. Now I'm so furious I want to take this girl's head off and poop on her throat. Looks like him being rude and constantly ignoring her atempts to communicate have no effects whatsoever. Is there any way to show her I'm disgusted by her and make her leave fiancé alone?! Edited March 3, 2015 by hyrule forgot to add a word on a sentence Link to post Share on other sites
1040 Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 (edited) It's his job, not yours, to tell her off. First nicely, then harshly, then really harshly if need be. It's a little disturbing that he has not done so yet. Is this going on at work a lot? Company HR should be notified, sooner rather than later. If he waits, it might look as if he is encouraging it and he does NOT want that. "At that point I hadn't told my fiancé anything about how she was acting." This is odd; it should have been pretty obvious. Is he a head-in-the-clouds guy? Edited March 3, 2015 by 1040 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hyrule Posted March 3, 2015 Author Share Posted March 3, 2015 It's his job, not yours, to tell her off. First nicely, then harshly, then really harshly if need be. It's a little disturbing that he has not done so yet. Is this going on at work a lot? Company HR should be notified, sooner rather than later. If he waits, it might look as if he is encouraging it and he does NOT want that. He's notified the HR twice already, but funny enough, they don't seem to take seriously. Jay also notified because this girl was disturbing the work on his team and they also just went with the "Okay, let's see what we can do". "At that point I hadn't told my fiancé anything about how she was acting." This is odd; it should have been pretty obvious. Is he a head-in-the-clouds guy? I may have expressed myself wrong here. What I meant was "I didn't told him I was annoyed by this girl at the point." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Winterina Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 You obviously have a right to be pissed at her. But your partner seems to have done everything right. So you can be happy about that and try and forget her as he is handling things just the way he should. Credit to him for doing that. My partner would probably try and be supernice to her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 Now I'm so furious I want to take this girl's head off and poop on her throat. Looks like him being rude and constantly ignoring her atempts to communicate have no effects whatsoever. Is there any way to show her I'm disgusted by her and make her leave fiancé alone?! You have to calm down. This woman may be horrible but she is still a work connection. As the FI you can't do anything. Do not get involved. Even though it is upsetting you, do nothing. Your FI is doing everything right: Including you, blocking her etc. If you insinuate yourself into his work, you are in effect emasculating him in front of his co-workers. I don't think you want to do that. But you have to let him fight this battle. All you can do is be supper sweet (in a totally obviously fake way) when you see her. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hyrule Posted March 3, 2015 Author Share Posted March 3, 2015 You obviously have a right to be pissed at her. But your partner seems to have done everything right. So you can be happy about that and try and forget her as he is handling things just the way he should. Credit to him for doing that. My partner would probably try and be supernice to her. Yes, he handle those kinds of things very well, I've been trying not to sound like a crazy jealous b*tch to him... Link to post Share on other sites
Author hyrule Posted March 3, 2015 Author Share Posted March 3, 2015 You have to calm down. This woman may be horrible but she is still a work connection. As the FI you can't do anything. Do not get involved. Even though it is upsetting you, do nothing. Your FI is doing everything right: Including you, blocking her etc. If you insinuate yourself into his work, you are in effect emasculating him in front of his co-workers. I don't think you want to do that. But you have to let him fight this battle. All you can do is be supper sweet (in a totally obviously fake way) when you see her. I wish he would just tell her to f*ck off as soon as she opens her mouth next to him, but I understand he can't do this since they work at the same place. It just infuriates me that, after all the times she tried and he denied, she still tries to talk to him! It makes me wonder if she is really interested on him or just trying to ruin his job. Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 You really sound a bit insane about this. She's no threat to you. He's doing everything right, and if he starts to feel she's an actual threat he can take it to the next level. I can't imagine what you would do if a woman who was appealing to him (because this lady isn't) were around him. I think you need to work on your competitiveness and jealousy, because you're seeing a problem where there really isn't one that's not being fixed without you. You're also being fairly crude about it - which, I don't know your guy, maybe he's a crude guy who likes women who are fighters like this - and that may not be very attractive to him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
1040 Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 I wish he would just tell her to f*ck off as soon as she opens her mouth next to him, but I understand he can't do this since they work at the same place. Of course he can. This sort of thing happens every day in workplaces, all over the country. There is no reason he cannot give her the cold shoulder. Link to post Share on other sites
CrystalShine2011 Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 If he keeps ignoring her, she will eventually go away. The biggest thing is to not get involved. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 He's a big boy - he can do it himself. He seems to be handling it well! Get used to it - a lot of gals will be like this throughout your married years. But he seems to be doing well. Ya may want to thank him for being strong and sending her the message that he's not interested. Link to post Share on other sites
kylle Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Of course he can. This sort of thing happens every day in workplaces, all over the country. There is no reason he cannot give her the cold shoulder. Did you read the story? The guy's been giving her the cold shoulder since the beginning, the girl just won't drop it. And of course he can't swear at her at the workplace, jeez. OP, kudos to your man, he's been handling just the right way. There's nothing more you or him could do about it. If the situation gets worse, then you think about it. For now, just try not to let this get to you. Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 OMG, HR blew him off twice! what a double standard. if it was him stalking this girl, HR would have had a meltdown on him! well, I guess he is just going to have to keep ignoring her, and eventually she will figure out he is taken. IF she has a BF, he could be contacted about this stalking, I am sure he would not be amused, and it would stop instantly Link to post Share on other sites
1040 Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 (edited) Did you read the story? The guy's been giving her the cold shoulder since the beginning, the girl just won't drop it. And of course he can't swear at her at the workplace, jeez. OP, kudos to your man, he's been handling just the right way. There's nothing more you or him could do about it. If the situation gets worse, then you think about it. For now, just try not to let this get to you. Nothing more he could do? Wrong. This sort of thing happens all the time and is not rocket surgery, as they say. He could say to her in a firm but calm way (no swearing [where did that come from?]), with a witness from HR, "Look, you are really annoying me with how you hang around and flirt with me all the time, even if you may think you aren't. This is a workplace and it is inappropriate. I have told you repeatedly to stop, and I expect you to do so. I am an engaged man and nothing is going to happen between us. I am documenting all this in case I need proof at a later time." Easy-peasy. And he needs to send a notarized letter to HR about this, certified with return receipt, so they cannot blow him off any more. He needs to shut this down before it starts to turn on him and HE gets accused of something. That happens frequently the way things are in this country. Edited March 4, 2015 by 1040 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hyrule Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 Nothing more he could do? Wrong. This sort of thing happens all the time and is not rocket surgery, as they say. He could say to her in a firm but calm way, with a witness from HR, "Look, you are really annoying me with how you hang around and flirt with me all the time. This is a workplace and it is inappropriate. I have told you repeatedly to stop, and you are going to do so. I am an engaged man and nothing is going to happen between us. I am documenting all this in case I need proof at a later time." He's already done it! Not only him but Jay as well. Yes, this useless HR has double standards all around it! Apparently for them, women are not capable of harassing anybody, or they think the guys are just making a fuss for nothing. Easy-peasy. And he needs to send a notarized letter to HR about this, certified with return receipt, so they cannot blow him off any more. He needs to shut this down before it starts to turn on him and HE gets accused of something. That happens frequently the way things are in this country. I'm not from the US, the law in my country exists only for screwing us over. The economy is a mess, coincidence or not, there are being major cuts in all over the country and one week ago our beloved president decided to cut the unemployment benefit. Welcome to Brazil I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Poppygoodwill Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 If I were him, I would be documenting everything. Write it all down in point form, with dates -- the times she approaches him, the blocking of her on his whatsapp, the times he's gone to HR -- every little thing. So if she does turn it on him and try to be bat**** crazy somehow, he'll have a full record to show that he has gone to extraordinary lengths to keep her at arm's length. Sometimes having a quiet conversation with the 'other woman' can make a difference, but be careful, especially if you're not a local. It might be considered harrassment to tell her to back off, and they might be harsher with you as a foreigner than they otherwise would be. I live in a foreign country and there are double standards everywhere. But other than that - I agree with the others: he seems to have done everything right. Make sure he doesn't somehow feel from you that he's the bad guy, when in fact, he's the victim here. Link to post Share on other sites
nina_x Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Invite the girl for a cup of coffee and ask her politely to stop...she will understand. Link to post Share on other sites
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